Thursday, March 5, 2009

Trying Not To Lose It

I suppose both figuratively and literally.

I had finally gotten to the point that I thought I could make things work for us financially. With work. I could pull us through. I was starting to feel a little confidence and hope.

I may not have been happy about a lot of our living arrangements but I felt this was a good career move for Mr F, he was happy and engaged at work; Kid was happy at school... and healthy... I could suck it up for a year or more. That was my plan. Suck it up until something better came along.



BOOM

Nausea sets in. And tears. And hyperventilating.

We can't cut 15% of our expenses to make up for the 15% cut in take home pay. It's not possible.

We can't pay our mortgage, utilities & food and also pay the premiums.



THIS WAS NOT THE PLAN.

The plan was NOT to move the kids all over the country chasing down the bare minimum of our cost of living.

I told Mr F "I want you to know that I don't blame you for this." And I don't. It's important that we don't shut down because of the imploding financial stress.



I now scan all the rooms looking with "if we had to downsize what could we get rid off?" glasses on. If we move to NYC and rent a 2 bedroom apartment we'd need to let go of almost everything. But I look at everything and see all the money we invested in it that we can't get back but through it's enjoyment. How much can I ask myself to give up in one year? How much can I ask of the kids? Oh I know we could do it... but the losing of your dream, and hope, and security.... makes it much harder to let go of what you *own*... or at least is does for me.



What if the next place isn't any better?



What if there isn't a next place?

23 comments:

Christy said...

I am really sorry. You WILL get through this. I don't know how, but you will.

SaraDru said...

I've been thinking about you since yesterday and I am just so sorry this is happening. I won't bore you with the "everything happens for a reason" crap, but you never know. This could be exactly what your family needs. Stuff isn't important. You have your family, you love each other and that is something that money can not buy and no one can ever take away. Take care and I'm sending positive vibes your way!

Renee said...

Holy shit Mrs. F...I get back into town and immediately have to check your blog and I'm sitting here literally sick to my stomach....I just cannot believe that Mr. F's job would do this and there has got to be some legal recourse here as this just doesn't sound like it can happen without some type of notice....are they really in a financial bind there and trying to hide it? It is the only thing that makes sense to me because I just cannot fathom a company being that cold harded?!?! WTF?!?!

Please know I'm thinking about you and also emailing ones I know 'in the know' to see if you have any legal recourse. In the meantime, hang in there....as hard as it probably is to believe right now, things WILL get better. Also, I've become somewhat of an expert on health insurance and can put you in touch w/ our agent here if you do find you need to get health insurance coverage on your own...we had no problems getting it and changing over to a corporate policy even after husband's injury.

Supermom said...

Awww, Mrs F. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this is. So sorry.

My heart breaks to read this.

Big HUGS and more HUGS!!!!

You know where to find me if you want company.

Smitty said...

What's Mr. F's background? What is he doing now? PR? Web design? Got a resume? I can't promise anything, but I can look for something...

thatsMYguinness@gmail.com

kenady said...

i have no words of wisdom or anything to make you feel better. i'm thinking of you, sending you positive thoughts, and hoping that this all works out.

Mrs Furious said...

Smitty,
He is a magazine art director. Although in AA he did the in house design for the marketing dept of WCC. He does print design. I'll get him to send it to you.

Robin said...

I don't know what to say, except, I'm sorry. And I'm thinking about you.

Shirls said...

things aren't perfect here anymore either, lay offs are starting to happen but seriously, you should still come here, cause at least we don't give a shit about existing conditions, and you are entitled to healthcare at any time for any reason. The system is not always the best and trust me I know cause right now I just got dumped by my family doctor but at least I always have comfort that I can go to any hospital, clinic, whatever I need, at any time and not worry that my finances are going to be buggered for it.. I know that doesn't help but I just can't get over the US health system costs, its stuns me every time.

julie said...

I am so sorry, Mrs F. I am just so sorry.

Andrea said...

I dont even know what to say Im so sorry this has happened and yes why does it seem the good people get the shit end of the stick, Im always saying to hubby if we could be sorry unethical drug dealers life would be grand. Thinking of you guys.

Heather said...

