Transformations

BEFORE:

AFTER:

READY FOR JESUS:

And, yes, I know... Kid's legs are suddenly like telephone poles!  Hopefully they won't get any longer or her uniforms won't meet the required length.  Maybe there is a tall girl exception?

I'm On A Roll

We Might Need To Reframe What Constitutes A Major Issue

"I have a major issue with my pinkie."  Kid says, rushing into the kitchen.

"What is it?"  I ask, concerned.

"A bug bite."  Kid replies.

Summer Update

It's going to be 106 today.  I don't even know what to say about that.  Full on craziness this summer.  It's a bit of a hardship (as many of you know)... trying to keep our new trees alive... the expense of keeping the house cool... and just the overall yuckiness of not being able to go outside and enjoy the summer with the kids.  It just feels wrong that they've spent so many summer days inside.  You know?  But it's just plain too hot.

We just returned from a short vacation Up North at my family's cottage.  This might be the first time Mr F has taken any time off since we went to Disney at Thanksgiving.  Just two days mind you.  But it felt great, even those two days add a lot to the family.  That, and being away... not having any house stuff to eat up our time.  Family time has really taken a hit in the past couple of years, and we're having to put some thought into that.  We had one day so perfect, that we stayed on the beach for a full 5 hours, a sandbar pushed close to shore making the water shallow enough for Baby to enjoy.  Mr F said that if you told him we were in the Caribbean he'd believe you... the water was that turquoise.  It was perfect.  We are so fortunate to have such a beautiful place to visit.  The kids are getting older, these kind of trips are getting easier (and more fun), and it was really restorative.  While truthfully, these past few years have been more work then rest on these short trips.

On our way home we opened the car door at a rest stop and felt the heat rush in like a thick wet blanket.  It was disgusting and a big slap of reality.  We'd hoped it might have rained some while we were gone... but our barometer (the kids' chalk drawings) showed otherwise.  It made us all the more grateful we'd taken the long weekend away.

I got out as early as I could muster to water the trees on the hill (which bake all day) and then dragged myself in, letting the lower trees fend for themselves until it cools down a bit.  We're out of half & half (which is an emergency!) and other necessities but only a crazy person would attempt a grocery run knowing that their car seats will likely reach 1000 degrees while you're in the store.  It's just not worth it.  I guess we'll be eating buttered noodles today.... and we'll like it.

So much more.... but.... I still haven't adjusted to these glasses and I need to go rest my eyes a bit.

Mid-Life

It happens...

Pillow Talk

"Fuck the Dillon Panthers!"  Mr F bursts out in the middle of a discussion about mulch.

Just Went Outside...

Felt like my lungs were going to collapse

The Wild Blue Yonder

Last night we packed in the car and headed west to the Battle Creek Air Show and Balloon Festival.

At first things looked pretty dismal, since the balloons had been grounded due to wind.  And it was blazing hot in the shadeless air field.  And there were more than a comfortable number of toothless people milling about.

In truth, Mr F was about to pay for this brilliant idea...

But do you see what I see?

Yes, the Amish were all over the place.

So we waited it out for the night time air shows.

We let the kids ride the one ride I didn't think could kill them.

 Then the evening air show started up.  I have to say, I was surprised at how spectacular it was.  I didn't go into this, thinking I'd be too impressed by the planes.  We were there for the balloons.

While we were waiting for the night time Balloon Illume, we got ourselves situated near a large group of partying Amish teens (they really know how to throw back the Mountain Dew) and split this year's funnel cake.  It's taken me a long time to learn, but 1/4 of a funnel cake really is enough.  If only this were true for pans of brownies (it's not).

After a bit the balloons got into formation and they started to fill them up for the illumination.  It's hard to capture the full effect, but it was pretty awe inspiring to see so many in one place, so close together.

Just watching them blow them up was pretty fun.  

But as it got darker they started to light them up for the show.  There were about 30 balloons there and it was pretty amazing to see them lit up.  

We wish we could have seen them all fly, but watching them twinkle made the 2 hour drive worth it.  Maybe even waiting for 3 hours in the heat. Maybe. We'll definitely go back next year... with chairs and an umbrella like all the cool kids had.

Here We Go

It seems all I can manage is to show up here every week or so and dump all whole lot of randomness on you.

Sorry.

