Sunday, February 3, 2008

Why does it always end this way?

I haven't felt like the best mom these last few days. I'm tired, I'm sick, and my patience is just a tad shorter than it should be. Kid has been desperately seeking attention in some less than appreciated ways and I've, more often than not, been responding in kind. Friday was a snow day here, and even though Kid doesn't have school this meant that she also didn't have dance class... and let me tell you by mid-afternoon I was really bemoaning that fact.

Last night, while I was obsessively researching homeschooling options and curriculum, Mr F was reading our local community paper. It turns out that there was going to be a live theatrical performance of Max & Ruby at a local theater. PERFECT. I could take Kid and have an outing. You know something special... something for just the two of us... something like we used to do before Baby. Added bonus the show was perfectly timed around Baby's nap so I didn't have to stress about nursing her or rushing to and from.

Kid and I met up with some friends and we enjoyed the performance. Of course we did have to wait outside in the freezing cold for 40 minutes for the tickets and then patiently wait in our seats for another 20 before the show started... and of course a tall man was seated in front of Kid so I had to have her in my lap... and let me tell you her 45 pounds gets a little heavy during an HOUR long performance. But really don't worry about me... I mean this is FUN. This is our SPECIAL outing.

Afterwards we had a little dessert at a restaurant close by. I mean we're not idiots. You can't very well expect kids to make it through an "outing" without some kind of refreshment unless you want to end up dragging a tantruming five year old home through the dirty city slush. Both girls were DONE and made this known. And my friend being slightly wiser... and maybe slightly less guilt ridden.... and maybe less selfish... went straight for their car and drove home. Wise man. I on the other hand decided that we should take a quick stop into Border's. Hey... it is on the walk to the car anyway... and I did have to pee... and.... and...maybe I was hoping to stumble upon some homeschooling books while I was there.

Kid parked herself in the Children's section reading crappy TV character based books like they were going out of style and I combed the homeschooling section, wisely situated immediately next to the Children's. So here we are happy as can be. Absorbed in our own literature choices until I decide we really should get going. Now this is when things take an abrupt turn for the worse. You see Kid is kind of under the impression that she gets to buy something EVERY TIME she walks into a store. And of course I know where she gets that impression thank you very much. But here is the thing we don't NEED anymore crappy books... seriously we DON"T need anything... well except maybe a couple of Homeschooling manuals (right?... I mean I can't make an informed decision if I'm not informed!).

I tell Kid we aren't getting anymore kid's books, we have TONS at home, and she can go to the library with Dad later if she wants. She suggested a little Max & Ruby Easter book. Oooh... that almost worked.... because we did just see the play and I guess it could be a sort of memento.... but if I give in I'm giving in. And instead of standing firm on it I countered that if there was a board book version I'd consider it since Baby is just going to rip that one apart. Thankfully no board book version was to be found. But you see that I didn't just say no, grab my stuff, and get out of there don't you? You see I took the coward's way out of saying no and that it was because I felt guilty for wanting to ask of my daughter to do something I was not willing to ask of myself.

So begrudgingly Kid got in line with me while I waited to buy MY books. Of course the line was unreasonably long (and frighteningly reminiscent of the long line I asked her to patiently wait in not a few hours before). And this is where things take a turn for the worse. This is when Kid starts loudly complaining of "being hot" and flailing into the store's Valentine's Day displays of useless crap and discounted books. This is where I want to hurt myself for every entering this stupid store and for not just putting my books back when I saw the snaking line. This is where I start to get mad at Kid for her sudden slip into disgruntled toddler mode all because I didn't buy her a book (and although this wasn't verbally expressed the timing was certainly not coincidental). This is also when I start to get mad at myself for pushing what could have been a nice outing too far, and now instead of leaving the cafe with half a cookie in my purse and a smile on our faces, we are marching to our cars as mortal enemies. So much for the mother daughter bonding.

So what's the point? Do I have to have a point? This is what happened. These were the thoughts in my head. Period.


Feener said...

me and my girlfriends always talk about NOT pushing it. Don't try to run that extra errand or you will pay. I am not a pusher, one or two errands for me and HOME. My friends push and push and although I think they get more down, I think they deal with far more craziness. OR maybe their kids are getting use to it, and mine aren't ???

Mrs. Furious said...

I doubt their kids are getting used to it.
Since Baby I rarely get a chance to do much more than one or two stops since obviously her tolerance for errands is pretty low. I pretty much forgot what Kid's is... and boy oh boy did she remind me. It sucks too since what could have been nice was just turned into such shit and then I've been paying for it ever since!

Julie said...

I've been there...many of us have. Don't be hard on yourself. Kid will remember the memory of the play and the sweet afterward.

