It sounds like you've done what you can to improve the relationship. It's sad when we can't have the kind of closeness and honesty we want with our loved ones, but like you said, it's only successful when it's a joint effort. Good for you and your mom for being able to create such a strong "new" relationship!
Yeah, I agree, it sounds you have done what you need to..and you can do no more, excluding just kissing someone's butt...and losing your dignity to make someone see that you aren't bad, and are actually trying to do the right thing isn't worth it- trust me.I hope you can get a little peace, and this isn't on your mind constantly..and just be thankful that you aren't alone in it.BIG HUGS... sending good thoughts and prayers your way.
Haley,My mom and I have worked hard to communicate openly. It helps that we have both been in extensive therapy. ;)Inkelywinkely,I'm trying to move through it. Just like the inlaw crap I think you get forced to dwell on it until you can come to terms with a good plan of action for yourself (or inaction) and move forward. " excluding just kissing someone's butt...and losing your dignity to make someone see that you aren't bad, and are actually trying to do the right thing isn't worth it- "Yeah I totally agree with that.
People generally don't like to have their flaws pointed out to them. Or what they think YOU see as a flaw. It can be hurtful and hurt is something that generally people try to avoid. There is so much of it in peoples lives. Sometimes they just cannot handle one more hurt at that point in their lives. Hopefully once things settle down, the relationship can come out better in the end. Just like with your mom. :)
Jennifer,Oh I agree. You have to really want to have more closeness to risk the upset. Because, absolutely, saying to someone "this thing you do makes it hard for me to be close to you" will upset them... and be taken as both a criticism and as placing blame on them for ruining your relationship. Even if that is the direct opposite of your intention. BUT just because that is how most people react doesn't mean it's the only way (or the healthiest... or most productive). Honestly... things won't ever come around in this situation... they will even out and go back to how they were.
This is very cryptic. I wish you could just tell us the deal.
i agree. i think it would be ok. the person in question understands what is going on for sure.
This is extremely thought provoking, I've some relationships this applies to and you've definitely given me things to mull over in how I deal with some things.Thanks!
Elizabeth,Always happy to provoke thought. Although I should warn you that my success rate is rather small ;)Sylvia,Oh they know what is going on (not on every level maybe... but on some of it) and they are very invested in things just being surface level. So things will for sure go back.
How frustrating for you. It sounds like the other person has issues that they have not been ready or willing to face or perhaps is not self aware. I really hope that things can work out. It sounds like this is an old relationship with a lot of history.I completely get the whole relationship with you and your mom. I have something similar with my mom,but my mom is not able to see it. She would not ever consider any therapy either. Just does not seem to want to change. Sees no reason to change...like there is nothing to change. Sadly, I have just decided it is easier to have a more "fake" relationship. It was too hard for me emotionally...it took too much out of me. I love my mom very much and I know she loves me, but we will never have the kind of mother/daughter relationship that I wanted. I remember reading something about how sad some woman was when her mother died because it was the one person in the world who really knew her in and out. My mom does not fully know me. And part of that is my doing...I always act like I am in control and don't need help with her. And she just goes with it for the most part. That is really great that your mom wanted to work on the relationship, too.
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