Sucking It Up

I've noticed a trend around here... maybe you've noticed it too... every couple of weeks I hit a wall. I feel overwhelmed and tired. Then I feel a great push to get back on track. Then I get my mojo back. Then I start baking. Then I get tired and stressed. Then I hit a wall. Sounds familiar right? (And yes I'm fairly certain this cycle has at least a little to do with my... um.... cycle.)

Well, I know I've said it before, but enough is enough. I'm sick of the rollercoaster ride. You know when I didn't feel this way? That's right when I was losing weight. Why? Because I didn't let anything sway me from sticking to my diet and exercise routines. Not hormones. Not holidays. And you know what? I felt great. I had energy. I was proud of myself. I was.... a.... BADASS. Damn I miss those days.

I'm not "technically" trying to lose weight. Although I should say that instead of having a weight range of 109-112 I have found myself hovering at the VERY top end of that range (so yeah not exactly a range)... which might explain why my stomach looks pouchy in all my videos! And my body fat % is actually up and stuck at 22% which means those extra couple of pounds are pure fat. And we all know where I like to store my fat! So I guess I am technically trying to lose fat. And that isn't happening (in fact clearly I'm gaining fat) doing things the way I've been doing them.

I'm getting back on board. I'm going back to square one. I'm cutting out Mc Donald's, soda (yes I've had a couple this week), and baking like it was a full-time job. I'm going to (not just try to) get in 5-6 hours of cardio a week. And I am going to (not just say it but do it) to do two 30 minute pilates routines. If I bake (and even though I say I do it for the kids... I inevitably eat 8 of 12 muffins) I am going to limit myself to 2 servings of said baked good per day. I am going back to precise calorie counting (not guesstimating because I'm lazy or tired).

I'm not starting next week. I'm starting today. Right now. By June 7th (my birthday) I plan to be 20% body fat and a steady 109.

Enough Is Enough

I'm stopping the madness and I'm stopping it right now. I woke up this morning wanting to throw up.... and no.... not because I have the stomach flu. I'm pretty sure it is because I ate nearly an entire loaf of cinnamon streusel bread yesterday. I've been going pretty hog wild with the baked goods these days and I have got to step away from the oven.... NOW.

Some of you may know that during my weight loss phase I religiously kept a food diary. In December, after reaching my all time low, I actually suspended my food journaling because I found I was too food conscious and I was having a hard time eating enough food to maintain. Well let's just say I no longer have that problem. I had intended to take a reprieve until my weight went up.... but I can't wait that long. I feel like crap all the time and I find I am eating ridiculous amount of sugar and most likely fat. I'm making bad food choices just because I can... and at first that felt great and like I had earned it... and now I feel terrible and like I am letting myself down.

To be perfectly honest I expected my weight to go up as soon as I stopped journaling and didn't really put much thought into my diet assuming I'd be back to calorie counting in a matter of weeks. Well folks I'm throwing in the towel. When you find yourself sick because you couldn't stop eating a loaf of bread (that wasn't even good!) just because it is sitting there.... it is time to call it quits. Gorging on crazy amounts of baked goods was fun for a bit and now it is just disgusting. Today I'm going back to food journaling. Not because I need to lose weight but because I need to make better choices and keeping a dairy helps me do that. If you haven't tried keeping one before today... then today is the day. I promise you that just by writing down what you eat (not even figuring out the calories) you will eat less and make more informed choices. I promise.

So for this week I am going to start by tracking my food choices not my calories. If I feel that that is enough for me to turn this crazy carb fueled ship around then I will stick to that. If not then next week I will go back to tracking calories. Either way I am not going to be baking EVERY day. In fact I am not going to be eating "baked goods" at all. Or soda. Or McDonalds. I'm getting back on board and you can too.