Signs of Spring

I hate the time change.  I think I've mentioned that once or twice (or 100 times) here on the blog.  I mean I HATE IT.  It is the absolute worst.  All of the adjustment of jet lag without any of the positives of international travel.

I've been barely functioning all day... feeling like I was shot with a tranquilizer dart intended for a big game animal.  I was practically falling asleep on my drive home from morning drop off.  SERIOUSLY.  So, yes, I went back to bed for a bit... but it didn't matter.  Getting up in the dark to drop my kids off at school in the dark... after a taste of the freedom of morning light?!?!  What a cruel thing to do to people.  Just make Daylight Savings Time permanent.  Stop jerking me around.

Okay, now that I have that off my chest...

After stumbling through my days activities, I walked into Baby's school & went to pack up her stuff in her locker and I discovered her coat & gloves & snow pants were completely SATURATED with water.  Not a little bit wet... like literally dripping wet.  What the?!  It was like my brain exploded, I could not figure out what was going on.  I was standing there thinking... "How am I even going to get her out to the car?"... when I picked up her boots... and  PEOPLE!...  they were as wet as possible... I was actually astonished that they could hold that much water.  They weighed pounds a piece. To add to the mayhem of the situation they don't wear shoes at their school (of course they don't...), just slippers.  Good grief!  I did get her to the car (in her slippers) hopping around puddles and melting icebergs... and then I drove to swimming lessons thinking about how I am going to have to come up with a serious set of rain gear to handle Spring recess at this school.  I need the equivalent of the Finnish snowsuit in Irish fisherman gear.  I was not annoyed at all (which is an interesting development regarding my acceptance of certain things outside of my control)... just unprepared and flabbergasted (turns out there was a 18" puddle)... Baby is an outdoor kid & I want her OUTDOORS.  I just need to step up our gear.  What I save in tuition I will clearly be spending on outer wear.  (Give me your links if you've got them.  I know the Swedes are known for their kids rain gear... but I just went through all that and would love a US source if possible!)

So, yeah, that was pretty much my day.

Except... when we pulled in from swimming, our neighbor who runs the daycare was outside with the kids, and Baby hasn't seen them all winter (because it has literally been too cold for her to take them out!) so even though everything she has was wet I said yes.  We ran in and got a spare coat and her rain boots (which I was planning to send to school with her tomorrow) and I reminded her that she didn't have snow pants & not to go in the snow.  20 minutes later she came in hollering for me... she had... gone in the snow... and the rain boots were completely packed up to the tops with snow.  Her legs & socks (and boots) were soaking wet and she was of course freezing cold and in pain.  That maniac, I keep trying to instill a real fear of frostbite... but it is clearly not sinking in.  Now, I'm trying to dry out two pairs of boots, two coats, snow pants & mittens before tomorrow.

So, yeah, that was pretty much my day.

That and 4 loads of laundry.

And discovering this awesome blog LINK... which I'm very much looking forward to reading... it is right up my alley. (and here is the link to the entire parenting around the world series)

Oh my god... it is already 10:30!

goodnight

Checked Out

As if you haven't been able to tell this moving limbo has clearly zapped any creative energy out of my soul. Sorry.

I will resort to a list of goings on.

Mr F drove in for a "surprise" trip. I say that since it was supposed to have been a surprise but in an effort to defend his honor (one late night on the phone when I was less than pleased to hear him go on and on about his night out on the town) he revealed his intentions.

Oddly, his being here only makes me feel more tired than usual and a bit sad. He got here just before 2 AM this morning and will turn around to drive back tomorrow morning. It's nice but also feels kind of like a gyp.

Of course Kid has been burning up with her fever for the last two days and is somewhat forlorn that she can't have any fun with Daddy.

No showings. WTF? We even lowered the price this week. Why on Earth would we go from being inundated with showings to a full stop over night? It feels bizarre. But, honestly, for me it is still a relief on the every day front of things. Our realtor did get an insanely intense email from an interested buyer demanding detailed verification of our pricing. He stood his ground which I was happy, and somewhat astonished, to see. Maybe something will come of that.

