Saturday, August 29, 2009

I Quit

Dear First Grade Teacher,

I found the tone you used, while talking to me yesterday, to be incredibly offensive. I do not like to be talked to like I am a six year old using six year old logic. I am not only older than you are, I have more education, more experience working with parents in a school setting, and have been parenting my own children longer. Is it not possible that my perspective might have some validity?

Good luck replacing me.

Mrs F


julie said...

Did you really?! Good for you.

What happened?

julie said...

Did you really?! Good for you.

What happened?

julie said...

um, weird. Apparently inquiring julies want to know.

Mrs Furious said...

Yes I did.

I have not liked her from day 1. She is one of those people who sets really firm boundaries for THEMSELVES but expects that everything else you will do... but... exactly the way they want it.
She is also very curt and dismissive.

I tried to just quit running the field trips because it would require lots of communication between her & I but she pressed it and suggested I might be have to uphold my responsibility since I signed up for it (which I didn't... no one did so I was just doing it). WTF? It's volunteer work. Then she proceed to talk down to me and accuse me of "attacking" her when I said she was dismissive. She actually said of me "problem solvers are great to have on your team... if.... there are problems... but I find it's best to just see what happens." Well fuck you. Problem solvers are great to have on your team period.
And look what happened... I quit.

Here is the resignation email...
"I am really sorry that we had the kind of conversation that we did. As you can see I really did try to avoid that by addressing this with you directly and formally through the original email. I had assumed when you called that you were calling regarding that.

I want you to know that I am not a "problem" parent. You can ask Doreen. I never had words of any kind with her or anyone else. My issue last year was that parent information was not passed on through parent council. A lot of parents felt uninformed last year. Whether the hold up was Doreen or the class parents I have no idea as I was out of the loop. But that is where I am coming from as a class parent... wanting to pass on as much information as possible.... and having had direct feedback from parents that that is what they wanted as well.

I am an emotional, sensitive person. I want to help people. I was not ever trying to attack you this afternoon just express (at your urging) what was bothering me. While I am certain that it is not intentional I have felt dismissed. If my style of helping isn't helpful to you than it isn't helpful, or practical, for me to be helping you.

I know that for me it will be difficult for me to continue on as class parent. I want to have the best possible school experience for Ruby, for our family, and for the classroom. I think having communication conflicts is not going to help me (or anyone) achieve that.

I have too many other daily responsibilities to take on one that is stressful to me. I need to have as much positive energy as I can to direct toward my own children.
I'm sure you can appreciate that taking on a volunteer role that makes me feel badly and then affects my day is not a good parenting choice.

I will take on the responsibility of informing the parent council that I am stepping down. I am happy to help Tracy as she needs it throughout the year and in more informal volunteer roles in the classroom. I will talk with Tracy about this and make sure she feels she has the support she needs.

I feel strongly that this is a step I must take in order to protect our parent/teacher relationship.

I really want Ruby to have a great year in your class. She's been very excited and has enjoyed school tremendously thus far.

Thanks for your understanding,"

Sorry I know that was long!

Marie said...

omg..LOVE the letter. Very well written (rather than "F-U B*tch!) And GOOD for you for getting outta there fast. Its only week 1...god knows what would happen once she was "comfortable" with you...

Hmm...i see another positive to your homeschooling least you'd always agree with the "teacher"!
Did Kid have a good first day? My oldest LOVED it--was ready to go ALL DAY yesterday (complete w/ backpack on) for her afternoon K.

Kelly said...

Good for you!!! I hate when a teacher acts like they are better than you. For your sanity, I think this was the best possible choice. Also, I think you were way more mature about it than I couldve been.

The Other Susan said...

Great letter! And good for you, getting out while the getting's good. Seriously, with so much else going on in your life, there is no point at all in making yourself crazy dealing with a power-mad teacher. If you can support the unfortunate class parent without having to deal directly with the teacher, so much the better.

My sister is homeschooling this year--my niece is in 7th grade. The irony? My sister is on the school board. She had such problems with the school administration that when my nephew graduated this past June, she decided to just remove my niece from the whole situation. The next irony? She isn't the first or only school board member to remove his/her children from the system.

So much for parental involvement improving the educational situation, huh?

Mrs Furious said...

Thanks ladies. I'm having a really hard time letting my anger go. Surprisingly I did sleep. She actually said to me "Rachel that is a big word." as a reprimand. Can you freaking believe it?! Is it possible to be anymore patronizing?

And The Other Susan,
That is interesting and somewhat funny in an ironic sense.

