Things I've Been Thinking About

I've been reaching a tipping point lately. Maybe due to the sudden recognition of financial crisis. Maybe due to a slow and steady realization that our household chaos and clutter is due to, quite simply... and quite disgustingly obviously so, an overwhelming amount of stuff. Most likely both.

Things have been coming to a head on this front for a while. We have filled dumpsters (literally people) with junk, and donated van loads (many, many, times over) with donations. We have given away all our baby things, furniture, old computers.... and STILL we have more than we need. More, in fact, than we want. We have 3 bed frames alone, sitting unused, leaning against the wall of the basement, bins and bins and bins of things (who knows what), boxes of china and crystal (hardly ever used), furniture enough to literally furnish a second home. Literally. Things that all seem too *important* (due to value of one sort or another) to part with and yet QUITE clearly they are of no real value at all. If the house burned down would we even be able to account for a third (a sixth even) of the stuff we feel compelled to store in the basement? Unlikely.

I workout in the basement surrounded by all of our cast offs and off season clothes, christmas ornaments, excess furniture (much of it quite valuable... and for what?), misc odds and ends accumulated over our lifetimes. I've been known to actually have to step off the treadmill and weep (I'm serious) at the disgusting excess of our lives (most often prompted by a Tivo'd Extreme Home Makeover).

Mr F asked me the other day if I could really do what the RV family did. Could I really sell or donate ALL of our stuff? I told him that I could walk away from everything. And really I could. I have a very different feeling about our things since moving them. Having to pick and choose what to bring, and sweat and agonize over each and every decision... only to have it's *uselessness* made blatantly obvious by moving it has completely changed my point of view. I had for quite some time blamed our circumstance for our hoarding (which is truthfully our problem more than clutter is). We had moved multiple times before moving to our first house and moving boxes that had not been unpacked as they had been moved from apartment to storage to house was an unfortunate necessity. Then there were the family "donations" of cast off furniture, heirlooms (of varying quality), and ever growing (and multiplying) stores of baby clothes and toys, and a multitude of home wares and odds and ends.

Now a few disciplined people out there may have filtered through their belongings getting rid of one thing for every thing they took in... but I suspect the rest of you would have just crammed them into your basement storage rooms until they were so full you no longer knew exactly what all you had in there. I no longer feel bad about this. I don't think Mr F and I are lacking in judgment or discipline. I think we are busy and overwhelmed by life itself and that setting aside time to maintain our caches is about as likely as our setting time aside to go on a date. Which is... ahem... un fucking likely. I have no current intention of culling our stores... for one thing... some of it may be useful... for another thing I don't plan to stay here forever (remember?!!) and there are plenty of high quality things that could be put to use in another house. Our new basement is not a storage/living area so there is no spill over as had been the case in our old house. What is down there is down there.

At this moment we have, quite successfully, set up our upstairs in a way that is functional and accounts for what we need to have/want to have on hand. There are not over crowded cupboards and closets. Our things (even our toys) all have a well defined home. And that makes me happy. And I want to keep it that way. And that brings me to THE COMPACT.
The fact of the matter is that there is only one way to keep up with our stuff and that is to stop bringing any more of it in. I don't want or need to go all hardcore on our asses. We're not destitute (but with Kid's tuition we are getting pretty close... seriously), we don't need to start buying all our clothes and gifts at the Goodwill (just yet)... but we do need to be very careful with our spending. And the TRUTH is that we don't need ANYTHING. We are incredibly fortunate people. We want for nothing... and I'm not sure that is a good thing... in fact I'm pretty sure it's not.

Owning things and buying things makes me feel good... makes me feel better... for the moment anyway. But more often than not my impulse buys weigh on me. I've decided it may be possible that not buying things will leave me feeling happier longer.









You can read more about it HERE.

This Week The Plan

Well folks today is the day. I put on my jeans and they were.. um... a bit tight. Maybe indecently so. It turns out being depressed and sticking to an exercise and diet regime don't necessarily go hand in hand. And yet I know that if I can pull it together and take control of this area it will spill over into the rest of my life. So I'm doing it. No more half assed attempts. I'm going back to my original plan.
So get ready for the return of cookie dough, maple fusion waffles (even though they've changed them and they suck now), 200 & 300 calorie mini meals, and NO freaking soda. Oh yeah and 6 hours of cardio a week.


