People, I am really suffering right now. I'm having so many feelings that I feel like I want to explode with the biggest tantrum of all time. One thing that sucks about having kids is that you have to hold yourself together. And right now that is hard.
You know how when you were in school and you had finals and you had 4 major papers you had to write with a million references footnoted (and this was in the days of researching on microfiche!!!) and you were procrastinating and waiting until about the last possible minute to start (36 hours before it was due... on a good day). And you got all ready to get down to business and then suddenly you were so inexplicably tired. You could not stay awake. You know it isn't helping matters but it's like you've been struck with procrastination induced narcolepsy.
Was that just me?
Well THE SAME SHIT is going down right now. I keep falling asleep... and, people, I do not fall asleep. I never took a nap the entire time I had a newborn. I am hardcore. And here I am yesterday sound asleep with Baby putting a crown on my head and slapping me in the face with a diaper.
I just cannot deal with how out of control I feel and I am shutting down.
Oh and yesterday Baby got one of those giant hives that aren't hives but some more severe allergic reaction that landed her in the ER a couple of months ago. Awesome. That cost us $300 out of pocket because our shitty health plan does not have a fucking ER co-pay. So she's walking around with her spots circled in marker and we're hoping she successfully fights this off today and I don't have to take her in.
She's pissy because she doesn't feel good and I'm pissy because I'm just pissy and today is going to be a good day.
Oh and last night Kid was being a smart ass at the table during dinner and correcting me... she's in that phase... you know the one that starts at 6 and ends at 96 where your children have to correct you. It's ultra annoying. Especially when they are wrong (I never am... right Mom?). Well I was informing her of how annoying it was and Baby looked at me across the table and said "Stop Talking And Eat Mom." She was right... I was on the verge of losing my cool. And then later when I was getting in bed with Kid to read to her I told her "I'm having a really bad day if you didn't notice." It was kind of like an apology... right? Yes that is what I thought. And then she said "Yeah... you didn't even thank me." Which was so ridiculous, and funny, and typically seven, that it actually cheered me for a minute. I'm still not clear on what I was supposed to have thanked her for...
11 comments:
Off to the dr. today...AGAIN. I think at the ripe old age of 32 my body has quit. I SWEAR..I was perfectly healthy till now. Going in for finger/toe joint pain..as in stabbing PAIN..that comes and goes..rheum. arthritis anyone?? Gah. Shoot me now. And for gods sake, don't tell me whats next!
Going into hybernation mode--totally do that. This time I've decided to go with the emotionally overloaded so I just cannot function mode--where just doing the laundry takes more mental capacity than I have left and static-y hair leaves me sobbing.
Could you take baby in to the dr office? Should just be a sick baby visit copay and you could avoid the ER..
Marie,
Dude I have RA and let me tell you that some of the exhaustion could be related to that. When I'm having a flair I can feel like walking up stairs is all I can do. This is a bit dramatic... but... have you heard about or thought about eliminating wheat? If you do have RA or any autoimmune it is often a trigger. I have gone off and on with this and have had it make a profound difference. Also Magnesium supplements. Huge difference in my pain level. I had a rheumatologist who tried to use alternative methods when he could. I had good success with it.
The dr... well of course their doctor is out of network which means I have to front the whole bill and wait and see if it is reimbursed. This was a mistake I made when we first moved here and honestly neither of them has been sick enough for me to go through the hassle of changing them to new doctors (of course I've also been hoping we'd move..) There is a clinic we can go to before 5 and we just have to wait. I'm giving her until 3 when Kid comes home. If she is getting worse we'll pop over there after school. That way it is only $35.
I can only bitch about the weather yes it all this weather where the hell does 8" of snow come from in Texas seriously my kids have cabin fever I have to get out to day as we have b/day parties all weekend long to attend and being that Im such a procrastanator I have not one single gift we are out of groceries this weather is a bitch I need the sun I feel like Im slowly dying without the sun.
Mrs. F, I'll email you back later because we are road tripping to the frozen North & looking at my phone to type this is making me nauseous.....
