What on Earth am I talking about? What's our great life altering experiment?
Where to start... it's actually pretty involved. But on Saturday night I gave a pretty passionate speech (if you will... Mr F never actually talks during our discussions) about the parts of our life we are letting slip past.
Not intentionally. In a sad sort of irony a lot of what we ARE doing is trying to hold onto where we are... but in so doing we are no longer living IN the moment.
And we're missing out... on a lot.
And in the process we're living with a lot more stress.
Completely unnecessary stress I might add. Self imposed, self created, stress... and chaos... and anxiety caused both by the combination of the two.
Is it possible that one small change (or large depending on how you look at it) could change all of that?
I think it is.
And surprisingly Mr F agrees (hey... I'm an excellent speech writer).
I want to be more PRESENT with the kids.
I want Mr F to be more PRESENT in our marriage.
Being in each other's presence isn't the same.
And it isn't enough.
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13 comments:
You're getting rid of the internet or blog?
neither.
Just trying to find the appropriate balance of how we spend our time. Mr F (and that is the point of contention for me in initiating this) can spend all day on his computer come home have about 2 hours without it and then sit back down for 3-5 more hours. In terms of actions speaking louder than words he chooses his computer over me ALL the damn time. He just doesn't think that's the case because it wasn't his intention... he just gets sucked in... even more so than most since he's got the ol' ADD to contend with as well.
For me... I can get plenty sucked in when I'm procrastinating something else... and then what? I just spent an hour or two researching Ludites when I still feel bad about my goddamn desk. This is my life EVERY day.
So we're making changes and establishing limits.
The computer/blogs etc are a valid hobby... BUT they should be a hobby. They shouldn't take over and replace everything else we intended to do. A lot of times we leave a weekend and really have nothing to show for it.
I know exactly what you are talking about. I have been trying to just "walk away" from the computer because I will get all caught up in researching something instead of just doing it. Thankfully Tom really does not have that problem.
I have been busier these days and have not been home most of the time during the day so that has helped a lot with how much I am on the web. But I can waste a whole morning looking things up and not doing any of the projects around the house I need to do.
I think that this is a fantastic thing to work on. Being fully present can be so hard, but so worth it. Also, then for me, I don't feel so guilty when I do waste a whole mess of time on the computer later on.
I am going through the same thing right now. As a matter of fact, I should be spending time with my man right now instead of reading your damned blog. :)
Dude, I hear ya, and I don't even have people in my house to ignore! The computer and TV suck me away from the things I could be accomplishing to be a healthier and more well-rounded person. And I have to say, taking the break from the blog has been reeeeally good (and I wasn't even all that prolific anyway) and I was right about weightloss coming much easier to me when I'm not documenting it -- it's like I found my old groove.
Today, I tried putting my laptop in the living room instead of next to my bed, and that helped a great deal -- so often I just mindlessly reach for it, and suddenly 2 hours are gone. It's kind of like hiding the treats in the vegetable drawer -- putting some distance between you and temptation.
Good luck finding the right balance for you guys!
I hear you. This week I'm dropping our cable TV. This is a stealth mission b/c my dh would never agree, though I know he'll be ok once we all get used to it. I'm also thinking of putting the laptop in a permanent location, rather thn having it travel from room to room in the house. I've even been known to take it into the bathroom with me! I need an intervention.
we don't ahev cable TV for that reason but I was just thinking that I HAVE GOT to limit myself this summer with internet or my children will spend 3 months with me telling them "one more minute and I'll be there" and spending little time with mommy sitting and BEING. Thank you for the added incentive. Let's do it! Actual family time.
Are you moving into an RV Mrs. F????
Amy L,
LOL... I wish.
Gooddog,
"imit myself this summer with internet or my children will spend 3 months with me telling them "one more minute and I'll be there" and spending little time with mommy sitting and BEING."
EXACTLY.
inkelywinkely,
hahaha... well I'll forgive you if you need to walk away.
Amy,
"I'm also thinking of putting the laptop in a permanent location, rather thn having it travel from room to room in the house. I've even been known to take it into the bathroom with me! I need an intervention."
For sure the laptop is part of the problem for me too... I can tell myself I'm multitasking... but in the end I'm just that much more often distracted from what I had intended to do.
Bathroom?!... you are not alone ;)
Haley,
"so often I just mindlessly reach for it, and suddenly 2 hours are gone."
Yep. Part of the new plan is to decide when we're using the computer and for how long. Then shutting it down that way I can't "just check something" every freaking 5 minutes.
I hear you loud and clear...instead of reading about hundreds of other people living their life, I have been choosing to live fully and if I want to document it...then I quickly blog it and get back to other things.
Ken and I have been spending lots more time together, oh and I caved to facebook, it's super quick and easy to update that and keep going about my day!!!
It's about balance and since I'm an "all or nothing" type of girl, I don't want to miss a moment of fun that there is to be had!
I can't wait to hear more, I'm excited for you!
Kiki,
"It's about balance and since I'm an "all or nothing" type of girl, I don't want to miss a moment of fun that there is to be had! "
Yes that's the challenge. I swear it would almost be easier for me to give it up completely than to try and be moderate. But that's my learning experience right now.
I have done what Kiki did and picked up Facebook, because I can update it from my BlackBerry and read my friends' updates, as well. 2am, nursing? No problem. Facebook. Sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's office? Facebook. My blog is suffering, and why that's happening is something I'll be writing about soon, but I'm right there with you and Mr. F on the less internet thing. In a wild fit of coincidence, I was constantly telling my husband to put down his camera on our vacation and BE MORE PRESENT! because I realized that you're not experiencing your kids' excitement over a giraffe if you're busy photographing it 50 different ways. It was a huge lesson for me that I have been nagging him to share. :)
On a somewhat related topic, he has agreed to do the 30-Day Shred with me. So thanks for that little tip! We kicked back with B&J's chocolate brownie ice cream tonight to watch it and see what we're in for starting tomorrow. Because we're really healthy that way.
Deb,
Oh good lord w/ Mr F and the photography. The man does not live a moment without a fucking lens between him and the girls. It's a total addiction... and it drives me nuts. Sure I'm glad to have pictures of the kids... but it's exactly what you said.. he's no longer in the moment with them.
Update me on the Shred. I'm going to start July 1st.
I'm kind of meh on FB I think because I don't have a handheld and it just is more work without one. I have a page but I was actually thinking of taking it down since it connects here and I don't know how much personal info I want exposed were I to ever try and get a "real" job again.
Or maybe it's just that I don't have that many real friends...
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