The Deed Is Done

Well, we did it. I'd like to say it was completely fulfilling experience that filled us all with joy... but... alas that is not entirely the case. This whole idea, this giving to give (unexpected joy) and not giving to receive (acknowledgement, validation... big or small, thanks) is not necessarily easy. I entered this knowing that. Knowing that some people will be grateful later. Not everyone can process what is happening, and respond appropriately even if they can, in the seconds that our paths cross in the aisles of Target (or elsewhere). I knew that. I did. But, I'm big enough to admit that it was still really disappointing when it played out that way. This exercise might be less about receiving joy through spreading joy, as it is about being humble. Accepting the truth about giving to give and really not giving to receive.

So we started out our mission at our familiar stomping grounds... I knew there would be lots of different people to chose from, and that at Target $5 can be used in about a million ways, from frivolous to necessary.

We went in and got our gift card (and envelope... more on that later... it was a mistake). I had written this little note on a sticky pad to put on the gift card (hence the use of an envelope) to give a little explanation.

I had envisioned this as a hand off type deal. I didn't want to count on having the time or interest (on their part) of being able to explain myself. (I do think this was a good idea).

So, we started scanning our options. This immediately became trying on me. There is no way to do this without starting to fall back on *who is deserving* type categorization. And this is not supposed to be about that. Everyone is deserving of this. So the next shopper I saw was this man (this is taken, oddly, after the fact when he was running back from checkout to price check or exchange something). He had a cart FULL of bed linens. So, I thought... he's spending a lot on necessities he'll probably appreciate it.

When we were next to each other I just handed the envelope over and said "This is for you." He took it and said without pausing "Oh. Thanks." And kept going. I can't write out his tone, but it was surprising.... because... he wasn't surprised. He sounded both like this happened every day to him, and that he expected it.

Well, that was a HUGE bubble burster.

I walked away not knowing if he even realized it was a gift card, or knew to open it before he checked out. I think, he may have accepted it in the way a polite person accepts something they don't really want... strange coupon, religious pamphlet, etc.
And I think my presentation kind of lent toward that assumption. I do hope he eventually opened it, and realized what it was (it was a gift card envelope for crying out loud!... although who knows what I might have put in it).

Lessons learned:
#1 It might be best to present to someone who is actively shopping. Someone with a cart full of stuff on the way to checkout... is ready to go... maybe in a hurry... and more likely not to want to engage.

#2 NO ENVELOPES! Really, I do think that was a big mistake, because it just put that barrier up that made it impossible for someone to recognize what they're getting. These transactions can be very fast, and while I don't need an appropriate appreciative response... I do want to be sure they know it's money and not something to toss! Next time I'm just sticking my sticky on the back side of the actual gift card and handing it over gift card UP!

#3 Giving something unexpected... means you are surprising people... not everyone reacts appropriately when caught off guard. That is part of it.

#4 Wanting to give to give is not the same as wanting to give to get tons of adoration for what a selfless, thoughtful, giving person you are in return. Even if deep deep down in the pit of you... or who am I kidding? right there on the damn surface... that's what you'd really like... and what would make you feel a hell of a lot more joyful. The truth is a hard pill to swallow, my friends.

#5 Next time choose a teenage girl... they are WAY more chatty!

Of Course...

I do have a crap load of stuff to report.

#1 I've been using my SparkPeople app on my iphone for the last week. I'm pretty happy with it. I like that I can journal my food intake on the spot, including looking things up if necessary. It's convenient, it's free, and it keeps my desktop and my actual desk top cleared off... so win win win. I'm trying to lose about 10-12 pounds, and so they have me at 1500-1800 calories, and working off a 150 calorie burn everyday. Sticking to that calorie limit is absolutely doable and no big deal, I am not actually hungry for more than that, and tracking just keeps me from doing something stupid that would push me over that amount. I actually worried I couldn't lose on that amount... but... they were right. I'm down one pound in one week, without stressing or even trying. And I've finally found the time that will work for my day for me to workout, and I am back to my 60 minute treadmill sessions, which is what I like. After our breakfast and morning lessons, I get my workout in before lunch. Most days of the week this works. So, I'm not stressing or making this a 100% or 0% deal with myself. I enjoy it, and really just needed to find the right time for it. Now that Kid is homeschooling, it's actually easier for me to fit the workout in, since I'm not driving all over town all afternoon anymore. And because I'm with both kids all day, I don't feel guilty about taking an hour out for myself. When I'm not hammering myself about workout every single day... I actually find myself working out a good 5 times a week and enjoying it. So, I'm using the SparkPeople app to track that, and I'm cutting myself the necessary slack in order to fit regular exercise into my daily life, without it being a battle for perfection. And, that attitude is the difference between my ability to stick to it, and my perfectionistic sabotage. I'm going to do it when I can (which is most days) but not stress out, and freakout, trying to cram it into too tight of a schedule, which spirals down into frustration, failure, and then quitting. Some days, I really am just too busy... and that is okay.