There really are important things I could share, like my reflections on how much I've matured in my marriage in the last 5 years.  Or how nervous, overwhelmed, and kind of lost I am over the thought of both of my girls going off to school in August.  Stuff like that.  But, I'm way too busy finishing up The Hunger Games trilogy.  It'll have to wait.

#1 Kid went to VBS this week.  It was at their new school and we thought it would be a good way to get more comfortable with the school and meet new people.  She loved it (of course).  It also turns out that the humorous (ironic) religious musicals I write, direct and star in at home for our amusement (largely inspired by Mary Katherine Gallagher) are pretty much (unbeknownst to be) a dead ringer for VBS praise songs.  At first I thought Kid was joking, but.... no.... she wasn't.  This has been endlessly amusing to us both.

#2  Baby started Safety Town this week.  This seems to be a Michigan thing (?).  It's a day camp for incoming Kindergartners run by the school and teachs about different aspects of safety (electrical, 911, police, fire, bike and car safety, etc.).  Baby NEEDS this.  And while she generally disregards any safety oriented stuff we tell her.... like walking through parking lots with her eyes closed (FOR REAL... she's such a nut).... put it in a school setting with some songs and stickers and she is all about it.  Hopefully this sticks.

#3 Mr F had one of the worst closing weeks ever at the magazine, this week.  EVER.  He was gone from 8 AM- 2 AM.... and I wish that was an exaggeration.  It's strangely easier to manage his absence when he is just out of town, then when he's just across town and not able to come home.  It really pisses Kid off.  She takes it very hard.  Baby on the other hand, having spent all of her formative years with this kind of schedule actually prefers closing week (sorry Mr F).  I think it's because we have breakfast for dinner A LOT.  Plus I let them watch a movie every day after dinner when I need to carve an hour or so out for myself so I don't crash and burn.

#4 I rented Mildred Pierce from the library this week (see #3) and watched it all over a couple of days while I took several loads of laundry to completion.  I even removed cherry stains (boiling water poured from above so it runs through the stain) and Sharpie (blot it with rubbing alcohol... took about an hour).... but can't find a mud stain remover... why?!!... why is mud/dirt the most permanent stain?  It confounds me to no end that I can get out Sharpie but not mud.  ANYWAY back to the mini series... it was fantastic.  I have to give it to Kate Winslet, she is a great actress.  If you've never seen her in anything but Titanic, you have really underrated her.  Plus I always appreciated a strong brow ;)

#5  Kid had a sleepover at a new friend's house on Friday.  Kid is not big on sleepovers to begin with.  She's only been successful at her best friend's house, and even that took awhile.  Well, she was trepidations but she went (armed with a Unisom to help her sleep).  When I went to pick her up, I found out they had stayed up ALL NIGHT.  Literally, people.  I was pissed.  I was turning into the HULK on my drive home.  I expect a late night, but come on they are 9... ALL NIGHT.... for real?!!  Sometimes trying to be the cool parent, isn't cool, you know?!  She came home looking like a drug addict and promptly cried herself to sleep.  Thanks for ruining the rest of our weekend.

Long story short, Kid won't be sleeping over there again any time soon.

Random Bits O' Fury

#1 This cat never stops cracking me up.  He sleeps like a dog:

 

#2 These tree swings are set up at the farm we belong to for our CSA:

The girls are begging Mr F to install one at our house ASAP.

#3 Speaking of the farm share.... Oy... what have I gotten myself into?  On the plus side we have been eating 1000x our usual greens consumption.  On the negative our bacon consumption has gone up an equal measure.

#4 Baby and I may have played a good 20 rounds of this:

She's actually surprisingly good at it....(minus the few times she threw out some random "is your guy eating Nilla wafers?" or the "is your guy sitting next to a cat?" queries....  when I replied that none of them were, she returned "How would you know?  You can only see their heads." Ah... that's the Baby I know and love).

#5 A friend just dropped me off The Hunger Games trilogy.... I'm hoping the fact that I saw the movie first, doesn't ruin the first book for me.  I'm also hoping it will distract me from my Friday Night Lights addiction.

#6  Speaking of Friday Night Lights.... we cannot stop. Our mutual love of Riggins has brought us closer together.  I'm not even joking... it's like Sawyer all over again.

