Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Federal Offense

A week or so ago I lovingly packed up a box of maternity clothes and shipped them off to Heather. I had a few things that I thought she could use, and since I'm not having any more children (ever!), I was happy to send them on to greener pastures.

Well today Heather got that package and sent me a "Thank You" email that went like this...
"what is this terrifying pink thing in here? It's horrid!
Thanks for the clothes!!!! You're the best!"

Now when I received that I was like "hmmm... what pink thing? The nightgown?... I wouldn't say it was horrid..."

Then Heather clarified with this...
"No it's some terrible plastic/rubber vagina? "

And I'm thinking "wtf?!.... what kind of weird Kid toy could be in there?... what looks like a vagina?!... part of Mr Potato Head?!" and I was actually feeling somewhat guilty that Heather was going to have to pay to ship back whatever toy got in there.

Well.... it wasn't a toy....

I have to say I feel strangely violated. I'm not sure how to even process this....


Here I am after talking with the USPS representative:

Thankfully Heather was taken a little more seriously.

55 comments:

Kiki said...

OH.MY.GOD!

Mrs Furious said...

Is that not the craziest thing you have ever heard of?!

Kiki said...

Uh, yeah, I am completely fascinated and repulsed at the same time...I stuttered to Ken to come and watch because I felt like my eyes were playing tricks on me. Its crazy that someone did/thought/had the wherewithall to think of this kind of "prank". I between being offended for you and wanting to laugh...I can't decide which so I just keep watching the video of you trying to describe what happened.

John Howard said...

Call Newman.

Mrs Furious said...

That is exactly how I feel about it... fascinated and repulsed. I feel so terrible for Heather who had to actually handle it. Who has a stash of fake vaginas?!

Mrs Furious said...

John,
if only I could...

I'm actually going to go report it at our post office since I have no idea where this happened and I cannot imagine how I am going to explain this with out laughing nervously the whole time.

Kiki said...

Ken says, "Those aren't cheap." Why does my husband know this???

Heather said...

I'm not sure I'll ever recover. I know I need to take pictures and write a letter to the post office, but I am so grossed out I'm not sure what to do. I'm convinced it has a DNA sample on it...

Mrs Furious said...

Kiki,
LOL!

I tried to google it and I was like... this was a mistake...

Kiki said...

I knew better than to Google that thing, I was afraid of what I might find, it was scary enough that Ken made that comment.

Okay, I'm into full on laughing now, I might be delirious I'm so tired!!!

Kiki said...

Heather, Get it to the crime lab ASAP, ewwww, do you really want to know?

Mrs Furious said...

Kiki,
Mr F is laughing hysterically at Ken's remark.

Hey how were the waffles?

and I've been staying up past 1 every night lately.... must get back on the Unisom...

Kiki said...

Mrs F. The waffles are yummy, you are right that they are very filling...I ate them after I ate a bowl of cereal and that might have been over the top even for a breakfast lover like myself!!! I have to admit that I did use butter, but so yummy and made my kitchen smell like syrup!!! They are new favorite as I have been eating them every morning, so thank you for the recommendation, because I am loving them.

Kiki said...

yes, time for some kind of sleep aid, is it baby keeping you up, or just you keeping you up? As for Mr.F and Ken, sometimes I get the feeling they would be friends if they met...

Cara said...

Oh man, I read about this on Heather's blog first, both of you are great. That is really crazy that it happened though!

Julie said...

OH MY GOD!!! That is crazy, hysterical, weird and unnerving all at the same time.

Oh my God.

that is just crazy.

by the way, Kid is so funny putting in her 2 cents along with you:)

G in Berlin said...

Wow. I second Kiki. Fascinated and repilsed. I would have been washing my hands with rubbing alcohol after picking it up. I wonder if a postal person had to shove it in there to hide it when a supervisor was walking aroung? Ugh...

Feener said...

ok that is plain freaky ass !!! see in my paranoid super suspicious mind i would then explain to hubby that i had some stalker who knew where i loved and read my blog. sorry...but i would seriously have to solve the mystery !!

