8:42 PM

No Surprise There

Without trying (or even intending it, really)

I have become the figure head

of a clandestine guerilla Valentine's Day operation

at Baby's anti-holiday school.

Quick Note

Mr F just flew home to say a final goodbye to his dad.  Things took a sudden turn for the worse yesterday.  This is of course not unexpected but unexpected timing as these things often are.  He had travelled out a few weeks ago and things had seemed momentarily improved only to deescalate quickly after he left.

I'm out of steam.  It's been a long and stressful two days just trying to figure out how to best get him there and for how long.

Kid is taking the news very hard.  She's staying home tomorrow.

Glad It's Over

This was an off-kilter day.  Some intense emotional stuff going on for Mr F and just regular life stress, appointments, the town blocking my driveway with snow boulders, and a very badly timed surprise science test prep for Kid tonight. There were tears... thankfully cut with some crazy amusing delirious hysteria.  It was a LONG day.  I'm glad my part is all over for the night.  Now to price out flights for Mr F and watch last night's Downton.

I will leave you with pics from the day:

 This is why we need that snowsuit! 

Baby's climbing one of the parking lot mountains at school this morning.

 Sunrise coming up over Baby's school.  I can never capture it with my phone but it was spectacular.

 While I was gone at drop off the plow came by and left some surprise ice boulders in its path, making my driveway completely inaccessible. That big lump right in the middle of the driveway was literally 4 feet wide and 2.5 feet tall and so heavy I could not move it and could not drive over it.  

I had to chip away at it with an ice breaker.  

As The Cougar would say "Don't worry about me".  

It's not like I had a car full of groceries and a dentist appointment I had to get to.  

 Love that crinkled nose.

 Kid's stress response

 in action

I'm always happy when her overwhelming stress crosses the line from sad/mad to wound up silliness.  She had me on the ground laughing at her weird impersonation of a Prepper thinking they could make hydroelectric power from their yard hose (hey, it was even on topic!... Big Boy was apparently less impressed).  She definitely inherited this awesome (Mr F might argue annoying) stress management trait from me.  Also the tendency to get overwhelmingly stressed... but who's counting?

The EU Hates My Children

I spent 6 straight hours damning the US straight to hell while desperately trying to find a one piece snowsuit in Baby's size this weekend.

Who knew?  But the US has a strong style preference for two piece snowsuits.  STRONG.  As in, one piece do not exist after toddlerhood.

I've tried to find them, but they just DO NOT exist in the US.  

Every other country that experiences harsh winters?.... YES.  

But the US?  No.   

Why?  For the love!  FOR THE LOVE!

Why is it that every other country that has cold winters sees the benefit (the superiority even) of a one piece snowsuit for school aged children... but the US is just not having it??!

WHY???!  (this has been eating me up all weekend long, folks)

Baby goes to school with a Finnish family and their kids have these amazing one piece snow suits in actual big kid sizes with foot straps to keep the legs tucked in the boots and attachable mittens (so they don't lose them!!).  Everyday I think..."Those are awesome!"...the time it takes to get in and out is a fraction of the usual rigamarole involved in two separate pieces.  And when it is -20 in the morning and you have to wear snow gear just to walk from the parking lot to school... which means we have to get fully geared up...Baby & I both want her to have one.  Desperately.

After living through the last month and a half of intensely cold weather and gazillion feet of snow coupled with the pretty liberal outdoor play policy at Baby's school... (they go out unless it is colder than -11 F)... I have been really regretting that I cheaped out this Fall when I bought her snow stuff this year (but how could I have known?!).

Baby shares a locker with the Finnish girl in her class and every single day that awesome snowsuit taunts me.

It taunts me with its badass superior functionality!

I can find the manufacturers in Finland and Sweden but do they ship to the US?  No!

There is some kind of EU trade limitation.  And it is driving me absolutely bananas.

I debated buying what may or may not have been legit castoff snowsuits directly from Chinese factories.

I debated that for about 4 straight hours.  But then I chickened out because it was still going to cost me $100 and I wasn't sure of anything.  The size.  The condition. The likelihood of receiving it.