#7 We're easing back into our adoption quest (the tornado kind of put a wrench in that for a bit).  Currently thinking about carefully selected teenage girls that are about to age out of foster care.  Crazy?  Or awesome opportunity to enter the lives of kids that need it the most, and completely alter the trajectory of their life?  Believe it or not but Friday Night Lights has actually nudged us in this direction.
Mr F is surprisingly more comfortable with this idea than any of my past ones.

What We've Been Up To...

Baby had her first dance recital this weekend.  Whoa, I had no idea what we were getting into.  A lot more goes into this stuff than I had anticipated.  Like mandatory hooker lipstick.  And 1000 rehearsals (okay 6... it felt like 1000)

This is her all time favorite pose....

This is all from the dress rehearsal since video and photography aren't allowed at the recital... which turned out okay since one girl froze during the real show.

Baby is the 2nd from the right, in the purple dress with the dark brown bear.

Things To Consider BEFORE Your House Is Power Washed

Putting rolled up towels under all of your exterior doors.

Trust me.

Updates of All Kinds... (possibly of zero interest)

#1  It's June 1st and I turned the heat on.  

#2 This cat is too big for this box.

#3  I think, despite my fears that I may have scared them off with my unbridled zaniness, that I may have made a new friend.  Like a potential real friend.  

#4 Eustace Conway... he's a maniac.  Last American Man by Elizabeth Gilbert was a good read.  I felt like she managed to really give a good full scope portrayal of his personality.  If you are interested in biographies check it out.  Also I think there is a History Channel show featuring him coming out soon.  

#5  Mr F and I have started watching Friday Night Lights on Netflix.  It's no Lost, but there are 76 episodes, so that's something.  I'm into the young qb's storyline and the coach & wife, we're also into despising the sponsor/car dealer guy, but unfortunately Minka Kelly is not a good actress and her plot lines are unbelievable... plus it disturbs me when grown ups play teenagers.  So the jury's still out.  

#6 Here are the girls "Fighting for Jesus!" in their new school uniforms.  Kid has a very tongue in cheek sense of humor about attending a religious school. She can be really, really funny.  She gets it.... understands what we believe and don't believe, and is comfortable with the compromise.  She is also super comfortable playing the role of a religious kid, much to her own amusement.  (Did I mention she had me buy her a personalized Bible?) 

#7 Baby is less subtle with her opinions.  While we were out to eat the other night she yelled out "Lutherans are losers!" Later she explained, "Well, they are losers, they don't believe that gay people can get married."  (proudest parenting moment around here, FYI) We're also working on the frequency with which she takes the Lord's name in vain.  For all of her cuteness she has a bit of rebel in her.  Hopefully she won't start smoking on the playground.

Weather Report

"Here in Michigan,

there is extreme cold in winter

and extreme hot in summer,

which is a perfect combination of...

 Hell "

 Kid remarks.

Sneak Peek

Sometime last weekend, when we were driving out of town, the thought occurred to me.

Blue, it said.

Yeah, why not? Why do we have to stick with the somewhat predictable moss green (or taupes, browns) that so many with these 60s ranches with tan ORANGE brick use.

Sure, it's a reliably good, updated look.

But it isn't interesting.

At first Mr F was a bit skeptical.

No, no, it has to be the right kind of a dark kind of grayish blue, I assured him.

One of the greatest ironies in our relationship is that I'm always better at colors.

But we were scared.

So we still thought maybe moss green.

Then we saw the chip.

Gale Force

I didn't even notice the name or take in it's significance until we were home.

But sweet baby jesus, it's perfect.

It looks great with the brick, but doesn't sell out.  It's a real color.

It's bold.

Our house is set way back up a hill, and it is barely noticeable at the street...

so it can stand a little bold paint choice.

We're framing it off with a dark taupe-y brown (not red brown ya know).

So all the trim, gutters, soffits, window trim, walkway railings, etc will be in the brown.

People, it's going to be a real facelift.

Maybe The Worst Is Over?!!

Got the roofing fixed... fourth time's the charm on that one.  The first time they didn't complete it (then never came back?!), the 2nd time they laid them crooked & the 3rd time when they re-did the crooked spot they used the wrong color shingles.  For real.  These yahoos must be getting paid by the day.  Jeez.

