I had some kind of gastro illness this weekend. Mr F got it too but not as badly or for as long. How is it that he lost 3 pounds and I lost.... anyone?.... NOTHING. Asshole.
Both the girls are driving me up a wall. I know it is the stress of everything that is going on (I get that) but the day in day out whiny, clingy-ness of Baby and the day in day out crazy tantrums of Kid (hello regression!) are pushing me over the edge. I was barely clingy to the edge before they decided to lose their minds. This is going to be a hard transition. HARD.
I almost cried myself to sleep last night. I was just too tired to follow through. That and my stomach hurt.
This pending separation is bringing up a lot of feelings for me. There are the legitimate, current, stresses of solo parenting for three and a half months, taxes, continuing education credits, daycare, AND selling our house. It's a lot.
BUT it also stirs up past injuries of having divorced parents. My father moved to New Jersey when I was 12. I would see him on vacations. That would mean I'd often go... how long?... 3 or so months between visits. It was hard and incredibly sad time for me. I felt abandoned. I was heart broken. I'd lie in bed and try to communicate telepathically with him. Things were never the same.
And this current situation is stirring those feelings up. Even though I know what is going on, and where these feelings are coming from, it is hard to separate those feelings out from my current ones. It just makes everything about this feel more *sad* and intense. My anxiety about what's coming up is definitely ramping up as we get closer to Mr F's moving day.
I'm just trying to get up and preform well each day. Do what I need to do and not get too caught up in my current head game. It's hard though. My head is attached to me.
I wish we had a set time line. I wish our house was in contract so I'd KNOW what and when things were going to happen. My patience and control issues are being challenged. And it's hard for me.
I hope we get some showings on the house this week.
That would go a long way toward making me feel better.