Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Maybe No One Will Ever Take Me Up On This... But I'm Putting It Out There

I suppose I should be writing an April Fool's Day post and tell you all that I'm pregnant or some such quasi believable story. I am going to be stopping at the dollar store and buying green clay to craft into peas for dinner (mwahahaha). But other than that I've been somewhat consumed by an idea that's been stewing in my nog for a bit.

Everyone knows that we have had some tough times recently. Maybe you know how much the blog keeps me afloat... and maybe you don't. Like every blogger everywhere I have my moments of blog inspiration and my somewhat labored efforts to just get something down. I used to stress about it inordinately but as I've gone on I've been able to get more comfortable with the creative ebb and flow of my writing. Sometimes it's hilarious... sometimes it's a snooze... but either way I show up. I show up because I know you are going to show up. And that means a lot to me. It's changed my life. Not always in earth shattering ways... but in the center of me I know that someone does care how things are going. And that matters. We all need that. It changes the whole course of your thinking and sometimes even your doing.

So I want to be able to offer that back. I try my best to stay up with many of your blogs but I don't always know if you have a blog... or you may have a blog that you don't keep as personal. Or like most of the readers here you might be a lurker. (and a note to lurkers... don't ever feel guilty about that.... I lurk on 98% of the blogs I read too!). I'm thinking that on my weekly plan I will ask for people to let me know if there is something they are struggling through. It could be anything... a sick kid, financial crisis, or just a weight plateau. If it's burdening you than I would like to know about it.

I've been thinking about how I would like to live my day... and instead of getting up and focusing on some stupid annoying thing like Mr F leaving the sink full of food bits... I'd like to take a few moments and send out some positive thoughts and energy to others. It'll help to know that we are not alone in our struggles, it'll also help me to appreciate what is working in our life. And hopefully just knowing that someone is thinking about you and wishing you success will help you as much as it does me... even if just a little.

It's basically like a prayer request except that I don't require that your burdens be life or death. I'm going to print out the list and put it on my coffee cabinet. Every morning when I might usually lament what I need to get done... I am instead going to start by sending out positive thoughts to those readers who've requested it. Then I'll start my day. It's just a thought... and it might not seem like much. But I have found that having people keep you in your thoughts can make a big difference in how much you can bear.

So if you lost your job, or your dog, or your diamond ring, or just your motivation and you'd like all the positive energy you can get towards getting them back... I'd like to help.

It doesn't matter who you are, or if you've ever commented before, or will ever comment again. You can leave me a comment to this post and then from now on I'll be asking for them on my This Week The Plan posts. You can leave a comment every single week if you need to. I don't need to know you but I do need to know both what is troubling you and what outcome you're wishing for. It's kind of like the vision board idea... the more specific the outcome the better.


julie said...

I love you, Mrs F. You are such a good friend.

Maggie said...

I'm a lurker. (which I'm sure you know)
I enjoying reading your blog, but not always good at leaving a comment. Sorry! Your kids are adorable. I check in now and again, to see what's going on in the life of the Furious. :)

Penny Williams said...

I'll be the first to take you up on it. I have lost my mojo. Being a Realtor these days is like having been laid off. Universe, please encourage people to buy real estate and send back my mojo.

Thanks for the great forum for this Mrs. Furious. It is alwys nice to know someone is thinking about you, even if they don't know you.

BsOnlyToots said...

Thats so sweet Mrs.F! I feel warm and fuzzy just knowing someone is there! :)

Jennifer said...

All right, you asked. lol. Let me start a list for you. I have been seperated from my husband for a year and a half and I still feel like I am walking in someone else's life. I am sick with a sore throat sinus thing. My son has infantiego .. who gets that?! Since my husband up and left me I have gained 50 pounds. Yes, 50 POUNDS. That is a small child. None of my bras fit me, I have no spring or summer clothes that come close to fitting and no money to buy any. I was trying to help my son with a science paper .. he is in 3rd grade .. and I had to google the fucking answers! I have $13,000 in credit card debt and will never see the end of it and the latest wind storm blew over the trampoline that I just bought last summer and now it is broken in half. $300 for the darn thing .. which is part of the $13,000 of credit card debt.

Please please please for the love of God don't tell me that "at least you don't have cancer". lol. That is about all anyone can ever say to me. There is not much good to point out .. except that. lol.

Staci said...

Mrs. F~
I think this is just terrific. I think I may have to do something similar. Put my day into perspective & start it off with some GOOD feelings. :) It's just too easy these days to be blue or fall into a slump of doom & gloom.

So, that being said...I could use a few good thoughts myself...

