Thursday, October 18, 2007

Mrs Furious Ponders Her Plummeting Self Esteem

Despite being at an all time low weight wise I'm just a wee bit depressed about my my stomach. I don't know what the deal is but I did not enjoy the dressing room experience. One bit. And I'm frustrated and discouraged and annoyed. This is why I shop at Target. I can load up a cart (while drinking a no whip Frappucino no less) and then I can take the clothes home and try them on in the damn dark if I want to. There are no florescent lights to stand under and in truth no full length mirrors. I can see my top half and then teeter on the toilet lid to see my bottom half. I don't ever have to see my bottom half, horrendous tummy included, if I don't want to. And that is how I like it. I know I am not even 9 months postpartum and that I weigh 12 pounds less then I did pre-pregnancy, which is no small feat and I am happy about that, but how fricking long is it going to take for the jelly belly to go away?! You moms out there know what I'm talkin' about. With Kid I hadn't even begun to try and get back to my pre-pregnancy weight 9 months postpartum so I really have nothing to compare this to. But right now I am thin, pretty damn thin, and yet my waist is still the same measurement as when I weighed 12 pounds more. Clothes are a nightmare since I don't feel that anything fits me well. And in order to fit my body they are tightish in the waist which just makes me feel fat. I mean seriously how much do I freaking have to lose to fit in a damn pair of pants?!? And I know some of you are like "Shut Up Mrs F I wish I weighed what you weigh.. when will it be enough for you all ready?" Well that is exactly what I would like to know. When will it be enough? When will I not look down and see a roly-poly belly, and I am not exaggerating, it is still doughy squishy and roll-y despite hovering in the 114s (and before you throw pitch forks at me I'm only 5'3). I've got my body fat down to 22.7%. What is it going to take? Maybe this is just a postpartum issue (I hope) but I am frustrated nonetheless. Maybe I need to read some of my old posts. But right now I'm tired and I'm just not feelin' it.
And the fact that this is what I am wearing isn't helping...

And those wets spots are baby snot if you are wondering!


Chris Howard said...

Ok, I'll admit that the thought did cross my mind as I was reading this, 'Geez, what does she want, perfection?', but you're right, what matters is how you feel about yourself.

The pilates are supposed to strengthen that area, is that right? If that and the weight loss don't do it, don't beat yourself up. You can only do so much. Focus on the fact that you're in great shape, you're not fat, and you've worked hard. If it's not something you can fix, maybe you can get some lipo or something someday, just to tighten things up there. If it'll help, I can send you a picture of my tummy :).

Mrs. Furious said...

I'm just tired and so easily frustrated today the thing is I know I'm not gonna be perfect. My stretchmarks are extensive and so the thinner I get the more "excess" skin I have. I know you can't really tell this from the pics (although actually I think you kind of can if you look at the progression) but the damage is really worse below my "waist" obviously. Anyway I have to accept that, but it is like that is it, that is all I can accept right now. Fine stretched out and saggy... but I want to be able to button my pants! I do think that if I maintain my weight for a longish period of time I would be willing to consider having just the excess skin removed.. I've already got the c-section scar anyway. we'll see... I'd much rather get to a place where I am comfortable with it.

katieo said...

Mrs F.

(Shh. don't tell! I am coming out of hiding to comment.)

Without going into uninteresting detail, lets just say, I don't have the pear problem. My midsection is definitely my "problem area." But it's ALWAYS been my problem area. It hasn't changed proportionately since having the kiddies...besides the pooch. But it's not a huge pooch so I count my blessings.
HOWEVER, I will say this: It always takes my body about a year to adjust back to semi-normal after pregnancy. Not that it'll be the same for you, maybe it will be that way forever, (sorry for the downer) BUT, in my opinion, 9 months postpartum is too soon to accurately assess your body. Also, aren't you breastfeeding? For me, my body always shifts around after i've weaned the baby. And I did mean to say body, not boobs. Although I do realize all the shifting in the world isn't going to get rid of that excess skin.

"But right now I'm tired and I'm just not feelin' it." (Ok, I'm pretty sure I say this in all of my comments here, but,) OY. I understand.

And where'd you get my uniform? lol!

Hang in there. Chronic pain and a sick baby. I'm guessing they don't add up to the best night's sleep (-HA! When was the last time you got one of those?) But still, it all tends to snowball doesn't it?
Dressing rooms shmessing rooms. Here's hoping next week will look better.

Moanna said...

Maybe ask Mr. Furious to stay home a couple days in a row so that you can sleep and rest your body. I'm just reading your recent posts, and thinking "the gal needs a sabbatical!"

Mrs. Furious said...

Thanks Katieo,

You know the whole dressing room thing got to me.
Ah well.
I was looking at pics of me about a year postpartum with Kid (I had just about gotten to pre-pregs weight) and it is true my stomach was still soft and doughy.. so I'm still (trying to be) hopeful that this will naturally firm(ish) up. Cause it isn't that my abs aren't strong right now just squishy. So I'll wait before I commit Hari Kari (ha...just kidding). Yeah the excess skin is NOT my friend. Last time, having only gone back to 124-6 this skin still had some fat in it and that actually looked better, but whatever... now it is what it is and I'm hoping that the good of the rest of my body can make up for the bad of just one area that I can in fact cover with clothes.

Mrs. Furious said...

Hi Moanna,
I'm actually feeling better this morning. I ordered pizza last night and checked out the minute Mr F walked in the door. So I got 2 hours of Oprah veg time and then went to bed with the baby. So I'm much better rested. And surprise surprise my hand feels better. Ah sleep.. you wonder drug...

Blog Widget by LinkWithin