WARNING... I am having more than a little trouble with the old internet connection the past 24 hours. Everything is taking FOREVER to load. If this goes up it will likely have mistakes... and I won't be correcting them... do not judge... and I may not be able to return comments (some from yesterday too... sorry) until things get back to normal. It's just too frustrating and I have more important things to stress about... trust me.
Things are going on.
Things were going on.... and then they weren't... and now they are again.
It's been a bit of a roller coaster the last couple of weeks. But in a weird way I'm thankful for it because it gave me a bit of perspective and has allowed for some stabilizing walls to be put up in an effort to protect my mental state.
For some obvious reasons (that you will just have to guess about) I can't talk about all this.
I can just say we are sitting atop a precipice and I need to be prepared for the fall... either way.
Our entire life might change in short order.
Or...
It might not (a fall of much more depressing and familiar kind).
I'm staying surprisingly level headed. I'm of course stressed and feeling a bit in limbo and having a TON of things thrown at me (suddenly several kids need childcare?!)... and while on one hand I'd like to accept... on the other.... I'm not sure I can commit. It's hard. I really don't know what to do. I don't want to miss out on an opportunity for the work but when I say change I do mean CHANGE and it would be impossible for me to care for them.
And of course it's all coming at once and everything is time sensitive.
My strategy is to try and take this one day at a time.
Hopefully we'll have an answer sooner rather than later.
And hopefully I'll be okay with it when it happens.
All I can say is...
Dear Someone,
I want this for me... but more than that... I want it for you. I could live this hell hole of a year ten thousand times over it I thought it'd end with you getting the respect and clout you deserve. You're better than you think you are. And I believe she's going to see it.
Love,
Me
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9 comments:
I'm pulling for you guys!
And you know I TOTALLY understand the confusion and stress of choosing a path right now... what is with the universe these days???
I am also pulling/praying for you guys!!!!!
Hope everything works out just the way that you want it to. Also, I hope that you soon get to a place where the stress won't be as bad. Good Luck!!!
Now we're all on the precepice with you!!
Here's hoping everything works out the way you want it to!
Oh people! I am really REALLY excited about this prospect. I'm hopeful and would absolutely fall to my knees if it came through. It is an opportunity that we didn't even see coming. BUT it is not even close to a done deal. At this point it is just a glimmer on the horizon. I'm trying not to lose my eyesight from staring at it ALL day long EVERYday. Trying to stay sane... and see the upside if it falls through.
The stress never goes away. The longer I live, the more I realize that. No sooner do I dodge one bullet, I discover another is headed my way. Yes, there are lulls in between the storms..and I'll think 'finally'..sweet peace. But it does'nt last. C'est la vie.
If I'd had known this back in the day I'd have made a point to enjoy my youth more. I kept thinking things would get better--in the future--but it doesn't work that way for the most part. Some things do get better, but the bad is ever present too. Just sayin...
Gilda Radner coined it best "it's always something". Yep. Truth.
Not trying to add to your load, just letting you know we've all been there, and those who have'nt?..just wait..your day is coming.
I realize I'm sort of being like Job's friends, who in his time of need were not much of a comfort. But being Pollyanna isn't all it's cracked up to be either.
Take heart..the bad doesn't last forever..it just comes, then goes, then comes, then goes. No sense in letting it get to you. Not saying you are, but you've had a lot of trials of late. Hang in there.
Dinah,
I'm in a good place. I'm excited but I'm staying okay with whatever happens. Not because one will bring more "peace" but because one brings solutions that we can't manufacture for ourselves here. We'll just have to wait and see what unfolds.
But I am also excited that this is happening now. I wouldn't have appreciated this offer had we not come here and been through what we have. It was one of the most valuable and instructive years of my life and has made us a much stronger family. I've learned a lot.
I so hope everything works out just the way ya'll deserve, and you only deserve the best..
I am sending good thoughts and vibes to ya, through...I guess the southern waterways, LOL.
Just know that you are in our thoughts.
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