#2 I'm thinking of surprising Mr F with this guy...
Mostly, because when Mr F saw him his face lit up, he reminded him so much of his old cat Dusty. And that will bring him joy.

But also because his name is Washington.... which reminds me of this... (warning vulgarity police! This is not for you)

Which makes me laugh, because it is so absurd.... and because it is so damn catchy. And so whenever I see this cat I start singing "Washington, Washington" and that brings me joy.

So, in short, this cat = abundant Furious Family joy.

#3 Homeschooling is going well. Of course, the last two weeks we were on break ;)
Kid is over it, and is happily staying home. The work we are doing is enjoyable for both of us, and we seem to have a good balance. I'm really happy with the Sonlight curriculum. Really happy. In two weeks we start her day of extracurriculars that are offered for homeschoolers. Every Thursday she'll have a day full of Chemistry, Watercolor, Gymnastics, and Band classes, with lunch, and I hope she enjoys it, and we can make some new friends. I've also joined a homeschool group out by us, and starting next Wednesday they've set up a science class with a local MetroPark's nature center, and that is something that both Kid and Baby will enjoy. This group has also been extremely friendly, and as it turns out, there are 4 other 8 year old girls in it... which is awesome. We have our first playdate tomorrow. On top of all of that, Kid still has swimming and Brownies... so, socially, she's busy. In fact, I've cut out a couple of things this semester, so that we can focus on the things we really enjoy and lend themselves to forming friendships.

#4 Mr F did take the week after Christmas off and painted the entire time. Bye bye asylum. Really. What a difference having a different wall color, than the trim & ceiling color makes! Everything looks so much nicer... it's like a different house. And that is just the hallway. Pics to come, after we get all of our doorknobs replaced (and possibly doors...). Our hall lights look fantastic now. Fantastic. Baby's room is now pink (not ultra intense primary yellow!) and my room is next (although that might be months away if we're being realistic). Then we've still got to take down the border in the kitchen and paint the kitchen and then paint the big family room. We've still got some work to do, but the main impact spaces are nearing completion and once we get our Christmas decorations down, we can finally start hanging things and finish those rooms up.

That's it.

Oh, I'm hoping to start meal planning again soon (this week, please). Our new fridge (not new really really old) is a top freezer over fridge... and food just gets lost in there (vs a side by side for visibility). I've been spending 3x as much on food and throwing a lot a way. In Asheville I was down to NO food waste... so this is especially disappointing, and I need to get back on top of it. Meal planning is key, I'm thinking.

Oh, and look for our first $5 giftcard post on Friday. We're going to do the deed on Thursday (I am a little nervous) and hopefully manage to sneak a picture of our victim. It'll be fun. Or awkward... which should at least be funny... if at my own expense.

Happy New Year!

Every New Year's Eve, for the last 4 or 5 years, I've been trudging outside at the stroke of midnight, digging a little hole at the edge of a garden and whispering in my wishes for the new year.

It is a cultural custom, but I can't remember where it comes from. Either way, it seems symbolic and hopeful, so I've been doing it.

And, maybe because I've been particularly careful what I'm wishing for, they have all come true.

Honestly.

I had decided that 2011 was going to be the year I focus on our happiness.

(We've finally got stability.)

What that means, I don't know in particular, just that I want to evaluate our choices based on their direct effect on our happiness.

Period.

It's an experiment.

And I don't really see how it will be too regrettable... what with our increased happiness and all.

But how to make that into a wish?

I wished for our family to have abundant joy.

Joy is a little different from happiness, in my book.

It is a bit more of a positive outlook, less hedonistic.

And, well, my experience with the wishes is, the more altruistic the better.

But then I lay in bed thinking... how can I make that wish come true?

Abundant joy.

Other wishes, while maybe more out of my control, also gave me a goal... and working towards that may very well be 90% of the mission.

Then I thought that if I could create small moments of joy in others... well... that would bring me joy.

And maybe spread joy.

And that would be coming closer to the definition of abundant joy.

So I thought, and thought...

I thought about large grandiose gestures, and small everyday.

And then I hit on what I think is a doable, ongoing, year long mission to spread a little joy to others.

Every week I am going to give a $5 gift card to a stranger.

I thought about cash, but I think, that creates a bit more awkwardness.

Once a week, when I'm at a store I'll get a $5 giftcard to that store, and then Kid and I (she's very excited about this) will decided who to hand it to.