In the end, today, I found a site out of the UK that does ship the Finnish snowsuits to the US (for approximately 5 million dollars) .  With the attached mittens.  Which it turns out are extra.

I was trying to avoid all those extra costs, but people, I need that suit.

I figure this ensures that the weather will warm up and I'll be out the 5 hundred thousand dollars for the suit and the 5 million in shipping.

Mr F Went To The Library...

Can We Discuss...

This season's Biggest Loser finale???!!!

WTF?

I think the producers should have vetted that situation and it should never have aired with her on it.

Jazzketball For The Win

Before implementing Jazzketball methods...

Kid pretty much wandered around the court in a stress induced daze.

She actually supposed to be blocking that #12.

(They lost 8 to 40)


After implementing Jazzketball...

She's in the game, people.

She's actually blocking.

She's running... toward the ball, even!

(They won! 16 to 10)

Lost Connection

Our Internet is down, and while I love you all & would love to give you a good (or bad) post... I have very little patience for trying to do this from the Blogger app on my phone. The very fact that I am doing this at all is a testament to both my deep love for you and the insane level of stick-to-itiveness I have been known to exhibit when I make a commitment.

2 things:

1) Kid had her first game yesterday and it was horrific. It was like they were up against an NBA team. Kid was pretty much frozen like a deer in headlights the entire time. I've been encouraging her to employ my highly aerobic and rhythmic dance orientated distraction technique I have dubbed : "Jazzketball"
Get in on it early peeps it will be a future Olympic sport. You heard it hear first.

2) We had meatball subs for dinner. They were fantastic, mostly because my meatballs were fantastic (pork, people... I am so over any other kind of ground meat). My freezer is full of them & spaghetti got old. Tomorrow I'm changing out our BBQ pulled chicken for a shredded Jamaican jerk crockpot pork recipe I found (minus the heat). I'll report back on that one. We haven't gone out to eat for over a month (outside of Baby's birthday). Meal planning & freezer cooking... people, it 100% works.

The Love Of My Life...

People, real quick, because it's almost time for me to go to bed... which reminded me of how much I wanted to share with you my insane love for the "Cat Purr" sound on my Relax Melodies app.

It's free and it has changed my life.

Or my sleep.  Which is just as important.

Facebook friends will recall that on New Years I was driving the kids through a blizzard on my way home from Pennsylvania.

And we had to make an emergency stop at a really bad motel.

I mean there was unidentified crust on the remote.  It was just gross.  Let's not talk about it.

But I digress...

I have had the Relax Melodies app on my phone for just such nights out when I need to block out sound and I don't have the high powered fan I use at home for that purpose.

(I think I've mentioned that I have troubling sleeping, yes?)

Well, on this particular night I scrolled past my usual "Oscillating Fan" and discovered "Cat Purr" and for a joke I turned it on.

And then I was out like a light.

God, I love it.  As soon as I turn it on, it is like I've been hit by a tranquilizer dart.

Seriously.  I think it hypnotizes me.  I fall right to sleep and sleep sounder than ever before.

Good night.

Unrelated to Anything Else

I have to say that I am pretty depressed about Philip Seymour Hoffman.

I saw him on Broadway in True West and it was an AMAZING theatrical experience.

He was amazing.

And I am always sad when someone dies like that.

It just feels so desperate and sad.

I'm devastated that his children (my own kids ages) will know those details.

The syringe in his arm.

And always wonder why they weren't enough.

You don't get over something like that... you just don't.

It changes the trajectory of your life.

I worked with many kids whose parents had been heroin addicts.

One little boy was found when he was 3 years old sleeping with his dead overdosed mother.

(sorry... I know that is graphic... but it still haunts me).

My own growing up centered around the very secret and turbulent life parental mental illness and addiction create.

It is hard.

Developments

Kid got her period this weekend.

I am both not surprised and in emotional shock.

Seeing as she has had hormonal acne, been wearing a bra,

and shaving her armpits for the past 6 months...

