It's so hard to resign yourself to a superficial relationship with family. I have always been the black sheep of mine and it is super hard, especially as I get older and have children, to accept that I can't really share myself with the people I am supposed to be closest to. It also carries over into your children's relationships. THe best relationships, for me at least, have stemmed from being with people who are naturally interested in the same things I am. With my own family, I've had to accept that I can't share myself fully and am NOT appreciated. I lived with my folks for a few months as an adult and though it was terrible I was grateful for that time b/c I really got that I can't change them and they can't change me and talking about it might actually deteriorate the weak relationship we still have.Learning to accept the situation as it was was powerful and created a new opening for us.
Sylvia,"and talking about it might actually deteriorate the weak relationship we still have"That is brilliantly said.
I have struggled with these type of issues for years with different family members. It took me so long to accept that I had to have a more surface relationship. I hate that I can't be completely honest, but it was too chaotic emotionally to try anymore. I realized that they just were not ever going to fully get it. It's like a lack of self awareness. Wait, not "like", it is a lack of self awareness. On another note, what on earth was Mr F thinking to bring the kids last minute to a cocktail party? Crazy. That would be so un-fun.Did you say Kid was already naked? That cracked me up!
Julie,the best fucking part about the Mr F thing is he came home wearing a suit... um... which means he knew when he put it on (not at 5:35 PM) that there was a party. And when he called to ask if I wanted to come he didn't tell me we'd have to be dressed up (and in Kid's case dressed... yes she was already nude).
Okay...again, you know I feel your pain about the in-laws & them not KNOWING who their adult son has become. That was another part of our situation too. So, every issue they didn't agree with must have been MY doing. For example...we got a dog. They never allowed their kids pets...I must have bullied my husband into getting one. :PWe started having kids sooner than we had talked about...MY FAULT. Heck...they never even thought far enough into their son's future to ever picture him married. Yes, his Mom actually told me the thought never even crossed her mind that her boys would want to get married. WHAT KIND OF PARENT IS THAT? It was just crazy to me.My family isn't perfect but as we grew up my parents let go little by little. As we became adults our relationship naturally evolved from parent-child to adult-adult and now friend-friend. I'm never afraid to say anything to them for fear of being judged. My husband was in such shock at how open we all were when he first joined our family. Now he's opened up a lot and it was the best thing for our boys to see. I know all these other relationship issues are coming at you. But, your girls & the relationship the 4 of you have is the most important. And I think you are doing an awesome job with them.You are showing them daily how to live a genuine, happy & healthy life. They will be greatful. :)
I understand this situation EXACTLY.Not only can I not be who I need to be around MY family, but I can't around his, either...and I just don't seem to have time to have fun with anyone except the people in my own home- if that makes sense.And, about them not knowing him...I get that, too...and any change in him is not something they think he would EVER do, I must have MADE him think that way.I don't get it AT ALL.I feel for you, girl, I really do, but luckily you live more than 500 ft away from them.The other day I woke up bitching because my FIL was at our front door revving the engine of his tracker.. WTF??! I am trying to sleep. He sat there for over 20 minutes doing that.. and I don NOT want him back here at all...Did I even tell you I had to call the cops on him??I will if I didn't... These people make me so mad and sad at the same time...and the worst part is that I feel like the devil for disliking them, because I tried so hard to make it be peaceful between us all...and now that I don't care, they tell him all the time how I am trying to take him away from the!OMG... I feel so bad that you are having to be in the middle of a situation like this.Just know you always have us, and you can be yourself.... We love it. :)
My husbands (well, exhusband) mother assumed that I would take over her roll when we got married. She brought me over some of "Scotty's favorite recipes" and actually re-arranged my cabinets so that they would be like hers so that "Scotty" would know where everything was. lmao. I should have know then and there I was in trouble. lol. She threw away food that he didn't like that I had purchased .. FOR ME. Oy. Kid being nude cracks me up! My son is so "aware" of himself now that he won't even change around me now. He is 9.
Staci,Oh I know you feel my pain."You are showing them daily how to live a genuine, happy & healthy life."And really that is my sole goal. You just want your kids to be happier and have it just a little easier than you did. I want my kids to grow up knowing that they have a right to say when they are mad/sad what have you.Inkelywinkely,"Did I even tell you I had to call the cops on him??"Um... no!!! What the hell is up with that?!!!girl, you have got it worse than I do!Jennifer,Oh My you MIL sounds like a freak show!"My son is so "aware" of himself now that he won't even change around me now."The hysterical thing about Kid is that she'll sometimes go change in private and yell "privacy" while she puts clothes on. I said to her the other day "what are you hiding for... you were just out here nude?" And she replied "I don't want you to see me in my underwear." Oh God I almost died laughing.
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