Thursday, May 28, 2009

I'm Going To Get You Sucker

Over the last several weeks Mr F & I have purchased a few flats of annuals and many gallon sized perennials for our front "beds". And when I say bed I really mean huge gapping hole in our hedgerow where our neighbor/former owner OBVIOUSLY pulled out a mature shrub and tried to transplant it in front of his new house. ( I know this because mere weeks after moving in I saw a dead shrub of same variety and size out at his curb... so thankfully he got what he deserved).

Anyway.

We hadn't noticed the hole when we looked at our house because he had planted a whole mass of morning glories to mound up and fill it in. That looked okay when they were in bloom... but it looked like HELL in the late fall and winter.

So this Spring we bit the bullet and spent what we could afford on some flowers and hostas and I went to town on that hole and then planted some in front of the hedgerow too to make it all look intentional.

Hot damn if I didn't do a good job too... even if I did have to use a kids' shovel as a trowel.

Oh hello Mr Slug... aren't you a friendly little critter.

Fast forward about a week...

Why are all the petunias in front of the shrubs eaten down to the quick? Everything else looks good. What is eating them? It must be something close to the ground... a chipmunk?

A couple weeks later I notice that ONE of three of the same type of perennial is practically dead. Why is it dying? The other two of the same variety are doing fine. What are all those holes in the leaves of everything? Caterpillars?... Oh cute I love butterflies.

The next week...

Jesus that plant is on it's last legs! What the hell is going on?

This week...

What the fuck?! Seriously! I think it's dead.

That's when I saw the slugs. And two and two finally came together in an instant when I suddenly remembered an episode of Victory Garden I had seen... oh... about 18 years ago (What?! We didn't have cable). They were making beer traps to kill the garden pests.

Holy shit. I've got garden pests.

I run inside and look it up online. Then crafted my traps and lay them out.

But I couldn't walk away. They were EVERYWHERE! How had I not noticed this before? Maybe because of the daily torrential rains that have kept me indoors... and made the garden a moist wonderland for those slimy little buggars.

So I plucked off all the slugs I could see and drown them on the spot.

Then I went in and served dinner.

"How can you not be infuriated about those damn slugs?! They are killing all the plants we just bought!" I ask Mr F emphatically.

"I will be when it's true." He replies.

"When it's true?!!! It's happening!" I counter.

I could hardly get through dinner.

Postponing my workout I made a salt solution and went back out. I picked off every single slug I could see saying "Die suckers!" as I drown them in my salt water. The slugs were out in full force and their damage and presence was far more extensive than I had first assessed.

Oh the rage! Oh the fury!

Those goddamn little bastards!!

What was I going to do?!

I went in to workout and blow off some steam.

Then having read that they are most active at night I headed out with my flashlight... OH MY GOD... the hundred or so I had already slaughtered was nothing compared to what I saw at night. It is lucky I only have one phobia because this is not a job for the faint at heart. The one nearly dead plant was COVERED in them. Literally covered. And huge slugs were all over the place.

Tomorrow I am off for Escar-Go! Those mother fuckers are going down!

30 comments:

lucinda said...

Maybe you weren't sleeping the early morning I went out into the backyard in my nightgown with a 22 to kill Peter Rabbit. He ate my delphinums to the ground, would wait until they valiently tried to come back and I had a little hope and then ate them down again. Yes, I could shoot a bunny. I hate them.

Robin said...

Ewwwwww. I couldn't do it. I'd have to hire a hit man.

gooddog said...

this is the worst year we have had so far with those suckers. it must be the rain. they would have decimated our garden if we hadn't started the beer traps early. every morning there are tons in them. it really is nasty. good luck- keep up the fight!

Kiki said...

Ewwwwww! We have had some slugs this year...do frogs eat them??? Because I have waaayyy more frogs and toads.

Preppy Mama said...

Oh My, I have a huge fear of slugs. I used to watch my grandmother pour salt on them as a kid...it still freaks me out to think about it!!
Good Luck!!

Mrs Furious said...

Mom,
No I don't remember that. But I've got no problem with it.


Robin,
Mr F is afraid of them... hehe


Gooddog,
Our beds almost never dry out that is definitely the problem. When I planted them there was a week there where I actually needed to water them... that hasn't been the case for quite some time. I wish I had been thinking when I first saw that one slug I might have been able to avoid all this. There are eggs everywhere!


Kiki,
Yes frogs & toads eat them. I love frogs and toads... I wish we had some!


Preppy Mama,
This would be your worst nightmare then. I actually woke up at 3 because I had slugs in my dream then I started obsessing and worrying about the damn slugs and couldn't get back to bed until after 5. I just want out... MORE!

julie said...

that is so nasty

kill 'em...kill 'em all

Marie said...

Ugh..no slugs here, but we do have a grub issue (**ewww**), and with them come moles (**ewww**). So THATS fun. And last week we spotted the groundhog who ate my garden last year. The MotherF-ing thing was wandering around my little seedlings like he was picking out food at a buffet.