Robin said...

Oh my god!!! That is the strangest thing I have ever heard. Heather, I am so grossed out for you!!

I don't even know what to think about that. Eeeeewwwww.

Anonymous said...

OH MY GOD!!!

ICK!!! :P



I can't wait to hear what happens at the post office!


PS~I still haven't made it to Wal-Mart yet...I WILL get there this week though! PROMISE!! ;)

Staci

Robin said...

I told Heather, maybe y'all should call the news. One of those consumer action type reporters?

I'm sure going to the post office wouldn't be embarassing enough...you should get on the news.

Julie said...

I don't know why I keep laughing when i think of it. It is so so so bizarre.

and nasty.

Sandcastle Momma said...

It's really strange that happened but this is the best laugh I've had in a while. The Island King says you can send him a package any time you want LOL

Haley said...

freaky deaky, yo.

Gigs said...

um, yuck. You seriously have to report this (heather too), since your constitutional rights have been violated. I would love to know the post office reaction, or how you'd even get through telling them what happened... that is just completely bizarre!

Sandcastle Momma said...

After much thought the Island King has come up with an explanation (apparently he can't let this go LOL) He thinks that in some mailroom somewhere a couple of packages were manhandled, came open and spilled and that an employee just started shoving stuff back into boxes. Imagine how surprised the guy who was supposed to get the "toy" will be when he sees maternity clothes LOL Sounds like a reasonable explanation to me - the scary part is that my husband is giving this so much thought LOL

Andrea said...

ewww thats so gross, I would put that sucker in a ziploc and march right over to the post office ok Id probably hid it another bag as so people wouldnt think its mine. I can only say ewwwwww.

emmyjw said...

That is the craziest frickin thing I have ever heard of! Who would put that in there??? WIERD.

ashley said...

I still can't believe that someone would even put that in there. That is so funny. Incredibly creepy, but humorous!

emmyjw said...

I just watched Heather's video of it. I just cannot believe someone put that thing in there and the phrase silicone va-jay-jay almost made me pee my pants. CRAZY.

Mrs Furious said...

I'm calling the post office to see what they say... stay tuned!

Although I fear trying to handle this on tax day maybe a mistake...

Mrs Furious said...

Unbelievable.
So I called the main government # to report that the package had been tampered with and the woman said if you send something first class than it can be opened... and that this happens and it can be difficult for things to get back in their proper boxes?!?! although she hadn't heard of plastic cording being used before.

WHAT?!

Sandcastle Momma,
in theory your husband could be right. I still find this particular item to be extremely suspect though....

Heather said...

Lots of people are giving this lots of thought. My friends in LA think it's the weirdest thing they've ever heard, and said they talked about it for an hour.

I reported it to the post office, but may call the local peeps too.

Yick!

Dana said...

Wow. I'm speechless! What a strange thing to do. I wonder if they had to inspect it at the post office and someone thought it would be funny to do that? How crazy!

Robin said...

I am appalled that this woman you talked to said "they can be opened." WTF. I thought tampering with mail was a federal offense. Hmmmm, maybe I'll just stick with UPS.

I have also gotten mail that came open and there was always a note on it saying they had to repack it. This is so strange.

Heather said...

Ok, I came right out and told both people I talked to (one at the 1800 number, one at the local post office -- thank you google for giving me the post office number) and I told them exactly what was put in there

"A silicone vagina. In a box of maternity clothes. I am not kidding. No. I'm not. A silicone vagina. Yes, that's right."

Both seemed nice and genuinely concerned; I even got a confirmation number for my complaint at the 1800 number. For the locals, I have to take the box down to the post office so they can take a photo of it and report it to the Postmaster. I've got a job interview at 4, so I can't do it today. But I'll be doing it tomorrow, trust me.

It's hilarious, but so creepy at the same time.

katieo said...

seriously.
What I think is the funniest thing of all is that the vajayjay ended up in a box from one blogger to another. And not just any bloggers. YOU GUYS.

