They're Not Sleeping; They're Crashing

When we bought our house, Kid got an unusually long bedroom with amazing closets. Partly, because she is a hoarder collector.

When the movers delivered our stuff a lot of it was just placed on the floor to ceiling shelves in one of her closets. And so her closet has been mostly useless as a functioning space, due to the overwhelming project of sorting what all was placed in there and why.

I always wanted to turn that into an amazing built in desk. The simple construction of the shelving, just two boards placed front to back placed on side supports meant we could theoretically knock off the front board leaving book shelf width shelving floor to ceiling and leave one double board shelf as a desk. You follow? Mr F didn't. He always wants to overcomplicated projects, which means they stagnate. It stayed like that for 18 months.

Kid is not so much a hoarder as much as she is sentimental. Having two major moves at so young of an age, meant that a lot of little things carried a tremendous amount of meaning for her, reminding her of certain houses we've had, or friends, schools, etc. Which is all totally appropriate ways of dealing with transition and loss.

So this closet was filled with weird odds and ends, her boxes of stuff she didn't want to let go of, books, curtains that don't work in this house... stuff.

Finally, I convinced Mr F to just try it my way.

That meant we had to clear everything out and sort it. Which made Kid's room impassable. We did find tons of age appropriate books for Baby... bonus... and kind of sad that they are growing up so quickly. So then we carted it all to my room where I thought I'd have more space to sort. Which made my room impassable.

Mr F obsessed over the shelves for a weekend, trying to decide which individual ones were flattest and smoothest for the desk.

Then I went to IKEA and spent $20 on storage boxes.

And my dream came true...


Kid and I sorted all her momentos into specific boxes, one for Ann Arbor, one for Asheville, one for Disney World, one for Brownies, one for greeting cards, a current one she can put stuff in.

It's totally awesome. If she wants to think about Asheville she can get down the box and go through it and then put it back.

There was also plenty of trash mixed in that we sorted through and got rid of last night.

Kid was sitting on my floor reading an airline safety brochure.

"You don't need that." I said.

Yes, I do." Kid replied firmly.

"No, you don't, they have them on every plane." I said, kind of concerned that she might start obsessing about airplane safety.

"Yes, I do, I need my own." Kid said.

"No, you don't, every seat has one." I tried.

"Well, I took this one, so what if someone took the one for my seat." Kid explained.

"Fine." I gave up.

About an hour later Kid comes into the kitchen holdling the pamphlet.

"Why do they tell you how you have to sleep? I mean why do you have to hold your kid in your lap or hold onto the other seat?" Kid asks.



"Um... they're not sleeping." I reply, laughing nervously.

Yay!

Found out our driveway repair will be covered (most likely).

Awesome!

Not awesome that when the adjuster came last Friday, they didn't notice the tree on the house (?!!!?!?!?!). WTF?

Which means it's going to be a while before we can start to get the house rebuilt/repaired.

3/15 Tornado

I have no idea why the audio is off sync.  Oh well, you get the gist.

There Are So Many Things I Want To Say....

One is... WHAT THE FUCK?!!!!

It's hard. It's hard to wrap your mind around something so violent yet so short lived.

Something so localized and selective.

The world wants to move on so quickly, when I want to yell
"AN F3 JUST TORE THROUGH MY LIFE!!!!"

If you didn't live in it's direct path, it's like it didn't happen.

Our neighbor's? Not a twig was moved by it. Not a fucking twig. The vacant house in foreclosure across the street... that could actually afford roof damage?... Not a thing. The vast majority, even in our small town, is completely in tact.

But it hit us.

And it's hard to deal with.

Things are getting cleaned up, but it's still so traumatic.

Emotionally.

And every time we look out the windows there are huge reminders.

Huge holes.

It happened. And you remember. The terror. It was real.

Yes, it could have been worse, but right in your face, right across the street, is the reminder that it also could have been better.