Okay these are the things I know I need to do in order to be successful:
I need to make a meal plan at the start of the week. I need to limit take out to restaurants where I can predetermine the calorie counts. I need to have my magical treats (frozen cookie dough & dark choc caramels & Kashi Go Lean Roll bars) on hand. I need to weigh my food... boring but necessary. I need to track my food... starting in the morning... and not try and figure it out at the end of the day. I need to have sparkling water on hand ALL the time so that I can resist my soda urges... because... I must not drink soda. I need to get in 5 days of cardio and I need to start my week on Sunday... don't ask me why it's just true. I need to load my Tivo up with plenty of shows to workout to. I need to STOP Tivo'ing my shows on the living room TV so that I have to workout to watch them. I need to get enough sleep... so I'm back on the Unisom!


Day FREAKING One:




Now you might be thinking "Mrs F you don't look that bad"... well enlarge the pictures... notice how my stomach is factually hanging over my belt?... how about how I can't tuck my pockets all the way in?... or the tight rippling at the back of the thighs? And PS this is after I'd been wearing them (aka stretching them out) for an hour.


OKAY the plans...

MENU:
Until Kid's darn tooth falls out we'll be focusing on soft foods... oy... this one has been an ordeal!!

Monday - we went out to crazy country restaurant... but I didn't have soda

Tuesday - Steak w/ sauteed peppers, onions & mushrooms, pan seared potatoes

Wednesday - Tomato soup, crescent rolls, salad

Thursday - Brown Sugar & Ginger Salmon, rice, asian stir fry

Friday - Pork Tenderloin, sauteed apples, smashed potatoes

Saturday - Frozen pizza, salad

Sunday - Turkey Noodle Casserole

Bad Things Happen To Good People... and Other Things The Parenting Books Don't Tell You

Every time I head into the hospital with her, no matter how minor the test or procedure, it is very difficult. Everything comes flooding back and the very *realness* of her condition is front and center. It is so hard to sit there and not just put on a brave face for her... but pretend that it is all fun and exciting... while I am literally pushing back tears. I know that our situation is not the worst case scenario. Hell, most of the time we don't have the sickest, most disabled, kid in the waiting room. I understand that in many, many, ways we are extremely lucky. Kid is alive and well. She is developmentally fine, and growing and learning as she should. She didn't suffer any damage from her seizures and seems to have no side effects from her medication. We are very blessed. And yet we have a sick kid (for lack of a better term). Something is wrong with her and we don't know why, or what really, or how to fix it. No one does. We just wait and hope, and wait and hope, and educate ourselves the best we can.

While her condition is (hopefully) being managed with her medication... the very medication itself is a twice daily reminder that something could go wrong. When you come home with your perfect little baby you cannot be prepared for a day when everything changes. It's outside of your comprehension. Until it does your child's health and progress can be quite greedily seen as your right, a result of your efforts. Then one day all of your assumptions vanish. The very ground you stand on falls away and you are left in someone else's spot trying to make sense of how you could have flip flopped so quickly from one side to the other. From the happy, proud, mother of an *advanced* child to that of a disabled one. To be transported, literally overnight, from someone who would have pitied (in the kindest way possible... of course) a mother in my circumstance, to one who is pitied.

EEG

Kid's heading into the hospital for her 2 year followup EEG this morning. If all goes well and her results are "normal" than we will begin weaning her from her anti-seizure medication. That will take about 6 weeks. During that time and the following 6 months she will be most likely to have a seizure if she is still epileptic... since the weaning process itself actually makes the brain more susceptible to seizure activity. If she does have another seizure she will return to her medication, and we will at least know that her medication had, in fact, been working all these years. If she remains seizure free we will still have her emergency medication on hand because, unfortunately, no news is just no news... it isn't a definitive answer. She may never have another seizure (as is the case 70% of the time) or she may have one tomorrow, or next month, or 15 years down the road (as is the case 30% of the time). The brain is a tricky tricky beast. And as anyone out there who has something that is already rare and unlikely (2-3%), and then has the rarest form within that bunch, knows, numbers bring you very little comfort.


***************************************************
UPDATE:

Thank you for all your well wishes and prayers. We really appreciate them!!!

Well we're back. We had one of those *nice* techs who actually confirmed that the test was normal. Kid was in no mood for this test since we had to follow sleep deprivation protocol... which also meant I was sleep deprived (beyond the normal day to day level) and was having a hard time holding Kid together. Thank God I had some of her birthday gifts stashed in the trunk to bust out as bribes!

We are mighty,mighty, tired ... maybe I'll get them to nap?!

If I Ever Get A Tattoo

It will be one that says:

"Warning! Funnel Cake Makes You Sick!"

Because for some reason I suffer from carnival food amnesia... and EVERY time I see funnel cake I get excited... and have to have some.

It's In The Details

In Law Update... aka... Where Things Stand

Maybe I'm Being Overly Sentimental

Sometimes when Kid stumbles out of bed in the morning her natural beauty takes my breath away. How did I create this beautiful creature? All golden locks, big blue eyes, and rose red lips.