Got the siding fixed (ish).  We decided if 2nd times not the charm on that, what are the chances they'll actually improve their cutting and measuring skills by the 3rd time?  At a certain point we just have to accept the fact that using disaster contractors was not the best choice in terms of quality construction but it was the only choice in terms of actually getting any repairs covered by insurance.  It kind of sucks, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.  There is no chance we would have gotten as much out of State Farm if we'd been trying to fight them on our own.

Now we just need: insulation blown in, a light fixture replaced, our driveway re-done (yep, they did a shit ass job the first time... par for the course... they didn't even roll the asphalt... have any idea what a mess that is?!) and then we're done with these guys.  I can't wait!!!!!

Then we can finally move on to getting our yard taken care of... it's a major disaster with huge ground stump mounds, completely ruined lawn from all the tree limb punctures and such, and all the damn weeds I haven't had time to address.  But once it's cleaned up it's not really a rush or emergency.. I figure it might look good NEXT year.

Oh, and we have to paint our house... but we're doing that ourselves because it's cheaper, and considering how things have gone, most likely faster and less trouble.

The good news is, I think I'm done having constant company leering about the outside of my house, sometimes peeing in water bottles and throwing them in the dumpster by garage (smells GREAT in the heat), and sometimes peeing in my shade garden.  It'll be a nice change.  I can also take a shower when ever I feel like it, and the kids will be able to play outside without stepping on nails (hopefully).

Updates

#1   Paleo... I started again, today, after taking my measurements.
       (Holy crap, that was a depressing experience)
       Modified this time, so I don't feel like I'm going to starve to death,
       or have emotional/hunger related issues.

#2  Our house is STILL not done.
      Today we had to have the crew back to point out all of the mistakes
      and ask them to redo stuff.
      This has happened at every stage...
      it's the part that overwhelms me.
      I hate it. I hate having to confront people about their mistakes
      and then have to be here while they fix it...
      it's uncomfortable.
      I just want this to be OVER.

I read an article written about the tornado and recovery, and someone said they weren't prepared for how long this was going to take, or the lack of privacy.  And I was like, YES... that's it.  It's the lack of privacy that just wears you down.  I'm so tired of having to worry about which guys are coming over and when, and feeling observed all the time.  It takes it's toll.

#3  I made 72 cupcakes
      for my mother's surprise b'day party this weekend.
      I made Italian Meringue Buttercream,
      which requires boiling sugar until a precise temperature
      and then slowly streaming it into a beater (while it's on)...
      holy potential skin burns, people!
      I had to keep yelling at Baby to stay AWAY.
      It was the finest icing I've ever made.  I might never go back.

The surprise went off without a hitch.  Interestingly, my mother claims that it's because I'm such a terrible secret keeper (in her opinion) that she really didn't expect anything.  I find this to be one of the strangest beliefs she holds (steadfastly, too) about me.  I was actually paid to be a professional secret keeper (therapist) and am nearly a criminally good liar (best/worst trait?... you decide)... which relies on the ability to keep things under wraps.  And you can't break me.  I should've been an actress.  Anyway, I always think this is a confounding perception.  I don't know if this all stems from the one time I told my brother what he was getting for a present (I was 5-ish?) or if it's because I happily gossip (it's a bonding mechanism) but there is a big difference between that and not keeping a secret.  A secret is a different thing.  I'm a pretty open book regarding my own life... but how would you know what I'm not telling?  Plenty, I assure you. If something is seriously a secret, or is asked to remain as such, it does.  Period.  I lived a whole young life that required a fair amount of covering up in order to fit in, and cover I did.  Hence the being good at both lying and secret keeping.  But whatever.  I don't know why this bothers me... I guess I find it infantilizing.

Mental note: bring this up in therapy this week!

#4  I think we're going to paint the house a dark moss green,
      hopefully that will play off the yellow/tan 60s brick
      in a way that says...
     "Hey, I meant to do that!"  instead of
     "For shame, for shame... look away from that brick."
      You know what I mean.
      The weird pinkish aluminum siding with turquoise trim,
      yellow/tan brick...
      and wait for it....
      hunter green accents...
      was like a quadruple threat of horrible color combinations,
      we're hoping to kind of reverse that now that we have the chance.

#5  I really want summer to be relaxing... but with Safety Town (believe it!), VBS (believe it!) at their new school, and swimming lessons, I'm already feeling nearly as booked as before.