The Aftermath

Our Yard Before:
(obviously from summer)




AFTER 3/15 Tornado:
That tree in leaf you see in the above photo is what you see now against the house:


House after Clean Up:




Yard After Tornado:



Yard After Clean Up:





A HUGE thank you to all of the wonderful, generous, community volunteers that donated their time, effort, & food yesterday. We are overwhelmed and amazed at both the response and what was accomplished in such a short time. We anticipated that we'd be digging out of this for a long time coming. Now we are all set for the professional crews to come in and pull out the root balls, fill in the holes, take down the shorn off trees, and fix our house! This clean up effort saved us thousands and thousands of dollars! We are so grateful to everyone that came out. We REALLY couldn't have done this on our own. We thought we'd be lucky if we got the tree off the house this weekend... I can't believe the kids can actually play in their yard again. Such a gift of normalcy for them that they really needed. They were scared to come home, and begged me not to make them, for fear of what everything would be like. Things are weird, for sure, it will take time, but not seeing the trees all over the place helps them to forget a little of how scary & terrible it was. So, thank you, you made a difference.

Footage of Tornado filmed 3 blocks from our house, right before it hit us

Tornado Clean Up Information

For all who are interested or planning to come out and help, THANK YOU. Matt will be there onsite. We finally got called by a volunteer crew with trucks that are coming by tomorrow afternoon to help haul the trees out. If you are planning to come, and can come tomorrow AM and early afternoon, the more we can get cut before they come the more they can take. We will also need as much help on Sunday as possible to clean up after them, and continue clearing. We have heard that insurance will not cover any of the tree/yard damage and we are looking and thousands of dollars worth of tree removal & landscaping to fill the huge root ball holes, regrade our yard, fix our driveway, etc. In fact, our home owner's insurance will only pay to remove the part of the tree on the house... unbelievable! Any help we can get that can help us reduce those out of pocket bills would be GREATLY appreciated.


Address and phone contact in comments.

And a big thank you to everyone who has reached out and plans to come. I'm sorry that I won't be there to meet you and thank you personally. The girls are having a really hard time and I don't think I can leave them, right now.

footage of the tornado & aftermath

video of damage

This video was shot by someone in our driveway, that's me you hear and it opens looking in our front yard then spans around to the street and the house across the street. This does not show our house which is a fair ways up behind me... but I think you get the gist of the destruction.

Tornado

We were hit by that tornado that tore through Dexter, MI yesterday. Hands down most frightening experience of my life. We are all safe. Our yard is filled with huge mature trees (why we bought the house, of course). Unfortunately the majority were shorn off or uprooted. What house damage we have is from a massive Maple being thrown against it. Only exterior house & yard damage, thankfully. Well.... And psychological. I mean, I literally felt it go over the house as I held the basement bathroom door shut. It was surreal, I thought ... "So this is what it's like, it's happening". But nothing could prepare me for what I saw outside it was apocalyptic.
Pictures to come... I don't know how to do this from my phone.

We are at my mother's until we can get power back & assess the safety of everything.

But I will say, thankfully, we bad a prepared tornado safe room & a practiced an with the kids. Including getting on their boots & bike helmets... Believe it.... Those save lives & prevent injuries from flying debris & ground debris after the storm. Thank God I had signed up for the emergency weather alerts on my phone. Because the tornado hit our house AFTER the sirens shut off. If not for the weather alert warning to stay down longer I might have let the kids up. I barely made it down in time, when I saw that the wind was blowing one way out of the west side of the house and the other way out of the east. Probably 15 seconds later it hit.

Not sure we'll be able to afford private school now...

I Should Say...

So much stuff, other than paleo, is going on around here, these days.

We've been applying to schools.

What?

Yes, you read that right.

This has been STRESSFUL, but also exciting.

Homeschooling has been great during this time, but it was never our forever life plan.

With Baby starting elementary school, it is a good time for us to find a great school for BOTH girls.

Kid is very excited (and nervous) about it, she always loved school, and she does miss having kids around her all day.

I think, I've done right by her these last couple of years and it's time to move on to a new challenge.

I know she's at a place academically where she can preform in a traditional school setting, and we're hopeful this can work and be a fulfilling experience, academically and socially.

We've been all over the board on this, and finding a good fit for both of the girls has been challenging.

