Wednesday, December 17, 2008
The Post Wherein I Explain The Capes
Okay let me break it down "feelings style". You may recall that the shit hit the fan when I blogged about my in laws during their visit to Michigan back in May. Some crazy stuff went down. Crazy. And things have been pretty fucked up ever since. (don't worry I'm almost done swearing) Well time has gone on and not much has changed. Sure they drove 14 straight hours in order to ambush Mr F with a bizarre intervention... but other than that weird display of completely inappropriate boundaries... nothing has really changed.
Oh... wait.... wasn't this supposed to be about how I'm the "bigger person"? My mistake. Let me get myself more composed.
I was left feeling that the only answer to the situation was to remove myself. The problem with that is...well... my involvement is complicated. Without my involvement there is no involvement. Of course they don't want to know that (not that I blame them) or acknowledge it. So much so that they have quite a revisionist history going on. You see, from their perspective, I have been single handedly driving a wedge between Mr F and his family. Apparently that has been my sole desire since we first met.
I wish someone had filled me in on that. I could have saved myself quite a bit of time and trouble. Not just the nearly 10 straight years of stressing over how to get Mr F more involved with his family. The endless nagging to make a phone call... ask about his sisters. The planning of trips. The buying of gifts and wrapping and shipping. But also the 3 day drive alone with an 18 month old so that I could make a wedding cake. The giving of all our baby things and furniture (which we could have sold... and certainly could have used the money). These things I did to unite the family. These things I did because they are what I would have done for my own.
I needn't have bothered. I needn't have hand tied every one of those wedding programs. These things that I didn't do for any other motivation other than to be involved.
Apparently I didn't like a set of coasters someone gave me enough.
And so I have feelings. Hurt feelings. Victimized, overlooked, demonized feelings. What did I do... but marry a man... who didn't care to love you more. What did I do... but try. Try to love you. Try to make him love you more. Try to be involved. Only to be ignored. Only to be treated with a standoffish hand.
I made one mistake... one... mistake... and that was to trust. To trust that my space was mine. I was wrong, but I wasn't in the wrong.
And so I made capes. Three red satin capes with silver cord. With my hands. With my time. Because I can't be as cold as they need me to be. In the end it just isn't my nature.
There will be no differential effect. No one will say anything. No one will thank me. No one will change their opinion or their view. Three little boys who don't know any better will have a moment of happiness. That is all.