Sunday, January 6, 2008
Thank You
I just wanted to formally thank everyone who has been reading and commenting and thinking of me during these last few miserable days. I'm sorry if I didn't comment back to you directly. I did get everyone's comments and REALLY they all have helped me tremendously. I don't know what I did to get such a great group of readers but I am so thankful for you all... on a good day... let alone how supportive and wonderful you have all been this weekend. I have a very hard time being vulnerable and asking for help (which is clearly how I got in this mess to being with) and so it is not very often that I allow myself the opportunity to be supported or even trust that I will be. As many days as I question how much time I spend blogging... and try to justify or rationalize how much better I feel about myself for doing so versus how many times I tell Kid to "hold on just a minute I need to answer these questions"... I never could have imagined how powerful and real the connections I have made here would really be. Friday night was literally one of my lowest points. Had I been dealing with that alone I can only imagine it might have become unbearably low. But thanks to all of you I wasn't. I may have been locked in my bathroom screaming my lungs out... but I was not alone in there. So I thank you. Really, really, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am doing much better and will hopefully be posting some video of me doing something completely asinine to prove it.
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47 comments:
Glad to hear that you're back to your old Mrs. F ways. We all have low points and it's nice to know that we're not alone!
Hope things keep getting better!
Yay for you, Mrs F!
I, too, feel like I have a bunch of supportive friends here on your blog. I really got to get a blog up.
Can't wait to see the next video!!
I'm glad you asked for help (though I understand all too well how it's hard to). And I'm SO glad you're feeling better and that things are lookin up. Hopefully you got some *actual* rest. :)
Torey,
Thank you. I've been motivated to NOT show up at baby class on Wednesday still feeling like crap. I need to turn this ship around.
Julie,
thanks. I'm hoping to (I know it is crazy but I think it will help) take a shower and then do a big cardio session. Then I think I'll have gotten some positive energy in my system and I can move forward like a normal day. I've currently been sitting in my chair with my heating blanket making Mr F bring me things like I'm an invalid. That isn't going to help me tomorrow though. I need to get crackin!
Heather,
oh you know it is not easy! And I did not marry someone who has an easy time of *helping* so that can be a bad combination.
and Unisom might be my current best friend... minus the weird shakiness I'm having....I'm sure that's nothing ;)
Could the shakiness be a result of the aforementioned pot of coffee? :)
If I ever get a prescription for Ambien again, I am in trouble. That stuff is the most amazing thing in the world. No after effects. Knocks you out like a light.
Anyway, glad you're back!
I've been motivated to NOT show up at baby class
What is the baby class? You have mentioned it before and I am just curious.
Heather,
well I've only had one cup so far... as I only had one yesterday and I usually have 2-3 so I woke up with a slammin' headache. I'm trying to debate if I get on the treadmill if I'll kill myself.. or if I'll finally get my head cleared from the better blood flow...
Julie,
in our school district there is a separate program (not free) that has kind of mommy & me classes for 6 weeks until 5 years old. Kid and I did them.. starts with an infant message class as babies and then they can progress to wiggle worms, sign language,dance, spanish, large group play classes etc, through the years. They are not drop off and give both kids and parents a time to socialize while being taught by "parent educators" the early classes feature 1/2 hour parent discussion at the end the older classes end with a circle time that features songs they have heard and song since infancy. It is a great program. And it is run my social workers and early ed teachers. You also get included with your yearly membership (which is income based) home visits with your assigned parent educator who can evaluate where your kid is at and suggest activities and or interventions and set them up for you if that was indicated. But even if your kid is problem free you get these visits and they are great. And there is always an activity or game you never thought of doing. The older kids classes are set up and run like a typical preschool but just 1.5 hours long and w/parents to help them acclimate to what lies ahead. Fantastic program. And it was how I made friends after Kid originally. Torey and her son are in our current class. I know take the evening baby class which allows me to have that one on one time I had with Kid and that is when Kid and Mr F have their "date".
