Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I'll Show You Mine If You Show Me Yours

So yesterday's post about gift giving and some reader's comments... especially the one about the giant glass squirrel... got me thinking about the worst gift I ever received. I just spent quite a bit of time trying to track down an image... but wouldn't you know they don't make this item anymore?
So you will have to close your eyes and try to conjure up an appropriate image.

The first Christmas after Mr F and I were married he got me, hands down, the most ridiculous gift in all of creation.
And he got it monogramed.

What was it?

Well... I'll do my best here to describe it...

It was a light blue fleece zip up robe type garment.... with.... holes in the bottom... for your FEET!
Yes, people, I looked like a giant Teletubby!
And, NO, I am not making this up.
First Christmas as newlyweds... and he got my a giant fleece pouch with my initials on it.
He thought it would be cozy and warm and, clearly, didn't think about what would be involved every time I had to go to the bathroom!

It was kind of like a cross between THIS and THIS.
That's mine... what's yours?

73 comments:

Mr Furious said...

Oh God...

It was good in theory! It seemed like ideal snuggle-on-the-couch in our freezing-ass basement TV room.

And yes, it was fucking ridiculous when you put it on.

Southern Fried Girl said...

Oh, Mr. F. Honey, no. Bless your heart.

My worst gift? Hmmmmm.....I'd have to say the most thoughtless gift came from my step-daughter.

Tin of popcorn. I'm not joking. I was just like "ummm, ok."

I don't think I hid my disgust well. That was purely one of those things where I thought "You clearly put as little thought as possible into this, didn't you?"

Southern Fried Girl said...

And the fact that he got the frock monogrammed?

That? Was classic.

Mrs. Furious said...

SFG,
It is killing me that I can't find a link to this blanket/robe! God it was so hilarious! And honestly if it hadn't had a humorous redemptive value I probably would have been pretty pissed when I opened it up.

Yes monogramed. Good news is Land's End will take even monogramed stuff back!

Amy said...

a few years ago, a well-meaning friend of mine gave me something that I still don't know exactly what it was. it LOOKED like a lampshade, and it was like glass-crystal like but there was no lamp or anything to go with it. it couldn't be used as a bowl or anything because of course it had a hole in the bottom. I'm stumped. I should have asked her what it was but I was so embarrassed that I didn't know what it was that I never did ask her. I think I finally threw it away.

i would have given Lands End more credit than selling Teletubby wear, lol!

Mrs. Furious said...

Amy,
was it small?

Heather said...

I laughed so loudly at the first link. That woman is like, 100. Freaking hilarious. My mom got me one of these, but it's more like a throw with buttons or something to wrap around yourself. I donated it to the dog, who is thrilled with it.

Pete got me a book on saving money, and my real present didn't arrive in time, and he didn't say anything, so I had to ask him, um where the hell is the rest of my Christmas gift (we had agreed to $50, and there's no way that shitty book was that much).

I just thought the book was SO ironic, given that he doesn't have a job. Maybe that would help with the saving money, you think??

I returned the book, btw. I return books all the time. Gotta love Borders return policy. Someone just got the Amy Sedaris book. It's going back.

Mrs. Furious said...

Heather,
Yes Borders & BBB have awesome return policies. I think for both as long as they carry the item they'll take it back.

" Maybe that would help with the saving money, you think??"
LOL!

Chris Howard said...

Amy, I hope that wasn't somerhing like a Fenton piece. We had this ugly milky-glass flowery looking thing that turned out to be a Fenton piece worth about $100. At least it was until I broke it.

Haley said...

Wait, I have a twist on this one --I know exactly what the worst gifts I ever gave were cause I hear about them from time to time!

I gave Adam a T-shirt with some random cartoon that he liked at the time (I want to say Harvey Birdman) that was about 10 times too big. Seriously, it could have been a Biggest Loser shirt. I don't know what I was thinking.

And along with it, a Chairman Mao pocket watch that I got off of Ebay, which ended up not working.

Yep, unwearable clothing with juvenile designs, and Communist memorabilia/broken timepiece.

You are not alone Mr.F.

michelline said...