My bitch....I got my period.
I don't have much to bitch about. Although I was hoping flowers would be delivered to my office today. BUT I did hear a rumor that a very over-the-top present is waiting for me for Sunday :)
Your vault-like status is killing us too. Is there someone you can call up and just vent to? Get it all out>
I am so sorry, hon... that bit from Kid about how you didn't even thank her? That just made me laugh so loud that I bit my cheek so I could stop laughing and listen in case I woke up the baby from her nap. Kid is going to make some man a spitfire of a wife someday.
Hugs.
Well, for some reason, I guess I wasn't paying attention the last few months, because I have a new tumor on my ankle and this morning I cannot move it at all.
Yeah, so I knew eventually I would get more, as I have 23 on one leg...and yes, I know, I have put off removal surgery for YEARS because it will only provide me relief for a few months then MORE come up in its spot...
I just don't WANT to do it.. I want to be normal and happy, and I can handle the pain, I can..I promise, I have done it for years.. why is this one too much? Or am I just flipping out because I feel like I am not in control?
Oh, and my doctor will not answer the phone AS ALWAYS.
And, I refuse to take medication while Punk is here,and he is here until Wednesday... and we are still out 300 bucks this month for child support even though he has only been with her one day the ENTIRE MONTH, and we are having to drive him to the next town for school and back to pick him up, and pay for his groceries.. and I can't take much needed medication..
AND I WISH THAT STUPID TRAMP WOULD GROW UP. Seriously, I cannot deal with it.. I am seething in anger, which, apparently, doesn't help my physical state, as stress causes more inflammation. YAY.
I have no idea what to do or say or anything any more.. I feel like I have NO CONTROL. Like my life is slipping between my fingers, and here I am taking care of someone else's child that could care less what my issues are (the mom), still having to keep up the facade that I can do everything so no one knows how much pain I am going through, unable to afford to eat so that everyone else can...
Damnit, I want my OWN children! I want to be pain free! I want to be able to be here, in my house, in my safe zone, and have rules that no one else has any input on because they own no part of our life! I want to not have other people determine the mood in my home!
I hate this shit.
You know what I have to bitch about. . . no answers still. A lot of questions, but just, no answers.
Sorry things are so tough for you right now. I totally understand the sleep thing. You just can only go on so long, and then you just can't.
And it's awful when we have bad days and take it out on the kids. It makes me feel awful when I do it. But apologizing, or offering an explanation is an important learning opportunity for Kid. So really, you were just HELPING her to learn and grown into an awesome human being. Right?
Feel better! Baby too! Keep us posted. Hopefully it's nothing!
I was too involved with my bitch yesterday that I was not able to bitch. Let's just say that raising some kids can be a real bitch;)
Sorry mrs f for all the stuff going on. That is crazy about the sleeping. Since i have known you, you have always had trouble sleeping. Things must be bad.
Ah, yes, the lovely 'correction' phase. Only my oldest does that. How lovely it is.
This past week has been so stressful I forgot to post.
Last weekend my good friend went into the ER with a meningitis relapse.
I've been working until 6 or 7 at my job.
Back when I didn't realize that this show (The Importance of Being Earnest) would have ALL of the furniture IN THE WORLD in it, I agreed to work on a side project.
So, they've been getting the bare minimum out of my as I try to shuttle from real job+overtime (which I do not get paid extra for btw) to side project (Which pays very little) to the ER at Duke.
This weekend was a major SCA event (I once again forgot to get pictures. sorry!) And the Baroness had very nicely said she'd like her retainers to finish the matching clothes we said we'd do last fall and wear it. So I had to make two dresses in the midst of all this.
I took a mental health day Thursday, got yelled at for coming in to work on Friday by the Crazy Boss Lady (because 'the cdc is worried about all the viruses out there) and then hung out while people with more sewing skills finished my dress - around 130 in the morning.
The event though was really really awesome, (Even though I was ALMOST too tired to enjoy it) I got called up in court and given an award which is really fabulous and great.
Except they got my name wrong. (which doesn't really detract, it's just hilarious)
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