I'm not sure how this is for everyone body else. But I think about my children's mortality a LOT. Maybe too much. This comes as no surprise with Kid's upcoming surgery and last week's neuro appointment. But sometimes I wonder... do other moms think about this? And if so how much? Do other moms start to worry that they better pay more attention, read more books, and play more because they don't want to have any regrets?
Just the other night I was watching a TiVo'd Hallmark movie (I am SUCH a sucker for these by the way), and of course it was a tear jerker (when are they not?), and of course because I'm death fixated it was a one two punch featuring both infant mortality and leukemia. Well sure this would make anyone cry. I get that. But the next thing I watched was some other TiVo'd show ALSO about a child dying and that is when I started to get a little loopy and started to wonder if I was being sent a message... you know that Kid wasn't going to make it. Now don't freak out and give me a million comments that you are sure Kid is going to make it... it is just eye surgery. Yes I know that (hope that). But what I'm getting at is how when I'm already kind of spiraling down this path it is like everything I come across furthers my downward journey.
This happens to you right?
And when it does do you also start trying to decode the message? You know... like is it an obvious straightforward "your kid is going to die... get ready" message or a reverse message like "see all this heartbreak... this will not happen to you". Cause that is what I did. Unfortunately I couldn't decide between the two.