We had this ugly milky-glass flowery looking thing that turned out to be a Fenton piece worth about $100. At least it was until I broke it.


It was a nice epergne and was probably worth closer to $300.00. And he broke it. My grandmother bought it for me at a yardsale for about $20.00. It wasn't as ugly as he said, but... ok. It was ugly.

Preppy Mama said...

I'm laughing about the blanket robe thing. It kind of reminds me of something I thought I saw on Oprah's favorite things like 6 years ago. You really got me thinking about the worst gifts ever received and I have to say, aside from the wedding re-gifted vase, an ex-boyfriend's mother gave the worst gifts. She was really tacky and mind you this was like 10+ years ago. For Christmas one year she gave me this zip-up sweatshirt that said "Princess" across the front with rhinestones. So not preppy. It looked like something you pick up along Canal St. Oh, I had to wear it when I would go over because she would constantly ask me about it.

michelline said...

ohmigod. Mrs. F, I was afraid I was going to get in trouble. I am reading this at work and you made me laugh so hard with this post people wanted to know what was so funny. So if I'm fired, it's your fault :)

Chris - don't get gift ideas from Mr. F.

Mrs. F - has Mr. F improved in his gift giving abilities?

John Howard said...

I saw something fairly recently that was some kind of wearable blanket or something. I tried to find it again, but I couldn't, it was pretty funny looking.

Mrs. Furious said...

Haley,
awesome.

Mr F got a checked short sleeve button down shirt for his b'day that was so freaking huge we call it "the picnic blanket"!

worst gift I ever gave?... I have to think on that a bit..


Chris & Michelline,
I've never heard of Fenton I'm going to have to google it.



Preppy Mama,
Tacky clothes that you end up having to wear?!... you are lucky you didn't end up marrying that guy!

John Howard said...

Found it.

http://www.theslanket.com/

Mrs. Furious said...

Michelline,
"has Mr. F improved in his gift giving abilities?"

yes and no. He no longer gives bad tacky gifts (that may truthfully been the only one.... okay there was the vinyl bag he got at the hardware store when I asked for a "cool" diaper bag!).
But he routinely buys things too late to get them in time or not get the "right" thing. So most things are either fill-ins and then the real thing never comes or something along those lines.



John,
I assure you it is even funnier looking when you put it on!

Mrs. Furious said...

John,
LOL... at least they are not taking themselves seriously.
The woman with the gumball machine?!! hilarious!

eurydice said...

Last year for my birthday my boyfriend's brother and his girlfriend gave me one of those indoor putting sets.

1) Obvious regift

2) It's not like I golf or anything

3) Annoying because I got them both thoughtful (although cheap) presents. He had never tried pickled eggs and I got him a jar (he liked them and it was funny) and I got her a nice paperback chick lit book. It really is the thought that counts and an automatic putting set sucks the big nut!

Mr Furious said...

Order your slanket now and get a free Chillow™

emmyjw said...

Oh my that is sooo funny.By the way I just watched the cleaning videos,I feel your pain sister.We live in a 1600 sq foot house built in 1920 with 4 kids and only 1 full bathroom.Clutter is a major issue...Anyways,the worst gift Nolan ever got me was a really ugly school marmy woll plaid jumper,it was my size but it was a petite...ummm I am 5'10. I cannot express the ugliness of the orange and brown palid either. eww.I really love the giant blanky sleeper/slleping bag, nothing says comfy like 20 yards of fleece ;)

Adam said...

Hi Mrs. F,

Yeah, I can verify that Haley is a consistently problematic gift-giver. In addition to the aforementioned XXXL T-shirt and broken commie watch, she also gave me a book with stickers of Queen Amidala from Star Wars. All girly stickers. Oh my.

I, on the other hand, give awesome gifts. Haley, testify.

Haley said...

Oh dude, the stickers! I forgot about those! Heh, yeah they were pretty bad...

But here's the thing, bad gifts are really funny! I think the mystified reaction of my victims, er, loved ones, is priceless...

Mrs. Furious said...

Mr F,
oh the Chillow! That takes me back...

Haley said...

