Sunday, February 10, 2008

Enough Is Enough

I'm stopping the madness and I'm stopping it right now. I woke up this morning wanting to throw up.... and no.... not because I have the stomach flu. I'm pretty sure it is because I ate nearly an entire loaf of cinnamon streusel bread yesterday. I've been going pretty hog wild with the baked goods these days and I have got to step away from the oven.... NOW.

Some of you may know that during my weight loss phase I religiously kept a food diary. In December, after reaching my all time low, I actually suspended my food journaling because I found I was too food conscious and I was having a hard time eating enough food to maintain. Well let's just say I no longer have that problem. I had intended to take a reprieve until my weight went up.... but I can't wait that long. I feel like crap all the time and I find I am eating ridiculous amount of sugar and most likely fat. I'm making bad food choices just because I can... and at first that felt great and like I had earned it... and now I feel terrible and like I am letting myself down.

To be perfectly honest I expected my weight to go up as soon as I stopped journaling and didn't really put much thought into my diet assuming I'd be back to calorie counting in a matter of weeks. Well folks I'm throwing in the towel. When you find yourself sick because you couldn't stop eating a loaf of bread (that wasn't even good!) just because it is sitting there.... it is time to call it quits. Gorging on crazy amounts of baked goods was fun for a bit and now it is just disgusting. Today I'm going back to food journaling. Not because I need to lose weight but because I need to make better choices and keeping a dairy helps me do that. If you haven't tried keeping one before today... then today is the day. I promise you that just by writing down what you eat (not even figuring out the calories) you will eat less and make more informed choices. I promise.

So for this week I am going to start by tracking my food choices not my calories. If I feel that that is enough for me to turn this crazy carb fueled ship around then I will stick to that. If not then next week I will go back to tracking calories. Either way I am not going to be baking EVERY day. In fact I am not going to be eating "baked goods" at all. Or soda. Or McDonalds. I'm getting back on board and you can too.

28 comments:

Kelly O said...

Mrs. F, I can totally relate....!!! It sadly is the times that I am not journaling, that I somehow don't realize how much I can get into junk crap food that makes me feel like a bag of dung. Just this past fall, I I did it, I got rather cocky with how much I had lost and how well I've maintained. After moving into a new house, I had no idea how many times I'd ordered pizza, (justifying, well its just because I'm moving in...this is a one time thing... yea right) and Chinese and Oreo Cakesters, my nemesis. Then I go to have my housewarming party and WA-LAH my pants are tighter.
It was that very instance that got me totally back on track I'll tell you. I hired a trainer, I'm journaling and now blogging my daily workouts and eats, being accountable and learning....Yea i wish I could just eat and NOT keep track, eat healthy and be the perfect weight but big deal, I can't. Journaling and keeping track, is it that big of a deal? Heck no. And especially when your journaling and/or blogging can help and inspire success in others! As yours does Mrs. F!! So I thank you and applaud you!
Go Girl! Go!!!

Mrs. Furious said...

Kelly,
" I got rather cocky with how much I had lost and how well I've maintained"
BINGO

I'm getting it back on track. I'm not sure what would happen to my weight if I kept doing this I'm kind of surprised I haven't gained... but I will say my body fat % went up (damn it). And for me the whole journaling, blogging it, working out stuff is so related and with one of those pieces missing it just all goes to hell.
Plus I really really want to get down to my crazy 18% goal and I am going to have to start getting back on board and motivated to workout harder.
I think for me (and maybe you too) sometimes you really do just need to take a break to remind yourself that there is a price for all the freedom and that the work is worth it. Feeling better about yourself (not to mention feeling better) is worth the effort.
I'm back on track.

Kelly O said...

Mrs. F, you are so right. There is nothing better, in my opinion, than doing GREAT, kicking butt, and feeling like you are healthy and fit and can wear anything in your closet. Alternatively there is not a worse feeling than putting on a pair of jeans or whatever and having them be tight! Nothing worse than pigging out and then feeling physically sick from it, going WHY DID I DO THAT? It feels great to be in control and horrid to feel that you've lost it.

You Go Girl!

Mrs. Furious said...

Kelly,
Do you have a certain amount of protein you try to eat? I'm thinking of trying to change up the proportions of my diet. I think I read somewhere that you should shoot for the same number of grams that you weigh. Don't suppose you know anything about this?