But I think, as of this afternoon, we've (I've) made one.

Out of left field, though it may be, tomorrow we're submitting an application for a conservative religious school.

Believe it.

(some of you could probably see this coming a million miles away)

Sure, there is some stuff we would not choose (like daily devotional & weekly chapel) but what I KNOW is that every school has something you would not choose.

(Like her old hippie school where a mom swore to the kids that there were werewolves. Thanks.)

Having a superior playground is all that mattered to the girls.

Baby looked out at it while I was in the office finishing up our tour, and when we walked out she said...

"I am definitely going here!"

Also, the greatest Kindergarten room set up I have ever seen. Awesome. Awesome. Baby's mouth fell open.

It's amazing what a whole bunch of church funding can do for a school.

Awesome, fully stocked library & computer lab? Check.

Huge brand new gymnasium? Check.

Music room... like a REAL one with stands for the choir? Check.

Art room... foreign language (this has gone missing almost everywhere else)... small class size, only one class per grade... did I mention the playground?... holy crap it was nice... yearly musical.... the whole nine yards.

Gym EVERY day.

and UNIFORMS.

Did I ever tell you how much I love uniforms? Love 'em.

Oh, and it's the cheapest private school I have ever come across. Both kids can go for LESS than one at any other area school. Half of one. It's insane.

After looking at weird hodgepodge programs, and bizarro charter school wackiness... this place was like a gift from God.

hahahahaha.

Anyway, I thought it was interesting how the girls had really hated the other schools we saw (you could feel the disorganization) and then they walked in here and everything was structured and organized, and you could see what everything was and how it would be, and they were both totally into it. Which I suppose isn't too surprising, since that is how I felt as well.

Having gone to private schools, this school finally felt like a real school to me.

The downside is that I will have to drive 1/2 hour & back to pick up Baby from Kindergarten at 12 (oh yeah, half day!!!!!! the driving is worth it) and then a 1/2 hour there and back at 3. But if all goes well for Kid there, the next year they'll both be full time.

And I can get a job.

I've been kind of yearning for one, for quite some time.

I just try to keep it on the down low.

So this coming year, I can hopefully get my feet wet with some volunteer work at an agency I'd like to work with later.

Guilty Conscience

"I noticed you bought yourself a couple of bags of almonds." Kid says.

"Yeah." Mrs F replies.

"I wonder what they taste like?" Kid asks.

"You've had almonds before; I think you like them. You can try them." Mrs F answers.

"Okay, good, because I felt bad about it, but I did try one." Kid clarifies.

"Oh, that's fine, they're healthy." Mrs F returns.

"I also noticed you bought some dark chocolate covered almonds..." Kid adds, then bursts out laughing.

Cookie Caper

Someone stole our troop's cookies from our town's cookie cupboard.

Equal parts hilarious and infuriating.

So...

NON PALEO THINGS:



There, now that that is out of the way...

PALEO THINGS:
Things have gotten a bit harder. No, I haven't slipped, but a weaker man might have. The first week went swimmingly, but once Mr F jumped on the Paleo bandwagon we were blowing through the food much faster... and I was getting frustrated with how much cooking and prep work I have to do to keep us both fed. Also, I started getting hungry. Really hungry. Really, really, hungry. And while I'm not calorie restricting (on purpose), eliminating so many foods does mean, that you kind of run out of choices. So, that's the real deal on that. It's a lot of work to do this. Keep that in mind. And you'll want to really think through what things you can ALWAYS have on hand for a little variety and ease of food to face for those times.

Also, it's expensive. You need to eat a LOT more vegetables and protein to equal the same satiety that you'd get from a typical grain based diet. We're also going to the grocery store nearly everyday. Yesterday, I had to go twice. Hopefully, there is a learning curve here and I'll get better and planning, but also, there is the reality that your fridge can only hold so many heads of cabbage, etc., at once. At the end of the day, I think eating this way is worth the expense... also you won't be going out to eat so there is a saving on that end.

