Friday, January 24, 2014


This week was weird and stressful and just a hard week to get through.  Everyday posed another big stressor and I'm finally at the other side of it.

Behind the scenes, two big things have been converging on the Furious household.

Mr F has been grappling with the news that his father is terminally ill.  As you know, this relationship has been tenuous (to non-existent) for the last 6 years.  Anyone who has lost a parent, or other loved one, knows that the more conflicted the relationship the harder it is.  There are many mixed emotions, and guilt that there is relief in the ending of something so difficult.  This is hardly a unique parent-child dynamic and I know many of you will be able to relate on some level.  In the end, I just booked him a ticket, knowing that the guilt of not going in time would be far worse than whatever the outcome of going would be.

Also, one of Kid's very best friends is going back to Korea, tomorrow.  We have had her over for sleepovers and long weekends many times over the last year.  And, while it is easier knowing that she is ready to go home (unlike Kid's other friend, from last year, whose mother had died)... she is less connected on social media and there is the very real fear that we'll not have any more contact with her.  It is so hard.  I worry a lot about these goodbyes.  I want to due it right, for my kids and for their friends.  I changed schools a LOT as a kid, and I know how painful that is... having friendships end and being too young to be able to keep them going long distance on your own.  So, I put a fair amount of effort (and it truthfully stresses me out a lot, worrying about if it is enough and if it will work out).  I made Sally a photo album of all the pictures I had taken of them together and put in ALL of our contact info.  I gave her a framed picture of their group of friends, and a big box of her favorite Angry Bird Cheez Its to take on the plane.  Unfortunately, she doesn't know her address at home and isn't on Skype.  Hopefully, her parents will help her reach out... but, I also know that this is part of life and sometimes we have hard goodbyes with people we care about.  And it really is better to have loved than never to have loved at all.  If she doesn't email us, it is because she is busy in her life with her friends at home and we should be happy for that.  This is what I tell Kid about both her friends that have gone back to Korea... it does help... but it is still hard.  At 11, she is in many ways closer to the friends she makes now, at this age, than she ever was before. They've matured so much and share more and have their own relationships.... they aren't "playing" anymore.  And this whole goodbye was made much more stressful today, when her last day of school was cancelled due to the cold and they had not really said goodbye.  So I drove over to the boarding house, again, knowing the goodbye is important closure even when it is sad to say.  Sally has been a great friend, one of those kids you just love having over at your house.  We'll all miss her!

I'm so glad we made the drive out to say goodbye. She was so surprised and thrilled that we came, she had been disappointed all day that she hadn't been able to say goodbye to anyone.  Which just made me extra grateful that we made the trip.  And we didn't cry... then, anyway.  Which is good, it just makes it so much harder on the friend to carry that burden on top of their own feelings about leaving.

I had worried so much about getting this all right for Kid, this is her friend, after all, that I kind of underestimated how this would be for Baby.  Unlike Kid's friend from last year, Baby had spent lot of time with Sally.   This is the first real permanent goodbye for her... and she didn't really realize it until after we had been home for awhile.  She sobbed and sobbed in grief for an hour before she fell asleep.

so, that's that.  :(

It's been a hard day.  It was also the first day where I REALLY struggled with my motivation to stick to my diet & exercise plan.... interesting food for thought regarding my sabotage triggers... (I did, though!  I pushed through the impulse to take a day off... I even did an extra 15 on the treadmill).

All in all, it's been an unusual and therefore hard week... with basketball starting... and the uncertainty about how that would go and then the logistics involved, Kid's big test (which is now postponed... ), Baby having a freak bed wetting, Mr F's situation with his parents which kept us up late every night this week and now his being out of town, another "cold day" off of school, trying to get the photo album put together for Sally, and the added huge stressor of getting everything and everybody together- all at once- to apply for our passports... which you have to do in person with both parents... right smack in the middle of work/school and we needed to get it done THIS WEEK... I'm sure I'm forgetting 10 things... what can I say?... there was lots of weird extra shit to take care of this week, that all was either time sensitive or emotionally draining.  And if there is one thing I've learned about myself, it is that I don't like weird extra shit.  The first thing I want to do, to make time for it, is stop working out.  This is a REALLY hard impulse for me to fight.  But I got through it (in my sexy socks).


Julie said...

What a week, Mrs. F. So much emotional stuff on top of the school stuff and general just living stuff (which I usually find hard enough on its own without any other crap going on.)

I send good thoughts/love to Mr. F. regarding his Dad. I know it's so fucking complicated. All of it.

I am not feeling too wordy these days in the comments. But I really feel for you guys. You are such a good mom and person for what you do for your girls and for Kid's friends who move back to Korea.

Hey, are you all getting passports for a particular trip?

Anyway, you are doing awesome on the exercising.

Wow, what a boring comment I am leaving. It's devoid of any humor. I feel tired and boring right now.

Brenda said...

So sorry about Matt's dad and the emotions that go with that situation. Love and hugs to him.

It sounds like you are doing a great thing in helping Kid and Baby through the friendship transitions. What a hard thing. It sounds like you handled everything very well and offered a lot of closure. Good for you.

I was also wondering about the passports - where are you guys off too?

Glad you are on the other side of this week. It's was kind of a crap week here too. Sometimes life is just hard. Here's to things feeling better all around... I keep thinking maybe I just need some warmth and sunshine...

Mrs Furious said...

thanks ladies,
I worked on this a lot last year in therapy, because it just stirs up all of my abandonment issues from growing up, my dad moving away and then my stepdad leaving. Goodbyes for me I can handle... but when it is for the girls it really hits an old nerve and is extremely upsetting to me, but we got through it and the kids seem okay, today.

We are going to Cabo the end of March for my older brother's 3rd wedding. You know how I love destination weddings... why couldn't he have decided to get married in Europe????

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