Hey Mrs. F,
I'm so glad you are doing better. That was a really nice post. I love being a part of this little "community" you have. They are a great bunch of people.
BTW, I just got your email and your real name popped up. I thought to myself, "who the hell is..." LOL
I think you should get on the treadmill. It will probably make you feel better.
Heather - I hear you on the Ambien. That stuff is amazing!
Robin,
shhh.... only people who email me get to find out that informations! ;)
Mr F is going to send you all the song so it will be from his design account.
I've got my workout outfit on and I'm heading down.... I think as long as I'm drinking plenty of water this will be a good thing.
I'm sorry I wasn't around to give you some words of wisdom earlier, but I see you got a lot of help anyway....*S*
About Ambien....when I took it a year or so back, eventually it became necessary or I could NOT get to sleep at all without it.
I mean that literally; up all night.
I don't know if it would affect everyone that way, but be careful.
Mrs. F.,
I am not suggesting you're suffering from what I went through, but reading your story reminded me of a time from my past. We had just moved to OK and my life slowed down. Instead of dropping the kids off at daycare then heading to work, I was now at home with them. I was dealing with a 3 and 1 year old. One of them kept on waking me up in the middle of the night. I would try to stay in bed until 9am but had to get up to feed the kids. I was putting them down for a nap at 11am so I could go back to sleep. By 6pm, I was ready to cry because I wanted to go to bed. I had no desire to do anything. It took everything I had to clean to house and cook meals. My husband worked all day so there was no help from him. I finally went to the dr. because I thought I had a thryoid problem. Turns out it was fine but he said I was depressed. I had to take medication for 2 years, but I have been fine for 4 years now.
I hope you start feeling better soon!
Sequana,
good to know. I can't take that while nursing anyway but that is something everyone should keep in mind. Hopefully once Baby stops acting like a freak all night I'll get some sleep anyway. Also of note usually I work out at night and that helps me sleep. But since I've been so tired I haven't and I think that was adding to the insomnia aspect.
Sherry,
thank you for your comment. I know I'll sound like everyone else who is in denial about their depression... but I'm actually in therapy and this although definitely depressing and crazy making is just a result of massive sleep deprivation. Should it continue at this level yes some serious depression could result. I am always in therapy since I'm just proactive that way ... and let's face it I have a LOT of issues from my growing up.
I'm glad that you got the help you needed and put it out there since many people read this and you never know who will relate to your story. Plus I'm sure a lot of people are screaming at their computers "yes Mrs F you do need meds!!!" I see my therapist on Thursday and I'll fill her in on what happened. It is always the day after therapy that the shit hits the fan though... ALWAYS!
Glad to hear you are feeling better. I was checking in all day yesterday to see if you would post an update. I was hoping that, since I didn't "see" you around, you were getting some much needed sleep. Hopefully, tonight will bring even more rest at the Furious home!
Thank you all from me, too.
Mrs F has shared some of the areas where we are less than ideally compatible, and this was clearly one of them...(Willingness to make an ass out of oneself doing a dance party or nasal-flushing on video must come at a cost of something, right?)
I could/should have done a better job recognizing the situation the other night and responded better.
Fortunately the rest of you were there to help Mrs F where I didn't.
I can see how much it meant to Mrs F, and want you all to know it means a lot to me too. Your support for Mrs F was invaluable to her and trickled down to the rest of us too.
Thank you all for being there and being great friends.
In honor and appreciation of all of you (and in my continuing efforts to reenter Mrs F's good graces), perhaps I'll make an extra-special ass of myself on FuriousTV for the good of the community...
I am so glad that you are feeling better. When you feel like that, it is so hard to know to do in order to feel better. At least for me it is anyway. Now that I am a mom, I sometimes realize that I have no idea who I am anymore! It has been so long since I have had "me" time, and been wearing the "mommy hat" that all the busyness gets me a bit crazy at times.
The blog is a great way to vent, and I really think that everyone wishes you the best!
