Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Happy Anniversary Honey!

And by now I'm sure you all know that I would not EVER really say that.

I have NEVER intentionally called Mr F "honey".

Yes, it has slipped out a handful of times in the last decade or so.

But it was an accident EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Just something that came out when I was in the panic of trying to give out an imperative instruction or something.

And I promise you it shocked the hell out of both of us each time.

And I very well my have vomited in my mouth a little too.

To put it in perspective I've accidentally called Mr F "Mom" more times.

And that only happens when we're fighting (Oh, Freud!).

No, our relationship is founded on the principle of humor first.

Profanity second.

And let's face it... it's pretty funny to nonchalantly mix as much unexpected profanity and insult into your endearments.

And that's why when Mr F gets home from work I don't say

"Hi Honey, how was your day?"

I say

"Oh. Hey Asshole." In as deadpan of a delivery as one can muster while draining spaghetti.

It makes us laugh every single time.

Except for the few times when I meant it...

It turns out without the implied irony it is just awkward.

Let's hope tonight is not one of those nights (aka BE ON TIME FOR THE SCHOOL OPEN HOUSE YOU JACKASS... 4:30 PROMPT)

Oh, and, Happy Anniversary.

Maybe next year we'll actually remember in time to get cards and gifts on our anniversary... and not just sometime in the year of our anniversary?

Or not get cards on time but forget to give them and just leave them in a bag on the top of our fridge until they are found when we're packing up to move?

Remember when we thought we'd go back HERE for our 10th anniversary?

It doesn't look like that is going to happen.

But who knew then that going to Ikea on "Ribs Night" would prove to be just as exciting?

P.S. "Ribs Night" is tonight. And I do have some returns to make. Let's take the kids. It'll be super romantic.

P.P.S I should clarify that it is actually our 9 year anniversary. It just feels like 10. thousand.


Amy said...

Probably your best post ever. I love ribs.

Andrea said...

OMG Mrs.F your back, I laughed so hard and yes rib night is the bomb and hell you can have an hour of kid free time take a book lounge on a couch eat dessert after you dropped the kids off. Just sayin not that Ive ever done these things. Happy Anniversary Guys 10 years thats cool I hope I havent killed my "honey" by then lol.

Mrs Furious said...

Who doesn't? Plus eating cafeteria style?!= hot.

actually married 9, together 11+. I just wanted to remind Mr F of our ridiculous overestimation of both our wealth and our free time we assumed we'd be having by our 10th. Neither of which is likely to come to pass...

Claire said...

Yesterday my sister and I went and got our passport photos - today I looked at the Cambridge Resort - that's not going to happen!!! But I am getting ready for possibilities!! I wish we had an Ikea or a Trader Joe's!!!

Mrs. Smitty said...

Happy Anniversary! Smitty and I said we'd go to Ireland for our 5 year, but then Smitty Jr. came along. So we said 10, now we have the Things. And dreams of having free time and disposable income.

Have a great time at Ikea!

lucinda said...

Happy Anniversary. I love you both.

julie said...

"Oh. Hey Asshole." In as deadpan of a delivery as one can muster while draining spaghetti. LOL!

I think Murphy would love to hang with you assholes.;)
As would I of course.

Happy 9th!

Missives From Suburbia said...

Douchebag? Does that ever come up? I like that one. I'm not allowed to use it.

Happy anniversary!

lucinda said...

and I love the priorities

Mrs Furious said...

does douche bag ever come up?!

Keri said...

Humor and profanity? What ever works, I'm for it. Humor has to be the absolute number one thing in my book. But it's not easy to find. Profanity? A most effective way to get your point accross. Even if the point doesn't get accross, it feels good to use it.


P/F said...

Hubs and I use 'honey' in parody of my brother and SIL, who seem to use it as a replacement for 'asshole', with the 'e' at the end extended for at least an extra second or two.

Also on our list: the creepy 'babe' we hear mostly awful douche-y couples call each other. This time 'babe' has to be super short and clipped.

This practice has turned on me in a cruel way, just like the way I'd snort laugh to amuse myself, then caught myself snort laughing without irony.

Happy Anniversary

julie said...

Douchebag? Does that ever come up? I like that one Missives, you totally crack me up. I have to curtail what I say now a days as my 8 year old will repeat it. I am afraid that something will slip at school and he will tell them he learned it from his mother. I will then have to say he is a pathological lier of course.

Missives From Suburbia said...

Further proof that my brain is dying. I commented on your douche bag thread and didn't remember it. (But now I can see why your ILs aren't exactly your cup of tea.)

That would have gone over brilliantly in our house.

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