I'm a personal trainer and of course, a personal trainer is not a NEED, so it's the first to go in tough times. I would love a few thoughts throw into the universe for me to find some new clients.
I hope this is okay to throw out there but...I have a new's in my profile. :)

Thank you so much for this.

You & your little family will continue to be in my thoughts too. :)

Marilyn said...

You're such a nice person, Mrs. F. -- and without being a goody-two-shoes. I love reading your blog and seeing your pictures.

Here's my struggle -- I just turned 50, my three kids are grown and on their own (and doing well, yay!), but I need to figure out who I am and what I want to do at this stage of my life. I welcome your warm thoughts!

Me, Only Better said...

You have to be the kindest person I have ever seen. I think so many people who have struggles are so stuck on their own struggles that they don't even think of others! It just goes to show your selfless heart (=

Kiki said...

I'm with Julie, I love you Mrs. F....I think you are a wonderful person, with a heart of gold. I will continue to hold your family in my thoughts, good times or bad, because that is what friends do.

gooddog said...

I love this Mrs. F.

Nothing this week personally... but I would bet that there will be something one of these days. Thanks for being an inspiration!

Preppy Mama said...

Mrs. F I love checking in with you everyday. I feel like you are a friend that I call on the phone to see how your day was and you never disappoint. I relate so much to your day to day posts that it gives me a sense of belonging and a reality make me laugh ( and think too), but mostly laugh which is super important to me right now.
I love the new idea. Can't wait to see what happens. Thanks for keeping it real.

Mrs Furious said...

Thanks everyone... I'm interested to see how this changes my energy in the mornings. I have high hopes that this new focus could be life altering. So selfishly it is as much for me as for anyone!

You're here right?
I think things are going to turn around here shortly. We were excited to see that someone down the street just put there house up for a bit over what we paid for ours last summer.
Also if we do end up moving we will call you!
I'm hoping you'll get a motivated buyer soon.
If you have business cards send me some. I know people who are currently looking at houses. They might have realtors on hand but you never know. Also lots of new people moving to the area stop in at private schools to tour before they move. I'll see if I can put your card somewhere... or maybe that would be a marketing idea. The schools send out packets to people who are interested in applying. If you donated a small percentage of your commission to the school (also tax deductible for you) maybe they would send your info out in the packet for new students? Rainbow Mountain already has a realtor (a g'pa) who will give his whole commission to the school but this might be an idea for other area schools. Carolina Day & the Asheville School are super $$ so those new families would be dropping more dough on a house. Or check into the different Montessori preschools, etc.
Maybe that's helpful?

What do you really want? Peace? To accept your situation? I'm feeling scattered and stressed just reading that. If there is one thing that could come to you that would make things better what would it be? A man?!!

I'm on it!
I'm thinking of ways to recruit new clients. Could you offer onsite classes to employees somewhere during a lunch break? The little segment on BL yesterday where Bob met up with Pound for Pound challengers at a production studio made me think of that. You could do a series of classes maybe the company would even pay you instead of the individuals... then there is the potential of getting clients from that.

I feel for this since I know it's my future.
I'm hoping that a passionate interest finds you.

I already have something that I wish for you.

I just started getting stuff for you box! I'm getting excited!!

Andrea said...

your a fantastic person and anybody would be happy to call you a friend I think the only thing that we have on our plate is finances and not necessarly needing more but better wisdom in managing.

Kiki said...

Mrs.F, I lietrally gasped when I read what you had written for me and now...crying, it doesn't help that I just started *ahem*, so I am extra emotional...I can't tell you what it means to me that you knew, without having to say a word. Your kindness overwhelms....

Mrs Furious said...

I so believe that you would make not just a great mother but would actually be a gift to your children that I have even thought of naming you as guardian to my own. I'm not kidding. I have not met anyone EVER that I had more faith in to put a child's needs first.
It would be a shame for you not to have that opportunity and I hope that in time Ken can be open to exploring all the ways in which that could come to pass. Any child would be blessed to grow up in your love and guidance. I believe it. And I hope that one day soon it becomes reality.

Haley said...

What a generous idea! I always feel better when I know that I have people pulling for me during a rough time.

I've had several people question me (rather snarkily) why anyone would have a blog, or why anyone would want to read a blog, because they think it's a totally self-involved project, but this just shows how it's really about finding community and connection and support. At least, the awesome ones like yours are about that. :)

Kiki said...

I am overwhelmed, that you see and know my heart...there are no words.

Christy said...

I have a blog but don't post as much as I'd like because I feel all alone. I love back and forth commentary but I have none!

I just failed my last semester of nursing school and can't go back until January 2010. To say we are devastated is an understatement. So much was riding on me graduating in May. I guess I can wear my cap and gown for Halloween. I also think I am having a mid-life crisis. I am having more days than not of wondering "How in the eff did I end up here? In this marriage? With 3 kids??"


