Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Kind Of Wanting To Kill Myself

I was kind of keeping hush hush the fact that there was a job opening at the magazine here in Traverse City. This is a job opportunity that we had been keeping our eye on for EIGHT years. It never opened. We've always wanted to move up here but there is literally only one job opportunity that would allow us to make that move. This one.

A couple weeks ago, right before I left town, Mr F let out a gasp as he was doing his usual job search (always a good idea to keep our options open). After YEARS this coveted position had finally opened up. Even better? He was coming out here to visit us anyway and getting to an interview would be easy peasy.

Meant to be? Yeah that's what I thought.

As much as I am getting settled in Asheville it is not where I want to live. And, honestly, with our current cost of living it is always going to be a bit of a struggle.

You know where's a really cheap place to move to in this economic crisis? The place with the most tanked housing market?

Yep. Michigan.

Yada yada yada... I could tell you how much I'd like to live here. I could go on and on. Just imagine that place you always fantasize about living at... that's Traverse City for me.

Well yesterday Mr F called to tell me that he spoke with the editor in Traverse City... and... the job had been filled.... yester-freaking-day!

So today when I drove into the city it was no longer a drive filled with hope and promise. But instead a drive filled with agony and well... a bit... of heart break. Everything seemed perfect. And better. And CLEANER. And well planned and carried out. The donuts were... well... donut-ier. Seriously. As Kid said "You forget how delicious they are until you are eating them, and then you remember all the times you had them." Indeed. Michigan cider donuts just are better than any other donut. Period. The strawberries I got at the stand were better than any other strawberries I'd ever had. They were like jam. They were ridiculous and we ate them under a perfectly blue sky dotted with white clouds, the tall ship sailing around the Bay in front of us. And I kind of wanted to cry.

As hard as moving is and as much as I would hate the actual process...

We could have had a house ON THE ACTUAL WATER for less than our house in Asheville.

Okay not a lot less. But still... less. By like $5...it still counts. It was still a glorious dream.

Oh well... back to Assville at the end of the month.

Damn it.


P.O.M. said...

I'd take retirees and hippy's over a lot of other types of peeps.

Sorry about the disappointment. Try to enjoy your time there.

Haley said...

Oh, this breaks my heart too. :(

I know what it's like to see an amazing dreamed-of prospect, taste it, envision your new life, and then see it vanish. It sucks beyond words. I've taken to my bed after stuff like this. People tell you that everything happens for a reason, and I've usually seen the "reasons" for these disappointments down the line (waaaay down the line), but when it's fresh, it sucks balls.

I'm sorry.

Mr Furious said...

There can't be more hippies there than there are here. They're like fucking roaches.


Seriously, I love my job. Really do. And I am actually, finally feeling very settled here in Asheville. And NO part of me wanted to pack and move again. I'd almost rather sell it all and move empty-handed than do THAT again.

But Mrs F is right that we have wanted that job ever since 2001. And the worst part is, I would have gotten it. Absolutely no question about it. Two years ago, I might not have, but today I would.

It might have set up an agonizing decision, but we wouldn't feel trapped no matter what we chose—we would have chosen.

The new Art Director was probably hired weeks ago, even before we saw the listing—yesterday was their first day in the office...

Once i hung up the phone, I began secretly hoping Traverse City was a wasteland like the rest of Michigan...Mrs F might have to blindfold me when she picks me up at the airport Saturday.

gooddog said...

Oh no Mr and Mrs F! I am so sorry. That sucks, no bones about it.

Marie said...

Hey--just because the person was hired doesn't mean they won't sleep with the bosses daughter the first week and be fired....

I'm just sayin....

Mr Furious said...

Look, I can't have any regrets about taking this job and not staying in Michigan. If we had stayed we'd probably be bankrupt and divorced. I still would have lost all of my freelance work, and my old job paid much less.

Plus, without the year under my belt here, there's no guarantee I'd've gotten that job in Traverse City—though I assure you, I wouldn't have missed the listing!

It's easier for me to say this, not being Up North, but I'm over it. I have to be. I'm committed to being here at this job, and if we decide to move on, it wouldn't be to a job like that anyway—that's a lateral move and a pay cut. It was just the romance of the location.

Plus, I don't ice-fish.

I'll keep telling myself all of that anyway...

Mr Furious said...


The editor alluded to thaton the phone: "You never know, transitions and all."

They might hate Michigan winters...they might be bad at the job...it might be a stepping stone...

I'm having lunch with the editor next week anyway. If I had done that last year, they might have called me first.

Mrs Furious said...

Mr F,
Wow you are sending a lot of mixed messages with all these comments ;)

We would have moved. Believe it. Lateral move or not... I wouldn't have missed the one chance we had to find out if this is where we want to be. There was nothing to lose.

I don't regret moving in terms of your job but we both know we're taking the first good opportunity out of there. The schools... the housing costs... it's a no brainer.


Mr Furious said...

Mixed messages? I'm trying to move on so I don't kill myself. It took forever for me to not feel like I need to check Monster.com every day...and the second I do...BAM! We're screwed.

julie said...

My heart sank for you guys.

I'm glad that Mr F is meeting with the editor while he's up there. You never know...

inkelywinkely said...

This sucks...but, Mr F is right... your lives would not be the same if you had stayed...and wouldn't going back to Mich put you closer to the inlaws again?

Thing is, your children are happy where they are, your husband has a secure job, you have a beautiful house, a great fenced yard, and you guys are happy...no matter what location you are right now.

You have a wonderful blessed life
*anyone* would be proud of....if it is meant to be, it will fall in place.... many bad things could have happened if this would have worked out that you can't foresee. Maybe this not working out is God's way of saving you? Your family?

Just be happy. I promise, even though it sucks, it is not that bad. :)

Smitty said...

Bummer about the job. I'm not a huge believer in fate or "meant to be." I am a believer in "make it so." Mr. F. is meeting with the editor anyway. Step 1 in "making it so."

Hope your stay in TC is lovely every day.

Karen said...

I am sorry Mrs. F. I wish it would have worked out. I can identify with your want to move to MI. We are living in IL and it is not where I want to be (dont tell my husband).

Enjoy your vacation and I hope Assville will be better when you get back to it.

Bean Collins said...

oooooh, suck. That's terrible! I can imagine how it feels. Maybe the job got filled by a moron who will get fired by the end of the week. I have my fingers crossed.

Supermom said...

I miss you!!!

Mrs Furious said...

Don't worry we're coming back ;)

Dinah Soar said...

Take heart...sometimes the move to a place you don't like, later improves.

That is my experience...in 1997 we moved to a place we loved, had been wanting to live in and retire in...then had to move..to a place that we did not like at all...but it was that or no job..guess what...by the time we moved--again had to--4 years later, back to the beloved place we'd had to leave--the place we didn't like wasn't looking so bad. It gave us some things we no longer have. In fact, if it meant things could have stayed as they were work wise just a couple more years, it would have been my preference to stay there!!! I never thought there'd be things I'd miss about it...but there are. I'm back in the previous place that we loved so much, and while we still love it, I'd moved back to the 'not liked so much place' in a heartbeat. Who knew?..not me...never in a million years would I have thought I'd feel like that.

So again-- take heart...good things come to those who wait...do what you can, change what you can and make the best of what you can't, looking for the good and best parts and rejoicing in them, knowing that in time, it all will pass-- the good, bad and ugly.

Don't waste one minute sorrowing over what could have been, what might have been, what 'isn't--because in that sorrowing you'll miss some of the best parts of what is.

How do I know this?..been there, done it.

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