And, yes, honey, you are very good giver of terribly PRACTICAL and USEFUL gifts. All very well and good (I do make my morning coffee in one said gift every morning) but sometimes a girl just wants a surprise kitten, ya know?

Haley said...

Slanket? Chillow? Are we just naming hobbits now?

Mrs. Furious said...

Haley & Adam,
Okay there is a difference between a bad gift and a funny gift.
The first time I saw a Butt/Face towel I was like "Dude I have to give that to someone!"

And, sadly, I have bought stickers for someone before too....they were Muppet stickers. Ever since collecting stickers was a big deal in 1982 (sticker albums anyone?!) they have kind of had a power over me. ;)

I'm still waiting for some examples of Adam's awesome gifts....

Mrs. Furious said...

Haley,
I hate to break it to you but someone known for practical gifts is NEVER going to get you a surprise kitten!

Although oddly enough EVERY holiday I do think of giving Mr F one (and yes I'm being serious... I really do).

Mrs. Furious said...

Eurydice,
indoor putting set?!? I don't even know what to say to that. You might win. If you are not an avid golfer or a retired banker that is the most bizarrely inappropriate gift.

Mrs. Furious said...

Emmy,
maybe he was trying to live out a school marm fantasy ? ;)

Haley said...

Hmmmm, well, there was the shmfancy coffee maker which really does keep me alive. And a shmancy digital camera. And some shmancy jewelry. See, all very nice and very much enjoyed and appreciated, but where's the comedy???

And frankly, with those first two I think he's just trying to get me out of my luddite ways...

Haley said...

Oh wait, I just remembered the funniest bad gift I ever gave him! That would be our one year anniversary when I gave him the bra I was wearing during our first...shall we say...rendezvous?

Or rather, I tried to give it to him, but he was "You are a freak, and you have to be kidding me" and gave it back.

Heh, he may be having a stroke right now.

Haley said...

Give him the kitten! Give him the kitten!

michelline said...

Although oddly enough EVERY holiday I do think of giving Mr F one (and yes I'm being serious... I really do).

Ah... but do you follow through with your thought?


This might be the geeks in us, but Chris and I give each other excel spreadsheets with our wants and desires. I even provide links :) Of course, we also know each other well enough to be able to buy off the list as well. But I always buy him at least a few things from his list. I've finally persuaded my mother that it isn't evil or thoughtless to give wish lists to people. Now she gives us a list as well. I've always wanted to go to Dillard's and register for my birthday or Christmas, LOL. Then there's no excuse!

michelline said...

Here's where you can learn all about Fenton. It's collectible glass pieces.

Adam said...

Haley,

I can't believe you fessed up to the bra gift. Wow.

Haley said...

Mrs. F's Kingdom is a place of honesty.

Mr Furious said...

Yes, Mish, you guys are geeks.

Mr Furious said...

Adam,

I am more like you. Stick to the practical. Get something she clearly needs, or something she has asked for. When I try and go off the script and get creative it backfires every time.

So, yes, Mrs F has gotten some solid gifts from me in the past, and the better ones are the ones that have utility and longevity.

The kick-ass digital camera she uses to regale you all with photos and videos? Last Mothers Day. A surprise.

Valentine's Day? I did the roses delivery plus a bonus vase as a surprise, and fulfilled the specific cookie dough scoops request.

Perhaps Mrs F will fess up and tell you all what she got ME...

Mrs. Furious said...

Michelline,
I can't get it yet until Baby is a little older... she is the tormenting type.

But I know he wants one and would be floored if I brought one home since I am not a cat person... so I do debate buying one every time.

Mrs. Furious said...

Haley,
Oh GOD the bra!?! That is fucking hilarious!! HILARIOUS!

Mrs. Furious said...

Mr F,
nice one... um...the cookie dough scoops?!? Those were supposed to be my Xmas gift... but you didn't order them on time so I got a shitty place filler version from BBB which were returned after Xmas. Technically the cookie scoops are Xmas replacements NOT a new gift!!

And the "vase" is from Home Goods and was $9.99!

The camera... I'm pretty sure my camera (which cost literally 1/10th of the one Mr F got for Xmas last year) was purchased with some rebates I got when I got you yours... surprise?!... hardly!

