Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Mind Games

I love having my kids home.  I'd keep them home every single day if it was up to me.  But this constant state of uncertainty about whether they'll have school or not, I can do without.  It is wearing very thin.  I'd much prefer they just called the whole week off, so you could make some kind of plan for your life... than going to bed not knowing what is in store for tomorrow. I just feel foggy... it's like Groundhog's Day.  The same amount of time off as an intentional vacation just feels completely different.  I feel like I remember feeling on a day home sick from school...  confined to my room, watching old reruns of Laverne & Shirley on a small black & white TV... wishing I could enjoy the luxury of my day off but just feeling bored and antsy.  It's too cold to even play out in the snow. We've literally been housebound for DAYS on end.

If anything could mess with my mojo it's this... it is not having control over the course of my day.  I've been very aware of how important it is that I have a consistent routine... makes all the difference in terms of my eating and whether or not I feel I can fit a workout in.  But despite all of that, I did my 25th consecutive workout.  80 mins (I definitely had the time...).  I haven't gone off course diet wise either.  Not once.  I don't even feel an urge to. (although it is very clear that on chaotic days, I make more impulsive food decisions and waste calories that I just wouldn't use that way on a routine day... which may explain the weight gain over the last 3 years of completely chaotic days).  I don't really know why I can finally do it, or more importantly why I wasn't ready to before this (I clearly wasn't) .... but I'm doing it and it isn't even hard.  I'm not even doing anything new.  I'm literally doing the exact same thing that worked for me the first time.  Who'd a thunk it?  I'll never know why I needed to resist this for 3 straight years... I mean, keeping a food journal just really isn't that big of an ordeal.  But I'm happy I'm over it.  Whatever it was.

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