I'm not allowed to not like where I live... it is offensive to everybody who lives anywhere within a 10 hour drive of here.
No... seriously. It seems that people have strong feelings about Asheville. And here is the deal... I just got here! Give me a few days I'm sure I'll get used to it. It's not personal... really. I've just uprooted myself and my kids from my family and friends, with hardly a month's notice, to a place I had never been. To a place that is more of a city, and a bit more rundown, and a tad more expensive. The pawn shop, gun shop, used appliance store, and the "Gang Free Zone" signs on the public school a few blocks away aren't helping. The large daily cinnamon bun from the bakery up the street is. It is an adjustment. But is it not at all possible that Asheville isn't a "step up" from everywhere else in the world? I'm wondering... I mean really... isn't it at all possible that where we moved from was in fact nicer? Just putting that out there.
36 comments:
Eek. I was afraid that would happen cause of your post the other day. When I moved down to the south in 1996, there were all kinds of stereotypes by me and about me; it was very very hard to adjust and frankly I was just not up for it. I was just out of college and got another job up north as soon as I could. I think I'd feel differently now. But I think people in the south are a wee sensitive about criticism (just an observation from my own experiences). You WILL adjust and acclimate; I'm positive of it. It just make take some time. Which is OK too. Find the new normal, your library, the grocery store, the nearby park, and focus on developing a routine. Explore new areas of the city frequently. That's my best advice for acclimating quickly.
What's going on? Are people giving you a hard time for not being in instantly in love with Asheville? It was a huge move for you and your family.
Yikes on the "gang free zone" signs at the local school.
I still can't believe you guys just moved...it was a whirlwind.
Yeah I didn't see the defensiveness coming.
I'll adjust and when Kid starts school and we have a regular schedule it will help.
Julie,
I guess I was seen as being "anti-South" as a whole. I actually pushed one reader (whom I always liked) over the edge and they stopped blogging. I'm pretty sure I was keeping it neighborhood related in general.
I didn't think of it as anti-South. More like, holy crap, where the hell am I...I was just in Ann Arbor a second ago. Plus, it is a huge change. You are from up north and you are in the deep south. Just different. One is not better than the other. Just different.
Wow, I am so surprised people would take such offense and stop blogging over it. It takes time to adjust to new places...especially when it is not all about you, but also your kids.
On another note, did Mr F have a visitor while you were away (I am trying to be evasive, but that is not really possible. I just left a comment somewhere else and saw your posts there...what the hell???)
I am 100% behind you and completely feel your pain. When Ken and I moved to SC from TX we kept the truck packed for four days because we were considering turning around and going back....and I really didn't fit in in TX. (If I knew how to type in bold that last sentence would have been in bold.)
Take your time, I get it...
Julie,
Oh it is possible. I'll email you.
Kiki,
thank you for that comment... all of it :)
Mrs F, you can like whatever you want, and dislike whatever you want. If your inlaws didn't stop you from blogging, then nothing will!! I do think you'll adjust. I can't even imagine the chaos of moving your whole family like y'all did. That would throw anyone for a loop.
I wanted to ask if you've discovered the crazy u-turns. I thought Michigan lefts were bad, but then I saw (and participated in) the crazy NC u-turns and realized we have it easy!
Julie has me curious. . .she's too evasive!
hang in there. it will take time and you will find the good things. as for the haters, f(&*&^ em.
Ooh, sorry. My comment probably didn't help either. I tried very hard to keep saying the word "different" and not say what I was REALLY wanting to say. So I guess I helped "generalize" the south. Sorry Mrs. F.
That being said, you can have whatever fucking feeling you want about any place, anywhere. Good LORD! Get a grip people. The north and the south are very DIFFERENT. If you come from one and are plopped into the other one .. it takes time to adjust. Different doesn't mean good or bad it just means different.
And holy shit Mrs. F! How dare you not welcome gun shops and paun shops with open fucking arms?!
I cannot stand when people act like this. I'm apologize for my mouth, but last time I checked, we were in America and had um .. what was it? Oh yeh, FREE WILL.
Feel free to delete this comment. I don't want to cause more of a problem, but I had to get it off my chest.
Mrs. F - you don't have to apologize for your feelings. We can't help or change the way we feel. Your blog is a place for you to write how you are feeling. And if you are feeling stressed or unhappy about your move, you should by all means blog about it.
