Friday, December 19, 2008

Oops I Did It Again


julie said...

How dare your SIL send you an email regarding what you said in the blog? First of all, how cowardly to do in an email. Pick up the phone and address it if you have a real problem (this is to the sil, not you.)

I don't think you sound disrespectful to anyone in Mr F's family. It sounds like an uncomfortable relationship. Why don't those people reach out to you and really try to come to an understanding? I mean, you only have one freaking life and this is how they want to spend it...wallowing in their home, seething about what their son or brother's wife has to say or feel? It makes me feel angry that they are such cowards about it all.

I think people who use email to dump their feelings on someone else with no real attempt at trying to come to an equal understanding are so disappointing.

Yes, I know your blog is public, but it's the story of YOUR life. I agree that it is NOT a 2-sided documentary. Or worse, really, a "talk behind your back and sometimes send out an email about how hurt one is" kind of blog. What is wrong with these people? Don't they care about their brother/son enough to try to reach out and make some sort of a relationship with him and his family work?

I speak from a lifetime of a dysfunctional family life...we talk about our feelings, we don't always agree and frankly, it's not worth even going into some stuff with some family members, just love them for who they are, but at least we truly, deeply love one another and TRY to listen to one another.

These people should be ashamed of themselves and their behaviour

I am sorry, Mr F. I really don't mean to offend you because I know I am referring to your family. No one thinks they are bad people, just out of touch and a bit selfish...what?! Only they can get their feelings hurt?

Sorry Mrs F, you know I think the world of you. I totally respect you as a mother, a friend and a wife. Your husband and you have a heartwarming, loving and fun partnership. Your children are happy and loved. I want you to know that you are loved as well. By me and many, many others out there.

Keep keeping it real.

Staci said...

Ugh. ;P

I really felt you last vlog was so honest and caring...not hurtful at all. You shared your feelings but did not even come close to saying anything hurtful. I thought MAYBE it would be a time they could actually reach out to you and THANK YOU for all your help over the years.

I did figure the extended family was still reading. It seems they need more ammo to keep the hate fire burning. :P

Of course you know I feel your pain. It's always your(the daughter in laws) fault and NOTHING (and I truly believe that) will ever change how in laws feel.

I hope your day got better and just know you ARE a great person.
I've never met you but I can tell you are AWESOME! :)

Enjoy your little family & the Christmas holiday!

Haley said...

Oh honey! I'm all wound up about this too now! I'm sorry things are going down on this front again. I can't imagine trying to diplomatically neotiate these minefields (or some other nonsensical mixed metaphor).

This is absolutely your space, and I've never heard you say anything cruel about anyone. You express your feelings, that's it. Maybe sometimes people forget how anonymous everyone truly remains? Are they worried about bad press? I don't know. But let me assure all extended Furious family, we have no idea who you are. You're safe. Don't worry. Leave the poor girl be!

Haley said...

Wow. The blog cavalry is coming in at...


Can you feel the love???

Me, Myself and I said...

Add me to the calvary. LOL.

I agree with you totally 100%. You are totally upfront and honest and if they can't handle that then they need to just stop reading.

Honestly, this is why NO ONE I KNOW knows about my blog. Not Hubby, not my parents, no family, no friends. My blogging is for me.

If for some crazy reason I don't comment again before the big day... I wish you and your family a very very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Mrs Furious said...

"Wow. The blog cavalry is coming in at..."

Thank fucking God!! I've been lying on the couch moaning and watching Paula Deen trying to drown my sorrows in vicarious baking!

Kid just gave me some therapy which was hilarious... I'll post it later... oh God so funny. I mean she actually sat on the couch next to me with a pen and pad of paper.

Off to get the kids to bed.

Staci I think of you every time this stuff happens and think "there is an end to this... let's cross over"

I love you too. Seriously. Sometimes this is the only thing that keeps me from going ape shit ;)

Mrs Furious said...

Me, Myself & I,
"Honestly, this is why NO ONE I KNOW knows about my blog. Not Hubby, not my parents, no family, no friends. My blogging is for me.
You knew what you were doing sister!

Merry Christmas to you too!!

Andrea said...

ever since I started using reader Ive commented less but I did want to say from experience dealing with crazy parents my own not my in laws I have personally given them the kiss off basicly I heard and Im not sure where but when your family is harming and hurting more than helping the relationship its time to let go although it was hard and even harder because I was so close to some of my siblings who still live at home I dont really talk to them either as I dont want our conversations to be all about our mother not so much my father he is just really pasive agressive and really needs to stand up once and a while. I understand how stressful this is and Im really sorry because I know more than anything your a fixer and it sucks you cant fix this so hey you have done what you can. I hope you can enjoy your weekend despite all this.

