Yesterday I had to run an errand at the mall with Baby.
Anytime we enter a public bathroom Baby mistakes the awesome acoustics for an echo chamber and begins yelling over and over again at the top of her lungs...
"Echo! Echo! Echo!..."
Which means I need to do my business in under a second and get us the hell out of there.
This time when I walked out of the bathroom she continued to shout "Echo!" startling the security guard who was standing right outside the bathroom door (why was he standing there anyway?)
Then we turned the corner and headed toward the shops and she was still sitting in her stroller screaming out "Echo!"
I just try to smile.
I cannot for the life of me get her to understand that hearing herself repeat echo is not actually an echo.
An elderly couple walks up and the woman stops, gently touches my arm, and says...
"What is she saying?"
"She's saying 'Echo'. " I reply.
"Oh. I thought she was saying 'Asshole'." The old woman says with a mischievous smile.
My jaw nearly dislocated as it hit the floor.
Which left me wondering which would actually have been more shocking...
A three year old saying "Asshole" or a ninety-three year old?
My vote is with ninety-three year old.
Because let me tell you that is not what I was expecting to hear come out of her mouth.
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19 comments:
Okay - I'm reading your latest with my laptop on my lap (duh) and my mug of tea sitting on my stomach (yes, sometimes it is handy being overweight) and I start to laugh so hard the tea almost sloshes all over me - fortunately I lifted the mug upwards before serious damage resulted. This is what I love about you - you never lose your sense of humor - no matter what!! - and that is one very important character quality!!!
I agree, the 93 year old is more shocking! Be happy it's just "echo" and the security guard was startled, not waiting for you...
When Smitty Jr. was 3 I took him to the zoo. He was mastering potty training so before the 25 minute ride home I tell him to go potty first and then on the way home we'll get ice cream. We get in the empty bathroom and he doesn't want to go. So he starts getting mad, and loud, even the promise of ice cream isn't working. Then he pulls toilet paper off the roll, just to have I guess. Still yelling about not going potty. Paper falls onto floor, I pick it up and throw it in the toilet. Not realizing this was a mortal sin. He starts SCREAMING and yelling at me about the paper. I flush thinking this will get rid of the paper. He screams louder and now is bawling because I lost the damn paper. I give him new paper, it's not the same. I give up. Pick him up and carry him out of the bathroom.
As I leave the bathroom, a male zoo security guard is waiting for me at the door. He asks if everything is okay and sort of eyes me and Smitty Jr. Luckily Smitty Jr had calmed down and was only sniffling. I tried to smile and say yes and couldn't get out of there fast enough.
oh man, that was awesome, and a wonderful way to start a Friday with a good chuckle, LOL
You'll say the same thing when you're 93.
That was hysterical!! Thanks for sharing. Did you guys get much snow? We are in SC and all we have gotten is rain, rain, rain! Boo!
omg too funny sadly my little ones can say asshole with great clarity being the daughter of a plumber has not translated well. Thanks for the laugh
My grandmother once told my young cousin to "shut the fuck up" outside of the Hard Rock Cafe. Grandma was 78 at the time. My poor little cousin (11 years old) was horrified and started crying immediately - the rest of us just stood there not sure what to say as she walked away and said "see Chrissy, you use it too much so it doesn't mean anything. You should only use it to make an impact"
That's one of the best memories I have of my Grandma! There is something to be said for shock value.
OMG. That is the funniest thing I've ever heard.
Of course I'm trying to figure out why she would even ask you what Baby was saying if that was her suspicion. What if Baby HAD been saying asshole? Then you would have had to turn to the 93 year old and say "She's saying asshole". And then what? The woman would have smiled and nodded and said, "Yes, that's what I thought" as she shuffled away?
I will be laughing about this all day...
Claire,
Thank you.
CM,
I'll be saying things a lot worse than asshole ;)
Mrs Smitty,
yikes
Kellie,
Yep and ice & snow. No school AGAIN.
TURNS OUT MAYBE THE SECURITY GUARD WAS WAITING FOR THE ASSHOLE TO EMERGE
LOL!
Okay, Tracy and Chrissy, both of your comments totally cracked me up, too.
Chrissy,
LOL! Your grandma was spunky!
Gigs,
"Of course I'm trying to figure out why she would even ask you what Baby was saying if that was her suspicion. "
exactly. It was so weird and funny. I actually felt like she was disappointed that she wasn't saying asshole.
I cant stop laughing and the comments goodness.
Tracy,
"being the daughter of a plumber has not translated well"
lol... at least you have a legitimate excuse. Saying you are the daughter of a graphic designer doesn't carry the same weight in the sailor talk department. And believe me there is plenty of exposure around here.
I am laughing so hard that my co-worker came over to my desk to see what was happening. Totally funny.
Oh god...I needed that laugh today Mrs. F!
And then Chrissy's Grandma! Good times.
I'm a "trailer trash" talker according to my boys & hubby. Never gonna get that "shock value" from me either. :P
When I told my oldest daughter (you know who) that she couldn't use the "a" word she replied and wanted to know if she could use "buttocks abyss" - I still laugh over that one...
Love it! My favorite days at work always include elder bad language!
Last weekend was working a fundraiser with a friend well over seventy counting money, lots and lots of ones, when an elderly man came over and started counting randomly, chuckled and said," I didn't mess you up did I?" I smiled brightly said, "oh no, we're fine" and when he moved away muttered "asshole." My elderly friend turned to me with surprise and as I was just about to apologize said "That's my favorte word!"
I think the 93-year-old would be more shocking, too. Partly because kids say words that sound like something else all the time. Like my friend's daughter who could never quite get 'duck' to come out properly, if you catch my drift. You can write them off, but not a little old lady.
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