I can't say we didn't see this coming.

We've talked ALL about it.

She knows that my mom never told me anything... so...

I've told her ALL of the embarrassing stories (of which there are many!)

But as a late bloomer myself, it's still a bit overwhelming for ME.

I can't wrap my head around what it will be like for her, or how she is processing it.

She was playing dolls with her sister all morning.

I had had YEARS of Seventeen magazine reading under my belt to prepare me for all to come.

She is just starting to master basic self care...

it feels unfair to saddle an 11 year old with all of this.

And all of the things (many awkward)... swimming, and going to camp, etc.

We're playing it cool,

but inside?... yeah...

I don't know that anyone hopes their daughters are early bloomers.

Winter Wonderland

(There is a front walk in there, somewhere)

It's snowing AGAIN. Lots of it, with more on the way this week and next.  I have to say, this is one of the best (certainly coldest & snowiest) winters, yet.  Michigan is really living up to it's hype this year, and I'm glad we aren't missing it.

Mr F looked out the window and said "When do you think we WON'T have at least 2 feet of snow on the deck?"  Hopefully, NEVER.  Fresh falling snow always seems beautifully awe inspiring... it never gets old.  (maybe it would get old if I had to use a pick ax to hack our way out of our door?...)

I love winter.  The older I am the more comfortable I am with it... fully relishing my true love of a season that says... "Why take off your PJs... unless it's to put on your snow pants and go sledding?!" It's my kind of life (when I don't have to drive in it... which is not my kind of life AT ALL).  It's beautiful and clean outside.  There is no pressure to weed, or maintain anything... to go anywhere... you can sit and read for days on end... mix in some cheeky Flapper era Australian detective series (please, do! You're welcome).... what more could you want?  Big winters make life feel so much more nature focused and that feels fundamentally right.

I just wish we had a fireplace & some cross country skis.

And a dutch door, a Bernese mountain dog, snow shoes, and an old school wooden tobaggan....

For those of you without snow (or just your average Siberian Documentary nerds like myself), you can get in the mood with this awesome documentary: Happy People: A Year in the Taiga

Baby's Birthday ReCap

Baby revealed to me that her dream was to have breakfast in bed.  Having her eat breakfast in bed is not my dream, however.  She makes enough of a mess sitting at the table.  But dreams are dreams and I was determined to make this happen for her... even though it meant having to wake her up extra early to do it.  We settled on a first course of fruit in bed followed by our traditional family Trader Joe's Chocolate Croissant birthday breakfast at the table.

 Breakfast in bed was worth it for this crazy bed head and bewildered face alone.  Awesome.

 She still looks kinda crazy at the table.  We got out the birthday ring and her rose.  I put up the banner and streamers and balloons.  

 Did I mention that I let her take a day off of school and we could have SLEPT IN?!?  

 But traditions run deep and she still wanted to have breakfast with her sister.

 Then I took her to see Frozen for the sing-along version.  

 We had the theater to ourselves and I told her jokingly that it was a private showing.  She took me seriously and I've been going with it ever since. Why take that awesome memory away?! 

Then we met up with my mother for Afternoon Tea. 

 Please... I did not have the heart to discourage her crazy self stylings with the bangs this morning.  

 She mostly just ate the whipped cream off of the desserts.  Needless to say I was off my diet today.

After our outings we came home and I spent 4 hours trying to bring her cake visions to life.

 It was to feature green grass, a sidewalk with paw prints, a cat & a dog on top, 

and Happy Birthday Charlotte written in squiggly letters.  There was some give and take this year... I was able to successfully talk her down from the multi-tiered cake drawn. But I really do try and recreate all of her elements.  It is not easy, my friends, and it sometimes makes me wonder why I ever started this with her!!  But I'm always happy when I'm done and I think I was able to deliver.

People, I do not even play around.   

Then we went out for Korean food for dinner.

 Baby purposely scooped up more on her chopsticks so that you all would be sufficiently impressed with her skills!

Then, much too late, we came home and I unveiled the cake.  

Truth be told I was a little nervous when I presented the cake to her.  

