2 Down... This Time Pounds

The good news is that I have been rewarded for my efforts this week. 1500 calories plus exercise seems to be the right equation... I'm sure tweaking will be necessary down the road. I'm pretty happy since it's the calorie limit I'm most comfortable with. It allows me to still eat 3 meals and 2 snacks and still eat reasonable portions. I'm definitely more mindful (must be to stick to that calorie allotment) and am aware that I had really gone bonkers in the last year with my mindless eating between meals. It's quite the wake up call to realize that I am not hungry on 1500 calories and that I was eating close to 2000+ a day before. Which just proves the point, that as cute as they are, Pepperidge Farms Gingermen do add up.

I'm back to using some of my standard foods to help me stick on target without thinking too much: Maple Fusion waffles (good God I forgot how good they are) and some Kashi go Lean snack bars for my afternoon coffee break. The Kashi bars are my favorite since they are high in protein and fiber but still have a sweetness that feels very treat like without having any artificial sweeteners (I did also try some Atkin's bars, because they were cheaper and had a similar fiber/protein profile, but they left me feeling sick... and I can't even make my way through that long ingredient list which is typically a food no-no for me... seriously what the hell are those things made out of?!). The rest of my meals are just slightly smaller. I eat a half a sandwich for lunch and stick to a 350 cal portion of dinner. I eat dessert every night with the kids and usually have about 200-300 to spend on it. Again, super important to me that as a healthy weight woman (we're talking vanity weight here) that my kids see me eat healthy portions of ALL foods. What I want them to walk away with is that being mindful of your food and exercising are important parts of being a healthy adult. Eating weird foods you wouldn't eat if you weren't trying to lose weight (or wouldn't let your children eat), or depriving yourself of food your family is sharing are red flags I don't need to wave and in my experience do not work.

After an obsessive amount of thought and consideration I've decided to count mowing the lawn as exercise. I'm a huge believer in NOT counting daily chores as exercise... since... if that was enough and *counted* you wouldn't need to lose weight. But the lawn mowing is a new activity and it is physically demanding and an on par calorie burn to my usual workout and I walk away exhausted and sweaty. But also important is that it took me 3 days of 45-60 minutes to mow the damn lawn and because of that I didn't have time leftover (or energy) to workout on those days. That's pretty much the limit for time I can spend not being available to the kids. So this week I did 3 workouts and 3 days of mowing the lawn... I counted it as 5 workouts (just to be sure) in my count down (going for a total of 35 more in the next 8 weeks). Now that I've seen the 2 pound loss this week I'm feeling pretty positive about my decision to count the mowing.

That's the update.

No showings at all this past week/weekend. I'm feeling really good about my decision to come down 10K this week... we gave it a good run at the higher price but we aren't wasting time (I don't want to do this forever). I think that it's time to lower the price and refresh our property on the listing services. I'm also really happy that I had that one week reprieve. The obsessive cleaning was sucking the life force out of me. Hopefully I can scale it back (no promises though... I am what I am). I'm also feeling better about the prospect of solo parenting for another 8 weeks. As long as the house isn't on the market (soon please) I'm good to go. Having this week without showings has just highlighted that their element of stress and physical labor was what was too much to bear and once this house is in contract I can handle everything else just fine. Which is somewhat interesting and worthy of a post of it's own one day. I'm just someone who functions better without a spouse... and it's kind of funny that I have one... and he has ADD...maybe a duplex isn't such a crazy idea after all. Mr F could have his side and I could have mine. Weirder things have happened.

Mull that over Mr F.

That's all folks.

Here We Go (Again)

I've given myself a little downtime post vacation to ease into this new phase of weight loss... which I really recommend. I didn't get crazy on myself with plans and commitments. I took it easy and added a little exercise. I started food journaling again... but not with rigid calorie amounts or food rules. And now I'm ready to reel it in a little more and get going. It's been well over a year since I lost track of what I was doing in the weight management department and it's time to get it back on track. I guess I should be thrilled that my complete lack of commitment and attention has only amounted to 8 pounds... although... the ugly truth that I've gained a good 11 pounds of fat due to some muscle loss kind of deflates my "it could be worse" balloon.

BUT I don't want to lose sight of the fact that I have figured out how to get and maintain the body I want.

I have.

No, really I have.

I just stopped doing it.

And now the time has come for me to say... "Well wasn't that fun? Did you enjoy your 15 months off? Was it worth it?"

And the answer to all of those questions is the same: No.

NO.

The small time commitment to food journaling is nothing compared to the amount of time I have replaced it with bemoaning my weight.

The extra 30 or 60 minutes in the evening gained by not working out... meant I was short tempered and usually felt put upon by family demands that no one really needed me around to meet. Did I feel more rested? No. Get quiet time to finish a project or do some *real* reading? Never. Just more of the same with absolutely no break in a long day of doing the same. Even when you love your life you need alone time. Please, for the love of God, give yourself some alone time. (Especially if it involves: The Bachelorette, Millionaire Matchmaker, Next Food Network Star, Project Runway & Army Wives... all of which lose their soul nourishing powers when watched with a two year old.)

Did I enjoy my 15 months off?

No I really didn't. In fact I spent most of it worry about how I was going to lose the X number of pounds I had already gained.

But this has been a valuable lesson.

One I'll undoubtably repeat in this lifetime because I'm human.

Because sometimes...

I break my butt.

And I get depressed.

And I like to bake.

Because I forget that it feels better to feel good... than to feel free.

Because the freedom is an illusion.

It's a sabotage that makes you feel more trapped than a 60 minute workout.

Or a scale.

Or a food diary.


And so I'm back. I'm bringing it.

I want this and I know that I can have it.

I also have a new perspective.

This isn't something I have to do.

I want to do it.

I, actually, enjoy it.

I'm better for it. Not because I should do it... but because I am literally better for it.

In my core.

More than I ever realize in the moment.

But now I know... I get it.

Get ready for greatness.