On the plus side, we are both eating more healthfully than EVER before. It's mind blowing. I can't believe Mr. F's sticking to it, to be honest. I think it's because Dr. Oz convinced him he's one step away from a heart attack (truth). Also, my digestion literally changed over night. Period. So, clearly, there is something in my regular diet that was tearing my insides apart. Mr F. also *thinks* his digestion is better ... so who knows what that means. As a result of our major vegetable focus (our plates are about 2/3 vegetable 1/4 protein 1/12 fat) the girls are also eating TONS more as well. As I predicted, Kid often eats the Paleo version, and loves the new coconut smoothies and Paleo muffins (weird but true). So it's a definite win for overall health.

On the weight loss front, I am losing, but (damn I really wish I'd weighed first... and why didn't I write down my weight last week?... I thought I'd remember... I don't!) I'm not breaking any records. My best guess is 1-2 pounds a week. For the amount of trouble (and recent hunger) I would like to see something bigger, but, truthfully, that's a fairly good consistent loss for someone in my condition. I am also down 1% body fat, which has been nearly impossible for me budge this whole past year, even with a bigger weight loss. So I think that is a positive, and speaks to a slower, but real, fat loss (I hope). Mr F weighs in on Saturday. I expect him to have better numbers because he is a man. What I can say is, for a fact, I have lost tummy fat. P.S. I'm also getting 4+ hours of cardio & about an hour of pilates each week.

What am I eating?
breakfast: 2 eggs scrambled with turkey, tomatoes, peppers & spinach
or 2 sausage links & a Paleo Muffin
or 2 Paleo Muffins (recipe to follow)
hot tea (note I was able to give up coffee with no side effects... that has never happened before)

1st snack: smoothie (1.5 C coconut milk & 1 frozen banana & various frozen fruits or berries), this makes enough for 2 smoothies

lunch: dinner leftovers

2nd snack : hot tea & a Paleo Muffin (really struggling to find another fast snack... this is it for now)

dinner: spaghetti squash w/ tomato meat sauce & garlic sauteed broccoli
pork carnitas served over black beans w/ salsa & quacamole
curried butternut squash soup w/ bacon garnish & cabbage rolls (stuffed with seasoned ground beef)
thin cut pork chops w/braised cabbage, onion, apple and bacon & peas
BBQ pulled chicken w/ coleslaw
chili
cajun seasoned chicken, shrimp, zucchini, peppers & tomato stoup
sesame ginger chicken & broccoli saute over spaghetti squash
you get the picture!
(Most dinners I make along with rice or pasta to serve to the girls)

dessert: coconut milk tapioca pudding,
you can buy So Delicious coconut or almond milk frozen desserts but they have more sugar in them

If I'm still hungry later I might eat some pistachios, a piece of fruit, or another freaking muffin if I haven't had more than 2 already.


Paleo Muffins


preheat oven to 350

1.75 C almond meal (Trader Joe's has pretty cheap almond meal)
1/3 C sweetener (I'm using 1/4 C coconut palm sugar & 1-2 T molasses)
2 t baking powder
1/2 t salt
spices if using (for pumpkin muffins I use ginger, cinnamon, nutmeg & clove... just shake 'em in there go light on the clove!)
blend together
add 2 beaten eggs
1 C pumpkin puree (can use mashed banana instead)
1/2 t vanilla
Stir together
add coconut milk until you reach desired muffin consistency (1/2 C or more usually)
Stir in dried cranberries or raisins if you wish

Bake for 20-25 mins until a toothpick comes out clean.

Remove from pan and cool.

These will be very moist and will not dry out. They are even better after they've set for a bit.

2 muffins is a little more than 1 oz of nuts, so if you are going nut crazy in your other meals you might not want to eat a ton of muffins, too. Made with pumpkin these are a pretty good nutritional powerhouse. They satisfy that grain based carb vibe without having any in them. I have mine at about 130 cal a piece depending on what I put in them that time... if you stick to the dry ingredient measurements you can really experiment around with these. You can add more or less sweetener (less if using banana... 1/4C should do it), spices, stir ins, you could take out the puree and add more liquid, etc. Once you get a feel for them you'll be comfortable with how to change them around. Most Paleo muffin recipes I found had 3-4 eggs which was kind of gross and very eggy, mine have a much better and more traditional muffin tooth to them. If these are too moist you can drop it down to one egg and the recipe will still work, you'll just need to add a little more liquid to your batter.

