I'm here. Things are going on.
On top of that Baby has not been sleeping and it's running my ragged.
Oh and there is the bake sale stuff I need to make this week (why oh why did I overextend myself?!!)
And there is stuff.
Some of it deep, some of it petty... it all depends on how you look at it I suppose.
Either way I'm feeling misunderstood and kind of trapped in a label someone else has assigned.
You know how sometimes no matter what you do, or say, or feel some people will just always see it as something else?
And it's like no matter what you do, or say, or feel you can't change their perception of what they think you did, or said, or felt?
Yeah. I'm there.
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18 comments:
Sending you good vibes to get thru it. I have to remind myself ALL THE TIME that it really only matters what I feel and think about myself. Other people's perception is thier own and shouldn't affect me (but it does). Hope that helps ???
P.O.M.,
That is EXACTLY what I've been telling myself. "I won't be defined by someone else's perception." The transference of someone's feelings is so invasive and you start to have to review everything to double check that that isn't what you did or said. It's exhausting. I
My sister is one of those people who can't see anything but her view of everything. Including me, so I know how you feel. As for the over extension, Im right there with you on that one, too. I am sending you ultra happy relaxing thoughts! Have a nice day!!
This sucks. I'm sending you good karma, too.
I hope you are able to work it out. I went through something like this with some nutjob mom a few months back. Thankfully for me, I was able to find out that she does this to everyone. That at least made question myself less.
Sorry. I hope it all gets funny (or weird enough) that you can blog about:)
It's time to go up North.
Chill out by the lake.
Have cocktails on the deck at 5
(and bloody marys at lunch, and perhaps mimosas for breakfast)
It'll help.
I am so sorry you feel like this today- and don't worry I have been there for awhile, and am finally coming out of it...so you will be better soon, I am sure.
WE LOVE YOU. :)
Elizabeth,
"Have cocktails on the deck at 5
(and bloody marys at lunch, and perhaps mimosas for breakfast)"
Oh God I sooooo need that.
It will help. ;)
Thanks everyone. I'll be back. Must go get Kid and go back to the store since I've been in a weird coma and keep forgetting the stuff I NEED for dinner!
Thinking about you Mrs. F! Hang in there...
Thinking of you. :)
funny how you are blogging about that right now - it's exactly what i've been feeling for way too long already...but hey, i just got my long overdue anti-depressant presecription today ;) (and can i just add, i somewhat ain't too happy for adding this after sentence, *that's* how i am doing right now)
sending some good thoughts across that big body of water your way :)
I hate that feeling of being unable to make people understand who you are and what your intentions and beliefs are. Some people just decide who you are and then shut the door, and that sucks. Thinking of you, and hoping things start looking up!
Haley,
"Some people just decide who you are and then shut the door, and that sucks."
Word... and the worst part is that they never see it. Never.
I can remember running into an old high school friend after college and having her say "You're exactly the same." And I was like... hmm... really?... cause last time I checked I went to college and grad school and have had a certain amount of life changes and growth. But then again I think it's hard not to feed into it and revert into the persona people want from you.
Kelly,
Why do I always feel I need to make up for the other parents at school?! If there are multiple things to do I always sign up for several even though nobody else does. But as my mom told me your kids will know and it makes a difference to them. Let's hope...
Sabrina,
Oh I'm sorry for you too... it's a sucky way to feel that can be really infectious. I usually have a hard time shaking it off after it settles in.
Inkelywinkely,
Living with the in-laws have anything to do with that? ;)
Julie,
"I went through something like this with some nutjob mom a few months back."
Completely unrelated... I went to get Kid from school... and good God I wished I'd had my camera... one of her classmates father showed up. I'd never seen him before. I dresses like a complete head to toe 30s era mobster...including short little tie and hat. I thought it was a joke... or a costume. Nope that's his schtick. That made me laugh.
Um... it turns out the freaky dad is THIS GUY. That is VERY interesting. Now I'm thinking if these are the people in Kid's school... there is really no reason why we shouldn't qualify for financial aid.
Ug, I can totally relate to the comment from the high school friend. I once had a person who knew me really well in high school tell me years later that I "hadn't changed a bit." I will never forget it; it was one of the more offensive things anyone has ever said to me. I'm sure he meant well, but it was really crushing to me at the time. I felt that I had remade myself in some pretty important ways...
Good luck with this - labels can be so hard to shake. But as everyone (including you) has said, it can be even harder to shake the feeling that the labels actually matter.
Here's my labels for you...good heart, great mom, loving and thoughtful wife, loyal friend, amazingly smart, intuitive, gracious...the list goes on...you are awesome, ignore the "haters". (I usually hate that word.)
Jen,
"it was one of the more offensive things anyone has ever said to me."
Oh exactly... that's how it felt for me too.
and yes very hard to just let this stuff roll off your back.
Kiki,
thank you my friend.
It's a hard situation, as these always are, since it is often people who are close to you who are more invested in seeing you as something else... something more complicated than the truth. We all have these little jobs and roles we fill sometimes willingly and sometimes not... sometimes we know it and sometimes we don't. I think the reality is that most people do it compartmentalize and predetermine what you think someone means by something than to just ask them what they meant. Sometimes I feel cursed to be this person because I can't just shut up... I would implode... and I would lose my sense of humor and my zest. I live my life trying to always let things out in the open so they can be acknowledged... but most people are just not comfortable with that. And so they wouldn't do it... and if you are... you must mean something by it. Does that make sense?
It absolutely makes sense, it's so difficult to know your own intentions and deal with others perception. I'm always worried that what I say and how I act will be misinterpreted. I'll be thinking of you...sending you lots of strength to shoulder this burden. I wish I could take it from you...
Yes, that is exactly what it has to do with. LOL.
Luckily, we are back in our home..have been for a month now, and I LOVE it. It has destroyed much of the humanitarian side of me, but I have also learned a whole lot about judging people, invading personal space, how NOT to speak to people, and how putting your hands on someone can make a bad situation turn into something monumental.
I also learned that the right words can bring forgiveness...but that most people don't care enough to speak them.
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