Keep talking Mr Teletubby

Mr Furious said...

Perhaps Mrs F will fess up and tell you all what she got ME...

I'm talking about last week...for Valentine's Day..."Answer the question Claire..."

Haley said...

Right??? I thought it was HYSTERICAL and, frankly, rather appropriate since we agreed not to give any gifts. Of course, it was slightly less funny to the guy with the tiffany's box in his pocket being presented with used underwear.

Mrs. Furious said...

LOL!!!

I was just like "what!? what did I give you for Valentine's Day?!"

and then I remembered..... "Oh.... yeah.... The Itchy & Scratchy Game" Yeah a weird Simpsons version of checkers that I got at Border's on Valentine's Day because.... well.... because it was 75% off!!!

Mr F just read that over my shoulder and started laughing hysterically.

Hey in my defense Valentine's Day is a woman's holiday and really I wasn't going to get him anything.... but he does love the Simpsons and I knew Kid would love it.

Mrs. Furious said...

Okay that last one was to Mr F.

But it will probably make you feel better Haley.
We are all about unequal gifting ;)

Haley said...

You see, I think that's a GREAT gift (which apparently means it's terrible...). And I want it on the record that I did break my streak this valentine's day. Adam got a very simple T-shirt which your truly designed that says, "the giants won." When he saw it you'd have thought I'd bought him a car.

Mrs. Furious said...

And Haley,
That is the kind of funny/inappropriate gift that will go down in history... that will always be funny and is only made all the more funny by how disproportional the gifting was. That is classic... almost as good as the monogrammed fleece pouch.

Mrs. Furious said...

oh that is regarding the used bra not the Giants shirt!

Kelly O said...

My ex-husband got me a snowmobile suit for Christmas. Me and snowmobiling goes together like Manolo Blahniks and Odd Lots. (I would be represented by the former, folks). That's one of the reasons he is my EX. Hee hee.

Sherry/Shay said...

It's not that the gift was a bad idea, but my ex-hsuband bought me a toaster and can opener for my birthday. How sweet? I remember him saying "But it's the can opener you wanted." YES moron, I wanted it, but not for my birthday.

Nutmeg said...

Seriously laughing over here, starting with the fleece pouch.

Worst gift...

My mom is the world's best gift giver (seriously, she pays attention, she thinks outside of the box and she goes overboard because she likes giving gifts. every year I get at least 5 things from her that I adore and didn't even know I wanted) so I'm already down one. Mark's gifts are so full of thought and emotion from him that even if I don't love them I can't help but appreciate them. My mother in law gives money (what's not to love).

My dad and his ex-wife used to buy me the most bizarre clothes. Like... I know they only saw me once or twice a year, but I'm pretty sure I never wore neon velour or anything with appliques in their presence. And people always buy me clothes in size small, and I have monkey arms and broad shoulders and decent chest. Even when I was 110 lbs I couldn't wear a small.

Worst gift received for E. His aunt and uncle gave him a 10 dollar shape sorter he already had one of, sent right from the retailer and not wrapped. Wouldn't have been so bad if we hadn't spent hours picking out gifts for their kids, calling them to make sure they would like them, spent 60 bucks, wrapped them with ribbons and all and mailed them. I work full time and had a 1 year old. She has an 8 and a 6 year old in school and doesn't work. I'm just saying. We put in the effort. Offer a little in return!

I totally regifted the shape sorter.

Liz said...

OMG Mrs F, that is the hardest I've laughed in about, well I guess only 24 hours, but it feels like longer. I can't stop.

Chris Howard said...

We give great gifts. I think my favorite gifts to Michelline were a surprise B&B in Savannah for Valentine's day and a surprise cruise also for Valentine's day. And a curio cabinet. Sounds boring, but she cried.

She was going to get us a surprise trip to NY for this V-Day, but her boss wouldn't give her the time off.

Hey, the slanket looks cool. I think it's different than the teletubbie thing, because it appears to have an open bottom. It would be a lot better for reading with than a regular blanket.

Mrs. Furious said...