Oh, Mr F and I are hot for this crazy foreclosure deal in Ann Arbor. It's a complete dump but we could literally buy it with cash and flip it. If it's still there on Monday we just might. It's not our perfect house but it is the right school district and a good location and an easy money maker if we turn it into a rental. And it has the potential to be a really cute house... just kind of decrepit Victorian now. Gives us more time to find our perfect house without changing schools... and will either be fun or a living hell... however you look at a complete remodel with your spouse and two small children in a 1000 sq ft house. I like to think of it as a stepping stone to greatness. And a total blank canvas. And tons of blog fodder. As with all of our great leads of late I'm sure it'll have been snapped up... but we'll see. It solves a lot of our problems as we could afford to live in it while this house is still on the market. If we like it we can stay if we don't we can be making $1200/month off of it. Which would go a long way toward a mortgage payment on another house. Just sayin'. Mr F's going to check it out and assess the amount of work needed to get it up and running. The houses around it are listed at over 3x the foreclosure price... so... it's potentially a really good opportunity.

Step One Towards Change

Complete my 45 credits necessary to maintain my Michigan LMSW license.

The very thought of this has been a bit daunting. Michigan happens to have some of the LEAST social work friendly licensing laws. I know because I'm also licensed to practice in New York... and have had to investigate licensing in... oh... several states in the last few years. Michigan's kind of on a clinical social worker's shit list. I could go into it but since the majority of you have no idea what I'm talking about I won't.

A couple years ago Michigan decided to tack on a continuing education requirement. Fine. I actually think that's responsible practice. However the requirement is 45 fucking credits. That is a lot folks. A lot.

To put it in perspective in New York I don't have to do ANY. I just have to maintain my license, and if I'm working (which I'm not and they allow me to specify that) attend child abuse training. The end.

In Michigan on top of paying for your license, you have to pay for the credits. You could easily spend a thousand dollars doing so. Oh.... and... the time. Most continuing education offerings are small weekend seminars, and more recently day or evening classes. These are not only not cheap but also require childcare... which... (outside of the fact that I'm not even in Michigan) we can't afford.

When you are working full time (in my experience of working in the clinic of a large agency) your employer will often both pay for the credits and also schedule them as part of your work day. Obtaining these credits while NOT working and staying home with your kids becomes nearly impossible.

The first year Baby was an infant and nursing around the clock and I couldn't attend any seminars. The next year we moved HERE.... so... um... can't attend any courses or seminars.

Well in light of recent events I thought "shit when is my credit deadline?!!!". These days it just seems like a good idea for me to be prepared to support my family at a moments notice. And it seems like a good idea not to get a permanent "failure to comply" mark on my license... you know... it's probably bad enough that I've been out of the workforce for 8 years.

It turns out I need to get my 45 credits before April 30th. That's six months. I already have a full plate these days. Fortunately I seem to have found a distance learning program that will allow me to earn the credits through home study and testing. Better than that it saves me about $700 over the local Ann Arbor community college courses I would have taken. Yes it sounds too good to be true... but it's nationally accredited... and if I'm audited at least I can show I made a good faith attempt to fulfill my credit hours while living out of state. That should count for something!

So yesterday I felt like a freaking rock star. I had the little baby all day. And I still managed to do three loads of laundry... including folding them and PUTTING THEM AWAY. I took the kids to the grocery store (sure the little baby puked all over the cart... but whatever) and PUT AWAY THE GROCERIES. I called Mr F to say "I am really having a productive day". Usually when I'm babysitting I really can't do any household chores... and with my brother coming today and Disney this weekend that was stressing me out. And I also started my coursework for a two credit ethics class. See? I was functioning at 150%.

Then the little baby got picked up and his aunt (a teacher at Kid's school) said "Where's Kid?". As it turns out Kid had a HALF DAY OF SCHOOL.

So while I was busy over achieving on the home front I ended up paying for Kid to attend after care. How much does after care cost? OH... a dollar more an hour than I make babysitting. So instead of making money yesterday... I worked all day... and LOST money!

I would like to point out that I DO NOT think it is a coincidence that the school, that NEVER forgets to send out multiple reminders when we are approaching a fundraising deadline, does not send out reminders when there are half days. Because for every parent that forgets they are automatically paying the school for childcare for the remainder of the school day. See how nicely that works out?

So what was the point? The point is that trying to juggle staying home full time, with babysitting 30 hours a week, with earning these credits is going to be a bit taxing.