I don't know what blogger got their panties all in a wad, but to stop blogging becuase you don't like Asheville (yet) is the stupidest thing I have heard in a while.
For the record, I am from Texas, which I consider South even though it is not "deep south," and I was not offended by your comments. I would probably feel the same way if I all of the sudden had to move up North. It is different. It's ok to be different. It just takes a little bit of time to get used to the change.
Oh I so feel you.
I live outside of ghetto New Orleans and I'm not allowed to not like it here either. I was told I'm a snob and clearly think my poo does not stink because I hate it here.
I'm sorry but when you have to find the money to send your child to Catholic school (and this is whether you are Catholic and this is a priority or not) due to the plight of the public schools THERE IS A PROBLEM.
I guess it's not cool to name names, but who quit blogging? You mean that person quit blogging on their own space or just commenting on yours? That just doesn't make sense. I didn't notice that much controversy, just a few posts after your video but as many were supportive as negative. Crazy!
Wow, Mrs. F - I just watched your video. You must be getting some crazy email! I'm sorry for the angry reader(s) and I'm so sorry for the living situation you find yourself in. It's hard enough to move to a whole new place, let alone when it turns out not to be what you had hoped/expected.
This is what I mean in my previous comment: everyone was SO sensitive and quick to call me a "snob" when I would point out cultural or just differences in general during my very short stint in the south. I realize this does not mean the WHOLE south, and actually I'm still considering relocating to Charlotte someday -- my company offered it (don't tell my brother!). And I think it would be fine; an adjustment for sure, but fine.
Sounds like your neighborhood is in gulp, transition. I'm sorry for the buyer's remorse. That sucks.
I have moved around a lot, and have lived in the Northeast, the South, and the Midwest. One thing that was the same about each of the places I lived was that I hated it as soon as I got there. Things always got better, but that doesn't mean that the things I hated went away (although hopefully some of it does for you, if the neighborhood is on its way up). It's just that the good stuff, the stuff I built my life out of, took over. I just had to get through the suckiness until that happened. And eventually the suckiness was funny. (Moving to Minnesota in January? Funny. Purchasing an apartment that is so small the kitchen doesn't even have drawers, and we have to keep the silverware on a shelf? Funny.)
Just my $.02.
Oh, Mrs. F. I would think anyone would understand that this is such a big change and it all happened so quick without you really being able to get to see and know the area. That would be hard for anyone regardless of where they moved. North and South are definitely different, and whether one is better or worse is always going to be in the eye of the beholder. I know some southern transplants up here who still hate the pace we new englanders tend to move at. You'll adjust. And if the fit isn't right, nothing has to be forever. Hoepfully everything will start to feel better once you get some rooms in the house painted! Stay strong!
so sorry people are offended by the truth! i have lived in the south my whole life and wasn't offended at all. i know what it's like...the smoking, the abandoned buildings, and many of the schools. the truth is, no matter how long you are in a place, you will most likely always dislike certain aspects or parts, but in time you will find things that you love also. i am sure this has been the case in many, if not all of the places that you've lived. good luck with all of it!
anyway, i have been searching for recipes because i will be starting a diet/exercise plan next week. i came across yours and plan to try a few. i actually used your cobbler recipe and made it last night for some friends. it was a huge hit. delicious!!! seriously...my favorite cobbler yet. thanks so much for sharing it!
I sympathize with you Mrs. F. I guess ANYplace in comparison to Ann Arbor is going to be a HUGE transition. Maybe that's why this is so tough. Because basically Ann Arbor is supernatural. The residents pay for it in extremely high property tax, but what they get is an attractive and safe place they can call home. My point is not to make you homesick though, so I'll stop. I'm sure things will work out for you in Asheville. You'll find your groove, and figure out a way to make things work. Change is not fun, buy you are a savvy woman. You will conquer this.
I'm still considering relocating to Charlotte someday -- my company offered it
Do it!
Pete and I can pool our ADD medicine!
suzy,
Ann Arbor wasn't exactly all that and a bag of chips either...
The only place we've lived that lived up to the hype was New York City.
It took YEARS for us to like Ann Arbor.
Frankly, the best thing going for Asheville right now is we already know more neighbors than we did in Ann Arbor—after seven years! People really ARE friendlier.
