Family Legacies

"You know who taught me how to do this?"  

Baby asked while expertly threading a needle.

(a skill I had no idea she possessed)

"Uncle Donald!"  She revealed.

hmm... who knew?  

Things You Missed: Valentine's Day Edition

Because I'm feeling kind of weird & shitty tonight.  I almost burst into tears on my way to PTL for absolutely no reason which is 100% BIZARRE (and I'm serious.... I'm not one to be out of touch with my feelings as you have probably picked up on).  The last time that happened I had mastitis... and... that certainly is not the cause this time!  But maybe I have an eye infection?!  (No, I didn't call the doctor...)

So let's forget all that and hit the rewind button.

It is Friday, February the 14th.

And, this year, I was so into Valentine's Day it could blow your mind...

 Yep, I did it.  

Specialty straws AND GUMMY LIPS ON THE GLASS RIM.  

For breakfast.  

Boom.  

Your mind has been blown.

 Heart shaped donuts & Strawberry yogurt parfaits for breakfast.  

HEART DOILIES!  

For the love of god... I've been looking for those for years.

 Please, with the card garland.... am I right?!?!  100% awesome.  

One of the best crafts I've ever made.

I'm in love with it.

 After farming the kids off to school, guess who spent the entire day 

hand stitching giant felt envelopes?!  

That's right, I took it all the way, my friends.  

And by all the way I mean I spent the day in bed with my cats watching PBS.

 Check it.

In coming!

Another awesome craft come to life.

Bonus: next year I don't have to make a thing.

 And if you are wondering how the covert Valentine's Day operation went... 

well that could be its own post... but it worked.  

And it was the best rule I ever broke.

 Because instead of this...

I'm pretty sure Baby would have killed herself when she came home and watched Kid 

sort her giant class Valentine's Day stash.

  

So Basically The Worst Thing In The World Happened To Me

So imagine you are home with three kids (no adults) and at midnight, 

because your daughter is having a sleepover and they are still giggling...

You enter their pitch black room and go by memory 

to the fan on the floor to switch it on to block their noise...

And in the dark you bend down...

But you have no idea 

that a music stand has been moved right next to the fan.

And it is black.

And the room is dark.

 And then it is too late.  

All you see is a sharp explosion of green light
and feel an unbelievable pain 

and you know...  

This Is It. 

You don't have any idea what has happened.  

But you are pretty sure you are blind.

I mean, seriously, what are the chances that I would hit 

that protruding piece of metal
with my fucking eye?!?!?!  

I ran from the room, not sure if I even had my eye in my head.

I am not KIDDING.  

It was that horrific.  

Here I am, maybe blind or going blind... 

with no one to stay with the kids and no one to drive me to the ER.  

I mean, we are talking worst case scenario.  

Except thankfully it wasn't.  

Because my eye was still in its socket.  

It was still a long and frightening night for me, I'm not going to lie.
I had no one but an 11 year old to check my eye for me.
And she hasn't seen enough Grey's Anatomy to be of any use.

I was in so much pain coupled with badly blurred vision
and a strange burning sensation, 

that I wasn't sure if I was going to wake up blind
or in a pool of blood.

For real.

I wish I was just being dramatic for the fun of it.
But, really, I was scared out of my mind.

And also feeling pretty trapped & alone here
and hoping that this would turn out alright.
(as in not needing a glass eye)

Fortunately (and I do mean FORTUNATELY)
I impaled my eye at the top of my eyeball
right at the edge of my eye socket
where my eyelid was folded up.
So the metal stabbed in through my eyelid.  

Just one tiniest fraction of a millimeter down
and it would have pierced my eyeball.  

And then where would I be??!!  

For the love, people?!! 

Did you forget how random and bizarre my life is????!

The good news is that despite a sizable amount of pain and eye strain, 

my vision is almost back to normal.  

And, yes, I'm calling my eye doctor tomorrow.

Mr F just got home.

FOUND!

At the car dealership children's waiting room.

Which proves that I am either psychic or a damn fine detective.

Or both.

I'm going with both.

I had a strong hunch the car dealership played into this, but felt somewhat foolish following that lead, because it would have taken rather extraordinary circumstances to transplant my glove from my friend's foyer to the dealer.  

But as you can see above... that is EXACTLY what happened.

Now here is the play by play:

Because it is riveting... no?

All through dinner my friend's husband was GLUED to this livestream of people kissing cars in one of those last man standing wins the car contests.  (or in this case only a measly 2 year lease... which is lame.)

I mean he was into it.  

I do not know why.

At around 8:30, I suggested he just drive down to the dealer and check it out live and in person.  

We live in a ridiculously small town, so this is literally a 2 minute drive.

And he decided he would and he'd take his son... and I was all...