The good news is last night I finished the coursework and scored a 100% on my test... and I actually enjoyed it... because I'm a nerd and school is my strong suit (who got a 4.0 in their Master's program?... oh yeah... me). All while helping Kid with her homework, making dinner, and getting a full workout in.

That's 2 credits down... 43 to go.

And that's Step One in our plan.

Milestones

I wish I had accompanying pictures for this. You all missed a whole heap of cute.

Yesterday Kid went on her very first real honest to goodness sleepover. She's had this same friend over to our house for two sleepovers, but Kid has never slept ANYWHERE without one of us. Ever.

Her friend had invited her, and Kid was excited about it, but also pretty nervous. I assured her that lots of kids get nervous and it is okay to come home whenever she wanted to, but that she should go and give it a try.

Her friend's mother also invited Baby. Now, Baby wasn't one bit nervous. She was quite excited about the prospect. She talked about it for days. There was no real way that that was going to actually happen... seeing as she's only 2 and wakes up at least 2 times in the night... but we let her go along. I knew that it was making it easier for Kid. And if you had seen Baby's little cherub face all lit up about her sleepover you would have given her anything she wanted too.

Mr F and I made a reservation for dinner (thank you Cougar) and then we planned to pick up Baby and bring her home for bed. I figured it also would be a good opportunity for Kid to bail out if she needed to without having to ask to call us (did you ever have to do that?... I did... and it was torture).

When we got there they were all in their PJs. They had just roasted marshmallows in their fireplace (how cool!). Baby had not missed us but she was ready to come home to bed... she was so worn out she actually fell asleep in the car. Kid was doing great and barely acknowledged us as we packed Baby up and hit the road.

But the cute part was watching them pack for the sleepover. Kid had a big rolling suitcase. She dressed in her BEST dress and even put on tights... yes... this is the same child who *cannot* put socks on by herself in the morning. Baby also dressed up... she wore tights (yep Kid managed to put tights on her too... hmm... I think I'll be a little less accommodating on Monday morning), slippers, a PJ top, and Kid put 8 bows and barrettes in Baby's hair. She looked special. She packed her belongings (several pairs of crocs, 2 of Kid's turtlenecks, a baby blanket, a baby doll pillow, stuffed animals, her halloween pants, junk mail, two necklaces, and a book) in a little wicker bin we use for books.

So as they came out of the house and down the front steps (I SO wanted my camera) they looked very funny. Kid was dressed up like it was Christmas eve... and... Baby looked like she had just escaped from a mental hospital.

They were both so proud of themselves and each other. They were grinning from ear to ear. I mean they thought they looked GREAT.

Later last night when we carried Baby in from the car and lay her in bed Mr F and I watched some TV. There wasn't really anything different than any other Friday night. At that time they'd both be in bed anyway... but... it felt so weird. We really felt Kid's absence. It was so strange. Mr F said "It's kind of exciting that they are getting older and kind of devastating. At least [Baby] is still a baby." "Yeah at least she's still small. If they were both seven I'd go in the kitchen and kill myself." I replied. We both laughed. But we also both had trouble sleeping. I got up at 3 and couldn't get back to sleep... it was uncomfortable not knowing that both my kids were sleeping soundly. It really is one of these big leaps toward independence. It is fun, and it is a new chapter that will bring new exciting experiences, but it also feels like we're leaving things behind. It's a total mixed bag of emotions.

Morning Musings

Here we are Baby and I... it's 9:08 AM.

She's watching Dora the Explorer... because it's never too early to start learning a second language.
And I'm writing to you... because it is, in fact, too late for me.
This is not a typical morning routine but I thought I'd own up to it and take advantage of a few minutes of quiet to pound out a post.

Lately I've had all sorts of thoughts.

I've been thinking about marriage. I've been thinking about this time... in my life... with young children.

I've been mourning the loss of time I can't seem to stop up.

I've been struggling. I've been succeeding. I've been anxious. I've been optimistic.

I've wept with gratitude... and... from the unbearable longing for a freedom I can almost taste... but fear... may not materialize.

I've... been... alive.




Maybe one day I'll have the time and space to sit and write it all down. Maybe one day I'll write a book. I do have something to say.



But, for now, I'll ask you to share the most mundane of the mundane.

I can't help it.

For the last two days I have been wondering what everyone does in the morning.

You know... how you get out the door. Or get others out the door.