Kelly O,
oh that is funny. Yep someone is either really into snowmobiling or they are NOT... there is really no confusing the two.



Sherry,
Can opener = unacceptable. Period.



Nutmeg,
MIL who give cash?! Now that is unheard of!

Mrs. Furious said...

Haley,
I should also mention the Valentine's Day cards...
Mr F gave me one that said something along the lines of "we're soulmates" and I gave him one that said "You love me" literally. See?! that is funny.... although I did feel a little awkward about it when I opened his...

Mrs. Furious said...

Chris,
a surprise trip to NY does kind of beat out my "Itchy and Scratchy" game...


Yeah the Slanket actually does look useful... I wish I had a picture of what he gave me! I'm sure we took pics but that was so long ago I have no idea where they'd be!

Sherry/Shay said...

My ex-MIL was the GREATEST! For Christmas one year she gave me a purse--it was a great purse. About three weeks later I opened the purse to fine $300 cash in there. That wasn't the only awesome present I received from her, just the most noteworthy.

Mrs. Furious said...

Sherry,
GET OUT OF TOWN!

I think it is safe to say all the gifts my MIL has ever given me, combined, doesn't equal $300.

John Howard said...

We give great gifts.

I can vouch for that. Seems almost like a religion to you guys.

katieo said...

ditto to liz. cracking up over here.

In particular:
Haley's bra.
Chris and Michelline's excel spreadsheets.
"Keep talking Mr Teletubby"
1980's sticker albums. YES. (along side my binder of garbagepail kid cards)

The worst gift I ever got was a parenting book. Not any parenting book that was remotely helpful. It was actually one of those "worst case scenario" books (you know the ones...) lame-o.

Mrs. Furious said...

Katieo,
Garbage Pail Kids! I totally forgot about those!
I cannot even imagine buying those for Kid.... LOL!

Mr Furious said...

I cannot even imagine buying those for Kid.... LOL!

I CAN!

michelline said...

I can vouch for that. Seems almost like a religion to you guys.


Thanks! Maybe we've found our calling... We're the Present Fairies!

michelline said...

ohmigod. Garbage Pail Kids. I can just picture them now. And wish I couldn't!!

Chris -
Hey, the slanket looks cool.

I can see giving your mother one of these. Her birthday is coming up...

Mrs. F -
a surprise trip to NY does kind of beat out my "Itchy and Scratchy" game...

Not by too much! Costs more... And Chris and my daughters are huge Simpsons fan. Hmmm... Maybe I should have just gotten him one of those instead of planning a B&B trip to Charleston in April to make up for the aborted Vday trip.

Rickey Henderson said...

Now that sounds awesome. Rickey needs one of these to hasten his further regression back into a womb-like state.

Mrs. Furious said...

Rickey,
I'll get Mr F to hook you up ;)

Deb said...

Oh, dear God. The monogramming is definitely icing on the cake. Are there no photographs?

This is one of the best comment pages EVER.

My worst gift ever was from my ex-MIL. She gave me something like this:

http://www.theclownstore.net/backroom.html

Except it was a dalmatian. A clown costume, with a dalmatian head and paws made out of porcelain. It was about three feet tall.

Beat that, people.

Mrs. Furious said...

Deb,
I didn't even have to check the link (although of course I couldn't resist it) I know exactly what she got you. I don't know where on Earth I have come across those but it is freakishly familiar.
I will have you know I am terrified of clowns and that would have given me nightmares (literally) even with the Dalmatian head!

Haley said...

Deb -

Wow. A porcelain dalmatian clown. Yeah, you win -- even in my own twisted gift-giving experiments, I wouldn't go there...

Deb said...

I wish someone had taken a photo of my face when I opened the box. Then a subsequent shot as I feigned excitement. I bet it would have been Oscar material.

lucinda said...

I know I'm a day late here but at least the robish thing was monogrammed with your initials. Mame gave David a monogrammed watch for Christmas that came with the wrong initials. Could happen to anybody. She gave it to him anyway.

Mrs. Furious said...

Mom,
oh Mame!... gotta love her!
what were the initials?
And if I know David he wears it anyway.

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