Kelly O said...

Mrs. F ~ I too had recently read that you should eat the g of protein for the weight you want to be. If I want to be 115 pounds, I should aim for 115g of protein. I think it was on BuffMother.com that I read that. But my trainer is also advising me on my diet and when he analyzed what I'd been doing, he did want me to up my protein. So I have about 25g with my morning oatmeal, and he wants me having cottage cheese, egg whites, protein at lunch and dinner etc. and more vegies; fruit for a snack etc. I am going to be focusing heavy now on incorporating more protein - I'll keep you posted, as I think it really is the key overall. Plus its a one-two punch in that it is more filling....!

Julie said...

I was wondering how you managed to bake and not eat it all. I know you love to bake. I have been baking cookies lately for my boys (because I felt guilty that I never did) and I really have a hard time not eating the stuff...and I mean a lot of the cookies. Plus all the sugar and carbs make me feel sluggish and just make me crave more sugar.

Well, I am going to get my bloated butt (belly really) back on track. Plus I need to get back to the cardio challenge. I have been really inconsistent.

I love to ski and I have not been wanting to go the last few weeks because I feel bloated, fat and just heavy. My ski pants are really tight and since I go with my 2 boys, I need to manage them and their ski stuff, too. I told my husband that I think I am too fat to ski now.

Enough is enough for me as well.

Torey said...

Probably should have read this before I had two brownies for breakfast. . .

I actually did a food journal for Guppy for about a week right before his 9month appointment to make sure he was eating enough. I found it really helpful to know what he was eating through the whole day so I was sure he had enough of each food group.

Weight loss is not a goal of mine. I'm having trouble staying at a healthy weight while I'm breastfeeding, and my docs have told me to try to gain a little. I AM concerned with eating healthy foods, a balanced diet and getting into shape. Apparently skinny does NOT equal healthy. (Not bragging) I think that cooking and meal planning has helped me a bunch in this area. But I find that especially on days that I'm at work (with two boys. . .ugh) that I eat a lot of crap, drink a lot of coffee and soda, and then feel icky all day. So food journaling here I come!!!!

Do you write down drinks too?

Mrs. Furious said...

Kelly,
thanks for the info! Yes the whole thing about my weight loss is that I didn't really care what I was eating as long as I was in my calorie range and I knew eventually I'd have to make a change but while something works why fix it you know? Anyway.. clearly no longer working...
I'm going to try and figure out where I am at protein wise on a normal day and then I'll see what I need to do. 110 g of protein doesn't seem like too much since I'm eating about 2000 calories a day. And true enough it is more filling and I won't feel luck such shit all the time with my endless sugar crashes!

Mrs. Furious said...

Julie,
well before when I was "dieting" I didn't bake as much. I had my cookie dough balls and if I made a dessert I figured out the calories and only ate what I had allotted for myself.
Since December I've just been eating what I felt like eating... and I've been quite aware that when stressed or sad I DO want baked goods and soda. And that I will eat when I'm bored and just because it is sitting there etc and NOT because I'm hungry. When I was "dieting" I really only ate when I was hungry. I haven't gained because I think my calorie range is so ingrained in me that even though I eat tons of crap I'm probably not really going over much... I just eat the crap and don't eat other stuff.
Now I too have the guilt about not baking for the family (crazy). Make cookie dough and freeze it then just bake the # of cookies they will eat... that is the only solution I have come up with.

And I'm doing the cardio challenge this week. I'm doing 4 hour cardio 2 hour pilates.
Jazzercise burns over 400/hr if you could do that 4 times a week you'd be golden.

Mrs. Furious said...

Torey,
do it.
Yes I write down drinks that have calories. I really try to only have my 2 c of coffee as my caloric drinks.

And let me say the sooner you learn to make healthy eating a part of your life the better. You are young... one of my biggest regrets is not taking a real interest or making a real effort earlier when it is easier and your metabolism is still high. Sad to say but that won't always be the case 30 really does slow up the metabolism and if you already have good food and exercise habits down you won't be hit as hard by that rude awakening. And it is a RUDE awakening. I always could eat whatever the hell I wanted and then at 30 I started carrying weight where I never had carried it. So learn from my mistakes.

Kelly O said...