Danielle,
thanks.
I just worked out (and didn't even fall off so that's is a good sign!) and I'm feeling a little more normal. It is hard not to get sucked into feeling sorry for yourself and lazy and then it is that much harder to function. I've got to get up early tomorrow and take Kid to the eye hospital so I've got to pull myself together asap.
And I'm calling the Dr for Baby tomorrow I need to know what is going on.
Hi Mrs F, glad you seem a bit perkier. Your last post title sounded a bit too much like an obituary for my peace of mind!
When my youngest was 3 months he had the most horrendous colic (who says breastfed babies don't get colic!) which lasted for 3 months. I was also suffering undiagnosed/untreated postnatal depression). Towards the end I just wanted to curl up and die. I remember one weekend we were visiting my parents 200 miles away, whom I love dearly but who don't do emotions, and I just lay on my bed and sobbed my eyes out for over an hour. Normally we never talk about feelings and I would never normally let them see me crying, but I was so low I didn't care! My mum took the baby downstairs and my dad sat on the edge of the bed helplessly patting my leg without saying a word, so obviously embarrassed and out of his depth until I put him out of his misery and told him to go down, I'd be fine. It makes me chuckle now, poor man was so hopeless - a product of his own stiff-upper lip upbringing from a father who'd been a Japanese POW during world war two.
One of my friends was even worse and her postnatal depression was so bad that her GP threatened to hospitalise her for a couple of weeks, but couldn't find a mother and baby unit, so she ended up going daily for months, so take care of yourself, and if you do feel you're slipping into depression then get some help.
At my lowest point I would feed the baby and then dump him in Mr Mole's lap and say something like "Get THIS out of my face!" (yeah! I was that low!) Still makes me feel guilty that the poor little soul didn't get as much love as his sister did
Mrs. F. I hope things are getting better. I can not imagine the level of stress you are feeling with no sleep. I have one night like that and I am crazed.
I have locked myself in the bathroom turned on the faucet, and the fan and screamed my head off. Not sure it helps but it is better than me screaming at the kids.
Hang in there. You rock.
Hi Mrs F, on a lighter note, if you haven't discovered Charlie and Lola yet have a look at I am not sleepy and I will not go to bed with kid.
My 2 (daughter just turned 7 and son 4) absolutely adore Charlie and Lola (and we think they're quite funny too!)
Erin,
I agree that it is hard to know what to do.. other than sleep I guess but that doesn't always work out. I had a hard time after Kid feeling like I didn't even know what to do with my downtime let along what I wanted to do. Now with two kids I have less down time so that's no longer an issue ;) No... (well yes..)... that is where having the exercise and the blog have helped me find a direction for my time.
Moley,
sorry... I can be a bit dramatic! ;) I'm feeling much better today and hope (please God) that Baby will snap out of whatever the hell is going on with her soon. The image of your poor dad is so cute in a way...
As I was telling Sherry I am always getting mental health help so no worries anyone! I haven't not been monitored for the last 17 years!!! And although I do not typically suffer from clinical depression I do have my times when stress/sleep deprevation/grief can certainly make me depressed. And there are certainly things I need to do to help make my life a little less stressful.
I will go check out the link!
Feener,
"Not sure it helps but it is better than me screaming at the kids. "
I think it does help... at least a little ;)
and thank you.
Mr. F! We are going to hold you to it! I love the Furious Family Reality TV Show!
Heather,
oh stay tuned. Mr F owes me big time and big time=chicken impersonation! And trust me people that is one of the funniest things you will ever see. period.
I'm hoping to take a shower and then do a big cardio session. Then I think I'll have gotten some positive energy in my system and I can move forward like a normal day.
Doing cardio can lead to positive energy???? Girl you really are messed up.
J/K!
I'm glad you're feeling better. I too looked twice at the email thinking "WHO?".
Once again, Hobbes for Kid (and you too!).