"How will we know if they need it?" Kid asked.

"Well, I thought about that last night, we won't. Just because someone doesn't need the $5 doesn't mean they don't need something unexpected to happen to them. Maybe if there is a rich looking lady in line at the Starbucks in Target and we give her the $5, she'll be touched by it, and then in turn go over and pay for an entire person's cartful of stuff at the checkout, which we couldn't do." I explain.

It isn't about saving the world, or making the best possible choice for how to give $5. When looking through that frame, it becomes impossible to carryout. It is simply about giving a small unexpected moment, of befuddlement, surprise... possibly joy.

And then maybe it spreads.

I know, I can still remember EVERY time something like this has happened to me, and it did change me, and make me want to return the favor, in what way I could.

But, maybe, it doesn't... and it's just $5 that stops with that one person.

And that is okay too. Because, the surprise, the giving, it will still bring me joy.

And it will be something that Kid will remember for the rest of her life.

One year, when she was 8, her mom gave away $5 to a stranger every week.

That will change her.

And it'll be worth every penny.

I'm Not Sure If I'll Ever Blog Again

We just got Super Mario Bros for our Wii.

Buttering Up

"Hello, Mother, you look radiant and beautiful today." Kid says.

"Gee... thank you." Mrs F replies.

"I don't even know what radiant means." Kid confesses and cackles maniacally.

"And I like your outfit, and the way you are chopping up food." She continues after recomposing herself.

"Thank you." Mrs F returns uncertainly.

"Do you know what I'm doing?" Kid asks forebodingly.

"Yes... I just don't know why." Mrs F says.

Addiction Management Starts With Prevention

"I want a phone like that" Kid says.

"What would you do with it?" Mrs F asks.

"Play Cut the Rope for like 12 hours straight every day." Kid returns.

"That's why you don't have one." Mrs F replies.

Christmas Detox

From 2 days of rum punch

Four straight weeks of (at least) a dozen cookies a day

I told Mr F today I was getting back to badass... and I hoped it would happen naturally and overnight.

Sadly, that is not the case.

So I opted to stay in bed and avoid the counter full of leftover treats (in hopes that they might disappear down someone else's gullet).

I've emerged from my bed only to discover that The Furious Fam has finally entered the 21st century...



In a somewhat surprising turn of events it appears that Kid is a fairly brutal opponent.


(she had to remover her pants... they were holding her back)
It looks like Kid's homeschool recess just got a lot more enjoyable.

Maybe they'll let me set up my Wii Fit sometime soon...

Although from the looks of things, I doubt it.


(I suppose I should clarify that she does have underwear on... pink)

Christmas Morning

"We're pretending we're orphans traveling on a First Class Orphan Train." Kid says.

Of course you are.

Santa's Workshop

This is where you'll be able to find me for the next several hours.

Mr F and the girls are off to the mall to find me some *inspired* gifts, I'm sure.

I'm using the time to get all my covert ops taken care of.

And dream up a delicious rum punch (Mary Poppins got me thinking of that yesterday) to bring to dinner.

I hope you enjoy your Christmas Eve!

He Knows If You've Been Bad Or Good

Apparently Kid isn't taking any chances...

This, of course, rates their *goodness*.

You know, just in case, Santa should show up tomorrow night misinformed.

Kid 100%

Baby, sadly, ZERO

Guess Where We're Going?

Thanks to our inside connection, the girls and I are off to enjoy a little theater this afternoon.


UPDATE:
It was fantastic. I HIGHLY recommend it. Even Baby was into it and able to stay engaged throughout the whole show. It was really good, so if it's coming near you... it's worth checking out. It, of course, helped that we had the best seats in the house (literally).

Dear Mr F

A job where you don't have to be at the office for 14 hours a day would be great.

Especially the week before Christmas.

It's kind of been a lot.

But I did it.

I really hope you mean it when you say you are taking next week off.

I'm getting kind of lonely.

Even if I do have this to keep me company....


It's also kind of sad that you don't.

Making A List, Checking it Twice

Update

Because I don't want you to lose sleep over it ;)

although I probably will....


Dad: DONE
Dad's wife: DONE
Littlest Sister: DONE
Little Brother: DONE
MOM: 1/3 done
StepDad: DONE
Tiger: DONE (this was a priority for the girls)
Older Brother & Girlfriend: DONE (ish)
Nieces: I know what I'm getting just need to get it.
Little Sister: ditto
Mr F: 2 major gifts down... need other stuff. Santa likes to give Mr F hand lotion, FYI. And gum. Deal with it.
Kids: I've ordered the main Santa stuff, but I need to get to Target for little things (Baby is getting make-up... I already regret that idea).

I also got out my first batch of xmas cards.