Nann said...

I say if they can't accept you and love you as they are, fuck 'em. There loss.

Mrs Furious said...

What is reader? I'm oddly technophobic...
I'm sorry about your brothers and sisters still at home that has to be hard.
And yes being a fixer and not being able to fix is practically unbearable!

You know I've had nothing but baked goods today ;)

Thanks for the support everyone; I really need it! I was really starting to enter my "am I crazy?!!" mindset.

Lori said...

Wow,Mrs. F.!
I leave for one day and the sky falls in.
What you are doing and saying is "your" outlet to "your" WORLD! Your "out-laws" need to respect that you are speaking honestly and from the heart to your friends, not them!
It's mildly funny that they still lurk on your blog, yet only respond when you discuss the lack of their involvement in the Furious life.
I think to maintain your sanity; you should just write them off and let sleeping dogs lie. It really is their loss and keeping that negative aspect out of kid and baby's life is really a much better option.
I have lived a similar situation and have found that letting go of things I "can't" control makes for a much happier existence.
Know that we are all here and love who you are. Your blog totally brightens my/our day.
May you all have a Wonderful holiday season!!!

Elizabeth said...

Shoot! I'm late for the cavalry charge! Where's my horse?

I don't know that I have anything materially useful to add. I can just reiterate, that as a member of your family who probably wouldn't be talking to you (much that is. I'm a communication-a-phobe, HATE the phone etc.) I love your blog, I really like that we talk via it and email. It means a lot to me.

My blog is on Lj and not public or you'd be more than invited. (this is a technology thing, if you had a livejournal account I would add you)

I was thinking before that you should assume they're reading, just out of morbid curiosity if nothing else. That doesn't mean you should change anything though. Just be aware, which I guess you are!

Ok, off to make some more puppets.

Staci said...

I'm here waiting on the other side! ;)

Mrs Furious said...

"It's mildly funny that they still lurk on your blog, yet only respond when you discuss the lack of their involvement in the Furious life. "
That is kind of funny... ;)

I too have enjoyed getting to know you and *talking* with you on a regular basis. That's why I don't regret giving people my blog address out... there has been as much good as bad generated by it.

Jennifer said...

Ugh. Just ugh.

The reason it affects them negatively is because it shines a light on how they are truly behaving. It shows them through someone elses eyes how they really are as people. They don't like it, so it is easier to blame you than themselves.

Period. If they believed that they were behaving properly, than this would not have any affect on them.

So, de-stress Mrs. F. It's not worth it.

Merry Christmas.

Missives From Suburbia said...

Seriously? How can anyone from that side of the family read this stuff and not consider how their own behavior might be creating some angst? Are they that delusional about their own perfection as human beings? Are they that limited in their abilities of self-examination?

By the way, you look fabulous, despite the stress, crappy eating and lack of working out that you've been talking about. I'd say something more complimentary but provoking that I'd normally say to any of my girlfriends, but I'm not sure I know you that well yet. :)

Kiki said...

I'm so late to this conversation but I have to say that if your blog wasn't public I never would have been able to find my way here and I would have missed out on soooo much awesome-ness!! I am always glad that you have kept the blog going, that you have kept it real despite the fact that "they" might be reading and being honest about your feelings...all of that is what keeps me checking in. Every.Day. The honesty and pure emotion is what connects us all to you.

My 16 year old cousin became pregnant last year, I was expected to spend time with her recently and a lot of my family couldn't believe that I want nothing to do with her...they feel that it is terrible that I carry a torch for resentment towards her. They ( people in my family) ask if I am angry at every pregnant person (which I'm not) and why am I so mad at her. I can't explain it, but those are MY feelings and I'm entitled to them. I should blog about day...
We love you,I think you are amazing and if someone doesn't like something then they shouldn't be reading...just like you said!

Mrs Furious said...

"How can anyone from that side of the family read this stuff and not consider how their own behavior might be creating some angst?"
Please... please... I have no fucking idea! It makes me crazy.

Oh and thanks. Sadly I feel like a loaf of bread...

Thanks for the support... as always!
I'm sorry about your cousin. You know, I think we all have that happen with certain people and certain situations. Where the situation is just toxic for you. You've got to do what you need to do for yourself sometimes. Sounds like she's got plenty of support coming her way and that there should be some room for you to protect yourself from those toxic feelings if you want to.

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