#6 Not missing the TV.  I think I've successfully detoxed. I've been able to watch whatever necessary season finales online, anyway. The only downside is that I don't have anything hooked up to make the treadmill a bearable choice... and Lord knows I need to get back on it... STAT.  On the plus side I've read many o' book in the last couple of weeks including a biography of Eustace Conway... holy crap... how did I not know about this guy?

#7 I'm nervous/excited about this coming Fall.  School starts for the girls in August, and that will be the first time I've ever been childless in 10 straight years (that sounds longer than it feels... I promise) That's a huge change, and I'm really going to miss all of the easy quality time I get to have with them.  (I'm not going to miss all of the difficult times I have with Baby... just sayin')  But I'm also pretty excited that I'll be able to make myself a priority without feeling guilty that I'm taking away from someone/thing else.  One of the hardest things for me, in recent years, has been finding a time to workout that works for me and the family, now I'll be able to workout while Baby is at AM kindergarten. The very notion feels somewhat luxurious.  I have no concept of what it will be like to have a couple of hours to myself everyday.
Weird.
Maybe I'll get some more kids in this house.

Off to go work on our budget.... always good times.

mathematics

migraine + hammering + sawing + drilling = hell

What The?!

"Ah! ah! ah!, I don't like it when he bites my nipples!"  Kid yells at the cat while getting dressed.


On the positive side... at least she doesn't like it... right?

Happy Mother's Day!

First, let me say that I love my kids.  I love that Kid can be so ernest.  (I love that Baby is first and foremost in love with sugar)  This Mother's Day was going to be a bit of a problem, not so much for me, but for Kid.  I knew she had *ideas* about what Mother's Day should be, and would be disappointed if she couldn't carry them out.  I also knew that she really, kind of, couldn't, without adult help, and with Mr F out of town... and her deep desire to *surprise* me... well, I was concerned.  First, you should know that Kid has only recently learned how to use the microwave, and the toaster is still a bit scary.  I tried to think of a way to help... and failing that, I tried to convince them we could go out to brunch (please, please, pretty please...) but to no avail (waa!).  Breakfast in bed is what Kid has written down as Mother's Day law, and ain't nothing going to break that!

So...

I was awoken this morning by Kid hissing through the door to Baby...

"Chars!  Get up!"

I took the opportunity to proclaim my desire to be left to sleep for another half an hour.

5 minutes later, the girls were in my room asking for my phone.

Apparently, when Mr F took them Mother's Day shopping, he did not tell them where he hid the gifts.

I explain that he won't be able to answer his phone, and give them all of my suggestions as to hiding spots.

I hear them, and I feel so badly for them, unable to find the presents and getting worried about a ruined Mother's Day.

(I'm also not so silently cursing Mr F)

I get up and go to the basement to help look.

On my way, I spy a plate of assorted old frozen waffles coated in a thick layer of butter.

While scary, I'm actually pleasantly surprised that Kid was able to scrounge that up, and am somewhat relieved that she found a way to pull off breakfast in bed, as I knew she had desperately wanted to.

After finding the gifts I am told to go back to bed.

Here I am waiting....

I look a little nervous... because I AM.

mmm.... can't wait.

The gingerbread waffle, I know, has been in there since Christmas.

Baby marches in with the sugar bowl...

Just in case the cup of syrup isn't going to be enough sweetener for my tastes.

Then Kid brings in the waffles....

Please look at her!  She's so proud of herself in that moment.

It is so heartbreakingly cute that I'm actually going to eat all of this...

and keep my face from registering shock at how cold they are.

(turns out she microwaved them a good half an hour before serving them...)

mmm.... yummy, yummy.

"Can I have a bite?" Baby asks after I am presented with my plate of cold-ish waffles soaked in a cup of syrup and topped with very generous squirts of whipped cream.

"Sure."  I say.

"That's what I'm having for breakfast!"  Baby exclaims happily.

"We aren't having any breakfast, Chars."  Kid whispers sternly.

(Hands down funniest line of the morning)

Then the girls leave to get the gifts and come back to my bed to present them.

"Here's my card."Baby says handing me a Mother's Day card.

"Oh!  We forgot to write in them!" Kid shrieks, snatching it from my hands.

"What is our problem?!" Kid whispers to Baby as they run down the hall.

(No, wait, that's the funniest line of the morning)

The end.  Next year, should we be Mr F-less on Mother's Day, remind me to hit a bakery the day before so the girls have something easy (and room temp) to plate up for me in the morning.