We have been cracking up all day over it. It's going down in blogging history.

Sandcastle Momma said...

OMG! The idea of Heather taking that thing to the post office to be photographed has sent me over the edge. I got a mental picture of them taking 27 8x10 color glossies and I swear this will have me laughing for months LOL It is creepy but it's the funniest story I've heard in a long time.

Mrs Furious said...

I still can't believe that the post office rep I talked to was so completely unfazed that a package was opened and acted like I had it coming to me for not paying for priority.

Jenny O. said...

I'm a reporter and I can guarantee you that a local newspaper would jump on this story. The real question is: Do you want to go on the record in your neighborhood as the " plastic vagina woman"?
I can't say that I would, though it sure does make a great story. :)

Kid Art said...

HOLY CRAP.

That is completely unbelievable.

I second Jenny O - local news would be thrilled to have this story.

Craziness. How? HOW??! WHY??!!!!

Mrs Furious said...

Jenny O,
That is hilarious! If I were on the receiving end I'd totally do it... somehow I can't imagine Heather wanting to subject herself to that. ;)



Emily,
taxes are done! And we owed $2000 less than I expected... phew....

Torey said...

I literally think I just peed in my pants. I told N to come watch, cause I knew it was going to be good!!!

Holy crap. Heather, you totally need to bleach your hands!!!

Tell us more about this strange baggy?

Heather said...

I'm a former reporter and DO see the news value, but don't want my co-workers reading about my surprise silicone vagina. I mean, THAT'd be embarassing!

Amy said...

My husband would like you to know that the pink thing is called a "flesh light." I don't know why he knows that, but we're about to have a very, very long talk.

Deb said...

I think you and Heather should put it up for sale on eBay and watch the book offers come flooding in. This is the funniest thing I've read in weeks!!

Do you mind terribly if I link to both of you from my blog? I think more people need to read this one.

Mrs Furious said...

Deb,
I certainly don't mind.


Amy,
flesh light... hmm... what does that mean? Google here I come!


Torey,
yes I 2nd that...

Heather more details on the baggy... that was kind of glossed over and could be an important detail.

Mrs Furious said...

Amy,
holy crap... that is exactly what it is... and that just raised the disgust value of this 100%.

I might have to call the news after all!



People it is a fleshlight... I googled it pretty easily without a tremendous amount of scariness so look it up.

Mrs Furious said...

Oh I should note apparently it is the #1 male sex toy. Who knew?

Mrs Furious said...

Okay I take that back... it quickly became scary...

Red Lotus Mama said...

What a strange thing to happen! I am horrified, but oddly curious. I hope you get down to the bottom of it!

Torey said...

Ok. Did it look like the "fleshlight" ::shudder:: maybe came IN the funky baggy? But for whatever reason, was OUT of the bag. That would be a good sign in my eyes, because it would mean that it hadn't been. . .um. . .used. Ew.


And did Heather go through all the clothes and check and make sure that everything was there? Because if pieces were missing, that would give some truth to the open package idea.

And, (because we didn't get a lot of sleep last night) I wonder how many times this has happened and the recipient has been too freaked out to say anything to the sender, and it goes unnoticed!!

P.O.M. said...

I saw this on HL's blog. HOly shit. That is creepy and definately would cause one to feel violated. HOW the heck does something like that happen???

eurydice said...

for some reason i think this is funny more than creepy. the most disturbing thing is that your mail was tampered with. i don't think the packages just got opened and mixed up in the post office - some one must have put that in on purpose. it had tire tracks on it! no one was mailing that to somebody to.... use...

Mrs Furious said...

Torey,
Now that I've seen a felshlight I'm pretty sure this was used... they don't come looking like that new ;)



P.O.M.,
if I was Heather I'd be totally creeped out. I mean that thing can be penetrated!



Red Lotus Mama,
thanks for commenting :)
Yeah... I still can't wrap my head around this one!


Eurydice,
I concur. Now that I know what it is, I'm positive it was a deliberate act.

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