Happy 4th.... or was it?

"Did the good weigh out the bad?" Mr F asks on our drive home.

"Well... there was a lot of bad." I reply worn out from the negativity.

Family get togethers are a mixed bag...

and some years that mix leaves a bad taste in your mouth

and

a cold, cold heart in your chest.

That can barely contain

the lava of rage

that is brewing and stewing inside it.

I think this year we'll be spending Thanksgiving with Mickey Mouse.

He can't talk to your face...

let alone behind your back.

That's What I'm Talking About

"If there were ribbons for Most Hysterical Mom, you'd get #1!" Kid says

P.S. We're headed Up North for the 4th. See ya when we get back.

Move Over Desperate Housewives...There's A Delusional Housewife In Town

So, last night, on our way home from a long day of stuff, I realized we desperately needed to make a grocery stop.

We had a short list, mostly fruit... in order to keep the girls totals up, and a few necessities.

It was already after 9PM and I just wanted to knock it out as quickly as possible.

A foot in the door Baby asks if I will finally replace her dead goldfish.

"Sure." I say, then we hit the produce.

Kid is intent to drive the cart (which is moderately annoying) and so I took off running with Baby in hand to the eggs, Kid running pell mell behind us.

A man turned, smiled, and took note.

We make our way to the juice aisle... and there he is again.

Isn't it kind of awkward when you keep running into someone?

But he wasn't moving along, he was kind of lingering.

And so, I thought... oh, boy... not again (but also... YES! Again!).

I don't know if you've been shopping after 9 PM on a weeknight... but it is single's hour.

And more than a few times I have had some uncomfortable, but totally self esteem affirming, grocery aisle stalkers.

So,I say a little loudly...

"After we get the cereal we can go get a goldfish."

Like this guy is going to be like...

"What?!! Goldfish at 9:30? Totally hot married mom of two... and she's super fun and spontaneous?"

What can I say I was trying to mess with him.

Then we go in the cereal aisle...

And he's there.

And I'm like...

Confirmed. You are totally into me.

I was wearing my boob dress... so this seemed plausible...

Also he kind of looked like he just got back from a long camping trip.

Not a hobo... but... you know... not someone who's out of my league by any stretch.

Then we go to the fish tanks.

And he shows up.

Now I'm like... what is going to happen?!!

This is pretty ballsy, right?!

I'm mean sure he needed juice, and eggs, and cereal... but a single middle aged man just happening to also buy a goldfish at 9:30...

Um no...

He's clearly making his move.

And I think... crazy, I have my kids, and my rings on.

So he doesn't say anything, and the fish are sick, so we turn around and get out of there.

And I am not going to lie...

I was feeling pretty fucking fantastic.

That's right... I could totally snag a kind of rough around the edges middle aged man if I had to.

Even with my kids.

Badass.

So, we check out and there is no sign of him.

We get outside and I JUST HAD TO SHARE MY AWESOMENESS... but I only have the kids.

Plus, Mr F never finds these revelations to be quite as awesome as I do.

More than once I've come home from the store and been like...

"I've still got it... old men are into me!"

And he just rolls his eyes and keeps washing the dishes.

Anyway, I just can't contain myself so I turn to Kid and say...

"I think someone was following us in the store."

I don't know what I thought she'd say... but I just had to let it out.

And she says eagerly...

"Oh, I know!"

And I'm like...

YES!!!!

It was totally true!

I'm totally hot to some random slightly rumpled man!!!

I knew it!

And then she said...

"He knows me."

And I was like...

dead inside.

A whole half an hour fantasy shattered on the ground.

"What? How does he know you?" I asked.

"I finally remembered who he is... he taught one of my science classes." She said

Okay good, so not a creep, I guess.

"Oh, he must have been trying to remember how he knew us, too" I muse.

I finally sheepishly confess that I thought maybe he was interested in me.

She was greatly amused by that.

Greatly.

We get home, and we are still laughing about it.

Then she says...

"People do think they are beautiful, but not to that level... of walking around thinking people want to marry them at the grocery store."

I reveal to her that I was actually trying to make him think I was even more attractive by mentioning the goldfish.

Even my eight year old was on the floor laughing her ass off at how ridiculous that is.

"Aren't you glad I'm your mom?" I ask, wiping away the tears of my hysterical laughter.

"Yes." She says.

The fucking funniest thing OF ALL TIME just happened to me at the grocery store.

Well, maybe the mocking of me by Kid, for it, was actually the funniest thing.

Stay tuned for more on that, tomorrow.

So What Is The Right Thing To Wear...

to your kid's psych evaluation?