Tina,
I figured it would either kill me or make me feel better. I don't feel fantastic but I do feel like... hmm maybe I can function after all....
and yeah I feel like a jackass signing my emails with "Mrs Furious".
Yeah dad is fairly useless, he's only twice told me he loves me and both times, he was, uhm how shall I put this politely - drunk. Strangely enough I've never actually doubted that he does, unlike my OH and his mother (but don't get me started on her ;) ). I think partly because I have very happy memories of him when I was little, doing stuff with us, like building and sailing boats, flying kites, drawing pics etc. It's once we hit double figures that it all went downhill. He's the same with my brother.
He actually rang me about 18 months ago and expressed support as I was going through a really, really rough patch at work. I was quite touched.
Anyway my two have had their evening fix of Charlie and Lola so I better get them to bed. Back to school on Tuesday and we're still not back to normal bedtimes.
moley,
my dad can have his moments of emotional connectedness interspersed with long periods of no contact. But like you I do know he cares and he was a fun father when we were little. I am happy for my girls that I know Mr F will be a very involved dad even as they age... he's co-dependent like that ;)
yes school starts for us on Tuesday as well. Our kids never go to bed early... but I would like to get her (Kid) back to going to bed before 10:30 if at all possible!
Oh my life, we usually aim for going upstairs at 7.30 then after teeth, wash, story(ies) and cuddles I like to be back down at just after 8pm. Hetty usually reads for up to an hour, although that's fine as she's very sensible, puts her light out when she's tired and is not usually grumpy for school. Bumble can be more of a pain, getting out of bed, messing, playing his music full blast and dancing and singing around. I wouldn't mind if he wasn't so absolutely vile if he doesn't get enough sleep, plus the fact that he is a nightmare to actually wake up. You can actually pick him out of bed and sit him on the floor and he'll just curl up and doze off again! He also falls out of his (not very high) toddler bed and he doesn't wake up. We often go to bed and find him curled up on the floor on top of his quilt or even worse, kneeling on the floor with his top half resting on the edge of the bed! How anyone can sleep like that I don't know?!?
moley,
our kids are night owls. Did you know that circadian rhythms are genetic? True and we are living proof. Kid if allowed to do her thing would go to bed around 11:30-12 and wake up 11:30 AM. That was fine... if not GREAT when we just had her and I could sleep in with her. But Baby is more of a 9:30-9:30 sleeper (not counting the (12-15 wakings lol) and so that ultimately adds 2 extra parenting hours on to my day. Eventually I need to get Kid on a more reasonable schedule when she goes to school all day... now I have her in afternoons (which one day last month she didn't even wake up in time for!) We are essentially running our family 3 time zones behind the one we live in which can be somewhat complex...
our kids are night owls. Did you know that circadian rhythms are genetic? True and we are living proof. LOL
Yeah me, Mr Mole and Hetty too. Bumble is a morning person. I often think he was swapped by fairies at birth. It's not too bad now as it's still dark in the mornings but in summer he's up with the sun. I am so not a morning person!
Mind you now that they are a little bit older we can sometimes get away with coming down, giving them breakfast, lettings the chickens and dog out and then going back to bed for a couple of hours. Although we do then tend to get up to fin every singe toy is scattered about the house. This morning, we even had cornflakes and weetabix ground into the bedroom carpets :(
I'm glad things are better. This is bringing all that back like it was yesterday.However, today I had such a terrific time with the girls, now 20 and 16, so I guess it was all worth it! But right now, when you're not sleeping, and the babies are sick, it's just the worst. I wish there's been blogging back in Medieval times..I would have been addicted! (AllI had was Super Mario). :-)
moley,
Oh I do so look forward to the time when I can set them up and go back to bed!! Hell I just look forward to the time when I can go to bed!
Deborah,
yes the blogging is a life changing experience if not a life saver! I wish I had known about it with Kid... although when I just had one I actually left the house occasionally!
Super Mario... I haven't thought of that in a long time :)
and I am looking forward to having teens, even with the inevitable struggles...
