One More Thing Done

We really needed a reading light by the couch. We had had an impromptu set up of crap, but people, why is it that decent lighting is so darn expensive? I couldn't find anything I liked at IKEA or Target... and... well... that's where I shop.
Then I saw a table/lamp combo at Lowe's and I was like... "is it hideous or not?" I decided not. It would solve the problem of needing a light and needing a table, without having a table lamp constantly being knocked over by overzealous light turner-oners (Baby). It had a wrought iron metal finish that kind-of doesn't clash with the ceiling fixtures... and a glass table top so we're not adding yet another wood tone into this room (a good thing).

So... let's refresh that this whole get up, table w/light was only $39. And when I put it together it kind of seemed like it. The shade was horrible. Horrible. Which for a white shade was somewhat astonishing... how bad could it be... bad... I wish I'd taken a before shot.

So last night I laid down a piece of fabric I had bought a while back (which just happened to be the exact right length). I rolled the shade along it to be sure it'd fit. I then carefully cut around the shade while rolling it from end to end. Then I glued it on. Sure, it would have been best if I had a) ironed the fabric first b) done this on a table and not on the carpet and c) used some spray adhesive so the fabric would have stuck smoothly on the shade. (Sadly all of those things I had available to me... just not the patience to use them in the moment). Either way.

So, long story short, much better...

Progress

So... yes... it would probably have been best if I had waited until we have cleaned up the room, put away all of the weird home improvement junk, and made the kids actually put their toys and art stuff away.

But, I don't foresee that happening today.

This is our family room (there is more to it... but... it's covered in toys, swim towels, jars of catepillars... and I do have a tiny bit of pride, it turns out.

This is our favorite room, since it's huge, and it has windows covering three sides that look out on the tree tops and green space of our yard... and is the reason we bought this house.

It was up until last week... the same maddening off white walls, trim, and window treatments as the rest of the house when we bought it.

This room featured two of the large brass boob lights... and... well, had absolutely no feature to speak off outside of the view, and did I mention it's all panelling?


Okay...

BEFORE:

AFTER-ISH:




We've painted the wall the same yellow/wheat/golden color we had painted our front hallway. We're in love with this color. It's got depth, and adds what I'd like to call a sophisticated cheeriness. Plus it goes with just about everything. Now I took these with my iPhone in some harsh lighting... so... disclaimer... it is not mustard yellow in real life. It's more golden.

While I would never in my life pick out these cream honeycomb shades, the fact is, they work, they are super energy efficient, and we can't afford to outfit 10 windows with new blinds. My goal was just to disguise them as much as possible, and as cheaply as possible.

So we hung these rods (Target), and I bought two tablecloths at Cost Plus World Market. It turns out that a 60" panel would work perfectly in here (we've got furniture and baseboard heaters that made full length curtains a No for here... plus... with all the toys, moving furniture, activities, I just want to keep it more casual. A 120"x 60" table cloth makes 4 pre hemmed curtains... you just have to sew up a side seam (which makes these really fail proof curtains). It also makes these $5 a panel. Sure they are only 30" wide and won't cover up even one window... all we wanted was to have a finished window look... we use the shades to block sun and at night for privacy. I actually didn't want too much curtain bulk at the sides because it would cut into our view. These are perfectly enough to look like curtains, and to cover up the ends of the shades that frustratingly hung an inch past the window frames, without taking over the windows. I'm happy. I also grabbed some napkins and stiched them together to replace some throw pillowcases that didn't look to hot.

A Little (Miss)construed

"Pick your shoes up and put them away." Mr F directs the kids as they kick their shoes off in the kitchen.

"I'm not your slave!" Baby responds, more than a little put off by the suggestion.

"They are your shoes, you'll put them away." Mr F responds.

Baby begrudgingly complies, than marches back into the kitchen...

"Dad wants me to be my own SLAVE!" A very disgruntled Baby informs me.

What's Up

Well like all great weight loss plans, mine was working ...so... I just up and stopped following it a week and a half ago.

Sound familiar?

I hate when I can be so predictable.

Subsequently, I have... NOT... lost any more weight.

What can I say? These psychological injuries run deep.

Back with the program TODAY. TODAY. I SWEAR.




On other fronts....

I am profoundly happy, people.

Believe it.

This year has really been about reclaiming my happiness.

Taking risks.

And reaping their rewards.

Follow your dreams, peeps.

I made lots of major decisions in this past year... and they were HARD, hard decisions.