P.S. it absolutely matters

100% Success

We are on our 6th day of our 5 a day fruit & veggie challenge for the girls. It's been amazing! Even sweet toothed, picky eater Baby has eaten at least 5 different fruits and veggies every day. The girls are totally into it... and this is one sibling rivalry we are encouraging. Competing to see who ate more fruits and vegetables?... yes, please! I'm keeping track on our chore chart on the fridge so that we can easily add up their totals as the day goes on. Haven't had one protest about the new fruits & veg before dessert rule.

Congrats Mr F

Mr F won a design award for his work on his current magazine.
He's being annoyingly humble about it.
I'm proud of you, Mr F.
Despite the circumstances (which might make getting recognized a bit harder) ....
the work YOU are doing is still getting noticed in the outside world.
Bravo.

This Week... The List

The kids have been sick (one at a time) since we've returned home. Fevers. Kid came down with it last night.


Mr F started putting the play structure together, yesterday. I'm not sure how long this is going to take. I think by the end of next weekend it will be up and running. Of course, I told Mr F last night, after watching the kids play for over an hour on the raised platform... that maybe that's all we need to put up anyway.


I made a meal plan, and actually went shopping off of it, this week. It's been a long time. I think it's a good omen. I think it will be good for the wallet (we've been throwing away so much food), and my waist line. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I see that my weight gain started when I stopped meal planning. D'oh. I'm also making a list on a white board (on the fridge) of all the fresh meat, produce, dairy... that way... things get used and don't get lost in the back of that fridge anymore.


I also got Mr F to remove all of the flood storage off of my treadmill (remember our basement flooded a couple weeks ago?). Maybe things are turning around on that front? I hope so, because I don't fit in any of my shorts. Any of them. At all. Nowhere near. I've got two workouts in... I'm trying to get back in the routine so I'm shooting for every day this week. Jumpstart.


I've come up with a new food/parenting idea. We are now having the kids eat 5 different fruits & vegetables everyday before dessert is an option. This has been surprisingly fun... and encouraging of all of us, yesterday I had 8. The only downside is needing to make at least 5 different fruits & vegetables available every day. It's more work in the kitchen for me... but summer is the best time to do it. My focus is on fruits w/ breakfast & lunch, and then dinner is served with a raw veggie platter along with whatever vegetables I'm serving with dinner. Last night there were 4 vegetables to chose from at dinner. After than I brought out cut up melon, because Baby was still one short. I'm excited about this. We're putting up a chart on the fridge where they can check off their fruits & veggies for the day.


On that front I was really exploring the new USDA my plate (former pyramid) and was ASTONISHED by the serving amounts (you really have to click around to get this) for myself & the kids. I'm really motivated to do better. While we eat high quality foods, I'd be straight out lying if I told you my kids were eating 3.5 cups of fruits & veggies a day. I would venture we're at closer to 2 cups on average... hence the new plan. And since it's summer, I'm focusing on those being raw as much as possible.


P.S. I'm kind of hoping by doing this, and working out, I'll just naturally (albeit slowly) lose the 10 pounds I'd like to lose. That's the goal, anyway. I'll keep you posted.

vacation review 6-17

Today There Was Sun

and a picnic lunch...

and water...

and sand...

and ice cream cones...

We've Been Back On The Road Again

Staying HERE while we visit with our extended PA family...
Unfortunately the weather has yet to cooperate fully.

We went HERE with my whole family for an afternoon of danger...
Where I fretted over Baby's inability to not just jump without looking at a) what she was jumping on or b) the depth of water... despite repeated warnings and several slippery rock incidents. I still can't believe we made it out of there without a broken ankle or skull. Some things are just not Baby-proof.

and HERE for an afternoon of old timey carnival rides and wooden roller coasters...
You may recall that I took my kids out here a couple of years ago when Baby was 2 or so and she kept climbing out of the moving kiddie rides. Thankfully this time she did not. My brother was kind of enough to help me with her (Mr F is not along) and we traded Baby while the other took Kid along with the big kids on the real rides. He got her a giant cotton candy during one of his turns. She liked being with him better ;)

Tomorrow might give us some sun, finally! So we're staying one more day in hopes of playing at the beach. Then we hit the car for another 9 hour drive home.

Funniest Part Of The Day... Hands Down

So, yesterday was my birthday.

Lots of good stuff happened.

Mr F snuck home while we were out and put up streamers and left me a big bouquet of peonies (my favorite flower... even better than grocery store roses) and a box of chocolates.

Kid made me the cutest hand made card written all in French, since she knows I want to live in Paris.

Then...

Then...

She gave a dramatic reading of Mr F's card.

When she got to "my friend, my lover" she paused after friend thoroughly shocked, then quickly composed herself and really gave "my lover" all the emphasis she could possibly bestow it.