Mrs F, Yeah its quite a recent occurrence, cos up till quite recently Bumble was a typical boy - into everything and a complete nightmare whom you couldn't leave alone for 1 min without incurring total devastation. I do still get suspicious if he's quiet for too long.
Sometimes I lie in bed just listening to them playing because it's just so_oo cute. They are so loving and funny together.
Moley,
oh that sounds adorable. I look forward to that. I've only got about 4 years to go!
Mrs F., so glad to see you are back on...I think you are spectacular and I can't tell you how glad I am that while I don't have children, I get to hang out here and NEVER feel out of place. For your ability to be real and put it all out there and then pull it togther and show us the funny side...truly your writing has been a gift to me, to all of us. Thank you. Glad you are doing better...
in our school district there is a separate program (not free) that has kind of mommy & me classes for 6 weeks until 5 years old.
That is very cool. How I wish we had that in our school district.
Well, I had a couple of really tough days with the kids...actually found myself sobbing...tomorrow will be a better day for me as well:)
Mrs. F...we all *heart* you!
It would just be nice if all the gals that hung around here actually lived in the same town.
Happy you're happier!
Kiki,
Oh thank you so much! Really. That means a lot to me. I was almost going to make me New Year's Resolution: make more real friends that don't have kids. For real. Having children is not enough of a commonality to make a good friendship. And can often detract from a making yourself and your needs a priority in your friendship. So I'm glad you are here as well.
Julie,
yeah the program is great. It was really great as a first time mom (slightly less fulfilling 2nd time around.. but still good overall)
and I am sorry that you had a hard weekend too! I am feeling 100% better so I'm pretty sure my period had a lot to do with. Everyone will need to remind me of that NEXT month!
I hope you are doing better. I'm home feel free to email me if you want to.
Amy,
Oh I *heart* you all too! Really.
Wouldn't it though? We could all come over to your house and play Bunco with you! ;)
LMAO at "he's co-dependent like that". You have just NAILED the reason my husband will be a much better dad to our kid(s) than either of us had growing up. Thanks for framing that so perfectly for me.
Glad things are looking up. I was amazed at how much sleep-deprivation mimics the signs of depression when I was going through it. No wonder its used as a torture technique. I think I'd prefer waterboarding.
I hope you are doing better. I'm home feel free to email me if you want to.
Thanks! That is so sweet. If I had a blog, you all would have gotten a doozy. My older boy, who is usually the one who is easier, was really disagreeable...I mean really...bad...there I said it. I did not tell him he was bad, but dammit, he was.
I tend to over dramatize things and made it seem like we were in the midst of an afterschool special and my kid was on angel dust or something. That will make sense to those of you who watched those shows back in the day...otherwise, you are probably puzzled by that reference. No, my 7 year old is not on angel dust...but boy, did he act like jerk (and also probably very age appropriate. I can't say I acted age appropriate the whole time.)
Deb,
Oh I'm glad I could help ;) It really is true though... Mr F will probably be the "weird creepy old guy" that is spotted constantly driving by their dorms when they move out. It will kill him. No seriously. I don't know if he'll be able to handle the empty nest. He can be a total woman sometimes ;)
Julie,
Well #1 I'm glad you are doing better
#2 Of course I know what an afterschool special is! lol I haven't thought of those in quite sometime. But yes they either featured angel dust or teen pregnancy. It is no wonder I love "Intervention" now it is essentially the grown up version!
ohmigosh! I just checked in and have completely abandoned you in your time of need! Mrs. F, you are so not alone! The whole month of December I found myself in a constant state of depression. I am so glad that January has finally arrived. I am so sorry that I was not there for you:) I sure hope Baby cuts those teeth and sleeps one night straight through just for you:)
Kenady,
Oh thanks! :)
I am doing so much better and I hate to have it be true but I think it really must have been related to my period. Since I'm fine now and have not exactly had a ton more sleep.
I'm really sorry to hear you had a depressing December... but with your xmas morning I'm not too surprised :(
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