I am totally against us personally having a gun, but if we had one I would SO shoot him. And enjoy it. Maybe even make groundhog stew. Or perhaps stuff his head and hang it on the wall..

Can you feel the hatred here?? Good luck w/ the slug-fight. And make them pay!!!! Mwa-hahahaha!

P.O.M. said...

Ick. I don't think I could handle that. They are so slimy and scary. You must post pics!

I had a possum (or is it opposum???) in my yard once and I couldn't sleep at all. I was scared it would come into the house and crawl in my bed!

Mrs Furious said...

P.O.M.,
I do not do oposums (or possums). I would have had to leave the house until it could be taken care off.


Marie,
You should go all Pa Ingalls on it and trap it!


Julie,
what is fucking disgusting is that they ooze all over your hands and you can't get it off!

Heather said...

This post is hilarious!

Jess said...

You are a brave, brave woman. I would have screamed and left the plant to fend for itself.

julie said...

Damn those dirty slugs.

smellyshelley said...

Slugs love Hostas...If I remember correctly I think cocoa hulls will kill them if you sprinkle them around the plants. A little less labor intensive (but maybe not as fun) as slug hunting every night ;)

Ding!

smellyshelley said...

some nurseries carry them...plus they smell yummy.

Mrs Furious said...

Shelley,
Good to know. They do certainly love the hostas. Hunting them is kind of fun... but I can't keep up, I need something that will get rid of them before they make they're way up the plant. I'll go to the nursery tomorrow!


Jess,
I guess it is the one advantage of having such a debilitating rodent phobia... I don't have any room for more fear in me.

smellyshelley said...

If you get the cocoa hulls, make sure you get them without theobromine because if dogs eat them they can be toxic to them. I don't know if dogs have access to that area or not??? How has Canine been lately?

But...you may also want to try coffee grounds. I've not tried that but have heard it works...and its probably cheaper especially if you already make your own coffee. Love to recycle. Just put a ring around the plants...or epsom salt, but that will disolve everytime water hits it. MELTING SLUGS!

Mrs Furious said...

Shelley,
Coffee ground I have PLENTY of. I'm going to try that tonight.

Yes Canine has access... but you know... oops he's dead... boo hoo (just kidding... kind of).

Deb said...

I would die. I cannot deal with slugs, and I can barely stomach seeing the kids' snot, because it reminds me of slugs. Now I feel lucky it's only rabbits eating our hostas.

Deb said...

OMG!! Slime? On your hands? You're making me curl up on my desk chair and want to start rocking. Dear GOD. I have to go eat ice cream or something now...

Mrs Furious said...

Deb,
LOL. Trust me if slime is your issue you would DIE. I can't get the damn slime off... it is disgusting.

Mr Furious said...

I'll put in a rock garden before I join Mrs F on the front lines in this battle.

No. Slugs. No. Fucking. Way.

inkelywinkely said...

We always just poured table salt all over them...doesn't kill the plats, will melt the slugs. :)

Come a little further down south where it is ALWAYS wet, and you will see an even grosser insect issue.

Just trust me. Lucky for you, you are not in the deep south.

Robin said...

These comments are cracking me up. Grossing me out, but cracking me up. :)

Amy said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you for not including pictures with this post. Slugs...ewww!

Claire said...

I can't stand the lousy squirrels - I haven't even planted flowers in my planters yet and they are digging in them and tipping them over!!! I bought hot chili pepper flakes last year and spread it on top of the dirt.

I've done the beer for the slugs - it is really disgusting - is inkelywinkely referring to the gigantic roaches in the South? They are really disgusting.

inkelywinkely said...

Yes, Claire, I am ...and it does not matter how clean your home is, they will come looking for water.

We call em water bugs, drain roaches, I call them fucking nasty. :D

They WILL get in, and then I have to go on a cleaning frenzy bleaching everything.LOL...luckily, they have only gotten in here twice since the heat has come...and only one at the time..They scare the shit outta me. They fly at you all kamikazi like and are the faster crawling insect in the world. Isn't that scary
? They can run at speeds of 3.4 mph!!!

Claire said...

Having lived in Texas and now SC - the whole "water bug" or "Palmetto bug" situation is unreal - just when you say to yourself, "Gee I haven't seen one in awhile" - that is when they appear - guess I should take this discussion to my own blog - sorry Mrs. F!!!!

Mrs Furious said...

Inkelywinkely,
I was afraid the salt would hurt the plants. Good to know. I've been picking them off and pouring salt on them in a bucket. I get immense satisfaction out of it. ;)
Palmetto bugs (aka giant ass cockroaches) are Mr F's worst nightmare. He's terrified.


Amy,
You are welcome.


Clarie,
I had that problem with the squirrels in MI. It was infuriating I could see them up on my porch digging through my planters... Made all the worse since they had no fear of humans and sadly I had a pretty serious fear of them.

Monica said...

I got caught up in your gardening...I live out in the country and do a good bit of gardening too...lol

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