Mrs F, I'm seeing my trainer today at 4pm and am going to ask him about his thoughts. He is very knowledgeable (competes in bodybuilding professionally) and also isn't making $$ endorsing any product line, so he is objective too. And I do know it is scientifically proven that if you can get yourself off sugar and bad foods, you won't crave it. But once you start eating it, your body will want more and more. When you think about it, it really just means we have to be creative with cooking and planning, YES I love bread and pasta but I don't need to have it every day. And frankly I'm beginning to experience that the healthier I eat all the time, the more sick, physically sick I get if I eat CRAP.....totally not worth it. Yet Oreo Cakesters still call out to me those bastards.

angie said...

You sure it wasn't that freaky chinese food that you ate? :-)

I will join you on the food diary. I need to start eating more fruits and vegetables. I gave up pop (me giving up diet dr pepper) for Lent so that's making me more health conscious.

So, I'll join you over there. :-) Starting tomorrow.

BTW, protein...this is something i really struggled with when i was pregnant with Nate (esp because then i was still not eating much meat). I ate a Zone protein bar everyday for a snack. They have 20 grams of protein (weigh more than others, esp cliff bars and Luna) for = calories. ALl the books say that extra protein will increase your muscle mass.

Julie said...

Great idea about freezing the cookie dough and baking just a few at a time.

Plus, I just read your other post on Priorities. I always feel I am never with my children enough...like right now I am reading your blog. Oh, and I am at home full time and so emotionally attached to the kiddies so I know it is a huge guilt-driven thing. I am on the computer a lot. My mom was always in the other room sewing or reading and smoking. Sometimes my mom would be in bed when I got home from school and not even greet me...but that is a whole other story! :)

I actually tried to stay away from the computer yesterday and for part of the morning today. I want to put up my own blog, but I know that it could be a big committment. It is almost like I should have a plan before I create a blog. Yup, I could work on that plan while I do the photo albums and organize the thousands of pieces of artwork and other school stuff of my children.

Of course, now I feel slightly overwhelmed and geez, I have got to vacuum, sweep and all of that regular stuff. Arghhh...I hate clutter!

Feener mentioned the other bookclub moms' houses being more decorated, etc...same thing with most of the moms I know. Money and time are both issues regarding this for me. If I could just simply click and buy whatever for the different rooms in my house or hire someone else to paint or pull up rugs to reveal the wood floors...it would all be done right now. But I know we are still so much more fortunate than many so I really can't complain. Still, it would be so nice just to hire someone else to do some of the work we need to do around this house!

Julie said...

It's long comments like mine that probably take up so much more of your time, Mrs F!

For both of our sakes, I really should keep the comments a bit shorter!

PS I just fed my children doritos for lunch...so I could keep writing on this blog. I better go get them some organic yogurt to balance out that healthy meal:) But handing them one of those snack bags of doritos did save me time in the meal prep area:)

Mrs. Furious said...

Kelly,
yes ask him I'd be interested to know if the gram for pound ratio is correct.
I don't have any more weight to drop and I do expect I might have to gain (hopefully not much!) in order to increase my muscle mass and decrease my body fat%.
But I'm not going to be drinking any protein shakes!

Ugh and the shit wrecks havoc on my digestion... I mean how sick do I have to get EVERY day before I shut my mouth?!?
I will say that I already feel so much better and more in control just by starting the food journal.
I've made totally different and healthier choices all day.



Angie,
okay.
I think I'm going to open it up again since maybe people would like to do it.


Julie,
do you want to post your food diary on my food blog? I haven't been using it this whole time and all the original authors stopped. Looks like Angie is going to start up. I'll send you an invite then you can post when you want.
Fear not on the long posts... Baby is asleep and Kid is in her TV coma.
And as for the decorating I was just watching last weeks Oprah and the whole time I was just like "if only I could have a team of people come work for 48 hours straight and have it all done!"
Oddly I always feel I have one of the nicer houses of anyone I know. I mean sure the upstairs and basement look like shit... but I do have good taste ;) Which partly only makes it more frustrating because our house could be totally rocking if we just had the time to do what we need to do.

As for blogging. I say don't do it. Not now. You sound a lot like me and I think if you are already that stressed and guilt ridden it is just one more thing to add on the pile. I mean if you could blog and only check your comments a few times a day and not worry about who is reading it and who isn't and not post everyday then maybe I'd say go for it. But I think you'll be like me and then as much as there are good sides there are bad ones too. Just use my blog all you want... really... I don't mind. Of course do what you want I guess I'm still doing it so I'm not a very good example ;)

Julie said...