Mrs Furious said...

Oh I'm so sorry to hear about your nursing degree! I have also been thinking of going back and getting an RN as a career change that I thought would be more marketable.
Why do you have to wait until 2010? Money? or Courses?

"I am having more days than not of wondering "How in the eff did I end up here? In this marriage? With 3 kids??""
For this I can just hope if passes quickly. We all have these moments (or at least I do) and they can make you feel lost and trapped. Hopefully things will turn soon.

I mean it.

carrie said...


wootini said...

Mrs. F, you are so wonderful. I love stopping by your blog more than any other and have so enjoyed getting to 'know' you and your family in a virtual sense.

I'll take you up on the offer too... my husband and I are having a very challenging time right now and have been in therapy since the fall. I'm trying to hold out hope that we will be able to find a way to forge a more fulfilling relationship for both our sakes, but some days it's hard to see how that will ever happen. Having 2 kids makes the situation even more stressful.

Thanks so much for your kind thoughts.

Mrs Furious said...

I forgot you! I've got you now. Yes, yes, we need more of that too.

I'm sorry to hear that. For whatever it is worth 3 years ago I was not sure (either was my therapist) that Mr F and I could ever make it work. EVER. And now I think we are more happily married than we ever were. A lot of work had to be done to see each other's weaknesses for what they are and not as attacks... we still work on that. And kind of to change my/our perspective of what I was really looking for/needing from Mr F. I'm not perfect and Mr F is brain damaged. There was a lot of anger on both sides which got acted out. We're still recovering from some of the bad habits we developed... but we are much closer to how we were when we first fell in love. So there is hope.
And I hope for you that you pull through.
When I was younger my favorite childhood aunt told me that she and my uncle had thought of divorce more than once in their marriage. I was SHOCKED, they always seem/seemed so in love. It was a great thing for me to know going into adulthood since I had seen a lot of divorce... I didn't think *good* marriages had those kind of dark moments. It gave me a hopeful perspective that it was okay to want to divorce your spouse sometimes. These days I just focus on killing Mr F for the money ;)

katieo said...

soooo, are we all sure this isn't still an April Fool's joke? heehee...

kidding. KIDDING.

I think it's a great idea, I don't have anything to throw out there at the moment but I'm fascinated at all that's been shared. I think just giving your readers a place to vent is fantastic! :)

(and p.s. I don't know if Kiki will come back and read this but for the record, I think she would be an excellent mother as well. And I barely know her. Just from the little bits from her comments, any child to enter that home would be extremely lucky.)

Mrs Furious said...

That would be kind of funny... "just kidding guys I just wanted to see who'd out themselves!" Suckers. ;)

And agreed re: Kiki.

Christina said...

What a thoughtful idea! You have also come across as such a real and genuine person, I think that is why I stop by day after day. Our daily struggles may not always mirror one another from day to day, but I almost always can relate to your situations and use your wisdom and humor to help me through my tough times.

Watching Baby's language skills develop and her cute little songs and stories has always warmed my heart... I guess my wish would be that my 2 year would take her lead and start to talk more too! He sure enjoys watching her videos!

So while I appreciate your inspiration in many aspects of my life, I am hoping that Baby will also inspire him as well!

Thanks for sharing your life with us!

Christy said...

I have to wait to take the class again because the school I am at only does it once a year. It is a short semester so i will be done in March of 2010, but still.

Janay said...

I confess...I come here often.

And I think this is an amazing idea.

Here's mine:

My husband and I are unable to have children.We found out a year into our marriage. We will be celebrating our 7th anniversary this year.

We have been on adoption lists for a very long time, but have not recieved the blessing of adopting a baby. We knew we could not sit around and "wait" for things to drop on our laps, so we decided to try to foster to adopt.

For a year and a half now, we have had a little girl in our home who has blessed our lives and hearts more than we could ever imagine. She is our joy, and our life.

The way things are coming about, it looks like we will most likely lose her. There are a lot of complications with family members, and because we are not blood related, we don't have much say in what happens. We are, to say the least, devastated, but still hoping and praying for a miracle.

So, your positive vibe? We'd welcome it with open arms and incredibly grateful hearts.

Kiki said...

Katieo, Thank you for that, I come back to check in because I love all this sharing and Mrs F has probably the most wonderful readership besides my own little group....

Janay, you found Mrs F, a safe harbor, you're in good hands. And I know, really know, how you feel. Take care and I will keep you in my thoughts too!

Kud said...