Deductions

"You know why my underwear is not on my butt... or in my pants... but is in the laundry room?" Kid asks

Hmm... let me guess...

"Cause you peed in it a little bit?" Mrs F states fairly confidently having just watched as Kid took the time to locate the remote and pause her show before running a full speed to the bathroom.

"There were some drops of pee in it." Kid confirms and then jogs her naked ass cheeks back to the TV.

Furious Face Time

Mission Accomplished... Part 1

Some of you may remember the fateful day when I clicked on a link for my free copy of The Book Of Mormon. Why did I do that you might ask? Well... not because I'm interested in converting, just because I'm interested in learning. When I saw the link my first thought was "Hey why the hell not?"... then the next page loaded and it said "Missionaries will be contacting you soon" and I thought "Oh shit". It's not that I have anything against the missionaries it's just that I have a certain ailment when it comes to talking to people I don't know.... an inability to say "no" or to offend them in any way.

So I was already getting pretty anxious about the potential for them to drop in at any moment... I like to be prepared, have my house clean, have baked goods at the ready before people stop in. It's how I calm my social anxiety that overshadows any type of "new" social situation. And believe you me talking to people whose actual mission is to try and convert me to their religion is a "new" social situation. So when they didn't call right away, I hate to say it, but I was not disappointed... I was hugely relieved. On the one hand I knew I'd be missing out on some highly bloggable moments... on the other hand I really couldn't stomach having to look at the poor missionaries and try to explain that while I am interested in Mormonism... I'm not interested in becoming Mormon. You know I kind of envisioned it to be like having to tell someone who asks you out that "while I do like you... I don't like you like you." And let's face it that's awkward in the 7th grade when it's unsolicited... It's really awkward when you're an adult and you technically asked for it.

The other problem is that I can't say no to solicitation of any type. I've been known to agree to cruises and whatnot over the phone and then call my credit card to cancel them rather than tell the telemarketer no. Seriously. It's a disorder. It isn't craziness per se... it's extreme empathy. I'm so concerned about the caller (or the missionaries as the case may be) making their numbers, reaching their quotas, or catching a break that I just can't take that away from them. It really kills me to have to say no. So let's face it when the missionaries come and invite me to a service... I will not be able to say no. Next thing you know I'll be leading the Primary classes or something. I'm not kidding. So before I even hear from them I'm already stressing out about my future fraudulent position that I'll be holding in the local LDS church... and I mean STRESSING because I don't even believe in God for crying out loud.

Eventually the missionaries called... but... we were in Charleston (Oh shoot) and they missed us. The 2nd time I was working out and I didn't hear the call. Then all was quiet on the western front and I thought... hey... maybe I weathered the storm. Then something unexpected happened. My good friend in Ann Arbor intervened. I'm suspecting she, as a former missionary herself, was disappointed in the Asheville Elder's lackluster performance. I think on some level it started to reflect badly on the LDS... I asked for my Book Of Mormon... and by God I should have gotten it by now! So she called them. Who? The local missionaries. She talked to them and told them to get their butts over here ASAP and give me my Book. I guess every once in awhile missionaries need to be reminded of what their mission is... because not 24 hours later they showed up at my door.

They showed up at about 8 PM on Saturday night right in the midst of the picture hanging fanstasmo. The house looked like a tornado had just blown through, Kid was on the couch watching some hideous cartoon, Baby was running wild, and Canine was barking incessantly. I thought I had heard a knock on the door... but since we don't know anybody that seemed unlikely. I peeked out and saw the telltale white button downs and ties. I was caught off guard to say the least... and sometimes that's best. There is really only so much prep work you can do for a situation so outside of your experience and comfort zone.

I shuttled Canine to the deck and opened the door. I asked them in, innerly cringing at the state of things, and they explained that they could not come in the house with me unless my husband was home. I assured them he was and they came in and stood somewhat awkwardly inside the door. Now I'm waiting for them to give me some kind of clue as to what's supposed to happen next... how much small talk is appropriate?... when is the "talk" going to start. But that didn't happen. They were nice and friendly and I figured... well I probably know everything they are going to tell me... and I just took over the conversation myself. I don't know what they were thinking. I worried that they thought I was a convert waiting to happen... I mean who has their friend call and hassle them to get on over if they aren't actually contemplated joining The Church? I spent the next twenty minutes or so asking them about themselves... trying to impress them with how much LDS lingo and missionary knowledge I have under my belt.