She has been known to be a very exacting critic.  

 She liked it.  

She accepted my changes (playmobil cats & dogs, not the ugly bento picks that she specified)  

 Mission accomplished.

Pretty awesome birthday all around.  

Undercover Birthday Preps...

Baby is 7 tomorrow

I'll let that sink in...

Today

At 6:30AM, negative 15 outside... believe me, I wondered why in the hell I wanted the girls to go back to school.

But, as I predicted, I had a much more productive day.

As lame as it is to discuss, I have found writing out a list of what I need to get done in the optimal order I need to do it, allows me to kick things out like a freaking machine.  I don't know what is going on with me... I'm turning into an old woman.  (also, I participated in this brain storming workshop about goal setting and such and it kind of rocked my world and jump started all of this positive change... maybe I'll discuss this in the future... it was extremely easy to do)

Pics from the day:

Baby drew a Picasso inspired piece during her morning free time.  It kind of blew me away.  She was looking at a poster of this:  

and then promptly drew this:

Unfortunately, she also has ADD and as her teacher told me today... 

"She has a hard time staying on task and finishing her work... unless it's her artwork."  Uh... sounds like someone else I know.  All I can say is, thank god my house is equally divided OCD & ADD... it kind of keeps things balanced... ish.

(Did you know there is a correlation between ADD and creative talent?  The brain is an interesting organ.)

Kid got her basketball uniform.  Mr F is extremely stoked that she is #34.  

I guess the athletic director had trouble sizing her because her legs are abnormally long for her height & the shorts have to be a certain length.  I don't know how I produced such a giant.  It amazes me.

I really wish you could meet her.  She's just a 100% awesome human being.  

(I also wish I had known about the uniform arm hole issue before I bought sports bras...)

Also,  and maybe most importantly... I am on my way to salt & pepper, baby!  It is really hard to capture gray hair in a photo... it is much more prominent in real life. I cannot tell you how happy I am about that awesome stripe!  I had a hair stylist who would normally want to dye gray but even she couldn't deny how awesome it was that it grows in a big stripe.
Of course, it now grows everywhere... but the stripe still equals badass.

Is it weird to dream of salt & pepper hair?  Or, just super fortuitous... because it is happening, people.  Ultimately, I'm really looking forward to kicking it pure snowy white style!
I'm coming for you old lady hair.  

Mind Games

I love having my kids home.  I'd keep them home every single day if it was up to me.  But this constant state of uncertainty about whether they'll have school or not, I can do without.  It is wearing very thin.  I'd much prefer they just called the whole week off, so you could make some kind of plan for your life... than going to bed not knowing what is in store for tomorrow. I just feel foggy... it's like Groundhog's Day.  The same amount of time off as an intentional vacation just feels completely different.  I feel like I remember feeling on a day home sick from school...  confined to my room, watching old reruns of Laverne & Shirley on a small black & white TV... wishing I could enjoy the luxury of my day off but just feeling bored and antsy.  It's too cold to even play out in the snow. We've literally been housebound for DAYS on end.

If anything could mess with my mojo it's this... it is not having control over the course of my day.  I've been very aware of how important it is that I have a consistent routine... makes all the difference in terms of my eating and whether or not I feel I can fit a workout in.  But despite all of that, I did my 25th consecutive workout.  80 mins (I definitely had the time...).  I haven't gone off course diet wise either.  Not once.  I don't even feel an urge to. (although it is very clear that on chaotic days, I make more impulsive food decisions and waste calories that I just wouldn't use that way on a routine day... which may explain the weight gain over the last 3 years of completely chaotic days).  I don't really know why I can finally do it, or more importantly why I wasn't ready to before this (I clearly wasn't) .... but I'm doing it and it isn't even hard.  I'm not even doing anything new.  I'm literally doing the exact same thing that worked for me the first time.  Who'd a thunk it?  I'll never know why I needed to resist this for 3 straight years... I mean, keeping a food journal just really isn't that big of an ordeal.  But I'm happy I'm over it.  Whatever it was.