Here We Go (Again)

I've given myself a little downtime post vacation to ease into this new phase of weight loss... which I really recommend. I didn't get crazy on myself with plans and commitments. I took it easy and added a little exercise. I started food journaling again... but not with rigid calorie amounts or food rules. And now I'm ready to reel it in a little more and get going. It's been well over a year since I lost track of what I was doing in the weight management department and it's time to get it back on track. I guess I should be thrilled that my complete lack of commitment and attention has only amounted to 8 pounds... although... the ugly truth that I've gained a good 11 pounds of fat due to some muscle loss kind of deflates my "it could be worse" balloon.

BUT I don't want to lose sight of the fact that I have figured out how to get and maintain the body I want.

I have.

No, really I have.

I just stopped doing it.

And now the time has come for me to say... "Well wasn't that fun? Did you enjoy your 15 months off? Was it worth it?"

And the answer to all of those questions is the same: No.

NO.

The small time commitment to food journaling is nothing compared to the amount of time I have replaced it with bemoaning my weight.

The extra 30 or 60 minutes in the evening gained by not working out... meant I was short tempered and usually felt put upon by family demands that no one really needed me around to meet. Did I feel more rested? No. Get quiet time to finish a project or do some *real* reading? Never. Just more of the same with absolutely no break in a long day of doing the same. Even when you love your life you need alone time. Please, for the love of God, give yourself some alone time. (Especially if it involves: The Bachelorette, Millionaire Matchmaker, Next Food Network Star, Project Runway & Army Wives... all of which lose their soul nourishing powers when watched with a two year old.)

Did I enjoy my 15 months off?

No I really didn't. In fact I spent most of it worry about how I was going to lose the X number of pounds I had already gained.

But this has been a valuable lesson.

One I'll undoubtably repeat in this lifetime because I'm human.

Because sometimes...

I break my butt.

And I get depressed.

And I like to bake.

Because I forget that it feels better to feel good... than to feel free.

Because the freedom is an illusion.

It's a sabotage that makes you feel more trapped than a 60 minute workout.

Or a scale.

Or a food diary.


And so I'm back. I'm bringing it.

I want this and I know that I can have it.

I also have a new perspective.

This isn't something I have to do.

I want to do it.

I, actually, enjoy it.

I'm better for it. Not because I should do it... but because I am literally better for it.

In my core.

More than I ever realize in the moment.

But now I know... I get it.

Get ready for greatness.