Saturday, May 16, 2009

Near Miss

The other day I had to run into my Mecca for a quick return and a few purchases. I commended myself on successfully avoiding the snack bar (or whatever you call it) and then did something really (especially in retrospect) STUPID.

Now I think Baby's personality has been well established as has her fearless love of danger.

Well... when we got to Target and I only needed a few things I decided that we could try not taking a cart (she just throws stuff from it anyway) and try walking through the store with a little basket.

Yes (again in retrospect) it was kind of like the night (4 AM) that I decided to try walking Canine (4 months old) without a leash (in NYC). That didn't end well (me lunging out into traffic to tackle him to the ground).

Either did this...

So we're walking through Target. It was midday and so pretty empty. I needed to pick out some girls shirts... Baby REALLY enjoyed reorganizing the stacks of clothes in the girl department (don't worry Target employees I did my best to put everything back). Then we needed to get a few more things in the baby section.

Baby REALLY liked to reorganize the clothes in the baby section. And after awhile I had what I needed and we needed to move along. But Baby wouldn't. So I thought about what to do and I decided to bust out the Old School "I'm leaving" and slowly walk away. I did this pretty loudly and a couple other moms saw me and heard me and may have snickered... this comes into play with the embarrassment factor I was about to endure.

As I left the section Baby kept in a parallel line with me. She wasn't coming out of the section but she was keeping up with me and could see me. I thought that was a good sign. When I made it to the end of the section I decided to step around the corner and wait a second.

Of course she would come running.


I mean that is what happens... right?!

Two seconds later (literally) I pop back over to her side of the section.

Baby is gone.


I am running and frantically looking under all the clothes.

How far could she possibly get?

How did I end up in a horrific Lifetime Original Movie about child abduction?!!!


I'm starting to panic and hate myself and wondering how to get the store LOCKED DOWN.

She's two for crying out loud and would happily run out the door and into TRAFFIC!!

She's faster than the speed of light!!!

Then I saw a glimpse of something small, moving quickly, through the shelves of boxes of strollers and car seats.

It was Baby.

She saw me and then put some serious gas on it.

She tumbled through the display to the other side of the divider and took off down the other aisle.

I had to run all around the entire section to get around the divider and catch her taking off to the back of the store.

I did catch her.

She was not scared.

She was thrilled.


Marie said...

HYSTERICAL! In retrospect, of course...totally not funny at the time! Just think, with baby's hijinks, the years she's taking off your life will guarantee you'll never have to worry about a nursing home!

Robin said...

Lord help you.

Kent was/is the same way. When he was 2 1/2, we were at dinner at a restaurant. He got up from his chair and started dancing around the table. We told him to sit down. He started walking away, we told him to come back. Then he darted out the door of the restaurant. It happened so fast we (Fred, my mom, and I) just sat there for a second before it hit us. Fred jumped up and ran after him. He caught up with the parking lot!

So, I've had that same heart attack you had. I'm sorry. :)

Mr Furious said...

Seriously. If I made a parenting mistake like that, I'd have to institute a Watergate-level cover-up—complete with brainwashing and oaths of secrecy from the kids, eliminating witnesses and erasing store security tapes—or be skinned alive by Mrs F.

That said, I can just picture Baby's exhilaration—she lives for shit like that!

lucinda said...

That's why I had that "hand holder" (leash) for your sister. Once you have a huge department store locked down for a kid that is merrily playing hide and seek... I'd have happily added a muzzle as well...

inkelywinkely said...


Deb said...

"Only one person got scared straight"... OMG! That cracked me up. I'm glad you're both okay.

P.O.M. said...

Omg. I have a feeling this is just the beginning with that crazy girl.
So I started the covenant last night and didn't go to bed until it was done. I just back from library to get the rest but my little library only had one other series. So I got that.
And I told the lady at home depot and the library to read them.

Have you seen the documentary called devils playground??

julie said...

Mr F, LOL!!

I was going to say that you were so brave letting her walk alongside you knowing how adventurous she is! I'd still put Murphy is a carriage if I could or in a baby carrier, but alas at age 7, it's hard to fit him in my Baby Bjorn;)

wootini said...

Baby is something else! I'm so glad everything is ok, that must have been so terrifying.

Maybe it's something about being the second kid - my first completely fell for the "I'll walk away" tactic... not so my younger daughter.

Once when she was 2 she was furious b/c we had to come home from the neighborhood playground. So mad that she lay down in the front yard and refused to move.

So I tried the tactic of going inside, discreetly watching through the glass storm door, figuring she would follow.

She waited a few minutes, hopped up, brushed herself off, looked around... and took off full tilt back up the sidewalk in the direction of the playground. She couldn't have cared less that I wasn't with her. Thankfully I caught her before she made it to the street!

Mrs Furious said...

I am so excited that you are sucked into the Amish vortex. Seriously addictive as you now know.
Before B&N put the cabosh on loosey goosey returns I would buy them read them and return them the next day.
No on the documentary... I have always wanted to rent that. I must do it.

the problem is that she can get out of the cart too... shopping with her really is a nightmare and I'm damned if I do damned if I don't with her.

That was funny.

Oh you know she'll be smokin' in the boys' room. She's going to kill me.

Baby would totally do that. She has no fear of roads, cars, parking lots. She will not stop when you yell "STOP"... she just keeps going. We are getting the fence put in on the 26th... thank GOD.

Mr F,
Oh you know it would have meant DIVORCE ;)

It's true. It was a good lesson for me... she can't be messed with. Kid would have been scared out of her mind at the sight of me walking away. Baby just thought it was a win for her. Lesson learned. She can never be trusted or put down in a large public setting. Ever.

Oh it was funny... and mortifying.

That is exactly why we decided to drain our little emergency fund and put up a fence. Baby would do the same thing. I told Mr F that he just didn't understand the amount of everyday stress that goes into monitoring her. Just yesterday she got out of the house (again) and we all had to go running to find her. I need drugs. ;)

katieo said...

Dude. I have so been there. Over and over again. The best was in JCPenney:

"If anyone sees two little boys wearing buzz lightyear and woody costumes please bring them to customer service. Their mother is looking for them."

Christy said...

Gawd, I have been there, done that and felt pretty stoopid. Hahaha!!!

Elizabeth said...

I would wander off in stores all the time. I'd just get distracted.

By the time I was three, I knew what to do though. Find an employee, go up to them and say

"My name is Lizzy Moss, I am lost, you need to page my mom."

I was a very serious, if somewhat easily distracted kid.

(I also knew not to GO anywhere with anyone)

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