Plus I have a job with actual peers our age as opposed to years of consulting from home (recipe for reclusivity) and then a job with seven 50-plus year-old women.
We have a social network already gelling.
Frankly, the best thing going for Asheville right now is we already know more neighbors than we did in Ann Arbor—after seven years! People really ARE friendlier.
Not counting Angie and Midge, of course. But seriously, it's like we are famous or something. Everyone on the block knew we were coming and has stopped to introduce themselves.
When we moved to Ann Arbor we were struck by the fact that nobody even made eye contact when you passed on the street, to say nothing of actual speech.
Jen,
"One thing that was the same about each of the places I lived was that I hated it as soon as I got there."
lol... yeah... it's true...I hated Ann Arbor when we first moved there too! Every adjustment is just that and it takes time.
No drawers?!
RAH,
Thanks for the back up :)
and I"m glad you liked the cobbler!
Suzy,
Ooh I'm happy about your comment since it gives some validity to what I'm saying re: the differences!
Torey,
I'm working up to blogging about it...
Feener,
thanks
Thanks for the support everyone I've missed you all! :)
I have to say Mr F & I don't see eye to eye on this stuff... he's at work downtown in the nice part working with peers "his own age"... I'm here in WA by my freaking self! And people are friendlier as in coming up and introducing themselves but let's get real they are not "friends" yet nor are they actually socializing with us.
WE (and by that I mean ME) had a pretty extensive social network in AA that you are glossing over Mr F.
What we have now is nothing like what we had after 7 years... that is bogus.
I just watched the video. Oh boy, I am so sorry you have to deal with all of this. I think you made your point clear that your issues are with your particular neighborhood and not a north-south thing.
That really sucks about some of the stuff in the neighborhood. I totally get you on the "blinders" thing with the city though. When I go back to my neighborhood in the Jamaica Plain section of Boston, I see things that I never really noticed before I had kids. Plus, it looks so run down in areas and little huddles of kids obviously dealing drugs and such. Not exactly what I wanted for my kids to grow up around and I had a choice so we moved.
Pit bull on the loose? That just makes me angry for you. Those poor dogs were bred for violence...and if one thinks I am being judgmental of a breed of dog, just google pit bull and violence and you can the read actual studies and statistics on this. Combine pit bull with some of the things you said about your neighborhood and I don't think happy thoughts. I am so so fucking sorry.
Julie,
Oh believe me I'd rather be swimming in shark infested waters than have some random pit bull loose in our neighborhood with the kids out on a walk! That is pretty much my worst nightmare. Sure not all dogs are violent but when they are your kids can be fucking killed and you can't tell until it is too late... and that is serious shit!
Oh give me a break. You're just so controversial Mrs. F. (Sarcastic)
You would not want to hear what I have to say about it if I was there. HA!
: ( Hang in there Mrs. F! I've never liked anyplace I moved at first either, except for New York City...
Emily,
I liked NYC right away too :)
still miss it...
P.O.M.,
LOL.... I assure you I would want to hear it ;)
And by the way TODAY in the mail I got a notice from the USPS saying that mail carriers have been bitten by loose dogs in West Asheville and to please comply with city laws. So I'm starting to think the pit bull incident might not have been a one time deal...
We've moved to several different cities over the years and it seems like it takes 6 months to acclimate. From about the 7th month on you'll start feeling more comfortable. You don't have to like where you live as much as you do other places but it does seem like you just sort of adjust after a while and where you are becomes home. Hang in there!
Checking to see what I said "in the last thread" that pissed you off...
I didn't mean that the "quality" of freidships or knowing people is anything close to Ann Arbor.I'm just saying that until Angie moved in, and Midge and I made our dog rescue connection we couldn't meet ANYONE in Ann Arbor on our own.
It got better when Kid was born to be sure—but those people lived all around own. By and large, everybody in the neighborhood totally kept to themselves—everyone, not just the Joneses (literally our neighbor's name, people).
We certainly don't have "friends" yet, but I like the look of the "talent pool," and people ARE aware we have moved in, and are acknowledging us.
It is true that I am in throes of a busy new job, and in an office full of 20 and 30-somethings, so I am not feeling the same thing as you, stuck in the haphazard house with a couple maniacs... but I think we'll have an easier time breaking through here than in Ann Arbor.
