Thursday, December 18, 2008

Developments!

6 comments:

Supermom said...

I was finally able to watch one video. Superdad is going to Charter today because it is something on their end!

Okay.

I am sorry that you and Mr F are dealing with this. I totally understand what you are saying. By you sending things that they will think he did and in turn they will want to contact him and he doesn't want that.

That is such a difficult situation. Has Mr F never really been close to them or did something happen?

This just totally sucks. I am sorry.

I have become to understand while trying to watch older videos that you have been doing soooo much to bridge the gap. That takes a strong woman.

Will write more later, Baby M wants to go back to bed.

hicktowndiva said...

Can I just tell you that these videos about your in-laws have been really helpful to me in thinking through my own in-law situation? We have slightly different issues with my husband's parents, but they are difficult nonetheless...it is helpful to me to see someone else process in-law issues re: gifting and the holidays...it's a hard subject. So, thanks. :)

gooddog said...

wowsa.

i think you are right though. no reason to continue to enabling/kind of co-dependent/ stringing along the dying relationships. maybe they'll finally realize the deal or he will realize he misses them and things will change. or, maybe not.

either way, it will be the god's honest truth. good for you. hang in there. that would be a good video to rewatch when you start to waver!

ps- didn't notice the bed-head until you changed camers angles. nice! ;)

Mrs Furious said...

Supermom,
it is complex... I'll probably do better in person. But the thing is I didn't meet Mr F until he was in his 30s. I have my suspicions of how things were but I don't really know. I think that his families remembrances are a bit idealistic versus how things really were particularly for him.
So... no... I wouldn't say they were ever particularly close. Just more superficial so everyone could pretend things were "great".


Hicktowndiva,
It is hard. Obviously I still don't know what is *right*. I really don't know. I no longer think that my involvement is what is best. His involvement would be best. Where is the line? Whose responsibility is it? You know... deep down... is pretending what is best? Argh. Again I don't know.

Elizabeth said...

A few thoughts;

There are plenty of people out there for whom "pretending it's fine" is very important. The fact that you haven't and don't could be incomprehensible to them.

Do you think that maybe they sub-consciously, at some level KNOW that you're the one doing things (as opposed to Mr. F) and because this truth is so painful it makes them (unconsciously) react resentfully towards you?

Why does my apartment smell like rotting strawberries when I don't have any fruit?

Mrs Furious said...

Gooddog,
yeah the short hair = some serious bedhead!

Yes I think it's best to be straightforward. So we'll see how it goes. I'm thinking the no gifts/cards to his parents will send a pretty clear message of where he is at. We'll see...


Elizabeth,
"The fact that you haven't and don't could be incomprehensible to them."
Si. That is absolutely the problem. I can't pretend... I just freaking can't. And they can't not pretend. And the whole extended family is built around pretending so for me to out it was obviously a problem ;)

"Do you think that maybe they sub-consciously, at some level KNOW that you're the one doing things (as opposed to Mr. F) and because this truth is so painful it makes them (unconsciously) react resentfully towards you?"
I'd like to think Yes. Because in general I think most people would. And it makes sense. That's why I decided to stop... since it hasn't been helping matters for me to do this stuff anyway. However they are so seriously repressed that I don't even know.

Strawberries? ... I've got nothing for you on that front.

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