Mrs. F,
I'm only 20 (almost 21) but I feel like there's something soooo relatable about you and the way you see the world. You are so genuine, warm, kind and real---which is rare to see in the blogging world, where a lot of people put up facades of perfection and unattainable goals. You have been going through some tough times but to take the time out of your day and write a post about giving back---that's why I keep coming back :D
Now I think I'm going to go back into my lurker shell and pop my head out when the mood inspires me.

Mrs Furious said...

Oh I am so sorry. I worked in foster care for several years and vowed that I would one day foster myself. But your story is exactly what holds me back.
I am pulling for you and hoping that a miracle does happen!

I'm hoping that he hits a developmental leap soon so that you can be put at ease.

That is what I was afraid of. I tried to take the nursing classes back when Kid was a baby and the rotation of classes was extremely frustrating.

Thank you for sharing that.

Robin said...

All this is making me cry. Mrs. F, your post is so heartfelt and thoughtful. I will probably take you up on your offer one day, but today I am good. Especially after reading other people's struggles, it puts mine in perspective. I love how everyone opened up.

You definitely have the best community of readers of all the blogs I read. Yours is a must stop, several times a day, even though I don't always comment. I love that all your readers kind of know each other. It is very special, and I am thankful to be a part of it.

P.O.M. said...

I second that. Your blog is one of the first I read everyday. I always want to see what you and the girls are up to. I don't know why I feel a connection to you, but I do. Weird, huh?

My struggles are pretty out in the open...buying my first home on my own. Getting over an ex who keeps reappearing.

Christy said...


That is a really heartbreaking story. My heart goes out to you and your husband. I hope God intervenes and you are able to keep her.

Mrs Furious said...

"You definitely have the best community of readers of all the blogs I read."
It's true!

And...I hope you don't need to take me up on it.

Dude I already have you and your man problem down. I was just thinking about you this morning. Something better is coming and you need to be open to it... so close that door.

truly heartbreaking

Mrs Furious said...

Sorry if I didn't return every comment. I was going to but then felt compelled to answer those of you who shared your struggles.
But I got them all and really appreciate everyone's kind words about my blog. It is because of the extraordinarily kind and supportive and sensitive readers that it is what it is and I thank you all for that.

Claire said...

Thank you for doing this - worked late - left an unfinished project - flying out to DC to help my daughter with twins in the morning and just packing now -1:25 am - I'm 64 yrs old and feel like I'm in college pulling an all nighter - I pray for organization.

Janay said...

Mrs. F, Kiki, and Christy,

Thank you SO much. You don't know how much it means to me to have some sort of connection to people who don't know you but care enough to think of you.

I appreciate your kind words, and your thoughts.

God bless.

Mrs Furious said...

Please keep us updated. I will definitely be thinking of you and your husband and your little girl. I really hope that things workout. I wish there was something that could be done but I know that you just have to wait and hope and pray. Stay strong!

Mrs Furious said...

Enjoy those babies!

Kelly said...

I could've cried reading this. You are right it does help to know that someone cares what you're up to. I have been struggling to keep up with everything (cleaning, cooking, laundry, kids, etc) while my husband works out of town 11 days at a time just to keep his job. That's why I started blogging...because it's nice to think that someone is listening to you. I think you are a very good and strong person and your blog is wonderful. (I've been lurking for a while now)

Mrs Furious said...

" That's why I started blogging...because it's nice to think that someone is listening to you"
Thank God for blogging. Seriously.

And 11 days in at a time?! I will definitely be thinking of you. We would be on a 24 hour a day TV binge by the end of those stretches ;)

Deb said...

What an awesome idea! I'll give you a couple for next week:

We had to put our dog to sleep last week, and I'm feeling it HARD. I had extra hamburger tonight, and I made patties for the dogs. Three patties. I started crying the moment I realized there was an extra.

If you could send good sleep vibes the Little Girl's way, that would be awesome, too. She went from sleeping eight-hour stretches to three... sometimes two. I want to DIE. I may kill her ped on Friday if the woman doesn't have an answer for two weeks of this, so then you'll have to send bail and plea bargain vibes.

Deb said...

Oh, I just realized a side benefit of this project of yours. I'm reading all of these comments and starting to wish good things for everyone posting, too. I love this even more now!

Mrs Furious said...

Yes I read about your dog. I'm sorry.

Re: your bambino... I'll try... but since I've been dealing with only 2-3 hour stretches for the past 6.5 years I apparently don't know what higher power to call upon for sleep help ;)

"I'm reading all of these comments and starting to wish good things for everyone posting, too."
agreed... awesome side benefit.

wootini said...

Mrs. F, thank you (belatedly) so much for your kind words and for sharing your experiences with Mr F - it really does help to hear that others have gone through similar challenges in marriage and come through stronger.

You have such amazing readers and such a great sense of community, and it's wonderful to have a forum for everyone to share a bit about themselves!

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