Hopefully.
I just wish I could take a few days off, so we could crank shit out and you could bask in the glow of my companionship.
So sorry your new locale is disappointing...as you say it's not the south,more about where you live locally.
It sounds to me like you are living in a bad area...I hope it improves eventually. We always rent (even though it seems like throwing money away) in a new area so we can learn where not to live...then having found that out, buy a house. Yes, it is a lot of trouble and expense to move twice, but in the long run, at least I don't feel stuck in a bad situation. Feeling stuck makes me feel worse than ever.
And southerners are friendly on the surface, but they are hard to get to know past the surface civility...they take their time and once they feel you are trustworthy, then will they open the door a tiny bit and let you in...and once they are your friends, they are wonderful advocates and allies..but until then..it's a lonely feeling, that of being the outsider. I say that as one who has lived in the South now for 27 years and love it as much as I love the North (and I do love the North too!)Also, I'm married to a born and bred southerner..hahaha...he very much dislikes the North, although he wouldn't admit it to anyone.
I was raised in the Midwest and west and the south is a different culture totally...add to that, a not so good brand new neighborhood..and yikes! You've got your plate full.
And the gang free zone signs..I see them often now in the south..lots of gangs in the south it appears to me due to many gangs being made up of illegals---and I'm not being anti immigrant--who find it much cheaper to live in the south...they cross the border from the southern U.S. and stay there for the most part.The homeless are another story...lots more homeless in the south, I think, because it's easier living on the street in the winter in a warmer climate. Maybe you won't get as much of that in Asheville since it does get colder there. In middle TN, where I live, if you go downtown Nashville you will be constantly bombarded for money and handouts by the homeless.
So sorry for your tough time--I've moved about 50 times in 41 years of marriage, so I know how hard it is...especially not having friends or family close by.
A word of caution for your own benefit--be careful not to point out how it's done up North...Southerners take great offense at that..hahaha. Oh, and the war called the Civil War in school is often called The War of Northern Agression in the south...hahaha. While the main issue of the war was slavery there was a lot of wealth in the south, where cotton was king, which caused problems between the north and south stemming from jealousy, desire for power, and the like--most of which was lost by the south as a result of the war.
Sandcastle Momma,
I'm sure your right (I hope)... once Kid is in school and I at least have daily social contact it will get easier.
Dinah Soar,
Great comment, thank you!
Fascinating about the Civil War... I'll be sure not to bring it up ;)
Mrs. F -
Just a thought...
Don't be afraid to reach out to the married/single gal with no kids.
As one of those, I love to talk about waxing unwanted hair, sagginess, getting older, being a woman, etc. I may not be able to relate (exactly) to your experiences with your children, but I can still be a good friend and empathize and offer support.
PS. I heart the south! I would move there in 2.1 seconds if the other one would consider it. It is different - but then again, I've always thought places in Michigan were so different from Ann Arbor. Driving out to the burbs in Detroit makes me feel like I've gone somewhere I don't understand. All those strip malls and the large lanes of traffic. Not bad - just different from what I know.
Mrs. F -
Just a thought...
Don't be afraid to reach out to the married/single gal with no kids.
As one of those, I love to talk about waxing unwanted hair, sagginess, getting older, being a woman, etc. I may not be able to relate (exactly) to your experiences with your children, but I can still be a good friend and empathize and offer support.
PS. I heart the south! I would move there in 2.1 seconds if the other one would consider it. It is different - but then again, I've always thought places in Michigan were so different from Ann Arbor. Driving out to the burbs in Detroit makes me feel like I've gone somewhere I don't understand. All those strip malls and the large lanes of traffic. Not bad - just different from what I know.
So apparently in Austin (which I just moved to) they are very against Californians because apparently they are buying the houses and encouraging business growth (odd reason to hate people) and if I would EVER say anything against the area I think I would get a ton of crap. I do like it though, but it is very different than what I am used to, although in most ways better fortunately. Although there are a few things here that are set in racism and conservatism that I cannot handle, but most people don't even realize. Ridiculous sometimes, but oh well, I am getting used to it too. Either way, I guess it all takes getting used to for both of us, the big changes. I cant believe you get such mean readers because you are awesome and are so honest it is addictive. I hope things get better soon :-)
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