I was on the ground.

Mr F was blushing and about to die from embarrassment.

Then she said "Did he even read this before he bought it?!"

Oh, God... hysterical.

After her reading she repeated that line about one million times.

"my friend, (dramatic pause, meaningful gaze) my lover"

I have a feeling we're going to be having some good times today.

35

"I think you meant to say... Happy Birthday, Mother, I'll be happy to eat whatever you serve me." Mrs F says to Baby, when she tries to send back her breakfast this morning.

Video Update 6/6/11

Umm... Yes... I Was Wondering About That Too

(Kid would probably appreciate if I made it clear that this is Baby's work... she would be horrified if anyone thought that was her handwriting or drawing. She would have you know that she can draw a much more realistic penis than that! She is also reading over my shoulder and laughing her ass off that I wrote that... for reals... she just laughed so hard she tooted.. twice... make that three times.)

Because I Said So

"Why must I clean the toilet?!" Kid complains.

"Someone's got to." Mrs F says.

"Yes, but why must it be the eight year old?!" Kid demands.

Things I Didn't Think I'd Say About The Inside Of Our House

"Careful! Don't run and splash me in that puddle!"

OPRAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

One More Thing Done

We really needed a reading light by the couch. We had had an impromptu set up of crap, but people, why is it that decent lighting is so darn expensive? I couldn't find anything I liked at IKEA or Target... and... well... that's where I shop.
Then I saw a table/lamp combo at Lowe's and I was like... "is it hideous or not?" I decided not. It would solve the problem of needing a light and needing a table, without having a table lamp constantly being knocked over by overzealous light turner-oners (Baby). It had a wrought iron metal finish that kind-of doesn't clash with the ceiling fixtures... and a glass table top so we're not adding yet another wood tone into this room (a good thing).

So... let's refresh that this whole get up, table w/light was only $39. And when I put it together it kind of seemed like it. The shade was horrible. Horrible. Which for a white shade was somewhat astonishing... how bad could it be... bad... I wish I'd taken a before shot.

So last night I laid down a piece of fabric I had bought a while back (which just happened to be the exact right length). I rolled the shade along it to be sure it'd fit. I then carefully cut around the shade while rolling it from end to end. Then I glued it on. Sure, it would have been best if I had a) ironed the fabric first b) done this on a table and not on the carpet and c) used some spray adhesive so the fabric would have stuck smoothly on the shade. (Sadly all of those things I had available to me... just not the patience to use them in the moment). Either way.

So, long story short, much better...

Progress

So... yes... it would probably have been best if I had waited until we have cleaned up the room, put away all of the weird home improvement junk, and made the kids actually put their toys and art stuff away.

But, I don't foresee that happening today.

This is our family room (there is more to it... but... it's covered in toys, swim towels, jars of catepillars... and I do have a tiny bit of pride, it turns out.

This is our favorite room, since it's huge, and it has windows covering three sides that look out on the tree tops and green space of our yard... and is the reason we bought this house.

It was up until last week... the same maddening off white walls, trim, and window treatments as the rest of the house when we bought it.

This room featured two of the large brass boob lights... and... well, had absolutely no feature to speak off outside of the view, and did I mention it's all panelling?


Okay...

BEFORE:

AFTER-ISH:




We've painted the wall the same yellow/wheat/golden color we had painted our front hallway. We're in love with this color. It's got depth, and adds what I'd like to call a sophisticated cheeriness. Plus it goes with just about everything. Now I took these with my iPhone in some harsh lighting... so... disclaimer... it is not mustard yellow in real life. It's more golden.

While I would never in my life pick out these cream honeycomb shades, the fact is, they work, they are super energy efficient, and we can't afford to outfit 10 windows with new blinds. My goal was just to disguise them as much as possible, and as cheaply as possible.

So we hung these rods (Target), and I bought two tablecloths at Cost Plus World Market. It turns out that a 60" panel would work perfectly in here (we've got furniture and baseboard heaters that made full length curtains a No for here... plus... with all the toys, moving furniture, activities, I just want to keep it more casual. A 120"x 60" table cloth makes 4 pre hemmed curtains... you just have to sew up a side seam (which makes these really fail proof curtains). It also makes these $5 a panel. Sure they are only 30" wide and won't cover up even one window... all we wanted was to have a finished window look... we use the shades to block sun and at night for privacy. I actually didn't want too much curtain bulk at the sides because it would cut into our view. These are perfectly enough to look like curtains, and to cover up the ends of the shades that frustratingly hung an inch past the window frames, without taking over the windows. I'm happy. I also grabbed some napkins and stiched them together to replace some throw pillowcases that didn't look to hot.