"TAKE THEM ALL!".

I was thinking my friend and I could use the 1/2 hour to gossip.

But, because we are moms, we spent the entire time hovering over the livestream on the iPad with our iPhones ready to snap any pics of the kids.  FOR AN HOUR.  Because apparently 1/2 hour wasn't enough live and in person with this kind of fast paced (not) drama unfolding.

Kid was not about to be caught dead at this event, but Baby was in it to win it... photo bomb style.

FYI, people, they are still kissing the car (it has been days).

I know, because we had to go back there in my effort to leave no stone unturned during my glove search before working up the courage to break-in to my friend's house and toss it while they were at work! (kidding, lindalou)

So, anyway, the glove timeline...

I had blocked their garage and I needed to move my car so he could pull out.  I thought about how damn cold it was outside but decided NOT to put on my gloves (which I instantly regretted, by the way).

I went out the front door and moved my car.  

I grabbed Baby's booster and installed it in his car.  

Came in the house through their garage.

Took off my shoes in their laundry room.

Called the girls to get their coats on.

Zipped Baby up.

Watched them on the livestream.  

Saw a picture my friend's husband took of them in the children's waiting room WITHOUT their coats on (or boots for that matter... he was obviously planning to stay for awhile).

They came home.  

We got ready to go.

Only one glove.

Inner freakout begins.

Of course, it was colder than Hell during my 2 minute drive home with only one glove to protect me from my steering wheel that might as well have been carved from a block of ice.

Which gave me ample time to ponder how much I loved that missing glove.

And mourn it's loss.

So, today to be extra EXTRA sure I hadn't misplaced it, I went back to the grocery store I had gone to right before the dinner... 

Even though both Kid & I distinctly remembered my wearing both into their house.

They had 40 black leather gloves, but mine was not one of them.

This was both crushing and highly validating.

I mean, at the end of the day, I don't want to have made my friend look for a glove I didn't even bring to her house.

(It's the whole... I lost an earring at the Sistine Chapel... only to discover I only put one earring in that morning and it was still at the hotel... all over again, right mom?)

I told Kid I was thinking of going to the dealership and she was all...
"It is definitely not there."

So I drove by.

But later I couldn't let it go and decided I need to check.

So we went back and traced their steps.

And there it was in the waiting room.

Obviously, it had gotten zipped up in a kid's coat and then fell out when they removed it.

Can you believe I just recounted all this for you?!?!?!!?!???

Sadly, yes, you probably can.

Forgive me people... I'm just trying to keep my promise... I never said it would always be worth reading!

This has been a long week with Mr F gone out of town, and a holiday, a basketball game, homework & the two kids-two schools-same time-one driver issues.

I was really looking forward to this weekend because both kids have off of school on Monday and Tuesday & I just desperately wanted NOTHING to do.  It was kind of the carrot that got my through the week.

Of course, my thoughtful friends here in town were convinced that we would be desperate to get out of the house and invited us to come over for dinner last night.  And, can you say no?...  I can't.  So instead of relaxing I made 7 dozen chocolate chip cookies and headed to the grocery store to get some six pack of something to bring.

(Where, FYI, they did not card me.  I had already dug my license out like an old fool.  That's always demoralizing... It could drive you to drink.)

And while, ultimately, we did all enjoy the company.... I was tired and at some point during the in or out of their house I lost one of my favorite gloves.  A leather, cashmere lined glove, no less, that actually fits my hand (which having child sized hands is extremely hard to find!) that I got on crazy sale 11 years ago and I cannot afford to replace (if I could even find a replacement)... making the loss all the more upsetting.

So, my question is... how many times can I ask them to look for it?  Because it is 100% at their house.  In fact, it is 100% in the entryway of their house (unless their cat retrieved it).  I've asked twice.  Once on my way out, and once today.  No dice.  I kind of think I'm at my limit, right?  Sob.

So, in my grief, we stayed in our PJs all day and watched back episodes of The Bachelor.

What else could we do?

Photo Bomb

'Nuff Said

8:42 PM

No Surprise There

Without trying (or even intending it, really)

I have become the figure head

of a clandestine guerilla Valentine's Day operation

at Baby's anti-holiday school.

Quick Note

Mr F just flew home to say a final goodbye to his dad.  Things took a sudden turn for the worse yesterday.  This is of course not unexpected but unexpected timing as these things often are.  He had travelled out a few weeks ago and things had seemed momentarily improved only to deescalate quickly after he left.

I'm out of steam.  It's been a long and stressful two days just trying to figure out how to best get him there and for how long.

Kid is taking the news very hard.  She's staying home tomorrow.

