Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Oh You Know You Can't Get Enough

With Kid's birthday right around the corner the in law situation (or complete lack there of) is on my mind.

I can tell you this... if they don't man up and call her on her birthday... I pretty much think that's inexcusable. They are fast approaching "dead to me" status.


Cara said...

i saw this today and thought of you:

julie said...

This is so sad. They are the adults. They should be the ones to make the effort to have the relationship with their granddaughters. They could send little cards here and there to make a connection. My kids hardly ever see their grandparents, but they have made enough of a connection when they do. Or they will send cards with funny messages to them...citing things that only people who KNOW each other would say...knowing/observing what the kids like.

Really? Is this really how they want to be remembered by their grandkids?

I really, really hope they come through for Kid's birthday. It will be so hurtful if they don't.

Elizabeth said...

So I'm totally thinking from Devil's Advocate side of things here, this is NOT my opinion.

But it sounds like they feel you personally have rejected them and are for whatever reason keeping them OUT of their grandchildren's lives.

From what you've said they're very emotionally closed people, and for them death may be preferrable to emotional vulnerability. Or it is just so unthinkable to be open and honest (because it's rude to discuss such things) about feelings in the way that you are.

I think that in order for them to be involved in the Girls' lives they would need an explicit invitation from either you or Mr. F.

You're completely reasonable, I feel, in your decision to not put yourself in the line of fire and just not deal with them. So the responsibility for this relationship is with them, and with Mr. F. While he's tried by calling them from time to time, and while he's also probably (I imagine from things you've said) hampered by being raised with the same emotional shutdown they've got, if he can, myabe he should call them and tell them some of these things you've been mentioning.

But that only works or make sense if he's willing to do it. If not... oh well.

Wow, I hope that doesn't sound too harsh or pompous. It's just what came to mind!

Nutmeg said...

Gosh my mom's parents lived 3000 miles away and we would see them once a year (for about a month or so). My dad's parents lived 15 minutes away and we would see them regularly.

But because of the warmth, interest, constant letters (my other coast grands didn't have a home phone because they lived in a trailer traveling the country), occassional phone calls and all of the little inside jokes, we managed to have an amazingly close relationship. My mom had little to do with that, not because she didn't want to, but because she didn't NEED to.

RE Stock: Stock made from roasted bones is more flavorful. When I roast a chicken or pan roast legs, thighs breasts etc, I take the carcass/ bones after we're done with it and throw it in the freezer, after I have two whole chickens or one chicken and some parts, I throw them into large pot, make stock. Sometimes I use boneless chicken breasts poached in the stock, then cut up, other times I use meat stripped from carcasses and saved separately in the freezer, then use it in soup after it accumulates (sometimes I use the stock to make something completely unrelated to soup.)

Mr Furious said...

I think you're 100% correct Elizabeth.

Mrs Furious said...

Yes I saw that this morning!

I agree completely. I think the ambivalence that Mr F feels is going to keep him from ever actually doing that... and of course my obvious anger that that is what has to be done will keep me from ever doing it ;)

That's what I'm saying... the effort can be made with very little effort and the with lasting effects. My own grandparents make more of an effort (always did honestly) than Mr F's parents to stay involved and up to date with the girls. My 96 year old grandmother sends them the March of Dimes mail labels and whatnot... and they love it... and she is a presence in their life.

"Really? Is this really how they want to be remembered by their grandkids? "
It's really hard for me to get past this. It really pisses me off that they are so focused on how it all makes themfeel.

Staci said...

I understand & know all your feelings. They are valid. I'm sorry you have to go through all of this.

I hope some kind of closure or resolution comes quickly. It sucks to be in limbo for so long.


PS~Sorry to hear about the job. I agree with the others...better things are out there for your family. :) Hope they show up soon.

Marilyn said...

Ugh. I know this must be hard. It sounds like Mr. F's parents are a lot like my own. I love them, but they have very strict rules and expectations. You have to decide if you want to make things better -- which means swallowing your pride and apologizing for hurting their feelings. Or things will just remain the same. You really have to make the first move. It's tough -- I've been in that situation, but trust me, they're never going to see your side of it. Never.

Good luck. I know this is hard. It will never be a "real" relationship, but maybe a fake one is better in the end? Who knows...

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