Sit Down

(especially you Mom)

I don't even know how to fully explain everything that has happened, our thought process, and ultimately our decision... or even considering some of my readership if I should. Not all of it makes sense or is what I would have predicted we would do even a week ago. But having made our decision both Mr F and I feel that it was the RIGHT decision.


Two weeks ago Mr F was offered (finally) the job back in Ann Arbor.

And

WE'RE TURNING IT DOWN.

In my heart of hearts I have long felt that this job would not be as personally fulfilling to Mr F, even if it was more acclaimed (it is), paid better (it doesn't...corporate cuts abound wherever we go it seems), and allowed for us to have a better social support system.

This job has a set subject matter... that will never change... and on some level there would be, over the course of a career, a certain level of redundancy for him.

This job would not be a better fit for him. Yes it would offer more long term financial benefits, more recognition and acclaim, but I don't believe it will offer him the same creative stimulation (long term... and moving there for this would be a FINAL move and a long term commitment).

Mr F would give that up for me. But, you know, as much as I don't like living in Asheville and don't see us here long term... Mr F gave that up to move to Michigan for me once before. AND WE WEREN'T HAPPIER.

Mr F and I aren't the same. I get creative and personal fulfillment from a lot of places in my life. I have about 100 careers I could enjoy doing. Mr F has a more specified interest. He is really gifted at and focused on and fulfilled by his job . Even if he's had pay cut after pay cut he is still happier here than he was in Michigan because his current job offers him diverse material, a fast pace, and creative control.

And that matters to me. Not in some altruistic fashion... but because living with someone who has no outlet for their passion makes them angry, resentful, and miserable. Not that he was a total asshole (on purpose) but we suffered for it more than he was aware of. And his constant bottling up of those feelings led to CONSTANT passive aggressive acting out... that I DID NOT ENJOY living with. And the reality is that's not fun for me. That is not something I want to go back to. I don't think that is a fair trade.

So at the end of the day I'm less unhappy here (now... there has been an adjustment) than I think he was there.

That does not mean we're here forever. The situation has not improved for us financially and most likely won't anytime soon. Things are hard and money is tight. But I think we need to be very careful not to throw ourselves out of the pot and into the fire. It's easy when you feel you aren't getting the proper compensation for your labor (he's not) to want to take the first thing that comes along. Especially when it's an easy choice... going someplace we know... not starting over (believe me that would be EASIEST). What it means is taking this one day at a time and being sure that a new situation meets ALL of our needs and not get caught up in a fantasy.

And just making that decision. Choosing to stay here, in this job, made it all seem more bearable. Before we had felt so beaten down by everything that has been done to us that it was hard to think of anything else. Now we can both look at this as a choice that we're making.

So thanks to the other job for the offer without it we wouldn't have had the opportunity to chose to stay. Before we were just stuck.

Today

I really wanted to put up a *good* post. Let you all know that this is really not getting me down. It's hard when I use this as a daily outlet to give the full picture. The news day to day has tended toward the bad... crisis management. But we're not breaking down. The good news is that crisis management is my skill set.

So in some perverse way I'm stimulated and functioning at my best.

Overall our house is a happy one.

Happier than most.

Mr F and I like each other. And we are in a really good place in our marriage. We're not letting outside stress turn into inside resentments.

And that is saying something.

We're on the same page. And we're making plans.

A lot of things have sucked in the past few years. But in someways they've freed us up... some literally and some mentally.

Having taken this chance to come here... and having it bomb out underneath us... but having it (surprisingly) strengthen us instead of weaken us... I think it has given us the courage to risk even more.

If that makes sense.

So maybe things will all fall into place. Maybe they won't.

And that's okay. Because maybe that's what we need to take the chance on making our own happiness.

Maybe what we need is to step up and choose for ourselves.

Maybe.

In time.

For now I'm making cookie dough for the girls to roll out.

I promised.

And they're holding me to it.

An Experiment Is Underway

It's a big deal and it is going to change our lives.

Will we be happier?

Stay tuned.