Glad It's Over

This was an off-kilter day.  Some intense emotional stuff going on for Mr F and just regular life stress, appointments, the town blocking my driveway with snow boulders, and a very badly timed surprise science test prep for Kid tonight. There were tears... thankfully cut with some crazy amusing delirious hysteria.  It was a LONG day.  I'm glad my part is all over for the night.  Now to price out flights for Mr F and watch last night's Downton.

I will leave you with pics from the day:

 This is why we need that snowsuit! 

Baby's climbing one of the parking lot mountains at school this morning.

 Sunrise coming up over Baby's school.  I can never capture it with my phone but it was spectacular.

 While I was gone at drop off the plow came by and left some surprise ice boulders in its path, making my driveway completely inaccessible. That big lump right in the middle of the driveway was literally 4 feet wide and 2.5 feet tall and so heavy I could not move it and could not drive over it.  

I had to chip away at it with an ice breaker.  

As The Cougar would say "Don't worry about me".  

It's not like I had a car full of groceries and a dentist appointment I had to get to.  

 Love that crinkled nose.

 Kid's stress response

 in action

I'm always happy when her overwhelming stress crosses the line from sad/mad to wound up silliness.  She had me on the ground laughing at her weird impersonation of a Prepper thinking they could make hydroelectric power from their yard hose (hey, it was even on topic!... Big Boy was apparently less impressed).  She definitely inherited this awesome (Mr F might argue annoying) stress management trait from me.  Also the tendency to get overwhelmingly stressed... but who's counting?

The EU Hates My Children

I spent 6 straight hours damning the US straight to hell while desperately trying to find a one piece snowsuit in Baby's size this weekend.

Who knew?  But the US has a strong style preference for two piece snowsuits.  STRONG.  As in, one piece do not exist after toddlerhood.

I've tried to find them, but they just DO NOT exist in the US.  

Every other country that experiences harsh winters?.... YES.  

But the US?  No.   

Why?  For the love!  FOR THE LOVE!

Why is it that every other country that has cold winters sees the benefit (the superiority even) of a one piece snowsuit for school aged children... but the US is just not having it??!

WHY???!  (this has been eating me up all weekend long, folks)

Baby goes to school with a Finnish family and their kids have these amazing one piece snow suits in actual big kid sizes with foot straps to keep the legs tucked in the boots and attachable mittens (so they don't lose them!!).  Everyday I think..."Those are awesome!"...the time it takes to get in and out is a fraction of the usual rigamarole involved in two separate pieces.  And when it is -20 in the morning and you have to wear snow gear just to walk from the parking lot to school... which means we have to get fully geared up...Baby & I both want her to have one.  Desperately.

After living through the last month and a half of intensely cold weather and gazillion feet of snow coupled with the pretty liberal outdoor play policy at Baby's school... (they go out unless it is colder than -11 F)... I have been really regretting that I cheaped out this Fall when I bought her snow stuff this year (but how could I have known?!).

Baby shares a locker with the Finnish girl in her class and every single day that awesome snowsuit taunts me.

It taunts me with its badass superior functionality!

I can find the manufacturers in Finland and Sweden but do they ship to the US?  No!

There is some kind of EU trade limitation.  And it is driving me absolutely bananas.

I debated buying what may or may not have been legit castoff snowsuits directly from Chinese factories.

I debated that for about 4 straight hours.  But then I chickened out because it was still going to cost me $100 and I wasn't sure of anything.  The size.  The condition. The likelihood of receiving it.

In the end, today, I found a site out of the UK that does ship the Finnish snowsuits to the US (for approximately 5 million dollars) .  With the attached mittens.  Which it turns out are extra.

I was trying to avoid all those extra costs, but people, I need that suit.

I figure this ensures that the weather will warm up and I'll be out the 5 hundred thousand dollars for the suit and the 5 million in shipping.

Mr F Went To The Library...

Can We Discuss...

This season's Biggest Loser finale???!!!

WTF?

I think the producers should have vetted that situation and it should never have aired with her on it.

Jazzketball For The Win

Before implementing Jazzketball methods...

Kid pretty much wandered around the court in a stress induced daze.

She actually supposed to be blocking that #12.

(They lost 8 to 40)


After implementing Jazzketball...

She's in the game, people.

She's actually blocking.

She's running... toward the ball, even!

(They won! 16 to 10)

Lost Connection

Our Internet is down, and while I love you all & would love to give you a good (or bad) post... I have very little patience for trying to do this from the Blogger app on my phone. The very fact that I am doing this at all is a testament to both my deep love for you and the insane level of stick-to-itiveness I have been known to exhibit when I make a commitment.