If I could get out of our contract I'd be homeschooling now.

julie said...

great letter...I especially like this paragraph:

I have too many other daily responsibilities to take on one that is stressful to me. I need to have as much positive energy as I can to direct toward my own children.
I'm sure you can appreciate that taking on a volunteer role that makes me feel badly and then affects my day is not a good parenting choice.

very wise to get out now. You would have had a miserable year dealing with her. She actually told you "Rachel that is a big word."!!!??? wow.

Mrs Furious said...

yes she did. Can you believe it? So condescending. I was shaking with anger. I couldn't believe the conversation was taking that turn. And she is oblivious that she was the one who was inappropriate.

BsOnlyToots said...

WOW! Your email is AWESOME! I would not have been anywhere near that ... I would have totally been in a rage! LOL I have 3 in school this year Kindergarten, First, and Fifth. I arranged for my Kindergartner to be in the same class that my first grader was in last year because I LOVE the teacher so much, and love being in her class to help out! My 5th grader's teachers are both friendly, funny and calm. I like them both. My 1st grader's teacher is another story. The moment I met her I didn't like her, and in the 4 days of school that have passed, I like her even less. I think she may be Kid's teacher sister! LOL She's very rude and condescending, not looking forward to her this year!

Anyways, you did awesome stepping down so politely, while pointing out that she was wrong!

HaleyBird said...

Good for you for standing up to her! Who knew the school bully would be the teacher.... blech.

Supermom said...

I dont read for a few days and come back to this!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry Mrs F!!!!!!!!!!

katieo said...

OH geez. Well here's hoping kid at least has a good year.

I'm sure you can appreciate that taking on a volunteer role that makes me feel badly and then affects my day is not a good parenting choice.

that's perfect.

(p.s. I just had a fistful of brownie dough. not stronger, lol)

Mrs Furious said...

Thanks for everyone's support. I'm trying hard not to let this ruin my whole weekend. Of course last night I said to Mr F "Tell me I'm a good person and that people like me." I'm hoping I'm getting my period because I've been a bit over the top emotional about it. I also have had to fine tune some good comebacks in case she tries to talk to me about this again... you know... crazy time in my head ;)

The thing for me is that if I continue to help her she'll continue to annoy me and then Kid will know there is a problem. I need for Kid to have her own relationship without worrying how I feel. Hopefully this teacher can have her own relationship with Kid without now having issues with her because of me. We'll see.

Kiki said...

As a former teacher... I would have appreciated any help from parents and spoken with gratitude and graciousness in my voice...I can't believe she was such a bitch, to you! To you for goodness sake, I want you to be part of my family and she is rude and dismissive!!!! I hate her for you, let me be the vessel for your anger, I'm irritated for you!!!

Mrs Furious said...

Thank you. I need people to hate her for me so I can try and move past it. I'm not moving very quickly ;) I'm still obsessively coming up with comebacks.... trying to stop writing them down though ;)
I'm planning to just give her the old cool shoulder this week at pickup and hopefully in time I'll feel better. She didn't even respond to my resignation letter... which I suppose is better than if she had felt the need to one up me.

Supermom said...

BTW, you are a good person. I like you

REMEMBER I made you a carrot cake for your birthday!!!!!!!!!!!

See you tomorrow!
<3 Michelle

PS. I'll even call the Mormons back if you want.

Mrs Furious said...

Thank you Supermom!

See you tomorrow!!

P.O.M. said...

Eeks. I also hope that this teacher will be able to have her own relationship with Ruby. BUT by her immature behavior, I wonder if that's even possible.

Keep us posted.
And duh... everyone loves you.

gooddog said...

The codependent in me couldn't even respond to this when I read it over the weekend because I was SO PISSED at this ridiculous teacher.

SERIOUSLY? "A big word"? That's the comment that I can't stop making up comebacks for. Like: "You like that? Wanna hear a four-letter one like F--- YOU?" or "Yes, those of us with masters degrees tend to use vocabulary that you may not understand. Let me break it down for you." OK, I'll stop there. Obviously, my anger runneth over.

Hang in there. We've all got your back! (And I can unleash some hate...)

Mrs Furious said...

"(And I can unleash some hate...)"
LOL! Thank you. Seriously.

Oh I am praying she is a good person and will not act out on Kid. I will have to kick her ass if she does. I am really good at verbal abuse when I need to be ;)

Elizabeth said...

Now I'm just really curious, what was the 'big word'!

And way to not let people treat you like crud. That's important, and so difficult

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