So if you've been obsessively checking my sidebar stats (and why would you not?!) you know I have not been working out AT ALL this week. One thing has snowballed into another all week. We've had friends and family visiting.. canceling their visits.. rescheduling their visits.. and actually visiting. This has meant that even my best laid plans have been thrown out of whack. And yes I could have made more of an effort and admittedly I did not.
I kind of enjoyed all the time off and found myself once again slipping out of my routine and slipping further and further away from reaching my week's goals. This has been happening more and more these last few weeks. I'm not totally sure what to make of it. Partly I've just been tired and partly I've been overwhelmed by all the things I have needed to do between Kid's birthday and Christmas. There is also a part of me that isn't that motivated to get off my ass. I'm done losing and it doesn't seem to matter how many hours I put in on the treadmill I've enter a comfortable weight and I'm not gaining it back.
So that's the good news. I'm maintaining. I'm eating 2000 calories a day and I actually lost a little this week. The bad news is that I'm tired and busy and ovewhelmed and I'm just not feeling that motivated. I know on the one hand that putting in my workout does a lot more than just help me maintain my weight... it helps me feel more energetic, more pulled together and less stressed.
So why oh why is it always so hard for me to stick with it? Why is it so easy to give into my lazy impulses.. and will it ever get easier? When I've had a stretch like this each day it gets harder to get back into my routine... and each day I'm reminded of how easily this could all slip away from me. It was honestly easier when I still had weight loss to motivate me. That seemed a more manageable and quantifiable and necessary goal. Ultimate fitness seems a little bit of a stretch.. something I don't really know how to measure or define... and something so long term that it can be overwhelming if not paralyzing. How do I fit it all in?
These days off have been such a nice reprieve and instead of watching TV and feeling badly about not working out I've stepped it up and actually used my time to knock off stressors from my To-Do lists. And maybe that is justified and necessary and okay to do every now and then... but when you are me... and you are a sabotager... how do you balance a need for a break from the routine without setting yourself up for failure and disappointment?
Today still suffering from a turkey... okay pie.... hangover I sucked it up. I faced every impulse to "take a nap", "have a hot shower", "you're tired", "it feels like Sunday", "you can do it tomorrow" and I put on my shoes and got on the treadmill anyway. I knew I had to make an effort that after 4 days off I was really pushing it and I needed to recommit and show myself that I can do it. To stop the negative self-talk and turn this ship around before it was too late. So I did... let's hope I can keep it up for the rest of the weekend.