After a while I noticed that Kid, who was sitting directly in their line of view, had her dress riding up onto her lap while she watched her show.... AND... she didn't have any underwear on. Yes. You read that right. Directly in the line of view of the Moron missionaries was a clear shot of Kid's unmentionables... the real unmentionables. Classic. Now if you want to talk about socially awkward moments I beg you to try and top that. I spent about 5 minutes trying to subtly signal her to pull her dress down without actually drawing attention to what was really exposed. Eventually I had to walk over and loudly say for their benefit "We need to keep our dress down! People are over!"

We continued to talk... they love our house, my folk art, they're available to help unpack or do yard work. "Just call, really, we love to do it because we can wear our regular clothes" they assured me. They never gave me a spiel... and they never gave me the book. I wasn't sure what the deal was... I mean weren't they supposed to try and convert me? Weren't they supposed to spread the word... or Gospel... or whatever it's called?

Then they asked if they could come back. Ah. I'm not a typical case obviously. I'm a two visit heathen. I think they were impressed. I mean they must have been.

And you better believe I'm making them dinner.

And then having them move that mattress down to the basement.

Quick Call For Medical Insight

And then I'll get on to an actual written post for once. Check back tonight for my Mormon Missionaries update... believe me... you'll be glad you did! If you've been wondering when I would stop putting up pictures of Baby and calling that a post... it will have been worth the wait... I hope.


Here's the situation:

Lately Kid has had quite a few episodes where she has woken up in the night and thrown up 2 or 3 times until her stomach is emptied... no other symptoms... and she is fine once she's done. This has happened nearly once a week over the last month. The first few times I kept her home the entire next day from school assuming she was "sick". Today was her field trip and I was a chaperone and I had to attend... of course last night she threw up again (exactly one week after her last episode). I didn't know what to do or if there is an actual vomit protocol so I took her. She truly is fine. Does anyone have any idea what could be going on? I'm wondering if she might be allergic to something... or if constipation can cause vomiting?

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree

And so I made these for my Dad & Grandparents' visit:

And these:

And this:


Let's hope I get some workouts in this weekend...



P.S. My grandfather said my hair was very French... you know what I say to that... Oui oui!

Housekeeping Tip #1

Chip Off The Old Block

Need a transcript of that :

"Alright people, when I come home from school I am expecting my bed to be dirty, because I never make it, but it always looks clean... it's so organized."

The Littlest Dictator

As Baby pitches her first tantrum of the day, 

clinging to Mrs F's legs in the kitchen,

Mrs F looks up and says 

to Mr F as he heads for the door

"See you in NINE hours."

Maybe The Best Meme Of All Time

That's right folks, I'm busy hanging pictures and I'm dialing it in today. I stumbled upon this meme and decided to rip it off. Enjoy.


The stuff that’s true is in BOLD.

Appearance:
- I am 5′4 or shorter.
- I think I’m ugly.
- I have many scars.... to put it mildly
- I tan easily.
- I wish my hair was a different color.
- I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
- I have a tattoo.
- I am self-conscious about my appearance. unclothed ;)
- I have/I’ve had braces.
- I wear glasses.
- I’d get/have gotten plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free, scar-free. Oh you better believe it... I probably will.
- I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger. Drunk strangers count... right?
- I have had more than 2 piercings. Like a goddamn idiot I have 2 in one ear & 3 in the other... it was the early 90s what can I say?
- I have had piercings in places besides my ears.
- I have freckles.

Family/Home Life:
- I’ve sworn at my parents. What did you expect?!
- I’ve run away from home.
- I’ve been kicked out of the house.
- My biological parents are together.
- I have a sibling less than one year old.
- I want to have kids someday.
- I have children.
- I’ve lost a child.

Embarrassment:
- I’ve slipped out a “LOL” in a spoken conversation. Old habits die hard ;)
- Disney movies still make me cry. Word.
- I’ve snorted while laughing.
- I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried. Often.
- I’ve glued my hand to something.
- I’ve laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
- I’ve had my trousers rip in public.

Health:
- I was born with a disease/impairment.
- I‘ve had stitches. Plenty - o.
- I’ve broken a bone.
- I’ve had my tonsils removed.
- I’ve sat in a doctor’s office with a friend.
- I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
- I’ve had serious surgery.
- I’ve had chicken pox.

Traveling:
- I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day. Many, many, times... typically 600 in a day.
- I’ve been on a plane.
- I’ve been to Canada.
- I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
- I’ve been to Japan.
- I’ve been to Europe.
- I’ve been to Africa.