You are a tired young mom...We moms are so hard on ourselves.

Hey, I am still learning with my children and they are a bit older than yours.

My parents used to drag us everywhere. Believe me, no one was feeling badly for us kids when we were stuck in some boring furniture store or whatever after a day of errands. What's different is that we moms know better and try our best. It is still hard though to give up the "pre-kids" mentality. I would push and push and push...try to get every damn thing done. But the difference between my parents and me is that I KNEW I was pushing so I really couldn't blow up at the kids when they had a meltdown. Hmm...maybe that is not better...the fact that I know better and still do it:)

Well, I guess in my wordy, roundabout way, what I am trying to say is it still was nice. Leave it at that. Kid was being a kid and you, Mrs F, were just being a tired out mom who really just wanted to get that thing done.

Anonymous said...

We were there today too! (Max and Ruby) I have just given in to the guilt, try to keep it all in the "nice" outing guise by, if something, ANYTHING, turns out to be even a little for me, (ie, looking for books for me) I get something for them. It certainly doesn't have to be an expensive item, and I don't need the crap either, but the satisfaction in my getting something I spent time looking for, for me, makes up for the bad feeling of buying more crap. The "pushing it" in general, we go very easy on that, not doing too much, and most of our friends think we are freaks because we are considering what's best for our kids. Go figure!

I hope you can get some sleep too!

Mrs. Furious said...

thank you.
I'm sure tomorrow or next week or something she will think back on the play and just be happy about that. Hopefully...

I just wish I hadn't gone in there! I usually do just get her some crappy thing and I get what I want and she gets what she wants and I sort of wish I had just gotten the stupid $5 Max & Ruby book and then she would have (might have) made it through that ridiculous line incident free. Although I've had plenty of experience with giving in and getting her crap only to have her STILL act up in the line or whatever the breakdown of that day is going to be ;)
I'm just really trying to start to try and set a better example. At some point she is going to have to deal with not getting something every time we walk in a place. Some stores are easier than others in this regard. I have to take the kids shopping everywhere I go so I can't keep it going at this pace... it is just getting too pricey! All those extras several times a week add up to a SHOCKING amount. And when Baby catches on I'm doomed!

Chris Howard said...

Hey, I've been there. We're doing something fun and then the kids start acting up and I get overly angry and it's a downward spiral. And of course, Libby has almost become a caricature of the kid who wants something every single time we go to any store.

I remember a few years ago taking them out to get something for Michelline's birthday. It was so horrible we came home with nothing and I told them it was their fault.

Now that Libby's older, they've stopped fighting quite so much, and that's helped a lot.

Chris Howard said...

Added bonus the show was perfectly timed around Baby's nap so I didn't have to stress about nursing her or rushing to and from.

I'm curious, Baby's a year old now, does she still nurse every few hours?

Gigs said...

We've had this problem too. I think it happens simply because things are good until they're not. I think of it being like my boys playing together: They'll really be enjoying each other, laughing and going on, until something goes wrong. Someone makes someone mad and then the game ends. Things end on a sour note, because why would they end it while it's going well? It's like how things that you look for are always in the last place you look. Don't be too hard on yourself. We've all been there. As far as buying something every time you go in a place, we went through that. I have adopted the policy of pre-warning whether there will be purchases or not. "You understand we are going shopping, but not buying something for you today, right?" Sometimes it even works!

Mrs. Furious said...

yeah if you aren't weaning they don't really nurse that much less. I'm not giving her a different type of milk. On a typical day she does probably nurse every three hours through the day. She nurse more at night cause she is having her issues but those aren't necessarily real full nursings. Kid nursed every three until she was about 2. Baby eats a lot of food and so I have more leeway and can stretch it out longer if I have to. She also will refuse sometimes if she is busy or sick. Yesterday she went a 5 hour stretch. But that is about the longest and then the next day she'll go back to 3.
I guess you can kind of think of it like the number of bottles you'd give a baby of cow's milk. We just don't switch to the cows milk until around 2. And even the I still nursed Kid at night and in the morning for another 1.5 years!

Mrs. Furious said...

"I have adopted the policy of pre-warning whether there will be purchases or not. "
Good idea. I've done this in the past when we are on a specific mission for a b'day gift for a friend or something... but I should make this clear all the time.
Book stores are especially hard, I realized after the fact, since it is so much like a library where you can of course bring home all the books you want.

P.O.M. said...

You are way to hard on yourself. You are like the freakin' mother of the century!

Kid will only remember the fun time at the play.

Mrs. Furious said...

oh thanks :)

You'll be happy to know I worked out yesterday and today. Back on the horse.

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