Mrs F, I would love to do the food diary blog. Yes, I think I should hold off on doing my own blog like you said. Totally agree.

Decorating...we have sort of an artsy bohemian thing going on, which is who we are more than the finished professionally decorated look that many of the moms I know go for. I think my house would "fit in" more back in Boston where we used to live. I would love to have me some of their extra funds to have someone pull up the ugly rugs upstairs and finish the wood floors. That would make me so happy.

Mrs. Furious said...

Julie,
a finished professionally decorated house = boring

I'll send you the invite

Heather said...

Once you get past the initial sugar detox, you'll feel 1000 times better, and the protein will fill you up. Really. Sometimes it took me an HOUR to eat lunch, vs. 5 seconds for a bag of cookies. :) More protein is super sneaky. I just wish it appealed to me right now, versus just carbs.

Haley said...

This was EXACTLY what I needed to read. I too have fallen off the food journaling wagon this past week, and I am petrified of stepping on the scale to see what it's done to my progress. But I have forcibly evacuated the cupcakes out of my kitchen and into my boyfriend's mother's fridge, so that was step one. Tomorrow morning, the journaling begins anew!

Mrs. Furious said...

Heather,
remember my protein during pregnancy warnings... crazy protein = giant baby with giant head = c-section. Just eat normally.


Haley,
oh I'm glad this was well timed motivation for you! If you want to join the food diary blog let me know.

Cara said...

Aside from keeping me in check, journaling really helps me make sure I am getting enough protein, etc. For some reason I can barely get in 60 grams of protein everyday. Weird. It forces me to focus on more protein rich foods, which is prob better for my health. and now I am rambling. good post.

Mrs. Furious said...

Cara,
interesting that makes me feel better about my protein for today. So far I'm at 66 g but that is definitely more than I was eating and it required a concerted effort. I'm not sure I can do 110 g.

Kelly O said...

Hey everyone,
I had my session with Mr. Jay (my trainer) and asked him about the "one gram of protein per pound of ideal body weight" and he was - well he had a flabbergasted, "I've never heard that one" look on his face. He said that the program he set up for me is around 130g of protein a day. Now I've set very high goals for myself, to lean out big time and hopefully do fitness competitions next year, so I would think the "general" woman public would clearly not need that much. However, everything, I mean EVERYTHING I read = more protein, better. Less sugar = better. Less processed crap = better. Focus on that, less on "actual amounts" and stay active..you should be fine right?

Mrs. Furious said...

Kelly,
Thanks!
Fitness competitions?!? That is fabulous. What body fat % are you going for... or do you know?
I'm only at 73 g for today. I think I'm going to shoot for 100. I only weigh 110 so I don't know how crazy I want to go. I'm definitely not going to be competing!

Kelly O said...

Well, the title of my blog is, Aim High, and that is my theme this year. Why shoot low? My dream goal and I really should ask Mr. Jay what he thinks, but I'd love to get to 12% body fat or close to it. I'm not looking to live my life around a number.....just goals to shoot for. I'm realizing this year how much more capable I am than I thought, because my trainer pushes me....it shows me that we all can do so much more than we think - just have to get the mindset. Then anything is possible!

Mrs. Furious said...

Kelly,
go for it! I completely agree that your only limitation is in your mind.
So what is your current body fat%?

Kelly O said...

Mrs. F,
I took my own body fat measurement with one of those odd digital things, it showed me at 21 or 22%? But I had Mr. Jay take my body fat and weight when we first started - and I asked him not to tell me. I don't want to know my weight or body fat until I feel I've reached my part one of my goals. I'm such a paranoid freak that if I hear a # I don't like, I'll obsess over it. So I'd rather not know for now. Later,I have no problem saying I went from this to that but for now, I'm just shooting for continually getting smaller, leaner and stronger!!!

Mrs. Furious said...

Kelly,
Well I'll be very interested when you reach your goal how long it took etc. I'm about 21% right now and it is not budging. Of course I'm nursing and I don't know if that is making it harder for me or not. I'm hoping for 18% but that is totally arbitrary. I too just want to be my fittest leanest self.

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