Today the thing I fear most happened.
Well... the thing I fear most that is the precursor to the thing I fear most Monday - Friday 9 AM - 2:30 PM... happened.
Before I even answered the phone I saw that it was Kid's school and I started to tremble with adrenaline.
"Hello... Rachel?" The woman asked.
"Yes." I replied with a bit of fear.
"Um... It's Jessica" Kid's teacher said.
And that's when I knew it wasn't the office calling about something administrative. It's also when my heart may have stopped beating
"Ruby..." She continued hesitantly.
And I swear these long awkward pauses aren't for effect... that is how she was talking.... and I just wanted to scream "I can't take it!!! Just say it!!!"
"...doesn't feel well. She says her stomach hurts." She finished and I could hear the anxiety in her voice.
"I'm coming." I announced and hung up the phone.
In less than 3 minutes I had Baby dressed and buckled in the car.
I forgot my shoes. I was shaking.
Then I sat at the unbearably long light wishing I had cut through the gas station.
I had my spiel ready in case I should get pulled over by a cop on my way. I really didn't trust myself not speed down our 20 MPH road. I figured it helped that I was already crying.
It took me 5 minutes to get there and I was reminded why we chose this school and why I refuse to have Kid bused across town. I need to be able to get there in 5 minutes. Period.
Things had gotten settled into a safe rhythm around here. We want to have faith, or hope, that Kid is one of the lucky ones... but we never forget, and can never stop the hypervigilance of preparedness. It's our job. And her life does literally depend on it.
When I got out of the car I took a second to absorb the fact that an ambulance wasn't there. And I didn't hear one coming.
I walked in the room and could see the weary look of concern and fear on the teacher's face. She did not want to have to endure a day of worry and watching and disecting every potential clue.
Because this is how Kid's seizures start.
And you won't know until you know.