And we bucked the trends and did things that just weren't *normal* and that had major chances for complete failure...

and HERE WE ARE.

It all worked out.

And we are ALL happier than ever.



Lessons:

Take that crazy low paying job half way cross the country... risk losing the equity in your home... your situation can't change if you don't change it.

Take your kid out of school... take a step into the unknown... risk other people's judgements.... follow your gut... you know what is right and you know what is wrong.

Take your ego out of your marriage... risk your sacrifice not being met.... put everything out there... find what you lost.




So really, it's kind of hard for me to care too much about vanity weight.

I'm actually living my dream life.

Oh and I'm turning tablecloths into curtains.

What's next?! Maybe soon I'll have an actual social life?




PS if you think the marriage plan won't work for you... that your problems are too far gone... that you need more than a phone alarm... TRY IT! Try it, please. Really, I would never have thought that it would have this profound of a difference. But it has. It is just like daily affirmations, or morning meditation, or whatever else you might do for some other part of your life. Starting everyday on the right foot really does change the direction of your day. Think about it.... no.... do it. Then see.

Happy Birthday Mr F!

Spring Has Finally Sprung

And we are all kinds of happy about it.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to the greatest mom two little girls could ever hope to have, and the greatest mother any father could ever dream of parenting with. You teach us all something new and make us each better every single day. I am the father I am because of you, and I thank you for showing me the way and setting the highest goals to make us the best and happiest family we can be.

I love you.

Matt


[Not a photo from today, just a random tackling and attack of love from the girls one morning...]

The Gardener

The Test

"If we were outside, in the dark, and I turned to you and said... just like this (making my face and voice as serious as possible)...

'Get Inside.' ...

What would you do?" Mrs F asks Kid.

"Go inside." Kid says.

"Okay, what if I said it like this...."

"get inside." I whisper quietly but sternly.

"Go inside." Kid says.

Mrs F turns to Baby and repeats the exercise.

"What would you do?" Mrs F asks Baby.

"Keep playing outside." Baby shrugs and says.

"What if I said... 'I'm serious, there is something dangerous, you need to go inside right now.'?" Mrs F asks.

"Probably not hear you and keep playing." Baby suggests.

The Moment You've Been Waiting For

(Click on the video and watch it on YouTube if you can't see the whole shot)

Light Switch

Remember Golden Boobs?

We've finally swapped out all of those big brass halogen banquet hall lights we had all over the house!

(Sorry most of these pics are super soft focus... I was using my iPhone... with the lights on you can't see them... with them off it's too blurry... at least you get the gist)

Kitchen:
Replaced golden boob for track lighting.

Dining Room:
Replaced golden boob for vintage chandelier.

(this is that vintage metal chandelier we got at the antiques fair last Fall)
Family Room:
Replaced two golden boobs for a pendant light and fan.


The pendant light hangs over the kids work table. We removed the second light in favor of a fan (with no lights) because we needed more overhead room for our active Wii games ... and this room is not connected to our central air. We're going to put in some floor lamps instead.
This room still needs paint and window treatments... and not to have taped up coloring pages for artwork... hoping this is the next room completed.

Oh and we changed out this entryway light...

for this...

Once we were going with a more craftsman vibe in the hallway that black chandelier was on the outs (now in a bedroom). This is actually a fairly decent fake Tiffany style light... you can't see it's details in this... but I promise it's not cheesy.

Down 1.5

Success.

I have to say that after 3 weeks, I really do feel like I'm back in a groove.

Fighting myself less.

Much less.

I just takes time to break yourself in.

So, 3 weeks... 4 pounds.

I'm finally starting to see a difference in my clothes, which is always very motivating.

Again (if you care... and please feel free not to), I'm shooting to workout for 60+ minutes 6 days a week. This is just what works for me, and last time (and this time) allows to me to visibly see a pretty fast fat loss in my body.

Someone asked what exactly I'm doing... I am walking on a treadmill focusing on interval incline changes. I walk at a fast pace (I'm short so for me that is 3.3- 3.4 depending on the day... 3.5 and I have to jog... so use that as your guide) and change my incline every 1/8th of mile. That is a distance that is easy for me to track on my treadmill... it is around 2 minutes. I typically alternate 0% with 7% than 0% with 9% repeat until I've gone a mile. Then I do 0% followed by 12% for an intensity blast, then go back to the original 0,7,0,9,0,7,0,9 for another mile followed by another blast with 0,12. I recover with 0,7,0,9, and then cool down at 0% for the remaining 1/2 mile or so until I reach my time limit. Confusing enough?! This is my basic pattern but I change the inclines around at different workouts to keep things from being to routine... sometimes I put in running intervals... sometimes I do crazy sideways sashays. And ALWAYS I really use my arms. I keep my arms bent about 90 degrees and engaged and pump them, I do boxing punches, I do chest flys. After the cardio I do ab work and pushups every other day... no big deal... just a couple of sets each. That's it! If I have enough good TV loaded up on my TIVO making 60 minutes is not a problem.