2 things:

1) Kid had her first game yesterday and it was horrific. It was like they were up against an NBA team. Kid was pretty much frozen like a deer in headlights the entire time. I've been encouraging her to employ my highly aerobic and rhythmic dance orientated distraction technique I have dubbed : "Jazzketball"
Get in on it early peeps it will be a future Olympic sport. You heard it hear first.

2) We had meatball subs for dinner. They were fantastic, mostly because my meatballs were fantastic (pork, people... I am so over any other kind of ground meat). My freezer is full of them & spaghetti got old. Tomorrow I'm changing out our BBQ pulled chicken for a shredded Jamaican jerk crockpot pork recipe I found (minus the heat). I'll report back on that one. We haven't gone out to eat for over a month (outside of Baby's birthday). Meal planning & freezer cooking... people, it 100% works.

The Love Of My Life...

People, real quick, because it's almost time for me to go to bed... which reminded me of how much I wanted to share with you my insane love for the "Cat Purr" sound on my Relax Melodies app.

It's free and it has changed my life.

Or my sleep.  Which is just as important.

Facebook friends will recall that on New Years I was driving the kids through a blizzard on my way home from Pennsylvania.

And we had to make an emergency stop at a really bad motel.

I mean there was unidentified crust on the remote.  It was just gross.  Let's not talk about it.

But I digress...

I have had the Relax Melodies app on my phone for just such nights out when I need to block out sound and I don't have the high powered fan I use at home for that purpose.

(I think I've mentioned that I have troubling sleeping, yes?)

Well, on this particular night I scrolled past my usual "Oscillating Fan" and discovered "Cat Purr" and for a joke I turned it on.

And then I was out like a light.

God, I love it.  As soon as I turn it on, it is like I've been hit by a tranquilizer dart.

Seriously.  I think it hypnotizes me.  I fall right to sleep and sleep sounder than ever before.

Good night.

Unrelated to Anything Else

I have to say that I am pretty depressed about Philip Seymour Hoffman.

I saw him on Broadway in True West and it was an AMAZING theatrical experience.

He was amazing.

And I am always sad when someone dies like that.

It just feels so desperate and sad.

I'm devastated that his children (my own kids ages) will know those details.

The syringe in his arm.

And always wonder why they weren't enough.

You don't get over something like that... you just don't.

It changes the trajectory of your life.

I worked with many kids whose parents had been heroin addicts.

One little boy was found when he was 3 years old sleeping with his dead overdosed mother.

(sorry... I know that is graphic... but it still haunts me).

My own growing up centered around the very secret and turbulent life parental mental illness and addiction create.

It is hard.

Developments

Kid got her period this weekend.

I am both not surprised and in emotional shock.

Seeing as she has had hormonal acne, been wearing a bra,

and shaving her armpits for the past 6 months...

I can't say we didn't see this coming.

We've talked ALL about it.

She knows that my mom never told me anything... so...

I've told her ALL of the embarrassing stories (of which there are many!)

But as a late bloomer myself, it's still a bit overwhelming for ME.

I can't wrap my head around what it will be like for her, or how she is processing it.

She was playing dolls with her sister all morning.

I had had YEARS of Seventeen magazine reading under my belt to prepare me for all to come.

She is just starting to master basic self care...

it feels unfair to saddle an 11 year old with all of this.

And all of the things (many awkward)... swimming, and going to camp, etc.

We're playing it cool,

but inside?... yeah...

I don't know that anyone hopes their daughters are early bloomers.

Winter Wonderland

(There is a front walk in there, somewhere)

It's snowing AGAIN. Lots of it, with more on the way this week and next.  I have to say, this is one of the best (certainly coldest & snowiest) winters, yet.  Michigan is really living up to it's hype this year, and I'm glad we aren't missing it.

Mr F looked out the window and said "When do you think we WON'T have at least 2 feet of snow on the deck?"  Hopefully, NEVER.  Fresh falling snow always seems beautifully awe inspiring... it never gets old.  (maybe it would get old if I had to use a pick ax to hack our way out of our door?...)

I love winter.  The older I am the more comfortable I am with it... fully relishing my true love of a season that says... "Why take off your PJs... unless it's to put on your snow pants and go sledding?!" It's my kind of life (when I don't have to drive in it... which is not my kind of life AT ALL).  It's beautiful and clean outside.  There is no pressure to weed, or maintain anything... to go anywhere... you can sit and read for days on end... mix in some cheeky Flapper era Australian detective series (please, do! You're welcome).... what more could you want?  Big winters make life feel so much more nature focused and that feels fundamentally right.

I just wish we had a fireplace & some cross country skis.

And a dutch door, a Bernese mountain dog, snow shoes, and an old school wooden tobaggan....

For those of you without snow (or just your average Siberian Documentary nerds like myself), you can get in the mood with this awesome documentary: Happy People: A Year in the Taiga