Last year, in our house, the morning went terribly. It was the worst time of the day and tears were quite frequent.
Getting up for school was hard on everyone. We are not morning people! We are not early risers! For the first semester I got up and woke up Kid and Mr F. But, there was a learning curve... and it was our first year of school. Mr F has ADD (as I've mentioned) and it is hard enough for him to get to work on time... alone... let alone having to swing by Kid's school (literally on his route to work) and drop her off. They were late... A LOT. It was stressful for me and I let that trickle down. It was hard.

Then I broke myself and the mornings became Mr F's responsibility. He didn't mind. It was a necessity. I needed to sleep and rest and I needed to keep Baby sleeping so that I'd have less time being up and active before Mr F came home to help at night. (Do not ever break yourself... it was a very hard time... that we survived but certainly paid the price for) While I didn't get up I could hear nagging and occasional shouts from my bed. I worried about her getting started each morning on the wrong foot. I worried that it was just too much to ask Mr F to get himself and Kid ready (maybe it was?... of course he never tried getting up earlier). And I missed Kid. It didn't seem like a huge amount of time to give up... but not getting up meant I wouldn't see her from one night until the next afternoon. It felt wrong and it made me sad. I felt a real difference in our relationship and felt she was pulling away from me. It was hard.

Because Mr F loves me and is a kind hearted person he would be willing to get Kid off to school this year too. And while that is certainly tempting... I think we all paid too high a price for that. He was barely getting them out the door on time and because he was getting himself ready too Kid spent her morning either alone or being rushed. When I'm up I'm focused 100% on her. I guide her through her routine and I'm with her. It makes me sad to think back to all those mornings when she didn't have that. Mr F was awake but he was showering and walking the dog while she sat in the kitchen by herself.

So this is how we do it:

The night before I prep some of Kid's lunch.
I also get her glasses and her brush and set them out on the table where we'll be able to find them!

In the morning I get up 50 minutes before Kid & Mr F have to leave for school/work.
I check my email and the weather.
I brush my teeth.
I make coffee.
I fill Kid's water bottle and milk thermos for school.
I get out her lunch box and food containers.

40 minutes before they need to leave I wake Mr F and Kid up.
I snuggle Kid for a couple of minutes and sing her a song and rub her back.
I yell at Mr F to "Get Up!"

35 minutes before departure M F gets up and showers.
Kid and I pick out her clothes.

I ask her if she wants cereal or yogurt for breakfast and tell her to go potty & brush her teeth.
I prepare her breakfast and start on her lunch.


I go back in the bathroom to find her doing something weird and reminder her to "Brush your teeth!"

25 minutes before departure Kid emerges and gets dressed.
I ask Kid what kind of sandwich she wants for lunch.
Mr F walks the dog.

20 minutes before departure Kid eats breakfast and I finish up her lunch.

10 minutes before departure I brush Kid's hair while she eats (no she can't do it herself... it's about 3 feet long!)
Mr F makes his breakfast and lunch.

If Kid doesn't dilly dally she might be done with her breakfast with 10-15 minutes to spare. That happens maybe once a week. On those rare mornings she is allowed to watch a few minutes of TV before school. It's a pretty good incentive. She just has to put her shoes on while she watches.

They have made it to school on time EVERYDAY! Horray! And there have not been any morning fights! I've got our timing down so that it allows us enough time to get everything done without rushing... but doesn't cut into our sleep any more than necessary. Mr F is only responsible for himself and as long as he and I stay out of each other's way... our mornings are mostly peaceful.

After they leave the door I finally get that cup of coffee and then start my day over again with Baby... on a good day.

Most days Baby does sleep until right around the time they are leaving. If she gets up before that she has the potential to throw a serious wrench in our morning routine. We try our best to get out of the bedrooms quietly... but... our house is only one floor and our bedrooms are right off the kitchen. It's hard to keep all the hustle and bustle down while getting everyone out of the house. If she wakes up... she will not be happy. Baby wakes up slowly and wants to be held. That just can't happen for more than a second. I really need to have both hands free and I also want to be able to focus my attention on Kid so she leaves for her day having had a good morning. So on mornings when she does wake up before I'm done with Kid she watches TV until I can focus on her. It allows her to wake up slowly and stay out from underfoot. It's an unfortunate necessity.

That's how we do it.

Sometimes Baby sleeps for a good half hour after they leave for the day. Those days are golden. Today was not one of those days...