Oh and shoveled our front walk (after Fed Ex lady reprimanded me... thanks for that, Mr F).

And I got groceries.

Long story short, I've kicked major ass today.

Thank you, Meijer (If you didn't have the worst check-out scenario in the world I'd actually recommend you).

Gah!

It's Monday.

Christmas is on Saturday... right?

Just got in from our whirlwind trip at 2AM last night.

The cat was bouncing off the walls (literally) until well after 3... despite having fortuitously viewed a Jane Goodall communicate with animals dvd just last week.

I tried to communicate that I was tired.

Maybe if he was an African Grey Parrot he would have understood (they're psychic).

In the end I think he was picking up on my leniency (and guilt) and so he stalked my face (hidden under the covers to protect its delicate flesh) like it was his prey (it was).

Anyway, back to the important stuff...

It's Monday.

I have a very few things for Kid (It's kind of hard to shop for them when you are with them all the time).

The wrong thing for Mr F (that I had cancelled but showed up anyway).

And NOTHING else.

I need to ship things and ideally have them arrive before Christmas.

I'm having a heart attack.

The thing is, I don't even have any ideas.

None.

Know of a great, universally appreciated gift, that ships for free (or cheap).... let me know!

Over The River And Through The Woods

We're heading out to Eastern Pennsylvania today. My Nana and Grandad are celebrating their 70th wedding anniversary (they are both nearly 100) this weekend. It looks, for now, that we are going to make it there and back without battling an Alberta Clipper... having done that in the past... I can assure you that is a very good thing.

See you Monday.

P.S. I haven't bought any Christmas presents yet. I'm starting to get a little nervous.

Mad Homeschool Skills In The House

We received a book and cd with our curriculum set called "Geography Songs", and I'm not sure who loves it more... okay I am... me. (I do have some rockin' dance moves that go along with this song) I originally looked at this with disdain... fearing these songs were going to be terrible or cheesy... and while maybe they are... they are also catchy as all get out. There are several more sets in this series (including several on math facts) and I'm definitely going to hop to it and order these up. Kid, who generally gets pretty frustrated with the notion of memorizing facts, has been able to memorize the songs almost instantly... and enjoy it at the same time. We don't just now know the names of these 15 Middle Eastern countries, we can also (both) now identify where they all are on a world map. So... score one for homeschooling... because... this is not something that they are covering in 2nd grade at the public school.


Out Take:
Watch Kid's face... she is barely containing her rage at Baby in this one! She said she wanted me to put this one up so you could all see what she has to deal with.

She's Nothing If Not Thorough

Baby walks into the kitchen.

Her hand is firmly placed down her pants in her butt crack.

(Just setting the scene)

"What are you doing?" Mrs F asks.

"My butt itches." Baby replies.

"Oh. Okay, well, your butt is germ-y... so... I need you to go wash your hands." Mrs F explains.

"OKAY!" Baby yells enthusiastically and runs top speed for the bathroom.

Several minutes later Baby emerges from the bathroom.

"I washed my hands, Mom." Baby announces.

"Great, thanks." Mrs F replies.

"Don't worry, they're not germ-y, I used your toothbrush!" Baby says excitedly.

SNOW

We've waited a shockingly long time to see some real significant snow in Michigan this year.

I mean... it's been disappointing.

Finally, we heard a storm front was coming through.

Excitedly we headed to Trader Joe's to stock up on the necessities (meatballs & chocolate croissants).

The storm came...

Not exactly a blizzard, but a good couple of inches.

And that's just what our very own (yes you read that right... very own) sledding hill needed.


(If you've been reading for a few winters you will recall that Mrs F loves her some sledding... really... if there's even a dusting of snow you are pretty much guaranteed that I will be donning my snow pants... believe it... and making a go of it)

Mmm.... big COLD, RED, WET cheeks...

Lack Of Contact High

Mrs F stumbles into the kitchen after a bad few hours with a nightmaring Baby (I think one was about cookies... fyi).

"Jabber Jabber Jabber." says Mr F

"jabber jabber jabber jabber jabber..." He continues, into infinity, always maintaining a 3 foot radius around me.

(If you know Mr F you know the man can talk... and he doesn't do it quietly)

"You are very talkative this morning." Mrs F manages, after listening for a good 20 straight minutes, while trying to measure coffee.

"Well, that's because I've been up for 2 hours with no one but the cat... jabber, jabber, jabber, jabber...." Mr F responds.

"Yeah. I get it." Mrs F says.

"When someone says that you are very talkative... it means... Stop Talking."Mrs F explains.

"Ooooh. I get it." Mr F says through a mouth of toothpaste (in the kitchen people...).

"Apparently, you don't." Mrs F replies.