The other day I was sitting in the basement tying my sneakers getting ready to workout. I don't really remember what triggered the thought. But I looked at this almost laughable shit hole of a *living space* and had this realization....
I'm in control of this.
I'm in control of myself and my decisions.
I have allowed this to happen.
I can choose to change.
So why don't I? What am I waiting for? Am I ready to change my behavior? Am I ready to do it for Me... to improve my quality of life? As Dr. Phil likes to say "How's that workin' for ya?"... well Dr. Phil... it's not... and that's the point really. It's making me feel helpless and out of control. Feelings that I subconsciously strive for to repeat my childhood. But lets face facts knowing that and changing it are two different things.
Well ever since that moment I've been making a mental list. A list of things that I truly believe would make me feel better about my life. Things I put off that tax me... sometimes in a very small way... sometimes in a big way. These are the things I want to get done.
I would like to:
Print out pictures and frame them (in the frames I bought for this purpose 6 years ago) and hang them in the stairway.
Print out and hang pictures in the Bedrooms (ie finally commit to living here!)
Discard misc. furniture from Guest Room and buy blue bedside table and dresser I saw at Ikea ($350)... actually make the room look finished and inviting and not like a storage room!
Have a clean house... which means ALL the way clean... not with misc piles of crap in the kitchen, on the table, on the floor, on the basement landing, on the floor of the coat closet, on the settee in my bedroom, etc.
Discard stuff we haven't used in one year (minus heirloom or wedding table top!... I'm not crazy)... ie get rid of enough stuff that we can actually put everything we own AWAY for once!
Get more attractive toy bin for living room.
File my paperwork.
Clean out my "cubby of shame" completely this time! Fill with toys so that I can no longer rely on having a cubby to stash weird paper hoarding evidence.
Go out with Friends.... scratch that.... Make Friends (not just on the blog!)
Have people over for dinner.
Do laundry once a week... and do all the steps... including putting it away!
Keep Baby's journal updated more regularly.
Spend more quality time with Mr F.
Get kids on a more consistent bed time.
Get more sleep.
Do more art and baking projects with Kid.
Lighten up on my perfectionist nature.
Do more craft projects.
Get the dining room chairs leather and horse hair stuffing reupholstered.
Have more special time with Kid.
When I see a pile of annoying crap pick it up instead of writing a post about it!