I don't mean to sound all Suze Orman, and god knows I've never owned a house, but it seems like the easiest thing to do is rent out your house and move into an apartment. Or, sell your house and move into an apartment.

Tell Mr. F to get on LinkedIn and start networking his butt off. My friend who moved back from Norway was told it was all gloom and doom on the job front: in three weeks he had a temp job at Apple. The next week, he got a full time job at Pixar. There's hope out there.

Mrs Furious said...

Heather,
Well it doesn't actually always work like that depending on where you live.

#1 We wouldn't be able to rent our house at the price of our mortgage payment.

#2 IF we could sell our house it might be at a loss... but even if we broke even we'd have $20K in sellers fees (cause houses are not selling w/o a realtor now), etc. Plus the expense of moving which would be several thousand dollars. We'd lose about 25K in equity out of pocket to save MAYBE $300/month on our housing payment. Moving only makes sense if we move away from Asheville.

Mr Furious said...

They want me here, as Mrs F said in the comments in the other post. They invested heavily in bringing us here, but since then, none of their obligations have been met.

I think the company is going through a legitimate struggle—magazines are dropping like flies—I know of three others in the Carolinas that up and closed, to say nothing of the bloodbath occuring in New York.

I don't think they WANT to do any of this, but there is a difference between me (us) and the majority of employees here who are young, single, and childless that they are failing to account for. Those people didn't uproot their lives and move here, they're local. They don't have kids with medical issues who left a place with world-class medical care and a great school system to come to a overpriced city with neither.

The success of their two new titles and the company's growth ride in large part on me. They know that, and have already walked back from the situation yesterday and offered me a raise that will offset some, but not all of the premiums. But it still won't be enough.

It would be damaging and expensive to the company, in the short term if I left, but I don't have anywhere to go.

And everybody knows that.

The guy I replaced went to one of the magazines that just folded, and he's already called back here...they didn't like him, but he'd be a warm body to sit in my seat.

Komal said...

I am not sure if my last post made it up...I am not a frequent blogger.

Just wanted to let you know. I just sent you an email with the program that I found in NC that is equivalent to the ones I have worked with here in NY and MI.

hicktowndiva said...

Mrs. F--I'm so sorry. And anyone in your shoes would feel angry, and shocked, and just...ugh! Overwhelmed. Definitely overwhelmed.

But, the show must go on, right? Is it possible for you to get more money for the van if you sold it instead of the Volvo? If you are making payments, selling it and keeping the Volvo as your main car might be a small help. I recall from in your moving process that you had a number of extra pieces of furniture...could you put them up on Craigslist? Also, this may sound weird but I had a friend recently sell all of her old, unwanted gold jewelry to a jeweler (who bought it to melt down) and made a good profit from stuff she never wore and no longer wanted.

You mention frequently that you want to de-clutter...it seems like if there is anything at all that you can get rid of, this might be a good time to set it free and try to make some cash?

Also, have you considered maybe waitressing a few nights a week? The Grove Park Inn, Inn at Biltmore Estate, Biltmore Forest Country Club, etc. might be good sources for a part-time gig.

You may well have thought of all of these things yourself and maybe none of them would work for you, but I thought I'd throw them out there. I know it's hard to think of options when you feel like you are in shock...

Mr Furious said...

We own both the cars outright, but the van is still under warranty, so we will keep that car to minimize the chances of unexpected expenses.

Plus, we might need to live in it!

sara said...

Mrs. Furious,

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I absolutely loathe when bad things happen to good people.

You are a resourceful, bright woman.. you will come through in any circumstance, I know it.

-SawSaw

hicktowndiva said...

Mr. F--
Down by the river?

(Seriously, much love and luck to you guys--I know you are both trying so hard to make things work.)

julie said...

Down by the river? Hicktown diva, that is one my all time favorite skits from SNL.

Haley said...

I'm so sorry you guys are going through this. I'm thinking of you and wishing you very, very good things.

gooddog said...

Ugh. I cannot freakin stand crap like this. I am SO so sorry. Thinking about you guys...

P.O.M. said...

All I can say is that I'm sorry and this so sucks, on so many levels.

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