Mr F was going through our old computers last night and happened upon a treasure trove of old emails from our early dating years. He apparently thought they were all blog worthy as I awoke to my inbox full of forwarded messages. So here you go... this would be one of those surveys that I apparently thought I had answered wittily enough to send on to ALL my friends and family (it's not).
"THE BADASS SURVEY"
LIVING ARRANGEMENT: Me, my living muppet, and the occasional rodent, all living cozily under the ceiling of a not quiet unpacked and fully moved in one plus bedroom apartment(the plus is currently known as "the room of shame" and houses most of the more unsightly side effects of being not quiet unpacked and fully moved in) on the beautiful rolling hill that is known as park slope, Brooklyn.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OUIJA BOARDS? I am taken back to the fifth grade, hiding out in my brothers closet with my friend harnessing the powers of OUIJA to determine what was for dinner. Tuna (melts to be specific... I think... I'm not as positive about the melt as I am about the tuna). I can't remember if the prediction was on the money, but I would venture to guess not as I have not been known to rely on its powers of prediction since.
YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW? Who wants to be a millionaire... some may call it low brow... that is half of the appeal; iron chef, you have not experienced the thrill of competition until you have experienced this occasionally bloody cook-off challenge, and Felicity.. what can I say the girl is my soul sista. P.S. Friends is fucking hilarious... I don't care what you think. And the Antique Roadshow.
WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? mouse pad... my ass!
FAVORITE BOARD GAME: Monopoly... hands down.. and I would know I pretty much play board games for a living... and if you are not willing to go down in a blaze of bankrupted glory than turn in your thimble now, cause I can already tell that it is not gonna work out between us.
FAVORITE MAGAZINE: Reader's Digest... this one goes out to you Nana. Just kidding...In reality I have been let down by my dear old Martha, and don't have a current favorite. I can tell you what isn't my favorite... Maxim... is that like seventeen magazine for adult men or what?... give me a break and lets focus on something more creative than the "cover babes"... that one went out to you Matt
FAVORITE SMELLS: Carmex; Tide; Clean&Smooth liquid hand soap with the green writing.... highly recommended....mmmm... fruity delight; and anything with an apple/cinnamon/and or brown sugar combination... preferably while in the process of baking.
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: anyone who suffers from lactose intolerance, irritable bowel syndrome, or the aftermath of gallbladder disease knows what I am thinking.
BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: two things: 1. the first sip of a cold effervesant Dr. Pepper, its bubbly delight momentarily blurring your vision... that is the epitome of refreshment. 2. peeing after you have had to hold it in so long that you think you might actually die... but just before reabsorption.
FAVORITE SOUNDTRACK: the Piano
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE IN THE MORNING? hmmm...if I skip my first appointment and see them tomorrow I can go back to bed for another hour and a half... yep, sounds good to me.
DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS? Only if reading while in transit, or being spun around on the death trap known as the Himalaya at Coney Island being smashed against the side of the car by a somewhat heavier friend, for what seemed like an hour just before the DJ/operator announced we were half way through.
ROLLER COASTERS-SCARY OR EXCITING? so scary that it is exciting.. in an adrenaline pumping fight for survival kind of way. I am the person who is screaming hysterically.
PEN OR PENCIL? Pen
HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? one... pathetic you might say... nope just superior reflexes.
FUTURE SON'S NAME: jake
FUTURE DAUGHTER'S NAME: madeline
FAVORITE FOODS: pizza, pot de creme, sourdough bread, my mom's bread pudding, really good edible stuff of all kinds
DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: I think we are all giving it our best effort, and I hope to someday be able to give a resolute yes.
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? I'm a 50/50... it depends on the form
FAVORITE ICE CREAM: don't really have one... refer to "worst feeling in the world"
CROUTONS OR BACON BITS: not really either, although croutons over bacon bits hands down.
DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?: Oui, although still occasionally plagued by irrational fear of long distance highway driving... post traumatic stress disorder
DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS? I did up until a few months ago... putty tried to "kill" it and it has been retired to safer pastures, now I sleep with live animals.
STORMS - COOL OR SCARY: very cool if safe, very scary similar to roller coaster reaction if not.
WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR: Used plymouth laser
IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?
Anyone I haven't met who needs someone to acknowledge them... genuinely
WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Gemini
WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE POET? my mom...(Christmas is coming... don't you wish you thought of that one Jamie?)... just kidding mom you really are talented
DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? Yes
GUYS-IF A GIRL ASKED FOR THE SHIRT OFF YOUR BACK, WOULD YOU GIVE IT?
GIRLS-WOULD YOU EVER ASK A GUY FOR HIS SHIRT? under what conditions.... if I was shipwrecked and was going to have to go through town searching for help in tattered or non- existent clothes and there was a guy with an intact shirt... I might ask him for it.
IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
To run a therapeutic foster boarding home.
IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? I wouldn't... that gray hair is here to stay!
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? I thought I was at the time but I am not sure anymore... I hope to be positive sometime in my future.
WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? a home sweet home cross-stitch from my step-mom, a hand painted peter the rabbit picture my aunt made me when I was little, and a hand made angel from a friend, and a shelf with books and candles.
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? half-empty... not because I am a pessimist... but because in reality I always fill my glass between 3/4 and 7/8 and if it is any lower it is because I drank it, and it is now half-empty.
WHAT IS FAVORITE SNAPPLE? peach iced tea
FAVORITE MOVIE(S)?:Life is Beautiful, Antonia's line, and I agree with you Courtney... Rushmore is hilarious.
ARE YOU A LEFTY, RIGHTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS? right handed
DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? but of course
IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE? gardening gloves
WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? thanks to the Swiffer... no more dust; a rug; shoes; 7 yards of fabric(soon to be curtains... yeah right); several of Putty's bones, extra pillows
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER?: 7... my birthday... narcissistic you say?
WHAT IS YOUR DREAM VEHICLE? This will only make sense to people in my 'hood... but there is this crazy pickup truck with live animals (rodentia I fear) in the back, and pro trapper bumper stickers... I call it the " kids who hunt, trap and fish don't grow up to mug little old ladies" mobile.
FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH: iron chef... with these guys cooking is a sport
SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON(S) WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: Courtney is a caring and loving step-mom, and that is a hard job to have.
PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND: Janet Jackson