Yesterday

Mr F agreed to do a video with me about our new plan. That should be good quality entertainment!



Kid had her bi-annual neurology check-up. He's really the greatest peds doctor of any kind we've ever seen. Such amazing bedside manner. Since Kid has gone about 9 months without any neuro symptom (no more cyclical vomiting... remember that from last year?!!)... she is now discharged.

It's kind of amazing. This has been a really long, stressful experience.

And it is the small things... like... I don't have to list this, or her neuro contact on her medical forms anymore.

Every single time I did, it brought it all back, and the worry that... shit... something still might happen. (It still might... just really unlikely now)

After everything she has gone through, she really is one of the lucky kids that seems to have outgrown it.

On the other side of things... he is referring her to the OCD/Anxiety specialist clinic at U of M.

I almost forgot to mention all of that stuff and those symptoms to him, but then it came to me. I'm glad I had that traveling thought at the right time... "oh you know brains... listen to this!"

All of this stuff is so interrelated and overlapping, he wasn't surprised in the least.

Not even that we took her out of school... or that she's thriving at home... that's all supportive evidence in a way.

But he did think it was enough of an issue that she needs to start working with an OCD specialist.

I also said... "and this behavior (nodding to her protective cocooned up body position which she maintained the entire visit)... " "Is not just for the doctor's visit?" He added. "Right." I said.

"They also have Anxiety specialists." He said and handed me a referral.

And, that, didn't even feel bad. These days, every time someone acknowledges and validates my experience with this stuff... I don't feel overwhelmed with "why did this have to happen?" type thoughts. Taking her out of school has really alleviated a lot of my worry. She's smart, capable, and funny as hell. She'll make her way. Maybe not following a traditional path, but she'll have a purposeful, happy, productive life. I mean... hasn't every genius had some sort of mental disorder? Exactly. Let's focus on that.



Now let me speak generally for a minute... because I can... and I think it's important...

A lot of time people, well meaning but grossly misinformed people, send the very strong message that "they'll figure it out on their own" or "let them do it" or "they need to learn to stand up for themselves"... messages that what ails Kid (or similar kids) is overprotective parents. That ALL kids are capable of being at a certain level at a certain age... and, it just isn't true. Some children (some adults) just can't (nor do they want, nor is it even beneficial) to have that level of independence and responsibility. It's just too stressful. Not everyone grows out of it, or into it. And if they do... it might not be at the age that is "acceptable" to others. So my message is... please... when you see a child (or an adult) that doesn't act the way you think is appropriate, or a parent you think is being overprotective or overly permissive... take a moment to remove your judgments. Not every child that is acting out (be it externally or internally.... if you've seen my child at a social function you may know what I'm talking about) is doing so because they are spoiled brats and their parents let them run all over them. They may be doing what is right for them at that time. They may be doing all that they can, just to be there. They might be working on it.

And if you are thinking... and I know some people are... it just can't be that there are this many more kids with *issues*. Well, you are factually wrong. There are. We may not know the reasons, but it is a fact. The other thing is that in generations past, children with issues weren't mainstreamed the way they are (thankfully) now. And that medical knowledge and treatment methods are different (thankfully) and parents are more informed. These children are more visible, and their behaviors are more tolerated... because the alternative isn't *growing out of it* or *shaping up* it's long term, detrimental, negative self-beliefs. And those children turn into angry and or depressed adults. And that is a very real outcome. Very real. We're not all created equal... some of us a smarter, some more insightful, some are more sensitive, some are more afraid. There is room for everyone. Lets not throw the baby out with the bathwater. Lots of *special needs* kids have extraordinary intellectual gifts. So what if they can't sit at the Thanksgiving dinner table? Or preform in a recital? What if they're going to win a Nobel Prize one day... if... they are allowed to thrive in a world that can make some allowance for difference. IF their parents are allowed a little more breathing room and support for caring for their child in the best way they can.

Because one day... it might be your kid, or grandkid, or nephew... and all those preconceived notions you had, will wash away. And you'll just want everyone to be a bit more patient, a bit more understanding, a bit more generous.