Experiences:
- I’ve been lost in my city. Here?... Yes.
- I’ve seen a shooting star.
- I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
- I’ve pushed all the buttons in a lift.
- I’ve been to a casino.
- I’ve been skydiving.
- I’ve gone skinny dipping.
- I’ve played spin the bottle.
- I’ve crashed a car. I hit black ice on I-80 back when I was 20... I couldn't drive on the freeways without having panic attacks for a couple of years afterwards even though I was not injured at all.
- I’ve been skiing. Only cross-country.
- I’ve been in a play. Um... I'm assuming my 1st and 2nd grade performances count? Oh I also did a sock puppet performance of Beckett's "Endgame" in college... and got at A... so that definitely counts!
- I’ve met someone in person from the Internet. I've met bloggers!
- I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue. Many, many, times.
- I’ve seen the Northern Lights. In Northern Michigan.
- I’ve sat on a roof top at night. In NYC.
- I’ve played chicken.
- I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
- I’ve eaten Sushi.
- I’ve been snowboarding.

Relationships:
- I’m single.
- I’m in a relationship.
- I’m available.
- I’m engaged.
- I’m married.
- I’ve gone on a blind date.
- I have a fear of abandonment. That is certainly what is underneath my "I'll leave you" type defense mechanism.
- I’ve been divorced.
- I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back. Uh... yeah... isn't that what college is for?
- I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
- I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
- I’ve kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality:
- I’ve had a crush on someone of the same gender.
- I’ve kissed a member of the same gender.
- I’ve had sex with someone of the same gender.
- I’ve had sex with more than one person at the same time.
- I am a cuddler.
- I’ve been kissed in the rain.
- I’ve had sex outdoors.
- I’ve hugged a stranger.
- I have kissed a stranger.
- I have had sex with a stranger.

Honesty/Crime:
- I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
- I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t. ... weekly as of late...
- I have lied to my parents about where I am.
- I am keeping a secret from the world. Haha.. just kidding.
- I’ve cheated while playing a game.
- I’ve cheated on a test.
- I’ve driven through a red light.
- I’ve witnessed a crime.
- I’ve been in a fist fight.
- I’ve been arrested.
- I’ve shoplifted. Recently actually... but I didn't know it until I got to the car... and no I did not go back into Target and return the sunscreen... I kept it.

Drugs/Alcohol:
- I’ve consumed alcohol.
- I smoke cigarettes.
- I smoke pot. Past tense.
- I regularly drink.
- I’ve taken painkillers when I didn’t need them.
- I’ve taken cough medicine when i wasn’t sick. I did take Nyquil this week because I couldn't find my Unisom... does that count?
- I’ve done hard drugs.
- I’ve been addicted to an illegal substance.
- I can’t swallow pills. I can but I have an awful gag reflex and it can take several attempts... number one reason I don't take vitamins.
- I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem. (I don’t believe I’ve ever tried this.)

Mental health:
- I have been diagnosed with depression.
- I shut others out when I’m depressed. I used to more... now I think I'm pretty up front about it ;)
- I take anti-depressants.
- I have had an eating disorder.
- I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
- I’ve hurt myself on purpose.
- I’m addicted to self harm.
- I’ve woken up crying.

Death:
- I’m afraid of dying. YES. I didn't used to be... but since having kids this would be my biggest fear outside of having them die.
- I hate funerals.
- I’ve seen someone dying.
- I have attempted suicide.
- Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
- Someone close to me has committed suicide.

Random:
- I can sing well.
- I’ve stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
- I open up to others too easily. What do you think?
- I watch the news.
-I don’t kill bugs.
- I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for sake of being able to rhyme.
- I swear regularly.
- I am a morning person.
- I paid for my mobile phone ring tone.
- I’m a snob about grammar.
- I am a sports fanatic.
- I play with my hair.
- I have/had “x”s in my screen name.
- I love being neat.
- I love Spam.
- I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a day.
- I don’t know how to shoot a gun.
- I am in love with love.
- I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
- I laugh at my own jokes. Daily.
- I eat fast food weekly. Ahem.
- I believe in ghosts.
- I am online 24/7, even as an away message. It sure does seem that way.
- I can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room.
- I am really ticklish.
- I love white chocolate.
- I bite my nails.
- I play video games.
- I’m good at remembering faces.
- I’m good at remembering names.
- I’m good at remembering dates.
- I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

The Great Picture Hanging Adventure

And for everyone's amusement I stumbled upon this little gem:

Guess who.

And how about this baby pic of Mr F which left me inquiring "Ooh did you know you were a freak?" (look closely) :


Last but not least, this one's for you, Deb...
The classic and always classy hibaci shot (you know you've all got one... or wish you did):


sorry about the quality... we don't have a scanner anymore.

A Love Story

                                                        +

                                                      =

Randomness Of The Day