Friday, August 14, 2009

Can You Tell What's Been On Our Minds?

"The yellow snakes are adopting the red snakes." Kid announces.

If only it were that easy...

P.S. If any of you out there have successfully adopted I'd love to hear about it and get an agency recommendation. I'm think about an international adoption at this point. I really wish the process didn't take so long!


BsOnlyToots said...

I think it is so awesome that you are thinking about adopting! Have you ever watched "Adoption Stories"? It'll pull your heartstrings for sure!

Kiki said...

I did get the name of an adoption lawyer in Greenville,SC from a customer who had a stellar private adoption....also the district manager for our outlet division adopted from Guatamala....she said that was tough but I have the business card for the agency that "helped" her.

Why does it have to be so expensive, because I'm so unlucky not to be able to do it on my own I have to pay an exorbitant amount to have a baby??? It's kind of frustrating!

Piper said...

Our family adopted our second child through international adoption from Guatemala. That program is now closed; you may not adopt from Guatemala at this time due to implementation of Hague guidelines; it is closed inefinitely and not likely to be a viable option for families for a long while. There are only two international countries with adoption programs I would recommend at this time: China (3+ year wait unless adopting special needs) and Ethiopia (18 months + or -). The process is not for the faint of heart and it is expensive. The things in life worth doing are often work and require expense and sacrifice. Adoption is not purchasing a child. It is advocating for them, often taking on significant legal and administrative costs. International adoption, including travel and agency administrative costs will typically cost apx $20-35K. Private adoption through foster care is very inexpensive (my SIL adopted 4 siblings from foster care; she is a saint and they can handle the emotional needs the kids have from their abusive pasts.) There is nothing wrong with knowing your limits if you do not feel that is an option for you. At the same time, adoption, like birth, offers no guarantees on your childs health or emotional well being. Even families like mine who adopted a healthy young child face bonding and attachment issues that have to be worked through. A number of families who have adopted from Guatemala have had children develop cancer (I don't know that the cancer is a higher rate, but we are close-knit online community and we are more aware I suppose when our families have kids with cancer.) You love your children for who they are and you take on and fight with them to have the most healthy, emotionally and spiritually well childhood you can possibly give them. Oops, rabbit trail. Sorry. Frequently children adopted from foster care qualify for their medical care to be covered until they are adults. Private adoption in the US does not have to be the "compete for a child" bruhaha many people think it is. (Though to be fair, there is PLENTY of that and can cost upwards of $60K when people start throwing in ridiculous things like housing, cars, etc. for the biological mother - legal because they are technically covering pregnancy costs of the mother and not "paying for a child" but it is a bit of the ugly side of adoption, unfortunately.) Less expensive options are often available through pro-life crisis pregnancy centers. Many offer private adoption services. You may choose to have the child live in a "host family" until the final sign-off (anywhere from a few days to several months, depending on the state) at which time you would then have full parental rights. This minimizes the possibility of having your heart broken through a failed adoption (i.e. you wouldn't bring the child to your home and then have it taken back). The expense through crisis pregnancy centers often varies depending on your income, but normal for friends who have gone that route is typically about $5k for agency administrative fees and then anywhere from $5-$15K for the legal fees. Most US adoptions are either open adoptions (continued contact with birth family and/or birth siblings) or semi-private adoptions (contact with biological family, but anonymously and only through pre-arranged third party. The biological family does not have your direct contact information.) Of course the goal in any circumstance is to help the children as they get older develop a good sense of who they are. It often requires sacrifice on the part of the parents who raise the child because there can be alot of insecurities that come with encouraging your child to ask questions and find answers as they get older. It's definitely something that requires alot of careful thought and consideration before jumping in to. Good luck as you consider your options!

Mrs Furious said...

Thanks for the thorough response. We do not have the money (yet) for an international adoption but I'm going to start working towards that. I had worked in foster care and had always intended to adopt from foster care BUT now with two girls of my own the downsides of that are much more daunting to me in terms of their effects on my girls. Your sister is a saint! I have thought about waiting until my girls are older an than adopting out of foster care... but right now I just feel that our family and the kids would benefit from a similar aged sibling (in between them). Last year I thought about going ahead and getting approved with a foster agency and if the right situation came up going with it... but now I feel fairly certain that we aren't going to stay in this area for very long. Ugh. I wish the process was faster. I have been looking at Ethiopa, I had heard that Guatemala was closed.

I haven't watched that... God knows it will probably push me over the edge ;)

I find the whole thing fairly overwhelming. Lots of info out there but hard to know exactly what it all entails and the time frame is really disappointing too.

Karen said...

Mrs. F-

I am with you on the adopting through foster care. Dh and I could not have children and our girls came to us through foster care. Since we had been so blessed we decided to continue to foster and we had 4 more placements. The sad thing is the last placement was my daughters birth siblings. A boy and twin girls. They were with us for 9 months and went back to the birth father because he moved in with his sister. It broke our hearts. That was 3 years ago and while my girls were rather young when the little ones left they still remember them and remember they have a brother and 2 sisters out there somewhere (they have gone back into foster care but since we moved out of state they could not be placed with us). I struggle most of all. To me it is similar to a death in the family. I would love to foster again but because my girls are still so young, 8 & 7, I don't want to put them through that loss again. One of the things in my life I have to learn to suck up and move on. I AM trying. LOL. Good luck to you on whatever you decide.

Sorry for the book

Mrs Furious said...

Thank you for sharing your story. It reconfirms for me that adopting through foster care is probably not a good fit for us at this time. It really is like losing a child and the grief would be just as hard to bear. I don't think Mr F would be up for that, honestly, let alone the girls. And since we are very likely to move a couple more times in the next ten years it is all the more difficult and likely to end in some broken hearts.

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