Later last night I said to Kid...

"Are you mad that I told him all those things?" (talking about her compulsions)

"Yes. I do them because I want to." Kid said.

"I know, but that's kind of the point." I said.

"Oh." Kid said and started laughing.

Updates

Yesterday is what Mr F calls "The Greatest Day of The Year"... and he's not talking about Christ rising from the dead.
He's talking about my family's annual Easter Dinner at my grandmother's club.
It features an amazing dessert buffet of miniatures...which reminds him of the time we went to that big Italian wedding and they had a Venetian hour. Have you ever been to one of those?! It's insane. That was about 12 years ago and we're still talking about it.


The Easter Bunny left candy I don't like... (I'm not a complete saint though since I bought a bag of Robin's Eggs when I was grocery shopping... and then ate them all in a 72 hour time span). I'm a little worried about this week's weigh-in but hoping I can manage a loss considering the bag of candy & the dessert buffet.


We're starting our 3rd week of swim team. Uh... it's an intense time commitment (for me). Especially since she still has Brownies, horseback riding, and hasn't given up her twice weekly swim lessons (she loves her teacher). All in all we have at least one evening pre-dinner activity but most often have two. Baby has been doing great (playdough was a genius idea! I also have several color wonder sets we use only at lessons)... I, on the other hand... feel a bit time stressed trying to juggle everything and make healthy dinners every night. On the upside, I get a nice bit of social time with the swim moms... on the downside... one of them is full on crazy. (a woman I refer to as "Competo"). The swim team is just having a short Spring season and ends the end of May. I think we'll mull it over and think about re-joining in the Fall. I need my summer freedom. We'll keep up with her 2x weekly lessons in the meantime and think about it more for Fall/Winter exercise.

We also have to do a bit more research on the horse issue... it looks like $136 a month for 2x a week lessons. Horse people, what do you think? Good price? Too cheap?.... I don't really know too much about what we should be expecting. All of the parents and kids milling about have stayed at this stable for years and love it. It just doesn't seem very organized (she's had a different teacher every week).


In the course of my genealogy research I've discovered I'm related to Abraham Lincoln (for real... and not really that distantly). That's pretty much the holy grail (unless you are a Confederate). The kids are extremely excited about this. Mr F said "That's where you got your brows." Word. Take out a penny, cover up the beard...


Also, Mr F and I may have stumbled on (read: I have meticulously developed) the answer to all (okay most of) our marital woes. After implementing one simple small thing... I think it's safe to say we've had a 80-90% improvement in all areas. No joke. We're on week three. Maybe Mr F will have the guts to back me up. It's kind of the food journalling equivalent to marital bliss. I developed this plan based on our ADD issues (this is not a joke... anyone who is living with a partner with ADD knows... and it really does correlate with a very high divorce rate. It takes the same amount of patience, understanding, work, and planning that you imagine goes into a child with the disorder... but it goes on FOREVER). So, while I actually think every marriage could improve... I'll maybe write more about it (I should probably give it a longer test period!)... I think that it's particularly helpful for people with ADD. I will say, to toot my own horn (someone's got to) that I have worked very hard over the last couple of years to understand and acknowledge the roll the ADD plays in our marriage... and not experience it as intentional behavior. My psychologist is amazed at where I am now with it, versus where I was when we moved to North Carolina three years ago. I haven't put up a Ways In Which I've Been Wronged post in awhile... which doesn't mean I don't get pissed off... but I'm working on letting things go (key word: working). It takes work, it takes getting over yourself (even if your partner will never understand how much), and it takes work... did I already say that? It also takes a spouse who is willing to work towards acknowledging their disorder (which might be the biggest and most challenging component). So that's my spiel on that, for the day.

That's it.

And that's enough.

For Shame

Welp, I'm up a half pound from last week.

Disappointing... for sure... but honestly, I'm not too discouraged and am just continuing on as if nothing happened.

#1 I have been very sick since Saturday and I just haven't had the energy to get as many workouts in. So I only worked out 4 times instead of 6.

#2 My usually dead, dead, dead social life was in an upswing last weekend. I had a party (one of those product ones... but still... I'm desperate for any kind of social life, so it counts), a crazy full day of shopping out with the family (and 2 restaurant meals), and Mr F and I finally had a babysitter and really lived it up on one of our only dates out in the last 8.5 years (seriously people... I think we've had a babysitter less than 8 times the entire time we've had kids). So that ended up being 3 nights I went over my calorie limit.