In Case You Were Wondering...

Since Saturday morning I've been completely grain free. I also haven't had to contend with my usual morning rocket-fuel-enema since then either. Which is a very good thing.

The digestive change was immediate... so... something to ponder. I've done every kind of elimination diet, and I just have never been able to figure out what triggers me. Which left me wondering if maybe it was hot food... sounds crazy... but seemed to be a factor. Cold food didn't bother me to the same level (usually). But eating only cold cereal didn't really change things. So then I thought maybe it's the HOT coffee.... because iced coffee didn't seem to add the rocket fuel to the breakfast clean out ;) But then I'd go off coffee and still have problems. Confused? Yes, I was too. Everything I tried seemed to work, but only under certain conditions.

Well, I've been drinking hot coffee every morning (still with half & half, that & butter are my only dairy), and I've been eating hot breakfast EVERY morning, and I've had no issues.

What is most interesting about this digestive change is that I'd actually been wheat free for 3 full years in the past (and for a period, completely gluten free) and been tested for celiac (negative) and I was still having digestive issues. They were improved, but not in any way cured, so eventually I went back to a regular diet. The whole thing has been confounding, and I've really tried to get answers. That's why, hitting my head against the wall I thought, could it really be hot fucking coffee? But here I am drinking coffee. And it's hot. And I'm not having my weird panicky hot flashes, shakes, and urgent bathroom visits. Imagine that EVERY morning for 20 years. It got to the point where, despite Mr F's extreme love of restaurant breakfasts, that we'd never go because I knew it would be like I'd been food poisoned for several hours afterward.

TMI, I know, but I also know that there are a lot of people out there that can relate.

What is most interesting is that it didn't take 14 days for the toxin to leave my body, the change was immediate. Also, my energy throughout the day is MUCH improved, I've been able to get back to my after dinner workouts and I'm not dragging myself down there. I should note that I've removed all white sugar (still have stevia & coconut sugar in my coffee & my muffins), so I know that helps, but since I'm not totally sugar free I haven't had any hard time adjusting. I also don't wake up famished, and don't need to snack all night (helps that there is nothing really to snack on!). I've also grown a long silky mane and a sparkly horn (just kidding). Not sure about weight loss, I didn't weigh myself first (d'oh!), but I do feel lighter. I'm not joking, I'd have thought I had lost 5 pounds... the truth is that I've, maybe, lost a pound or two (again can't be sure, but definitely not more than that). I'll know better from this point forward.

I really didn't need to ease into this. I think it helps that I'm not a dairy person to begin with (I don't drink milk, eat cheese, like yogurt or ice cream... believe it), and I've already done wheat free eating for a long time, so I kind of knew what to expect & that I could tolerate it. It also, certainly, helps that I have the ability to cook 3 meals a day. But I haven't been cranky, or hungry, or having withdrawal headaches... as I have had when doing other elimination diets.

Things are going so well that Mr F went to Whole Foods for lunch and bought himself a rotisserie chicken and a bag of carrots. He really cracks me up, sometimes. He's going Paleo starting today. Seeing before & after pictures of men's guts proved to be very influential ;)

Unfortunately, I've also already had 2 migraines... so... it's not a miracle cure.

It's Happening, People

First Paleo breakfast:
Eggs scrambled with onion, spinach, tomato, and turkey served with a almond meal & banana muffin.

Of course, Kid ate it and LOVED it. She was born to go Paleo.

Baby had this:

She was born to eat cookies off the floor.

Although, this afternoon even she helped herself to one of the muffins, and ate the whole thing. It's basically just banana, almonds & eggs... and seeing as she won't eat eggs or almonds... it's a win! Must make more.

