Constructive Criticism

I've been trying to flush out our travel wardrobes for our trip to Mexico at the end of the month.

My bathing suit is old, so I had ordered this one on sale:

not sure... but it was $20 total...so cheapness for the win... 

plus the white makes me look less white in comparison... win-win...

and the flying child distracts you from my mid-section... win-win-win

But anyway,

I was at Cost Plus World Market exchanging curtains when I found what I believed would be the perfect beach cover-up:

(pull out the magnifying glass, peeps)

And I was like... how can that not be fabulous?

It made me feel like I was going to Mexico.

(and I am)  

So, I bought it and brought it home.

I put it on and walked right out into my living room full of critics 

(not having seen myself first)

I was pretty confident that it looked as good as it felt.

Mr F immediately shouted out "Negatory!"

Which was a little harsh, and I was kind of in disbelief.

I mean, it is a cover-up, not an Oscar's dress.

"It feels like I'm light & breezy & drinking a Margarita." I countered, 

hoping if they could understand the motivations of my beach character they'd see the positives.

"No, it feels like you are some strange bird in a weird play."
Kid clarified.

"It is some kind of special horrible, I can't even describe."  Mr F added.

"It is like you are a flying squirrel.
It doesn't even say 'clothes'."  He continued.

At that point I decided to look for myself:

And it was everything they said.  

I couldn't even believe something that felt so 100% awesome on

could be so outrageously unflattering.

I might as well be 8 months pregnant in that.

What the HECK?!

"What if I wore it as a shirt without the bathing suit underneath?"
I asked, 

desperate to keep the Mexican beach dream alive.

"No!"  They shouted in unison.