Lesson learned... 6 days of cardio and sticking to my 1450 limit worked... working out 4 times and overeating (within reason... but ... still a couple hundred over several times)... does not.

I'm human.

Forgive me.

The good news is outside of Easter dinner, I really have no more social events (or chances for sabotage) in the near future. Also, after our date we decided we'd much rather use that time to go out to a movie next time than eat anyway.

And, despite my hiccup, I'm still down 2.5 in 2 weeks... which is still good! My goal is 10 pounds in 10 weeks (4/6-6/15) and in the big picture I'm right on track.

And, yes, if I can gather the courage I will take progress photos.

007

In an effort to make up for all of our recent pet loss, I let the kids bring home a pair of goldfish the other day.


(And, yes, I know what you are thinking... are goldfish... a pet with a 10 day warranty... really the best pet for grief stricken children? I know. But our last set of goldfish I kept alive for over 3 years, so I was maybe misguidedly hopeful. And having spent close to $1000 on pets, pet medical treatment, cremation, pet adoption, pet return... fish are cheap)

4 weeks later...

Thankfully, this time it was Baby's pet that bit the dust.

She has a much rosier outlook on death...

"It's great when your fish dies! When it is Your... Own... Fish.... you can dig the hole!" Baby shouts jubilantly.

Not A Fan

I Say This... Only Because I Wish Someone Had Said This To Me

Crest 3D Advanced Vivid White Strips

They Work

Get Some

I'm Bringing Sexy Back (if you don't count the abdomen... and people, I don't)

I've been meaning to mention... but not wanting to jinx... my recent efforts & success.

After returning from Chicago last week I set to getting serious about getting back in shape.

I've lost 3 pounds this week.

I have gotten back in the groove of my evening 60 min treadmill workouts (which no matter what works for you... just is... the ONLY thing that works for me).

The thing for me is, as hard as it is to say I want to commit that time allotment everyday... the reality is shorter workouts just don't do it for me. I only like working out if I can get an endorphin rush and I don't get that until I've crossed the 45 min mark. It makes all the difference for me in terms of my ability to stick to it. So, I am making it work. If you don't enjoy it, you just aren't going to stick to it. So, it doesn't really matter if there are shorter workouts out there... I've tried 'em... I just don't get the feeling I need to get from them in order to want to do it again. And all this time, really pretty much an entire year since Mr F first moved to MI, I haven't been able to figure out how to workout in the basement, removed from the kids, for an hour... without having them watch TV during that time. It took some time, to work around all of our scheduling issues.. but I think I've got it, now. We've pushed our entire schedule back (which thanks to homeschooling can work) and that gives me 2 hours between dinner & the girls bedtime. Because it's later, Mr F is generally home... and if not I don't feel guilty about TV for the kids, I finish my workout by 9:30 and then run up to put Kid to bed. It took Spring Break for me to try this, and seeing that I really could fit it in with a little wiggling... that's what we'll do. Also, just emotionally... evening workouts have always been a major stress reliever for me. I can really let all of my stress & anger (or whatever) go and then enjoy my evening with Mr F.

As for the food, I am diligently weighing, measuring & counting everything. Instead of using a site to input (which is just more work for me) I'm writing it on a "note" on my iPhone. When I'm done for the day I record my totals (calories, exercise, weight on weigh in day) on my phone's calendar. It's been a really easy (always available) way to track everything and be able to look back, without amassing any clutter. I've settled on 1450-1500 cal a day. With a 3 pound loss (I've also done 6 - 60 min workouts) it's obviously a good target. I'm not hungry... but I do have to be diligent and extremely conscientious to keep in that limit. I could probably raise my calorie limit up a bit... but, hell... if I'm not dying of hunger, I'd really rather get through this weight loss phase as quickly as possible.

So that's that. I am not surprisingly finding success doing it that exact same way I did 4 years ago. Sometimes it takes awhile to say "oh you know that thing that worked... why don't you try doing that?", I guess. In seriousness, I just haven't been in a place to put myself first in this past year. With selling the house and being separated for 4 months during the move, then buying a house & unpacking, getting Kid in school & then taking her out, adjusting to Mr F's work hours and to the added responsibility of homeschooling... it was just a lot for me to juggle. So, I'm here, now. I'm trying to keep present and aware of how easy it is to do, and how much better I feel when I'm doing it... so I can move forward and not sabotage myself. The truth is, it just takes so much less energy to do it, than it does to think about doing it. Which is crazy.