This has been something I've thought about for quite awhile. I have long felt that the Paleo diet might make me feel better. I've been pretty sick lately & I'm just sick of breakfast causing serious digestive ailments every. single. morning. (for nearly 20 fucking years) and the migraines. I'm not going to be pure, though. My take is: no grains, no dairy, minimal unrefined sweeteners (just got some coconut palm sugar)... but I'm not ruling out legumes. I think they are too healthy & convenient to give up. Potatoes, corn, grains, sugar?... sure, I'm a believer... but lentils? hummus? black beans? No, I don't buy it. I don't over do the beans (and I'm actually anti-soy already) so I don't think the potential negatives out weight the positives. I'm also not going to make red meat a main protein, I'll stick with chicken & lean pork. I've never digested red meat very easily... and I'm trying to get better not worse. I'm taking a couple of weeks to ease into it, going for as many Paleo meals as possible each day (breakfast, dinner & snacks today... still using up existing food at lunch) while researching more recipes. I think the key to success will be stocking up my freezer over the next couple of weeks so that I'll be able to easily have lunch food & snacks at the ready. I think dinners will be pretty easy for me to adjust and still serve a grain for the kids.

Mr F claims he's going to go Paleo. I'm not holding me breath.

Maybe I'll also lose 15 pounds.

(Pretty please)

P.S. I'm loving THIS SITE for Paleo recipes. And just over all design.

On Insight and Supersight

Yesterday, while driving Kid to drop off Girl Scout cookie orders, we had an interesting conversation. During our years as a family, we've come across more than a few families that allow their children to have as much (or more) power than the parents. This has a lot of ramifications, but most notably, I find, are tantrums (long past toddlerhood), anger, and rudeness.
Anyway... this is what Kid had to say about it...

"If you are a kid and you are allowed to make all the decisions, your brain starts to think 'Control! I love being in charge!', when actually, NO, it's making you super stressed out and angry." Kid sums up for me, from the back seat.

Preach it, sister.

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"Look into my eyes." Baby asks mysteriously.

"How many eyes do I have?" Baby prompts.

"Two." Mrs F replies.

"Look harder." Baby commands.

Paczki Day

"Do we celebrate Fattening Day?" Baby asked me excitedly last week.

"You better believe it." I reassured her

Bachelor Breakdown

"Dad! Courtney gets to go to a Mayan Temple; she doesn't deserve it!" An enraged Kid updates Mr F.

"Actually... she does." Kid continues, then breaks out in maniacal laughter.

Weekend Updates

Just finished making this super cute and easy felt Valentine's Day project for the girls:

(original found here)

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The Furious Fam just discovered Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader. (Pretty much, YES.) Mr F is inordinately into himself about it, though. I mean he's taking it very seriously... which I find to be both humorously embarrassing and moderately ANNOYING. I mean, it's not exactly Jeopardy.

Baby said, after answering something right, "I am smarter than a fifth grader... which means I'm smarter than a noodlecorn (unicorn)!" "I guess." I replied. "Noodlecorns are very smart." Baby returned sternly. Oh.

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If we are gone from the house for more than an hour or two, we'll come home to this...

It turns out our new cat Big Boy thinks he's a dog. He's obsessed with that Marie stuffed cat and that yellow duck. He gets them out every time.

I mean have you ever seen a cat carrying around large stuffed animals? It cracks me up!
For comparison purposes this is Marie next to our largest cat toy...
He's such a gentle giant, though.

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I've been sticking to our new $75/week grocery budget with no problem! One tip I've found for myself, is that I do better shopping at our more expensive grocery store (ironic)... since I'm more on guard there and do better sticking to the bare minimum of what I need. When I go to our big local grocery/everything store (which I consider to be a better priced store for most things) I always buy more than I intended, even if the basics are a bit cheaper there are more distractions and I find it much harder to stick to my basic list.


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I've not been working out. Ugh. I need to start back from scratch... AGAIN. I hate how quickly you can lose your motivation and then it feels like you never did it. I mean, how did I do this every day? It seems like someone else's life. And yet I know that once I start again, it will seem easy to fit in, and I'll wonder why I ever stopped. Such a vicious cycle... and the starting is the hardest part.


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That's all for now.