I have been pretty conscious of my own happiness level lately. Why? Most notably because I am happy. This has been quite a year for me... and mostly not a good one.
Just about a year ago is when Mr F's parents came to visit... and I infamously blogged about their visit... resulting in...well... a catastrophic shit storm.
Mere weeks later Mr F was offered the job in Asheville and we literally went from living a normal life (cluttered, hoarding issues included) to selling our house and buying a house and moving 600+ miles in less than 6 weeks. That was a time of incredible stress... that was only bearable due to the tremendous amount of pressure and resulting adrenaline.
Unfortunately things didn't really take an up turn after we got settled in. I entered a pretty low point and was definitely suffering from situational depression having lost all my friends, family, routine... and... my therapist when we moved.
I stopped working out and watching what I was eating, and while I miraculously didn't balloon to twice my size, I forgot how important those things are in terms of feeling in control of my life.
Oh and there was the freelance and financial hits from Mr F's job to process... and our new crazy budget to contend with. And the weekly stress of cutting back without ever getting a reward (a new and humbling life circumstance).
Then I broke my tailbone... and the ensuing depression and unbearable pain... for MONTHS. Oh and the medical bills. And the not working out... or even sitting down... or having fun. For MONTHS.
And then we lost our health coverage. Remember that?!
Mrs F where is the light?
I'm getting to it.
After all that we still had to struggle with our taxes and settling bills AND selling Mr F's car (which we owned outright) just to keep ourselves out of debt. Which we did.
And now there is light.
Seriously. I no longer hate Asheville. Would I pick it? No. But I'm not unhappy here anymore. I can see the advantages... and... for now there are some. My children are happy and healthy (whew!) and Mr F is fulfilled at his job. And while we are not financially where we want to be we are emotionally where we want to be... and not everyone can say that.
Our marriage is better than it has ever been. Proving that personal fulfillment is very important... even if it isn't your own.
And in a way I am fulfilled... because I want to have a happy family... and I do. And I am cognizant of it.
And I'm proud of myself. I have been working very hard to keep this ship afloat even during times that it felt like we were drowning... and I did it. I did it by myself and I saved us. We're floating. And that is fulfilling too.