WARNING... I am having more than a little trouble with the old internet connection the past 24 hours. Everything is taking FOREVER to load. If this goes up it will likely have mistakes... and I won't be correcting them... do not judge... and I may not be able to return comments (some from yesterday too... sorry) until things get back to normal. It's just too frustrating and I have more important things to stress about... trust me.
Things are going on.
Things were going on.... and then they weren't... and now they are again.
It's been a bit of a roller coaster the last couple of weeks. But in a weird way I'm thankful for it because it gave me a bit of perspective and has allowed for some stabilizing walls to be put up in an effort to protect my mental state.
For some obvious reasons (that you will just have to guess about) I can't talk about all this.
I can just say we are sitting atop a precipice and I need to be prepared for the fall... either way.
Our entire life might change in short order.
It might not (a fall of much more depressing and familiar kind).
I'm staying surprisingly level headed. I'm of course stressed and feeling a bit in limbo and having a TON of things thrown at me (suddenly several kids need childcare?!)... and while on one hand I'd like to accept... on the other.... I'm not sure I can commit. It's hard. I really don't know what to do. I don't want to miss out on an opportunity for the work but when I say change I do mean CHANGE and it would be impossible for me to care for them.
And of course it's all coming at once and everything is time sensitive.
My strategy is to try and take this one day at a time.
Hopefully we'll have an answer sooner rather than later.
And hopefully I'll be okay with it when it happens.
All I can say is...
I want this for me... but more than that... I want it for you. I could live this hell hole of a year ten thousand times over it I thought it'd end with you getting the respect and clout you deserve. You're better than you think you are. And I believe she's going to see it.