Thursday, May 7, 2009

More On The Route To Happiness

14 comments:

Amy said...

you make me feel like i'm sitting in your kitchen with a cup of cocoa.

Marie said...

I know EXACTLY how you feel about saying yes when you mean no and then hating the person for asking. Its like "yeah--watch your hellion kids for 3 hours while you get a massage? Nooo problem! Anytime!" (insert huge fake smile and relaxed attitude) And then hating that person for asking and not seeming to feel guilty about asking..twisted? weird? And yet I am racked w/ guilt whenever I need to ask someone for something and will exhaust every avenue to NOT have to ask. Go figure. (this includes 3 small kids and a yearly trip to the OB-GYN. it was a lot of interesting questions..)

And whats up with the cliffhanger?? "And the other HUGE thing is....oops out of time!". I feel like the power went out just as we were about to find out who the murderer was!

Mrs Furious said...

Amy,
Oh I wish you were here in my kitchen. It would be much more fun to talk to people who talk back :)


Marie,
I am literally the same way. Yes it was fun when Kid was at my OB appointment and I had the INTERNAL ultrasound!!!! Yikes! First I'm going to stop saying yes... than I'm going to work on asking for help. Baby steps.

Cliffhanger... I don't even remember what the other huge thing was. Couldn't have been that huge ;)

wootini said...

"First I'm going to stop saying yes... than I'm going to work on asking for help. Baby steps."

AMEN. Good for you. Why is this so hard to do? I always err on the side of saying "yes" and never want to ask for help myself.

Becoming more self aware about this is huge - and I'm finding is critically important in my marriage too.

Amy, fantastic idea! Meet at Mrs Furious' kitchen for some hot cocoa :)

Haley said...

I started saying "No" when I turned 30.

It's freaking awesome.

Mrs Furious said...

Wootini,
Oh I really wish you all could just come on over.

marriage. yeah... that's interesting... because (sorry guys) but I think the whole "help yourself first so you can help others" comes more naturally for men than it does for women. I know for us, sometimes, I think because that is more of Mr F's default setting, it doesn't always occur to him that I am sacrificing first and then if there is anything left helping myself. That was long winded... did it make sense? It is still a struggle for me not to resent that but I am trying to see it for what it is and not a conscious choice (on his part) to meet his needs before mine or the kids.

Mrs Furious said...

Haley,
LOL

Out of Hand said...

I remembered hearing on an Oprah from 1991 when I was young and had no idea that I would ever need someone to tell me that it is ok to say no--she said that people that are over givers should have a blanket statement set in their minds that they say.
I either say "I'll have to run that by Jerry before I commit"
or "It's never good for me to commit without being in front of the calendar. I'll have to get back to you."
Oprah herself said that she says "I'll need to think about that before commiting."
I will run myself ragged (still) just trying to help someone else (cursing in my head the whole time) and me and my family are suffering. I too have to keep working on this.
And then there are those people that just say no outright.
I'm just a people pleasing fool...

julie said...

I really enjoyed that video. I would say more but I have to run to my kids' school to pick them up!

PS I was just wondering about that dress you were wearing...looks great on you!

Oh, right, you deserve a truly kick-ass Mother's Day this Sunday. I remember how absolutely shitty last year was. Crazy shitty.

Mrs Furious said...

Julie,
I got this (yes I'm wearing it again... you know... day 2) at Target last year.

Agreed... Mr F owes me BIG time this year ;)


Out of Hand,
"And then there are those people that just say no outright. "
I know... and that kills me. How do they do it? How do they sleep at night?!!! ;)

julie said...

Oh, Mrs F, I remember the dress from last year. I was actually just thinking about it (odd...I have no idea why I was wondering about your dress...I just thought I hadn't seen it in a while. Okay, I sound freaking creepy right now. You know I'm not!)

Mrs Furious said...

Julie,
Oh that is funny. Well sometime last summer I saw a woman wearing the same dress at the airport and I thought "Good God that looks like a maternity dress" and then I kind of backed away from wearing it. Then this year I thought "fuck it" and I put it back in rotation. It's incredibly forgiving around the middle ;)

Patrick Cavan Brown said...

amen on the people pleaser rant!

Mrs Furious said...

Patrick,
LOL... I see you are sucked into the Furious vortex.

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